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Original poster

Anyone kept their LO sleeping in their room longer than average?

66 replies

Malibukev · 22/08/2021 21:30

I'll give a bit of background so as not to drip feed. I have one DD aged 2.5. Born after several losses including a stillbirth. This has caused me to be very over protective and anxious about my dds well being.

So at the grand old age of 2.5 she is still sleeping in our room. And I love it. No urge to move her or logical reason as far as I can see although I do realise she is getting older and would probably need her independence before long.

Anyway I've tried her in her own room tonight, it's not gone well she's back in ours but I know I gave in too easily. I just aren't ready for it. I'm only really doing it as mil is always on about it and I think people have been getting in dps ear about it.

Has anyone had their LO in their room for this kind of time. Any pros / cons in the long run?

OP posts:

Hottesttrikeintown · 22/08/2021 21:34

My ds is 8 and still sleeps in my bed!

Pros: lovely sleepy cuddles in the mornings
Cons: I don’t get to go to bed when I want as he needs me to go to sleep
He won’t do sleepovers.

Right now the cons outweigh the pros

Original poster

Malibukev · 22/08/2021 21:39

I know a time will likely come where I will want or need DD to sleep out but right now I couldn't think of anything worse.

Yes we are always with DD as she goes to sleep we all basically go to bed at the same time. I think that would be one of the biggest benefits for us but it's getting the x amount of whatever time finishes out of the way to get to that point. I just don't know if I can do it if my hearts not really in it.

OP posts:

takeawaycoffee · 22/08/2021 21:39

My DS in 2.5 and sleeps in with me, he was an awful sleeper until about a year ago, so we did anything that meant we all got sleep.
I get the same comments from family that he needs to go in his own bed, but I'm happy, and he's happy so not in a rush! Plus I love having a full night's sleep!

Original poster

Malibukev · 22/08/2021 21:41

I'm relieved I have had two responses. It makes me feel awful when people comment like I'm doing the wrong thing but it just works for us.

OP posts:

Original poster

Malibukev · 22/08/2021 21:42

Also, I just know I won't sleep properly for a while once she goes in. I will be so nervous.

I am getting cbt to help with those thoughts and feelings but I still don't think I will be in a rush to ship her out even after that.

OP posts:

takeawaycoffee · 22/08/2021 21:44

@Malibukev glad you feel reassured!
I think you just have to do what if right for you and your family, I just ignore other people's opinions now, just because something worked for them, doesn't mean it will work for you!
Enjoy the time together!

lilyfire · 22/08/2021 21:45

My eldest was in with us until he was nearly 3 as we only had one room. The middle one choose to sleep in with us in phases until he was about 9. Both perfectly normal teenagers now.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 22/08/2021 21:46

My DD is still in my room at age 3. She's actually in her own toddler bed! We're like roommates. We decorated a whole room for her but she's never moved in, and I've never pushed it. We're about to move house and I am going to try for her to go into her own room then, but I've always maintained that things should happen when she's ready for it and thus far, that hasn't steered us too far.

My DSis had her kids in their own rooms since aged 6 months, and that's totally worked for her and her family and I respect it. We've just happened to go another way.

DGFB · 22/08/2021 21:46

You poor thing, you definitely should ask for help to deal with the anxiety, which is nevertheless understandable after all you’ve been through.
2.5 is still very little so do what’s right for you. My only thought is that it will get harder to change as she gets older.. and you really won’t want to have a 6/7yo still in your room.
Could you maybe start her off in her own bed every night then allow her to come in when she wakes up? And gradually extend the time over the next year or so?

ElephantandGrasshopper · 22/08/2021 21:47

My 5 year old starts the night in his own bed but gets in with me in the night most nights. Based on my circle of friends I think this is pretty common.

ShinyGreenElephant · 22/08/2021 21:47

My dd is nearly 3 and sleeps in our bed. She usually goes asleep in her own bed but creeps in in the middle of the night and a couple of nights a week she starts off with me too. I absolutely love it and love it thr most when my 12yo gets in too and I have all my babies in my bed

SylvanianFrenemies · 22/08/2021 21:47

DD1 was 4 before she moved to her own room. Worked for us. She just loved having us close by.

SimonJT · 22/08/2021 21:48

My son exclusively slept with me until he was about 4.5, hes now 6, I generally stay with him until he falls asleep, when he wakes up in the night he usually comes into my room and spends the rest of the night in my bed.

ShinyGreenElephant · 22/08/2021 21:48

The 12yo does it maybe once a month by the way not all the time

BastardMonkfish · 22/08/2021 21:50

Yes, til he was 4. Moved him for a few reasons - a new baby on the way, I wanted him in his own room when starting school. But mainly because when I got into bed one night he (in his sleep) kicked me and told me to away - I knew he needed his own space then!

Starjammer · 22/08/2021 21:50

I'm still co-sleeping with DD at 2.5! I love it. We both sleep really well. One day she won't want to sleep with me anymore, so I just enjoy it for now. I love being woken up with cuddles, and DD likes to be the big spoon I also find it really handy for going away, because there's no worrying about travel cots or toddler beds - she can just sleep in a grown-up bed and because I'm with her, she sleeps great. She sleeps on her own for the first part of the night and then I get into bed with her when I go up at my bedtime, so it's not restrictive in any way really.

I think most kids just move to their own beds when ready if left tbh.

dancealittleclosertome · 22/08/2021 21:54

If you're all happy with it, then it's none of mil's business.

Once your dd gets older, you could transition her to her own room by you sleeping in there with her at first.

I've said this before, but we appear to be the only species who put our children to sleep far away from us. Mummy bear does not leave baby bear on the other side of the cave while she cuddles up to daddy bear. It doesn't make sense and is something that has possibly been put in place by a society which used to be run by men in oder to protect their 'conjugal' rights. It certainly doesn't protect their offspring.

TeamSpike · 22/08/2021 21:54

Dd sleeps in my bed. She's 6. I'm a single mum so have space in the bed! I lie with her until she falls asleep then I leave.
I'm getting to the stage now that I do want her to go to her own bed but she really doesn't want to. She doesn't like being alone.
She is happy to stay over at grandparents in separate rooms and has sleepovers at friends.

karmakameleon · 22/08/2021 21:54

DC1 is in with me now. He’s nine but struggle with sleep so we co-slept as it was the only thing that worked. DC3 is five and upstairs with DH. He’s disabled and I don’t like him sleeping on his own as I spent the first few years of his life terrified of leaving him on his own. He’s safe at night now but prefers company.

DC2, the middle one, usually sleeps on his own but welcome to join us if he wants. Occasionally he does.

To be honest, when the eldest two were little we spent ages trying to get them to sleep in their own rooms. Now we don’t care as everyone sleeps and everyone’s happy.

Original poster

Malibukev · 22/08/2021 21:55

Oh DD is in her own bed she doesn't sleep in ours and never has. Just in the same room.

It's great hearing all of these. DD is very independent I do think it will get to a point where she decides she doesn't want to be in with us. Although of course I could be wrong.

Also, due to my history there will be no more children so even if she was here for a while it's not really the end of the world.

OP posts:

emanresua · 22/08/2021 21:56

My 11yo still comes through to me when they wake (which is most nights). I've had periods of loving and hating it. They also happily attend sleep overs with friends and family without any issues, and have slept in tents and bivvis all over.

Starjammer · 22/08/2021 21:56

I think for me I would find it hard if I didn't have any evening free though. DD goes to bed at 6:45pm - I cuddle her to sleep in our bed, then I'm free for the rest of the evening. I then get into bed with her at 11/12 or whenever I go to bed.

The big plus for me is that she tends to stir about 5am - if i wasn't there, I think she would wake up fully. As it is, she shuffles across and cuddles and sleeps like that for another hour/hour and a half.

Maybe you can work on putting her down in your bed as normal but then leaving?

DueyCheatemAndHow · 22/08/2021 22:00

If you're happy with this situation then crack on. It's nobody else's business but yours.

But if you think it comes from anxiety and you'd like to change it then I think getting some help might help. Have you spoken to your GP?

Airpit · 22/08/2021 22:01

My children have their own rooms and their beds. They are encouraged to use these but they end up with me whenever they are overwhelmed which was almost every night until 3 or 4 years old. Memory fades.

YellowSunshineSky · 22/08/2021 22:01

I co-slept with both of mine for however long they wanted to. They're now 18 and 14.

Eldest was with me til he was about age 4, not sure when youngest progressed to his own room.

With eldest, he had a double mattress on the floor in an adjoining room and as he got bigger he'd start out sleeping there on his own in the evening, then he'd call for me in the night and I'd snuggle up with him and end up falling asleep there.

I also stressed about whether it was the right thing to do, and had various judgy people nagging me about it. Looking back I can see that I was right and my decisions were right for me and the kids. We all slept well, the kids were happy and have both grown up being excellent sleepers with no night terrors or bed wetting along the way.

I have such happy memories of snuggling up with them. Now they're teens and it's all in the past, I miss those times.

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