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Original poster

Anyone kept their LO sleeping in their room longer than average?

66 replies

Malibukev · 22/08/2021 21:30

I'll give a bit of background so as not to drip feed. I have one DD aged 2.5. Born after several losses including a stillbirth. This has caused me to be very over protective and anxious about my dds well being.

So at the grand old age of 2.5 she is still sleeping in our room. And I love it. No urge to move her or logical reason as far as I can see although I do realise she is getting older and would probably need her independence before long.

Anyway I've tried her in her own room tonight, it's not gone well she's back in ours but I know I gave in too easily. I just aren't ready for it. I'm only really doing it as mil is always on about it and I think people have been getting in dps ear about it.

Has anyone had their LO in their room for this kind of time. Any pros / cons in the long run?

OP posts:
Original poster
Malibukev · 22/08/2021 22:03

That's the thing I do think we need to work on is putting her down and us having a couple of hours.

Sadly I think that's the part of it dp likes. It gives him an excuse to be upstairs and in bed at 7.30pm.

Dd doesn't usually go to sleep till about half 8 / 9. Dp turns lights out at 10pm for work the next day so don't really get any free time apart from maybe an hour at the end of the day and the time she naps during the day usually an hour or less.

She goes up into her bed through the day for a nap, I put her in close the door to and leave her. She goes to sleep perfectly fine. It's a strange one.

OP posts:
NameChange74567 · 22/08/2021 22:17

My 3dc sleep in my room. They are 6, 2 and 1.

Jojojo32 · 22/08/2021 22:23

I still share with my nearly 8yr old and 5 Yr old girls (no other bedroom) and I love it to be fair, I fall asleep every night looking at my babies and seeing them all cosy, can't image not being in the same room now 🙈

Original poster
Malibukev · 22/08/2021 22:34

You know what, you've all got me thinking! I either need to just lie to mil and say she's in her own room when asked. Or actually just say I am happy with things as they are and so is DD. Which I have said before but maybe I need to be more authorative.

It's not like it affects anyone else it's me and dp that have her each night.

Unless dp puts his foot down and says he wants her out which he has been leaning towards but he can never give me a good reason why. I do think that it's due to comments people may make to him too.

When we tried tonight he actually said he was going to sleep in dds room with her.

OP posts:
VetInAVat · 22/08/2021 22:41

My two (12&14) often share with me. They're happy, I'm happy, all good!

Plumtree391 · 22/08/2021 22:44

Mine did for years. He'd often go to sleep, or go to sleep with us downstairs and we'd put him, in his own room then get up later and slide in between us. We just accepted it, it was cosy. It didn't last forever.

Original poster
Malibukev · 22/08/2021 22:48

That's my thoughts exactly. It won't last forever.

And an earlier comment a pp made about other species not sleeping selerate from their offspring is a great way to look at it.

OP posts:
Mistlewoeandwhine · 22/08/2021 22:52

I’ve coslept with my two for years. The eldest until he was about 11 (epilepsy) and the youngest up until now (he’s 11). I don’t care what anyone else thinks. My kids were happy and felt loved and safe.

Airpit · 22/08/2021 22:55

When people ask I just say they have their own beds. I don't actually specify where they sleep. Judgement does not contribute to a good night's sleep.

audweb · 22/08/2021 22:57

@TeamSpike

Dd sleeps in my bed. She's 6. I'm a single mum so have space in the bed! I lie with her until she falls asleep then I leave. I'm getting to the stage now that I do want her to go to her own bed but she really doesn't want to. She doesn't like being alone. She is happy to stay over at grandparents in separate rooms and has sleepovers at friends.
I’m the same except she’s 8. She’s started talking about sleeping in her own bed so I think we will get there soon. I get it, as much as I’m ready she’s only little and it’s just me and her, so I figure I’ll have time later when she’s a bit older.
Fbehsis · 22/08/2021 23:01

It’s really quite rude to suggest that you need to eject a 2yo. She’s a baby who is happy and secure sleeping in your room. What I would probably do is ensure you have a bed in her room for her as well so that anytime she wishes, she can use it. Perhaps that won’t be for years - both my kids slept in with us for more than a decade very happily. It’s a very British thing to think you must chuck the baby out at six months, or way before. I am British but find it utterly bizarre.

karasviper · 22/08/2021 23:03

Oh yeah that was my DC2 for years and years punctuated by my mum nagging/criticising me and me trying to change it. Which would lead to massive battles, stress all round. I’m a LP and he was a shocking sleeper. In the end I just ignored what everyone thought and waited. He’s 10 now and still occasionally starts the night in my bed, as in we do bedtime and I then leave him to go to sleep there while I go downstairs. I pick him up and pop him in his bed when I go up later. Lots of nights he decides to start night in his bed. Only downside is he is getting a bit heavy to carry, my back prob won’t thank me long term but it’s just a total non-issue these days and I’m sure if it hadn’t been for the stresses of the last year or so he’d have already been sleeping in his bed completely every night.

Do what you’re comfy with and ignore the criticism.

CornishGem1975 · 22/08/2021 23:05

My baby is 18 months, he's in with me and not going anywhere in the near future. He's an awful sleeper and it's easier to have him near.

UserOfManyNames · 22/08/2021 23:05

Youngest DC was the same as were his 3 older siblings and would constantly wake us up (well me as he’d walk round to my side!) in the middle of the night getting into bed with us, then wriggling around, putting his legs over my back, feet in my face etc, and we were done with the sleep disturbance!

We decided to move his toddler bed into our room along my side of the bed. Problem solved as no more being woken up. He probably woke up, saw us there and just went back to sleep.

He agreed to go back into his room with a ‘big’ bed just before he started school but still occasionally came into our room until he was about 8.

Not good for the sex life but we arranged it around him being at nursery, and the others being at school on DH’s days off in the week. Luckily I WFH or we’d have been buggered! It was worth it for the undisturbed sleep though.

CornishGem1975 · 22/08/2021 23:07

Saying that - he is in his own bed. He used to sleep with me but rarely does that now as he seems to prefer his own space.

Esspee · 22/08/2021 23:07

I can't help wondering how cosleeping impacts on your relationship with your partners.

TokenGinger · 22/08/2021 23:07

DS was 2 in May and he's still mostly in with us. We had his room finished in March and we start off putting him to bed in his own room but he toddles into our room when he wakes. And honestly, I love it. I can't get to sleep properly until he has come into our room. I think I'm anxious just as you are. I just want to know he's okay and that he's close by.

Stroan · 22/08/2021 23:22

DD slept in our room until after she was 2, started out in her cot and came into the bed at some stage. We kept her in their lo her because she had choked on vomit on night and scared the living daylights out of me. She moved from her cot to a single bed at 2.5, and would quite regularly appear at the side of our bed in the evening. She stopped doing that just before her baby brother was born, by herself. She's 5 now and sleeps perfect well in her own room. she does occasionally ask to sleep in with us. I think she sees it as a treat!

Aforementioned baby brother is now 2, rejected the cot completely and sleeps in the middle of our bed. Can't see it changing anytime soon unless we all start to lose sleep. I love the warm snuggles!

spittycup · 22/08/2021 23:27

Mine was 3years+4m when we got a proper bedroom

We bedshared since about 3 months old. I was single so no partner to kick out, and generally worked well as we both slept better especially when breastfeeding

Pros: not having someone touch me in my sleep
Cons: dc now wakes up before me, disruption from the odd nightmare etc.

Nothing wrong with sharing if you both enjoy it, probably more the norm in terms of what's natural for mothers and babies

Frlrlrubert · 22/08/2021 23:30

DD is five next month and she still likes to fall asleep with someone with her. Sometimes it's in her bed while I sit with her, more often in our bed (and DH carries her to her bed when he comes up), sometimes one of us will sleep in the spare room and she'll sleep with one of us all night.

Tonight me and her are in the spare room, DH has our dogs and MiLs dogs in our bed with him, so no room for me anyway!

She's perfectly happy sleeping on her own at MILs, so I'm not worried she can't do it, but she's made the point herself that we don't usually sleep alone, so why should she?

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 22/08/2021 23:30

One moved out aged 12 the rest haven't moved out yet.

I love it, they love it, it's nobody else's business

teaandpastries · 22/08/2021 23:31

Don't understand the urge to get young children into their own rooms as soon as possible. Both me and OH were happy having the kids with us or more usually one of us alternated going in the spare room. We loved it and it felt natural. Neither of them slept in their own rooms till they were 9 ish

TSSDNCOP · 22/08/2021 23:41

Yes. Here's the question: does everyone get a good night's sleep? If yes, what's the bloody problem?

BastardMonkfish · 22/08/2021 23:54

@Esspee

I can't help wondering how cosleeping impacts on your relationship with your partners.
Yeah it's been really good! I love that he respects me as a mother and that we are both on the same page with parenting. He enjoys not having to listen to me snoring, I enjoy not having his smelly socks in the bedroom or being woken up when he comes to bed a couple of hours after me. When we are intimate together it's because we've made the effort to look each other out and spend that time together rather than we just happen to be in the same bed. We'll never go back to sharing a bed.
Plumtree391 · 23/08/2021 04:21

It didn't impact on out relationship at all, we still has some to make love if that is what you mean Son was usually asleep for a couple of hours before comng in to us. It didn't last forever either, they evrentually want their own space. Wre put his comfort and securty first.