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Original poster

Split day wedding

66 replies

thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 16:48

DP and I are getting married in a couple of years. We would like to keep it small and low-key as we're both quite introverted and couldn't go for a big bash with lots of people.

We are thinking of having a very, very small ceremony with only 4 guests each next to a river, and then out to dinner with our ceremony guests. And then the next day, have a bigger party at a village hall with about 50 guests, with snacks/cake/etc.

Would that be odd? I just feel it would be great to be able to be with those closest on the day of, be able to rest a bit, and then jump into party mode properly the day after. But I don't know if this is something people actually do, so I'd be grateful for any perspectives!

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 22/08/2021 16:50

I would find that odd especially wearing your dress the next day again I likely wouldn't go, why not do in all in the same day? It comes across you want a party for all the presents a wedding us just one day not several.

Original poster
thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 16:51

@Bananarama21 didn't even think about presents - I know this sounds odd but I've never actually been to a wedding (my partner has been to lots though) and forgot gifts were a thing. We will have lived together for years so it'll be weird if anyone brings a gift in the first place from my perspective!

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 22/08/2021 16:52

I wouldn't find that odd and would be delighted to be invited to a party. I wouldn't be offended at not being invited to the wedding.

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Weddings
BaronessBomburst · 22/08/2021 16:53

And I'd still bring a present.

Ughmaybenot · 22/08/2021 16:54

It’s a bit unusual but it’s your wedding so go for it if that’s what you want. I’d not be remotely offended at ‘only’ being invited to the reception party, whethe the wedding ceremony itself was on the same day or the day before.

Brakebackcyclebot · 22/08/2021 16:54

I would think this was lovely. If it's what you want, do it.

HerRoyalNotness · 22/08/2021 16:54

I went to one like this. Got married one day and had a meal out with their families, then the next day had what was really an evening do for everyone else. Bride wore a different dress to both events. It felt a bit strange but was ok and everyone seemed to enjoy the party bit

Original poster
thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 16:55

@BaronessBomburst That's good to hear, very reassuring thank you!

That begs another question then - how do we make sure our guests don't get us anything? Grin I can't think of anything we would need and it just feels a bit strange as we've been living together for a year already.

OP posts:
Original poster
thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 16:56

Also if it helps we are lesbians and will both be wearing suits so there might be less strangeness around the dress situation.

OP posts:
Nutsabouttopic · 22/08/2021 16:56

I think it sounds lovely. I had the big full blown affair but I didn't feel I got to talk to all the guests a lot of them being my mother and father's guests. Doing it your way with just the people you want there sounds perfect. You can always put no presents just your presence on the invitation and solve that dilemma. Remember it's your day and there is no right or wrong way

Mrsjayy · 22/08/2021 16:59

I would come with present to celebrate your marriage just do what you want and your family/friends will come Smile

It only seems to be on mumsnet that people are offended if they are not included in the whole day

Ughmaybenot · 22/08/2021 17:02

Actually, thinking about it, I have a wedding pretty much just like this coming up, I’m just delighted for the couple and I’m looking forward to celebrating with them at the reception, which is the Friday evening after they marry the previous Saturday.

Mrsjayy · 22/08/2021 17:02

Ah no presents, just say on the invite we just want your company on our day . People, might give you some thing but if you have said no presents then that's all you can do

Ughmaybenot · 22/08/2021 17:03

Oh and pop a note on the invitation saying no presents, altho I expect some will still bring some anyway.

Stripyhoglets · 22/08/2021 17:03

Just have the party and put in the invites that you don't want gifts as its enough that people have come to celebrate you both getting married. You could nominate a charity for donations if you think appropriate.
I think its a good idea if you don't want a big ceremony.

Mrsjayy · 22/08/2021 17:04

I had a relative marry abroad with just 4/5 guests they had a celebration when they got back.

JorisBonson · 22/08/2021 17:04

My friend did exactly this and it was great!

PeasPeasPeasAreGoodForYou · 22/08/2021 17:04

I don't find it odd.
I'd be happy to be invited to the party the next day.
I would bring a gift, I give cash at weddings.
But it doesn't sound to me like your just wanting gifts.

BaronessBomburst · 22/08/2021 17:04

If you don't want presents, just say so.
You can put on the invitation that it's a party to celebrate your wedding the day before, and that after years of living together you really don't need anything, but are looking forward to seeing everyone.
I once had an invitation like this. Grin

Original poster
thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 17:04

Thanks everyone this is really helpful.

I've also read however that if you say, 'no presents' people think that you're being cheeky and asking for money. Or is that also just on mumsnet? Grin

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 22/08/2021 17:06

I think it sounds Fab!

Heard of lots of weddings along these lines actually.

I would bring a present unless you specified when you invited. Which is easy enough to do.

I definitely don't think it sounds like you're doing it just for presents. And particularly if it's just for 50 or so who know you well. THEY KNOW YOU WELL! They will be touched and delighted to be asked.

There are lots of different ways to get married now especially since Covid.

You do you and have a wonderful time.

JorisBonson · 22/08/2021 17:08

@thevelvetcurtain

Thanks everyone this is really helpful.

I've also read however that if you say, 'no presents' people think that you're being cheeky and asking for money. Or is that also just on mumsnet? Grin

Not at all. My friend that did this had a list, even though I wasn't at the actual ceremony I was happy to buy her something because I love her.
RJnomore1 · 22/08/2021 17:08

To be honest it sounds lovely and very sensible and I wish more people would think of this type of thing rather than having one very long boring day for their guests.

Allthingspeaches · 22/08/2021 17:11

Asian and African weddings can go over multiple days so people do.

To me it seems the same as having the wedding day and then meeting up with your guests for breakfast/lunch the next day at the hotel.

I'm going to a wedding in Ireland next year that'll have two days of celebrations, and I can't wait. If you want to then do it.

HalzTangz · 22/08/2021 17:11

[quote thevelvetcurtain]@BaronessBomburst That's good to hear, very reassuring thank you!

That begs another question then - how do we make sure our guests don't get us anything? Grin I can't think of anything we would need and it just feels a bit strange as we've been living together for a year already.[/quote]
Just state on the invite no gifts required, and maybe give option for people who want to gift the option to donate to a charity of your choice