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Original poster

Split day wedding

66 replies

thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 16:48

DP and I are getting married in a couple of years. We would like to keep it small and low-key as we're both quite introverted and couldn't go for a big bash with lots of people.

We are thinking of having a very, very small ceremony with only 4 guests each next to a river, and then out to dinner with our ceremony guests. And then the next day, have a bigger party at a village hall with about 50 guests, with snacks/cake/etc.

Would that be odd? I just feel it would be great to be able to be with those closest on the day of, be able to rest a bit, and then jump into party mode properly the day after. But I don't know if this is something people actually do, so I'd be grateful for any perspectives!

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 22/08/2021 17:18

That sounds lovely. But if you will be wearing a particular outfit for the wedding, it is nicer for the other guests to see that as well. Somehow makes it feel like more of a wedding celebration if the happy couple are dressed up
On gifts, just don't put anything at all on the invitations, and if anyone asks you can say 'thank you, thats so kind but we really only want you to come and have a great time, nothing else is needed'. A friend did that at their wedding.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 22/08/2021 17:18

@Bananarama21

I would find that odd especially wearing your dress the next day again I likely wouldn't go, why not do in all in the same day? It comes across you want a party for all the presents a wedding us just one day not several.
Whereas I think boycotting a friend’s wedding reception because she had previously worn the same dress to a private ceremony is extremely odd and quite unpleasant too.
godmum56 · 22/08/2021 17:19

[quote thevelvetcurtain]@BaronessBomburst That's good to hear, very reassuring thank you!

That begs another question then - how do we make sure our guests don't get us anything? Grin I can't think of anything we would need and it just feels a bit strange as we've been living together for a year already.[/quote]
that's easy just tell people no gifts

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Weddings
godmum56 · 22/08/2021 17:20

I don't get the problem, isn't it a "thing" if you have a small holiday wedding to have a big bash once back in the UK?

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 22/08/2021 17:36

We did something similar op!

We had us and the kids at the ceremony plus immediate family (approx 12 in total) and then had a very naice lunch in aour favourite restaurant after. Then, THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY, had a bash for 60 odd folks, family and friends, in a local hotel.

We checked with those coming twice that they were ok with that (and obvs we paid for it all except for drinks at party). I got to wear my finery twice and so did kids. We invited kids and hired a magician for the party, sent our kids means first. It was awesome.

We only did wedding cake at 2nd do. Do it!!!

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 22/08/2021 17:37

We couldn't put any photos on sm until after the party though! That was hard!! 😁😁

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 22/08/2021 17:37

Meals. Kids meals!!

newnortherner111 · 22/08/2021 17:42

Sounds a lovely idea and probably makes the guest list a bit easier!

Kipkay35 · 22/08/2021 17:48

We did something fairly similar
Thursday- registry office then meal with family
Saturday- party with 120 guests (we also did a ceremony) we count this day as our 'wedding day'
Sunday- bbq at the pub for those who fancied

Original poster
thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 17:50

Thanks everyone! Lovely to hear feedback, and so good to know it isn't too out of the ordinary. Looks like this is the route we'll go Smile

OP posts:
blueberrywaffle · 22/08/2021 17:50

I wanted to do this and my oh said it's odd ?? I just wanted a nice intimate wedding then a good party the next day (wouldn't be in my actual wedding dress, probably get a lighter one for the party! Hot flushes aren't my friend lately!)
My cousin did it. She got married and then had a party a few days after and it was great, Disney themed to!!!

BluebellsGreenbells · 22/08/2021 17:52

Just say “we prefer no gifts, but please bring a bottle to help celebrate”

That way people feel like they’re contributing.

Calmdown14 · 22/08/2021 18:16

I think it sounds lovely.
You could avoid calling it a wedding reception and just say 'please join us for a celebration of our marriage, gifts not necessary, all we want is your company'.

If informal is more you, this works especially well. No need for really fancy outfits etc. More like a birthday celebration would be and without the formalities.

If your first one is to be small, also consider a late ceremony. We did 3.30pm, took a few pics (by a river also!) And then went for a few drinks and food.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 22/08/2021 18:23

Definitely name a charity or charities you would like people to give to instead of getting you presents. People like to know they've done something 'for' you to mark the occasion. Be quite clear about it, i.e. 'instead of gifts, please give whatever you can afford to this cause at this webpage'.

The next day party sounds lovely. Think about what you will do at that to make it feel special for those attending. If you're extroverts you could do speeches! If not have a book for people to write messages in, nominate songs they'd like played etc.

Cathie102 · 22/08/2021 18:26

I’ve been to the party bit of a wedding like this and absolutely loved it! Was nice to just have the party to go to, was very relaxed. And as for the presents thing, don’t say. I’ve had friends who had small weddings that I wasn’t invited to and got them a gift to start their married life. It’s nice!

Blossomtoes · 22/08/2021 18:31

It’s no different to people getting married abroad and having a party when they get back. You could say no presents and ask people to donate to your favourite charity. It sounds like a lovely wedding to me.

BillinaTheChickenQueen · 22/08/2021 18:31

It sounds perfect. The people who care will be happy to celebrate with you .
I don’t see the problem with it at all. A party the next day means that you will get to spend lots of quality time with everyone rather than wasting time doing all the traditional wedding bollox.

theflippantpenguin · 22/08/2021 18:39

That's exactly what I did. We got married in early September, with just two close friends each, then had a big party the next month, with about 300 people. We both wore the clothes we got married in to the party (we were both in suits) and it was a much more relaxed way of doing things.

2bazookas · 22/08/2021 18:42

Sounds great to me. It's YOUR wedding; do it your way.

We had a small family wedding (reg office)followed by lunch. Then DH and I drove home and had a big party in a pub with our friends that night.

Gladioli23 · 22/08/2021 18:45

"please don't feel the need to get a gift. If you'd like to do something to mark our day Xxxx charity is close to our hearts and always grateful for donations" or similar I think would work?

Sounds quite sensible to me to do the getting married bit on a quiet day and then a party once you've had a good night's sleep and aren't also worrying about rings or vows or whatever.

Simplelobsterhat · 22/08/2021 18:59

We did similar but all on the same day. Civil ceremony and sit down reception meal with 16 guests, then party for about 70 in the evening. No one seemed to mind although some people who would have to travel a way just for the evening didn't come (others did), which is fair enough. You're essentially doing the same just more spread out.

I've been to at least 2 wedding parties where the ceremony had taken place on a different day (one because it was abroad but the other was a similar plan to yours) and was just happy to be included at all and have a party to go to! U even travelled and stayed overnight for both as they were people I cared about and I enjoyed the opportunity to make a weekend of it, see mutual friends / family etc. I know of other couples who have done similar too.

I'm often surprised by some people on mumsnet's attitude to evening dos. For any other occasion (eg significant birthday), an invitation to a party just in an evening would be the norm, but when it is to celebrate a wedding, some people on here are offended it's only an evening and think it's not worth the effort, or that they are only invited for a gift. Really odd. In real life people rarely seem to mind.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/08/2021 19:16

Id find it strange. If you can do a big do the day after I’d wonder why you couldn’t do it the same day. It would feel very two tier to me as I always feel if you want the person to celebrate marriage with you then they see the actual vows.

BikeRunSki · 22/08/2021 19:24

I went to a wedding very similar to this once, except the small ceremony and party were in the morning and evening of the same day. There was a lot of hanging about for the handful of people invited to both.

They also didn’t want presents, but asked for donations to a local cancer charity, or crockery from their chosen set if people really wanted to give them something.

Genevie82 · 22/08/2021 19:30

Hi Op, I’ve had friends who did this and it was fantastic ! They had it in their garden in the summer and arranged a fish and chip van to pull up outside and it was fab... re no presents: you can ask guests to donate to a chosen charity of yours if they wish to do something otherwise just say your happy with their company XX

Pippinlily · 22/08/2021 19:44

We did this & loved it. It suited us perfectly. Both events felt special & I have fond memories of both. Just give some thought on how you’d make the party ‘wedding’ focused (if you want to, of course! or want to offer something to any traditionalists who might be coming to party only). Ie a speech/toast or cake cutting or 1st dance or wedding guestbook etc.