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Original poster

Split day wedding

66 replies

thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 16:48

DP and I are getting married in a couple of years. We would like to keep it small and low-key as we're both quite introverted and couldn't go for a big bash with lots of people.

We are thinking of having a very, very small ceremony with only 4 guests each next to a river, and then out to dinner with our ceremony guests. And then the next day, have a bigger party at a village hall with about 50 guests, with snacks/cake/etc.

Would that be odd? I just feel it would be great to be able to be with those closest on the day of, be able to rest a bit, and then jump into party mode properly the day after. But I don't know if this is something people actually do, so I'd be grateful for any perspectives!

OP posts:
Sleepingdogs12 · 22/08/2021 20:01

It sounds lovely, I would just emphasise low key nature of the party ( if you want low key) so people aren't a bit annoyed about buying outfits , presents, travelling to something that isn't the wedding. Opposite of post above ! I do think people might like to see the dress though

Original poster
thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 20:36

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Id find it strange. If you can do a big do the day after I’d wonder why you couldn’t do it the same day. It would feel very two tier to me as I always feel if you want the person to celebrate marriage with you then they see the actual vows.
Tried to go without mentioning this but tbh one of the reasons why we want to do it across two days is because I have ME and I honestly think I wouldn't be able to stand up for a week after if I had to do one of those big wedding days! Hope that makes more sense.

In regards to feeling second tier - not sure how to feel about that really, surely you'd understand if people don't have space for everyone to attend the ceremony?

OP posts:
Jerseygirl12 · 22/08/2021 20:39

I think it sounds lovely, if my friend invited me to their wedding party the day after the actual small wedding I would happily go.

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MrsSkylerWhite · 22/08/2021 20:40

Not odd at all. Not sure I’d even hold the second event myself.
But then my mum and stepdad mentioned that they’d married (after 40 years together) about 2 months after the event (at their ages, a tidy technicality) so maybe we’re all odd Grin.

Nope, wasn’t the least offenders just pleased they’d got round to it. Adult kids had been calling him grandad since birth anyway.

Philandbill · 22/08/2021 20:49

Sounds great, I hope you have a lovely time.
We got married twenty years ago, we both had houses, so plenty of household necessities, and didn't want presents or to be given money. However we thought it likely that people might still feel obliged to get something so to circumvent that we suggested a donation to a choice of two charities close to our hearts, or a charity of the guest's choice. We also asked for a postcard or card from the guest that was meaningful to them or they felt would be to us. We had a lovely selection of thoughtful cards which would have cost the givers very little money. There were funny ones, some home drawn ones and some of places we'd visited with the giver. We put them into a folder and they're lovely to look through, especially as so much time has now passed.

KatyN · 22/08/2021 20:52

Have you checked the location of the wedding you fancy? You might not be able to get legally married there, so you might need to go to a registry office as well. If you could make the 4 guests event the registry office.

Original poster
thevelvetcurtain · 22/08/2021 20:59

@KatyN

Have you checked the location of the wedding you fancy? You might not be able to get legally married there, so you might need to go to a registry office as well. If you could make the 4 guests event the registry office.
We're in Scotland, you can get married anywhere here, not sure if it's different in the rest of the UK or not?
OP posts:
meadowbleu · 22/08/2021 21:11

OP have the wedding you want and then just invite friends to a party. At the party tell everyone you're celebrating making your partnership legal and you're now married.

Keep it simple and enjoy what you plan to suit yourselves, it's the best way.

BingIsAMassiveTwat · 22/08/2021 21:15

I did this but had a few days between the ceremony and party. It was brilliant and I would do it exactly the same again. I had 2 dresses and would've felt strange putting my wedding dress on again for the party.

TonkinLenkicks · 22/08/2021 21:16

I don’t think it’s odd it sounds lovely

VerbenaGirl · 22/08/2021 21:18

Sounds lovely. Your wedding should be just exactly what you want it to be.

Kite22 · 22/08/2021 23:17

I too was thinking it would be better on the same day, but it makes sense now you say you have ME.

I think @meadowbleu's suggestion about not telling people it is a wedding would help on the not receiving gifts front, but then it probably wouldn't work so well if you are not the sort of people to throw a party generally.

I think it is normal in most societies to want to take a gift if you are invited to any event though - from a bottle of wine to a house party; flowers and wine to a dinner party; and a presnt even if it is a party for a birthday. I think if you really, really, really don't want to receive anything, then you have to do the "No Presents" request and then say, if anyone wishes to put a few coins in a card then you will be donating the money to {insert favourite charity}. Otherwise people will but you things and you'll end up with a load of stuff you don't want.

amusedbush · 22/08/2021 23:25

[quote thevelvetcurtain]@Bananarama21 didn't even think about presents - I know this sounds odd but I've never actually been to a wedding (my partner has been to lots though) and forgot gifts were a thing. We will have lived together for years so it'll be weird if anyone brings a gift in the first place from my perspective![/quote]
DH and I got married in New York, just the two of us, and that was that. Nobody was invited to the ceremony and we didn't have any sort of celebration when we got back to Scotland.

People still got us gifts! We ended up with an embarrassing number of cash gifts, and a set of ugly tea towels from my granny because... tradition, I guess? Grin

We were totally shocked but your friends and family will want to celebrate you and your marriage, no matter how you do it.

BackAwayFatty · 22/08/2021 23:30

I think it sounds great! Don't see it being any different to being invited as an evening guest - which is very common - just a different day!

I totally get the health situ. I'm getting married 2023 & have a health condition which gives pain/exhaustion. Getting married at 2 & stressing over managing to stay awake to the end 🤣

Original poster
thevelvetcurtain · 23/08/2021 00:25

Gift giving etiquette is SO bizarre! Grin

Thanks for the feedback everyone. So good to hear of others that have done similar.

@BackAwayFatty hahaha yes, exactly! I would sleep for a week which is not what I want from my first week of married life, quite frankly Grin

OP posts:
Kinsters · 23/08/2021 04:25

You do what you like but I think it would work better if you did it the other way around. So have your ceremony and party on one day and maybe the day before have dinner with those close to you who are going to be at the ceremony.

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