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Original poster

How do you switch off from worrying about your teenagers?

53 replies

blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 19:14

Nc for this but a regular. Actually worrying what's a normal level of anxiety and how to cope- do I need medication even. Talking about stuff like when your teens go off with their mates driving, when they go to nightclubs etc. The worry of it all feels really hard. How do you or did you cope

OP posts:
LadyFannyButton · 21/08/2021 19:46

No idea, watching for advice. We haven’t even got to the club situation yet.
I had 3 hours sleep last night because my teen didn’t come home until the early hours.
Phone had died too, not the first time. It makes me ill with worry, it would almost be easier if they didn’t live here then I wouldn’t know they were out!

knittingaddict · 21/08/2021 19:52

Wait for them to grow up and leave home? Not very helpful I know, but it's the only thing that worked for me. What you don't know about can't hurt you. Grin

HelloMissus · 21/08/2021 19:54

I’ve had three go through teenagerhood and out the other side.
My advice? Trust them. Trust that alright their wiring is not yet up to scratch, they don’t have a death wish.
They want to survive and thrive and achieve their dreams.

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Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2021 19:54

You just muddle your way through it and hope you don't lose your mind. That's pretty much my experience. I was never worried about what my kids might get up to because they were always very sensible and thoughtful, I worried about who they might cross paths with, horrible drivers on the road with them, etc.

My children are in their 20's now and I still worry about them. I don't think it ever really stops. I don't lose sleep or spend my hours fretting, but the little niggles of worry/concern are frequently in the background. I don't ever worry about anything other than my kids. It's just part of being a parent.

PrentonPark · 21/08/2021 19:56

@Aquamarine1029

You just muddle your way through it and hope you don't lose your mind. That's pretty much my experience. I was never worried about what my kids might get up to because they were always very sensible and thoughtful, I worried about who they might cross paths with, horrible drivers on the road with them, etc.

My children are in their 20's now and I still worry about them. I don't think it ever really stops. I don't lose sleep or spend my hours fretting, but the little niggles of worry/concern are frequently in the background. I don't ever worry about anything other than my kids. It's just part of being a parent.

@Aquamarine1029 describes my situation too!

LostArcher · 21/08/2021 19:58

I'm afraid the sleeplessness is par for the course. Mine knew he'd blown it when he was out all night. He had driven, gone to nightclub, they left at midnight then hung about chatting down by riverside. I was sooooo angry as he said by three he was coming home. He did text me a very very apologetic text at 4.30 and he'd had to drive someone's girlfriend whod been dumped back to her house a good hour round trip. I had words. He realised he'd scared me to death and although I know he doesn't drink, he is diabetic so I had to forcefully point out that he could die if he didn't look after homself. He also realised that hed been taken for a mug by friends as he is the one. With the car. He has been better since. Wait till they start driving on the motorway.....

TurquoiseBaubles · 21/08/2021 20:01

You have to work out what to worry about and what not.

So if you can do a "worst case scenario" and a "what would I do" then you can teach yourself the difference between things worth worrying about (because you have some control over them) and things that you have to put out of your mind (because worrying won't stop/fix it). So worst case they are dead in a ditch. Can you prevent it? Can you fix it? Of course not, so why worry, it's pointless. Put that one away and stick to "what tattoo will they get next?" or "ffs, will he ever get a job" - those worries can chunter away, but not ruin your life.

I worry about mine all the time, but I can compartmentalise it - take the worry out, look at it, and decide that I can't control it so put it away out of sight again.

It means I have much more energy to put into worries I can control or influence, iyswim.

TrainspottingWelsh · 21/08/2021 20:13

I know they don't do even 10% of what I got up to so I don't generally worry! Plus the outcome won't change whether I sit here and stress or assume they'll be fine.
I trust them, and they know they can trust me. They've had it drummed in to them that the only thing we would struggle to forgive is if they did something stupid or found themselves in trouble and didn't call us for help because they were concerned about our reaction.
We've equipped them to make sensible decisions, and are/will be there to pick up the pieces when they don't.

SunscreenCentral · 21/08/2021 20:13

My parents still worry about me. They're 72/82. It never ends. Sorry 😣

Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 20:14

I don't ever worry about anything other than my kids. It's just part of being a parent.
That's me as well, unless it's a worry about my health which even then boils down to what if I was not here for the kids.

Thankful for all of these posts, it helps to know I'm not alone in worrying at least!

TurquoiseBaubles what you are saying makes sense. I always go straight to worse case scenario. It's the thinking that I can't protect them any more Sad But then again you can't protect against worse case scenarios at any age really can you.

It's good advice to try and trust them. I don't think it helps when I think about all the stupid and reckless things I did myself when I was that age

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Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 20:18

They've had it drummed in to them that the only thing we would struggle to forgive is if they did something stupid or found themselves in trouble and didn't call us for help because they were concerned about our reaction.
That seems like a good thing to be saying to them I'll try that

My parents still worry about me. They're 72/82. It never ends. Sorry 😣*
Maybe it doesn't what a thought. Hopefully it gets less though, than the teenage years. Kind of thinking what on earth did I sign up for here

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Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 20:21

That must be very stressful with your ds being diabetic LostArcher

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GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 20:23

You don't. Not really.

Teesdale2622 · 21/08/2021 20:28

Eldest Dd is off to a nightclub for the first time tonight, then we have an early start with the youngest tomorrow. I know I won’t sleep well tonight, feel exhausted already Smile

poppythetroll · 21/08/2021 20:28

Me and my siblings are all aged 35-49, we all have partners, children etc and my parents are in their 70s, my dad says he has less sleep now worrying about us than he did when we were teenagers, so I suppose the worry never stops Grin

Screwyoularry · 21/08/2021 20:28

You don't. You just trust that you have given them the tools to be reasonably decent humans and mostly make good decisions. If that fails you just hope if they get into trouble they will call you.

TheLadySif · 21/08/2021 20:41

You never stop worrying about your kids, then they have kids of their own which gives you even more to worry about.Smile

Ducksurprise · 21/08/2021 20:45

You have to remember that worrying doesn't keep them safe, much like worrying about cot death didn't change anything.

You have to trust what you have taught then and set reasonable boundaries, not checking every moment but knowing the basics

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 21/08/2021 20:51

I don’t think you ever stop worrying about them, even when they’re grown with families of their own. The teenage years are particularly trying, when they’re going out with their mates. Many a time, I’ve paced the floor in the early hours. But they have to grow and learn and become independent and you have to hope that you’ve given them the tools to cope.

Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 21:34

You have to remember that worrying doesn't keep them safe

I think this is where I get annoyed with myself. I know it makes no difference if I worry or not, it just has a bad impact on my own life, it won't change anything. But yet I can't stop doing it and often worry to excess. It's depressing to still think of worrying like this in 10/20/whatever years time if we all manage to get there Sad

Teesdale2622 Good luck for tonight!

Those who have said to trust their kids yes I can see that is right, but don't you also think they are inexperienced and sometimes a bit daft. I suppose it depends a bit on the kid themselves.

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Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 21:35

you have to hope that you’ve given them the tools to cope.

Maybe the pandemic has made this worse, because of the periods of having to stay home, they haven't built up as much experience

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vodkaredbullgirl · 21/08/2021 21:39

You never stop worrying, my 21 yr old is out tonight with her friend.

Ducksurprise · 21/08/2021 21:42

Gosh I sounded like a dick. Didn't mean it to sound so, it's fucking hard

Indigokitten · 21/08/2021 21:46

Medication??
My eldest is 23 , he has his own home. He’s out tonight and I do worry about him, but they have to live and learn.

Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 21:47

Ducksurprise You didn't sound like a dick at all! What you said is right, worrying doesn't keep them safe.

I feel like with me it's got to be a bad habit almost a superstition, to keep worrying so much. At the same time it is negatively impacting my life.

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