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Original poster

How do you switch off from worrying about your teenagers?

53 replies

blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 19:14

Nc for this but a regular. Actually worrying what's a normal level of anxiety and how to cope- do I need medication even. Talking about stuff like when your teens go off with their mates driving, when they go to nightclubs etc. The worry of it all feels really hard. How do you or did you cope

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 21:49

@Ducksurprise

Gosh I sounded like a dick. Didn't mean it to sound so, it's fucking hard
Not in the least.
DramaAlpaca · 21/08/2021 21:51

@Aquamarine1029

You just muddle your way through it and hope you don't lose your mind. That's pretty much my experience. I was never worried about what my kids might get up to because they were always very sensible and thoughtful, I worried about who they might cross paths with, horrible drivers on the road with them, etc.

My children are in their 20's now and I still worry about them. I don't think it ever really stops. I don't lose sleep or spend my hours fretting, but the little niggles of worry/concern are frequently in the background. I don't ever worry about anything other than my kids. It's just part of being a parent.

Exactly the same here. It's much easier now the eldest two have left home.
bringbacksideburns · 21/08/2021 22:09

Nothing beats the relief of hearing them up the stairs home safe does it?

Myself and DH are learning to let go slowly but it's hard. Our eldest is nearly 21 and has dyspraxia. He comes across as very clever but he's a bit all over the place at times. Organization does not come easy to him so I know I've helicoptered a bit more with him than my youngest.

But the other night he went clubbing with his friend and I said make sure she gets home safely and go in the uber with her home, so it took him longer. I worry about other people's kids too!

I thought it would get easier when they got older but I miss the days they were both tucked up safely in bed..

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vodkaredbullgirl · 21/08/2021 22:12

My dd text me, to say she will be back about 5 am.

howtodealwithit · 21/08/2021 22:17

It's tough, really tough. I don't worry so much about what DS would get up to, it's other people that worry me - drink spiking, knife carrying etc

DS is off to Reading this week and my anxiety is already through the roof. I want to believe he'll have an amazing time, but I've got every scenario going through my head currently Sad

Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 22:19

One of mine has done Reading festival and I remember the worry of that.

My dd text me, to say she will be back about 5 am.

What a stress for you then! do you try to sleep or stay up or what?

OP posts:
Stillcrikey · 21/08/2021 22:26

When my sister was 60 (she was a LOT older then me!) and getting divorced our mum was worrying and supporting her and said ‘well, your name never stops being ‘mum’ does it?’

So I guess, no, we never stop worrying. Mine has come home from work (at 9pm) and gone out again clubbing. He’s staying at a friend’s which I find easier than waiting for the key in the door tbh. He is trained to send me a ‘I’m safe’ text but as I’m usually asleep, I don’t see it till morning. Still it’s good to get it.

Stillcrikey · 21/08/2021 22:28

Oh and whilst mum always seemed to hear me come home, she never waited up. We were provided with door keys and she said ‘if you think I’m losing sleep whilst you play out…’
I’m the youngest of five. I guess she’d got over herself by the time I was a teenager 🤔

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 22:30

@Stillcrikey

Oh and whilst mum always seemed to hear me come home, she never waited up. We were provided with door keys and she said ‘if you think I’m losing sleep whilst you play out…’ I’m the youngest of five. I guess she’d got over herself by the time I was a teenager 🤔
Bet she didn't actually sleep, though...
MiniTheMinx · 21/08/2021 22:33

I go to work and look after other teenagers. They are throwing furniture usually and up to all sorts of other antisocial behaviours. I'm reassured that my two are pushy cats Grin.

But yeah, I can't sleep. One of mine has gone to a folk festival.....folk, complete with poetry and being supervised by his Gfs parents, but I'm still anxious.

If I'd known 20 years ago that parenting was this long, this unrelenting and 24/7 I would have got a cat instead.

SamVimes6 · 21/08/2021 22:33

You don’t!
You never stop worrying. Why did you think you did?

Even when they are in their 30’s you still worry, but with the added worry that they have their own children.

I’m not sure why you think anyone stops worrying about their children.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 21/08/2021 22:41

I’m not sure why you think anyone stops worrying about their children.

I'm not worried about mine. Not at all. Somewhere along the way I realised that worry is a form of control. Accept you cannot control them and it goes away.

And trust them to make good decisions and to get in touch when they need a hand.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 22:45

Isn't worry more about lack of control? You don't worry about things you can influence / change, you just do it?

50ShadesOfCatholic · 21/08/2021 22:51

@GreyhoundG1rl

Isn't worry more about lack of control? You don't worry about things you can influence / change, you just do it?
Yes, worrying is a way of trying to control something you can't. It changes nothing.
GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 22:52

Of course it changes nothing. That's the worry 😁

myhumps123 · 21/08/2021 22:55

Sometimes I wish I never had childrenBlush. The fucking worry never ends.

TrainspottingWelsh · 21/08/2021 23:08

If you can't stop worrying for your own well being, how about trying to do it for their sake?
I appreciate you're saying this on here, not to them, but they can probably sense you worry without you saying anything. Which means they might not feel confident about contacting you for help or discussing any problems if they are trying to avoid worrying you more.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 21/08/2021 23:45

@GreyhoundG1rl

Of course it changes nothing. That's the worry 😁
😂

I genuinely don't worry anymore, not since I realised I was trying to effect control that wasn't mine.

Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 21/08/2021 23:46

They do know I worry about them TrainspottingWelsh but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't stop them contacting me for help or trying to avoid worrying me more.

The thing is, if I could stop it I would. I really want to be able to stop it which is my point really. It's the how to do that which is the problem. It would benefit them and me if I just stopped worrying.

worrying is a way of trying to control something you can't. It changes nothing
This is true. I am trying to control something I can't control. How to just accept that and try to let go is the hard part.

OP posts:
Kbear · 22/08/2021 00:31

I try to work on the basis that no news is good news

My son is 19 and in the navy and when he's away out of sight out of mind mostly but he's home on leave and he came in at 4.10am this morning and i didn't hear him - I woke up at 2am to a text saying he's gone to a club so I knew not to expect him home before 4 - he's considerate enough to text which I'm grateful for.

HurryUpAndStandThere · 22/08/2021 07:49

Mine are in their 30s now, married with their own children and I still worry about them. Once a mum, always a mum.
I never had sleepless nights when they were teens, despite them going pubbing, clubbing and driving.
Half of the time, I would wake up in the morning and find that they'd not come home at all, usually because they'd decided to stay over at a friend's or a one night stand.
I told myself that if the worst case scenario happened, there would be nothing that I could do about it and just hoped for the best.
Fortunately, I never got that dreaded knock on the door.

Devonchills · 22/08/2021 08:01

I feel your pain OP!

It was my son's 18th birthday yesterday, he didn't want to spend the evening with us, fair enough. But he went to a friend's house I've never met, told me he'd be in by 2am.
And at 1.59, I got a text saying he was going to stay over. So at least he had the decency to tell me.
I actually slept better once I knew he wasn't coming home if you see what I mean. I just had to put all thoughts of drink/drugs etc to the back of my mind.

towers14 · 22/08/2021 09:42

No advice to not worry, I think it's inevitable and a duty. I'm a worse case scenario person so imagination can run riot, dh is the opposite. On our dd first night clubbing even he was concerned, we were on a night out at the same time but both didn't have a drink 'just in case'. More clubbing nights obviously followed and I worried less but was always up a few times to see if her bedroom door had shut. Dd at uni now and I worry a lot less because I have no idea where she is or what she's up to, what I don't know I can't do anything about.
However when I saw where her uni house is for this year I felt sick.😱

Giggorata · 22/08/2021 11:38

Someone said, “it starts from the day they're born and ends on the day you die.”

How true, Mine are in their 40s, and I still worry about them.

I must say that having mobile phones would have helped a lot in their teenage years, provided they were charged up and switched on, of course.

Original poster
blueskiesgreentrees · 22/08/2021 20:08

Grateful for all the replies cos it has made me feel less alone with it at least!

With mobiles Giggorata it really depends if they reply or not, mine have them on silent Confused

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