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Original poster

Moving away from London - tips

67 replies

NCAugust202 · 20/08/2021 22:20

Hi all!

So DH and I are planning to sell up and leave London next year. We have a 4 month old and are looking at potential locations now that we would be interested in.

We’re really not sure on where we want to live, but want to ideally have a 4 bed detached or semi, but we have no idea what we need to consider re location.

We both work in the City, with long hours, but once I go back to work, DS will be in nursery, so it’s occurred to me we need to be on a train line with regular trains to be able to get back and pick him up, etc. And also deal with any emergencies.

Also, all my family and friends are in London, which means I’m very attached, whereas DH is from the north, so not so much for him. So another point for me is being in a location to be able to see my family easily.

I guess I’m wondering how do people who live away from London find it, commuting into the City, when both parents have demanding jobs and you have a toddler. Any tips / priorities we need to think of?

Thank you!

OP posts:
Kezzie200 · 20/08/2021 22:31

I live somewhere entirely different but we moved closer to work when we had small children, as otherwise we were spending 2 hours a day paying for commuting childcare. Both cost in ££ but also time lost in their company.

I guess you want to move for other reasons?

Original poster
NCAugust202 · 20/08/2021 22:42

@Kezzie200 That’s my concern - longer commute means time away from baby. Right now we’re only 25 minutes door to door from office but DH hates London and wants to move away. I would rather we live in a London suburb but DH is only in the south east because of me, hence why I’m willing to compromise by moving away from London, but still stay near(ish) to London.

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 20/08/2021 22:44

I liked it a lot at first, when we moved out last year. Now that I've been here a while and exhausted all there is to do in this very small town I am thinking another city would have been a better call. If we had moved to a northern city there may have been the possibility of bigger house / more space, job opportunities possibly even a transfer and a fast train to London. With the benefits of city living.

Right now i'm pretty bored, life feels slow, have FOMO and the journey in to the city takes 1hr15mins door to door which isn't as 'fine' as I thought it would be.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/08/2021 22:46

I wouldn’t move too far out if you both work in the city- if the train line is screwed up you will have problems!

olderthanyouthink · 20/08/2021 23:14

Same as @OnlyFoolsnMothers

I used to use the Liverpool Street to Norwich line (I wasn't going all the way!) and OMG the hours and hours and hours I lost to trains fucking up but at least I didn't have a child to pick up. You won't have family nearby to collect him so what happens when the trains are delayed by 1-4 hours?

Also the train fare is insanely expensive, I was paying over £600 a month and you both need to travel.

countrytown · 21/08/2021 00:33

What about Essex direction as the city commute is much shorter than parts of London to the city?

countrytown · 21/08/2021 00:36

Right now i'm pretty bored, life feels slow, have FOMO and the journey in to the city takes 1hr15mins door to door which isn't as 'fine' as I thought it would be.

What was your commute before. I'm a Londoner & never lived further out than z3 & would always allow 1 hour door to door.

BootsScootsAndToots · 21/08/2021 00:45

I don't think this is going to work OP.

Unless you move near his family to have a backup. You can't both do a long commute. Nursery will be open 6.30 am to 6.30 pm (if you're lucky), can you guarantee one of you will be back in time every day?

AnnaMagnani · 21/08/2021 00:45

I found I did more stuff in London once I'd left than I did when I lived there - actually easier commuting in to see something than battling across town when every journey = 1 hour at least.

However be ready for massive culture shock, thinking everything is impossibly slow and monocultural. This wears off especially when your colleagues are talking about their 1 bed flat and you are relaxing in your garden.

GappyValley · 21/08/2021 06:48

One of my best friends moved out a couple of years ago, with 2 young children

She just couldn’t make the nursery run work on top of a commute so ended up having to move her kids to a nursery near the office and commute in and back with them

Obviously this was pre-covid when everyone was in 5 days a week, but I’m not sure how you can make it work from the set up you’re describing

What’s the back up plan when you get the 11am call to say your DS is sick and you need to be there within the hour to collect him? Or the inevitable once a week massive delays on the train line?

traumatisednoodle · 21/08/2021 06:53

If you are wed to this idea, you might need a live in nanny. We moved out of London 13years ago with a 3yo and 1yo, I miss it every single day.

traumatisednoodle · 21/08/2021 06:54

But we have a lovely big house, DS has played football in wide open green spaces and Dd rides- none of this would habe happened in London.

custardbear · 21/08/2021 06:56

I moved away a long time ago and would never go back, although I still love bear a city I'm in a satellite town just next to the countryside and love it - it's very cosmopolitan though.
Personally I'd move somewhere like Sevenoaks or Tunbridge Wells if I still needed to commute to the city

SW1amp · 21/08/2021 06:57

@traumatisednoodle

If you are wed to this idea, you might need a live in nanny. We moved out of London 13years ago with a 3yo and 1yo, I miss it every single day.
Yes, 100%

The only way you can make this work if you’re both working these hours is with a nanny

You need to budget around £3k per month, once you’ve paid tax etc plus any classes on top

SW1amp · 21/08/2021 07:01

@custardbear

I moved away a long time ago and would never go back, although I still love bear a city I'm in a satellite town just next to the countryside and love it - it's very cosmopolitan though. Personally I'd move somewhere like Sevenoaks or Tunbridge Wells if I still needed to commute to the city
Tunbridge Wells and Sevenoaks both go into Charing Cross though

That’s a massive hassle if you then have to get to the city

The sensible thing is to look at train lines that go straight to where you offices are - Moorgate, Canon Street Liverpool Street, London Bridge are all walkable to most parts of the city (Waterloo at a real push) so you aren’t they having to change onto the underground, get tubes, then walk

MargosKaftan · 21/08/2021 07:06

Which train station do you need to be going into for work/family? Start with that then work out which stations on that line work.

Dh works from home now as many others are, but we are in this town because I needed to go into London Bridge for work and he needed cannon Street so we found a town on the line out for both of these.

So what is your budget?

Bunnycat101 · 21/08/2021 07:07

You need to stagger. We’re both working in London and it has been much easier with wfh. One of us does the morning so we start work early and leave early and do collection. The other does drop-off We also split it so one of us drives and one gets the train. When the trains are bad they can be really bad. There have been a few times I’ve been sat on a train and have realised I have no chance of getting back and have needed my husband to leave to manage collection. You need a bit of flex for when things go wrong. We’ve managed with nurseries rather than a nanny but the person doing collection has to be strict and leave early.

BeginningBridge · 21/08/2021 07:08

It could work if both you and your dh both work from home part of the week ( hybrid working), so that one if you is always working from home on each day of the week.

cultkid · 21/08/2021 07:08

Margate

MargosKaftan · 21/08/2021 07:12

@GappyValley - understand the point, but to be fair, nurseries in commuter towns to London do understand the bulk of their customers work in London, particularly the nurseries close to stations. We had a few occasions when we had to say "looking at train times, quickest I can be there is 1.5 hours".

Goldbar · 21/08/2021 07:14

You need a nanny otherwise every day is going to be a stressful nightmare as you wonder whether you will get back in time to pick up your child.

Unless you can build a huge amount of margin into your days? So if nursery pick-up is 6.30pm and your commute is an hour, can you plan to leave work at 4.30-5pm on a regular basis?

Also, you need emergency childcare locally to cover severe travel disruptions. I did a similar commute pre-DC for a while and used to spend hours stuck on trains or at south London stations waiting for a train. On the worst occasions, it would take 2-3 hours for what should have been a one hour journey.

GappyValley · 21/08/2021 07:14

@MargosKaftan

Is that when they are sick, or when you’re late for pick up?

The former, I can understand but any nursery is going to very quickly run out of patience when you’re regularly very late for pick up because the trains are fucked and you don’t have a local back up plan

Agree with Pp that a nanny would be the only workable watertight solution but a pricey one

Binnaggy · 21/08/2021 07:16

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Bunnycat101 · 21/08/2021 07:17

I’d also say you need to pick a location soon. If your baby is 4 months already you’ll need to get childcare sorted ASAP otherwise you won’t get a choice of nursery if that’s what you want. When you pick an area look carefully at school catchments. That may seem ages away but you could make an expensive mistake if you get it wrong. Eg we’ve got an amazing primary but are in a black spot for secondary which means well most likely do private. Some areas have v tight catchments down to specific roads.

Claphands · 21/08/2021 07:17

I left London with a baby nearly 3 years ago and i hate where we moved to, so do your research! I didnt go back to my job though and it wouldnt have worked, i live 5 minutes walk away from my DDs nursery which is opposite the station but it doesn't open until 8 so the earliest id be at work would be 10 which wasnt doable obviously. Nursery is much cheaper thpugh.