When did money get less tight with small kids?

[CarryOnNurse20]

Hello
We are in very lucky in many ways and I don’t want to offend anyone living in poverty or really struggling so I’m sorry if I do.
I just wondered for those with other children if/when money becomes less tight. We have 2 kids (2 and 4)- eldest in school but after school club my 3 working days and youngest in nursery 3 days. I work part time (3 days a week) and DH has a decent job. But my goodness money is tight. After all bills and mortgage (we have a big mortgage- I worry about this a lot) we have around £220/week left for food and everything else including petrol. I budget as much as I can but we are just always skint, on the months I have to pay my registration fees/MOT bad service or whatever we have to dip into savings which are dwindling and we don’t have the cash to replenish.

I could up my hours although it’s a balance as we would end up paying a lot more childcare so wouldn’t be hugely better off. It also allows DH to work late on my days off etc and he’s progressing really well through the company and has had promotions which tbh has more impact on the house finances than if I worked more.

Do a lot of people experience a pinch point at this time in life? our salaries will hopefully go up over time and hopefully when we remortgage we could reduce payments. I shop around for deals for utilities and we meal plan/shop at aldi. We both have good jobs but life is expensive! We have one old car between us (no finance) etc.

We are lucky and priveleged in so many ways and Im so grateful to have my children I just feel I worry constantly about money. Does it end?!

Presumably when the 2yo turns 3 you’ll get 15 free hours and the fees will go down because of ratios.

It sounds like you’re not short – £220 p/w sounds ample for food & stuff to me – but it’s more the counting and scrimping and lack of freedom to not think about it. We’re in the same boat: the roof over our head is paid for, but everything is budgeted to the penny and big months like MOT make a difference.

Do you actually need the car? Selling it for scrap could add a pittance to your savings and spare you the costs of keeping it on the road, petrol, etc.

Did you overstretch on the mortgage? Could you switch the youngest from nursery to childminder?

Oh I have so been there OP!

The 15 hrs Early Years funding helped with each child...
Then starting school (but as you say, with wrap around care, uniform, holiday club etc ts not as good as you think it'll be! - then school dinners from Y3)...
The big difference was starting secondary school, and no wrap around costs for that child. Although now he is in adult sized clothes (at 13!) any savings seem to get gobbled up in the constant stream of increasingly bigger football boots and school trousers...

It does end - for a bit - but other expenses come in. It sounds like you - like us - have to pay for every minute of childcare you need. I think if this is what you are used to, then any reductions in childcare costs help and they do add up. IME for people who haven't paid for childcare, the expense of children only increases as they get older

I also upped my hours from 3 days to 4 when my second (last) child started school.

Childcare reduces as they get older but they get hugely more expensive as teenagers.

£220 per week is loads. That's £880 per month. Work out what you are spending that money on.

Food should be £100 absolute maximum and could be a lot less.
Petrol, depends on how much you need to commute.

Thanks both!
@BikeRunSki yes exactly! we don’t have family close by so are reliant on childcare (and knew it would cost a lot for good quality which is of course worth it!). I’m hoping when DC2 (definitely last!) gets free hours it will help. We should be eligible for 30 as I’m above to threshold so it will reduce the costs a lot.

@burritofan it’s not bad at all on paper and I know lots would kill for that amount but as you said the odd expensive thing ruins us and sadly lots of ‘things’ pop up- Christmas, boiler issue, school trip etc. We just don’t seem to have a reserve.

I found that once nappies and formula buying is over that helped a bit, then the next lift was when they were both in school. It does get easier but yeah, a few years of having to be a lot more careful than we were used to.

You need to save some of the £220 for Christmas, and birthday. You know they are annual expenses so should be included in your budget. We have a £50 per month birthday and Xmas fund for example.
Same with household stuff, save £10 per week for household repairs/DIY.
Do you fritter on stuff like lunches out, Costa, kid treats? If so, stop.

I don’t think £880 per month is loads for a family of four to cover everything. Of course some people live much closer to the poverty line but say you spend £100 per week on food that’s just over £100 per week left for absolutely every other expense that comes up including budgeting for annual bills, Christmas etc. It’s manageable but it’s tight in my book if you want a reasonable standard of living so don’t feel bad that you’re struggling.

Ps we’re just coming to a huge jump down in the childcare bill as 4 year old is off to nursery and youngest is about to get 30 funded hours. Our bill from Jan will be £220/month as opposed to over £1100 at the worst point (always for just three days). It transforms our monthly budget and I’m so glad we kept going with both our careers despite that huge cost as it’s now starting to pay off.

@LarryUnderwood yeah I think that’s it when it was just us in a cheap flat with full time salaries we could do whatever we wanted and travelled etc so it’s just having to get used to a very different lifestyle.
@Hercisback I don’t get Costa etc and DH cycles to work and we try to take food and not buy etc but I do get the DC little treats eg magazine when shopping or a coffee and cake from the cafe when we go to the park. These little things I used to love as a child so I’m loathe to take them away!

I mean off to school, not nursery

@MayorGoodwaysChicken wow that’s fab! Yes when DC2 starts preschool we are looking at £780 down to £160 a month for the two!

And yes @MayorGoodwaysChicken it doesn’t allow much wriggle room! My parents worked a lot but we were very comfortable (skiing hols, unlimited clubs etc) so it just feels weird being so limited but welcome to the real world me! DC don’t seem bothered at all. I’m a nurse so my ceiling for income is relatively low. Wish I’d done medicine now

£880 is more than we have. Food is approx £100. Petrol £20 but my commute is small.

That's a great childcare reduction. We have family childcare at the moment but gets more expensive when we need wraparound once both are in school.

£880 should give you a decent standard of living but won't be lots of trips, treats and days out.

Do you buy loads of clothes for kids? I save a lot by people passing down clothes and uniform is cheap. My kids only have 5/6 other outfits and they only have wellies, school shoes, trainers, walking boots and summer sandals. Sounds tight but they really don't need more.

While they're little get them used to Santa bringing stuff like pants, socks, toiletries that you'd buy anyway.

@Hercisback yes absolutely we do! Maybe fancier (i.e.hideous character) ones than I’d normally get but yes I don’t go wild at Christmas and stockings are essentials and then bubbles, bath bombs etc.

Same here with the fancier stuff but still essential.

It sounds like you have covered a lot of things and have a decent budget. I'd keep receipts/track your bank account for a month and account for the spending and see if more could be cut and put into savings.

Sometimes a real economy drive helps. Eg September we do no paid days out inc cafes etc. We know summer holidays are more expensive so cut back.

I hate to break this to you but kids get a hell of a lot more expensive as they get older.

I found they get more expensive, childcare cost have reduced as they are now old enough to be in house alone whilst I sleep off a night shift but clothing, hobbies, activities are now much higher and can only see it getting even higher

I only found it got easier when I got promoted, then DH got promoted so our household income increased. There's a short sweet-spot when full time childcare stops and they are still child-sized in terms of food, clothing and entertainment. The teenage years are as expensive as you allow them to be with mobile phones, school trips abroad and adult sized clothes & food portions.

I'm hoping when they are all in school!! Free hours helped for nursery but with 3 kids it is still tough. This year (finally) I hope things get better. We have no savings / heavily in debt and rent. Next three years are all about getting back to zero.

I will add a side note that we have consciously decided to take this route. We could have done nothing / no holidays / treats etc but life is too short! Don't overly worry yourself just be realistic.

I have found that planning for some things over the course of the year really helps OP; I pay a bit each month into a savings account ready for annual expenses such as MOT, servicing and birthdays.

I'm interested in the replies here as with 2 kids in nursery 4 days (one has 30 hours funded) and a monthly cost of £1500, I just can't see how teenagers or older children could possibly be more expensive than this stage. Maybe it seems they cost more when older if you haven't had significant childcare costs when they're young? Or I'm just deluded about the cost of teenagers...

@Sew3stitch I always think that! Terrified for teenagers! I’m sure I cost a bit but I had to work around college and uni to help pay my way so hopefully my kids can do that…also I’d hope by then our salaries may be higher etc. The thought of living month to month on a rigid budget forever more is a bit grim!

Just don't encourage your DC to have any interests or hobbies OP!

Same PP, our childcare costs were £1500 for a couple of years and we had a very similar left over amount as OP.
We ate a LOT of cheese and eggs
Now eldest will be walking home- Yr 5, and youngest is at school, childcare will be about £300.
It definitely gets better with the free hours at 3...