When did money get less tight with small kids?

[CarryOnNurse20]

Hello
We are in very lucky in many ways and I don’t want to offend anyone living in poverty or really struggling so I’m sorry if I do.
I just wondered for those with other children if/when money becomes less tight. We have 2 kids (2 and 4)- eldest in school but after school club my 3 working days and youngest in nursery 3 days. I work part time (3 days a week) and DH has a decent job. But my goodness money is tight. After all bills and mortgage (we have a big mortgage- I worry about this a lot) we have around £220/week left for food and everything else including petrol. I budget as much as I can but we are just always skint, on the months I have to pay my registration fees/MOT bad service or whatever we have to dip into savings which are dwindling and we don’t have the cash to replenish.

I could up my hours although it’s a balance as we would end up paying a lot more childcare so wouldn’t be hugely better off. It also allows DH to work late on my days off etc and he’s progressing really well through the company and has had promotions which tbh has more impact on the house finances than if I worked more.

Do a lot of people experience a pinch point at this time in life? our salaries will hopefully go up over time and hopefully when we remortgage we could reduce payments. I shop around for deals for utilities and we meal plan/shop at aldi. We both have good jobs but life is expensive! We have one old car between us (no finance) etc.

We are lucky and priveleged in so many ways and Im so grateful to have my children I just feel I worry constantly about money. Does it end?!

Mine are 8 and 5 and as everyone else is saying kids don't really get cheaper because one cost is replaced with another. They are both in school and we don't need wraparound care but there are ballet lessons, gymnastics, martial arts, athletics, swimming lessons and all the associated uniforms and equipment etc. Then they want specific clothes and trainers, days out cost a fortune when you don't get the free toddler tickets etc. etc.

We deliberately had a big age gap as couldn't afford double nursery fees.

Things were easier when oldest was 3 and had 30 hours free childcare and youngest wasn't born. Full time nursery was 'only' £700 p/m.

We felt positively rich when oldest started school and I hadn't gone on Mat leave with youngest as had that extra £700.

Now paying £1,700 p/m for childcare (nursery for youngest and after school club for oldest).

Things will get easier when they're both at school.

It gets better with the free hours. I would advise to put some of the money you save straight into a saving account to boost your emergency funds. Doesn't have to be a lot but do it straight at paydate so you won't miss it.

You need to think about holiday clubs, if you need full day coverage they can be very expensive, I paid £40/day at least for one child. Are you able to get childcare vouchers (not sure how the current scheme works, DD outgrew them 4 years ago)? In the past you could get more each month then what you needed and could used the saved vouchers for holiday camps.

We mostly split our holiday allowance and mainly had 2 weeks in Summer together and then a week either Easter/May or October to save on these costs. Luckily DH always had Christmas off.

Clothes are good until they hit adult sizes.

I found some hobbies more expensive than others, Dance is a nightmare with uniform and fees, especially when they move into grade classes.

Beavers/Cubs are a great hobby with normally low fees.

This might not help you feel better but I’ve personally found them more expensive the older they get. They usually need wraparound care before and after school until year 6 since school hours rarely fit the working day. Their clothes and shoes always continue to cost more and more, my older DC have been in adult sized shoes for some time now so they cost a lot. Their school uniform costs a fortune as they get older too, especially secondary school uniform. They also ask for more and more things, they want more expensive gifts for birthdays and Christmas for example and want to go out with friends. School trips start costing more when it becomes residential trips. School dinners are free until year 2 but after that cost a lot. They eat more and more food the bigger they get too…

I miss them being small tbh. I could buy cheap second hand clothes on eBay and get away with buying second hand toys sometimes for Christmas. I also miss free admission at certain places and free fare on public transport!

My dcs are 10 and 12. I pay for a minder, 200 a week as I need them taken to and from school.

I know I will not need the minder for them in 2 years time. However, I struggle to see how it will cost 200 a week to keep them in clothes, secondary school etc. However, I know I will have to keep putting most of the 200 aside for when they start learning to drive and college costs. We only had one foreign holiday wirh the dcs ever. I would be hoping to have another foreign holiday or two during their teenage years, when the minder fees stop.

I think the people who find teenage years dear, are people who didn't pay for fulltime childcare and had family help for childcare.

@Hemingwaycat that’s so true. I remember when we had to start buying food for eldest DC in cafes etc instead of bringing weaning food/finger food and thinking good grief imagine when they order adult meals and drinks etc .

Mine are fairly cheap atm. One going into yr 7, one yr 9. Guides and scouts are cheap hobbies (£10 a month) and other hobbies total £100ish a month combined. Their appetites are adult sized but they aren’t quite eating us out of the house yet. They are relatively cheap to clothe, clothes last a year before outgrowing and they aren’t into labels yet - not that I’ll pander to all their requests!
I found the full time childcare (£1.5k a month at its worst) a struggle, but then wrap around childcare at c£650 a month seemed to go on forever.

We already don't eat meals out unless we are away for a day. I know that it is very hard to justify coffee and cake for 2 dcs and I, even once a week. The coffees alone cost about 9 or 10. I take dcs for coffee every so often but we bring a bar from home. If I was not paying childcare, I wouldn't find eating out so dear.

Eldest dc is in adult sizes now. I find it hard to pay for branded sportswear, team sport jerseys plus the 200 a week childcare !

Childcare should reduce over the next 2 years, when I can leave them in the house for an hour each evening, between finishing school and me finishing work. I am hoping that I can afford clothes and trips for them more easily then.

This isn't very reassuring! We pay around £1300 after tax free childcare for a 1 year old and 3 year old to attend nursery 4 days per week. How can it possibly get more expensive? Longing for the school days surely wrap around care and holidays can't be more than £1300/month!?

Our minding fees didn't reduce but they stayed the same when dcs started school. They have stayed the same since dcs were babies. We use a minder. Instead of taking an inflation related increase annually, she charged the same when dcs went to school. The great thing is she is open for the summer holidays and takes them then. Our price seems dear but we have no worries about care during the summer. We take 2 weeks leave when she shuts down.

As you are using a creche, they probably have a reduction for school children. We are careful about activities, clothes etc for dcs.
They don't expect a lot because we haven't got it. When dcs are late primary, you nay be able to reduce again. When costs do reduce, you will feel like a millionnaire, and can use some of the funds to build savings and hopefully a good holiday. I have not really saved in 10 years. When the minder was closed in the pandemic, I was able to build up savings again.

When exh had a significant pay rise and I went back to work. I didn't work when they were tiny do when I returned pt it helped, then when he got a significant rise it helped a lot.

It's actually more expensive now though as have two at university and he's got to pay me spousal maintenance too, he's not happy but serves him right for leaving me (actually we get on fine)

For most people they will feel it when they have young kids in nursery but some won't if they have a very gd income.

A lot are saying £220 a week sounds loads but depend what it's for. If you mean it's for food, petrol and everything else which would include birthdays, Christmas, all of ur clothes, car repairs, car tax and days out or things to do. Then I agree it wld be tight.

I put away money each month in separate accounts for the kids clothes, Christmas and birthdays, family/friends bday and Christmas and car insurance/car repairs and holidays etc.

We have a 1yr old and 4yr old in nursery. I work part time, dh full time. We don't scrimp or ever run out of money but I can't wait until we have some extra cash when our youngest gets 30hrs funding 😀

We have a similar left over and have DS1 who is in Reception and DS2 who is in Full Time Nursery, we intentionally had the gap as 2 sets of full time nursery fees would have been too much.

Ds1 is picked up from school by CM 4 days a week at £10 a day (tax free childcare makes this £8 a day) = £40 a week.
DS2 full time fees are £250 a week (TFC = £200) we will be a LOT better off when both are in school and its only £16/day rather than £48 a day, we really noticed a difference when DS1 30 hours kicked in.

I'm counting down the months until DS2 gets his. It's a tight 2 years but once it has passed all will be well again :)

(£32 a week for ds1) I can't maths!

@PolarTundra

This isn't very reassuring! We pay around £1300 after tax free childcare for a 1 year old and 3 year old to attend nursery 4 days per week. How can it possibly get more expensive? Longing for the school days surely wrap around care and holidays can't be more than £1300/month!?

Initially it won’t, when they go to school it will reduce depending on how much wrap around care you need. However the running costs, childcare excluded, are much much less for a pre schooler than a teenager. Clothes are substantially cheaper, they eat a lot less, they go free to places, days out are simpler, they don’t have hobbies, want driving lessons, overnight school trips, need expensive kit for school. Of course most things aren’t compulsory in the same way childcare is and I’ve been there and know how hard it is.

I think the most expensive times of raising kids are when having to pay for preschool childcare, when starting secondary school (having to buy the complete uniform in one hit. After that you just replace when needed but that first amount is a shocker) and then as an older teen and driving lessons and university top ups. I’ve heard of parents getting second jobs to help support their dc through uni. Having just a 2yr age gap means you will be paying out for 2 lots of driving lessons and uni accommodation at the same time so yeah, it will get worse, but you’ve got some easier years to start planning for that.

@tiredanddangerous

I hate to break this to you but kids get a hell of a lot more expensive as they get older.

I was just going to say this!

DS16 is about to go into 6th form. Our nearest one (only one - we're rural) is a 6 mile bus ride away at the school he's attended for the last five years. But I've just had to pay £580 for a bus pass for the year, even though by law he is still a child and has to be in school and we have no choice but to send him. Because the council only give free school buses to under 16s.

Uniform! He now has Size 12 feet. God knows what school shoes, trainers and football boots will cost for next year.

Football subs. Clubs they go to. Driving them around to mates, to parties, to activities. Picking them up from matches after school and at weekends.

He's also expecting driving lessons in 6 months time. And (presumably) to go on my car insurance which will be hugely expensive for a 17 year old lad.

It gets easier when they leave home...😉

@coldwarenigma not long then 😂 @QforCucumber sounds v similar to us. Hang in there! I’ll have to make the most of our salad years between DC2 starting school and DC1 taking up the cello or wanting the latest Nike trainers. What a year it will be 🥴

Sorry- for those saying they get more expensive is that still the case if your/your partners salary increases? Hopefully DH will progress in his career (and me!) and will earn slightly more so hoping that will balance things too. We don’t ever plan on moving again so mortgage will stay the same/hopefully decrease a bit eventually.

@PolarTundra

This isn't very reassuring! We pay around £1300 after tax free childcare for a 1 year old and 3 year old to attend nursery 4 days per week. How can it possibly get more expensive? Longing for the school days surely wrap around care and holidays can't be more than £1300/month!?

The problem is that sadly holiday clubs are awkward hours or absolutely dire and some are eyewateringly expensive. I changed my hours to allow me to be term time only which was great for the family but financially speaking I’m down 15k a year.

@PolarTundra @Createdjustforthis we live in fairly expensive area but holiday clubs I found are around £25/day (no food included obvs and often finish at 4). Depending on jobs etc it’s doable and certainly still a lot cheaper than private nursery care especially using tax free childcare but it’s still an expense. I did my research before kids but it’s mind blowing just how costly they are. I considered childcare but it’s things like the cost of going part time/limiting promotion or not taking better jobs as they ‘don’t work’ for family life etc. I don’t think you can really anticipate the costs!

My DC are very nearly 13 and nearly 10. DH and I have paid for every single minute of childcare we’ve ever had. Until a month ago, the DC’s nearest grandparent was 170 miles away (now 0.4 miles away), so childcare costs are dwindling, although as pp have said, children still cost!

I think there is a different psychology to nursery/cm childcare costs and the expenses of having an older child.

Childcare costs are a necessary evil in many cases, for parents to continue working, hold on to their jobs, invest in their future, contribute to a pension etc. The costs of extra curricular activities for older children are optional. Music lessons (and exams), dance, gymnastics, riding, conversational mandarin, skiing holidays etc are all very nice, but not essential (I’d say that swimming is more essential). These costs can be cut if the budget is tight. Having said that, my nearly-13 year old, costs a fortune to clothe and feed. He’s not bothered about clothing brands, but is adult sized is many things, and has grown out of everything twice this year! And a bigger shoe size at secondary age means new school shoes, trainers, football boots, home shoes and wellies/walking boots as a minimum, all attracting VAT.

I honestly think the majority of people that live in middle class suburbia are propped up by family money.
I just don’t see how else they afford their lifestyles.
We afford it as DH earns a lot and even we struggle some months.
I don’t see how my friends with just above average jobs such as healthcare, teaching and middle management afford their three hols a year and millions of extracurricular activities for the kids.

Credit cards mostly.

It's scary how normal debt is among my colleagues.

Otoh if you have 2 decent just above middle jobs and live within your means you can have a decent lifestyle, just not lots of holidays etc. It comes down to priorities. Some people put holidays over new clothes, others value having the latest gadgets.