When did money get less tight with small kids?

[CarryOnNurse20]

Hello
We are in very lucky in many ways and I don’t want to offend anyone living in poverty or really struggling so I’m sorry if I do.
I just wondered for those with other children if/when money becomes less tight. We have 2 kids (2 and 4)- eldest in school but after school club my 3 working days and youngest in nursery 3 days. I work part time (3 days a week) and DH has a decent job. But my goodness money is tight. After all bills and mortgage (we have a big mortgage- I worry about this a lot) we have around £220/week left for food and everything else including petrol. I budget as much as I can but we are just always skint, on the months I have to pay my registration fees/MOT bad service or whatever we have to dip into savings which are dwindling and we don’t have the cash to replenish.

I could up my hours although it’s a balance as we would end up paying a lot more childcare so wouldn’t be hugely better off. It also allows DH to work late on my days off etc and he’s progressing really well through the company and has had promotions which tbh has more impact on the house finances than if I worked more.

Do a lot of people experience a pinch point at this time in life? our salaries will hopefully go up over time and hopefully when we remortgage we could reduce payments. I shop around for deals for utilities and we meal plan/shop at aldi. We both have good jobs but life is expensive! We have one old car between us (no finance) etc.

We are lucky and priveleged in so many ways and Im so grateful to have my children I just feel I worry constantly about money. Does it end?!

Mine are just a few years older, but I remember those days well. I felt like we were working for nothing. Every month felt like an eternity until the next pay day and I was constantly exhausted.

Childcare costs did decrease when my children started primary school, but some of those savings ended up going elsewhere. Young children can be cheap to entertain eg trip to the local city farm or a colouring book from the poundshop. Mine (KS2) now want trips to theme parks and PlayStations. So, whilst childcare costs have decreased significantly, costs go up elsewhere.

The biggest win for me has been that by keeping my career going, I now can work more flexibly. I work 2-3 days a week from from home because I don't need to be on site as much, but if I were more junior, I would need to be in the office more. I'm hoping this will be helpful once they start secondary school.

@purpledagger

Mine are just a few years older, but I remember those days well. I felt like we were working for nothing. Every month felt like an eternity until the next pay day and I was constantly exhausted.

Childcare costs did decrease when my children started primary school, but some of those savings ended up going elsewhere. Young children can be cheap to entertain eg trip to the local city farm or a colouring book from the poundshop. Mine (KS2) now want trips to theme parks and PlayStations. So, whilst childcare costs have decreased significantly, costs go up elsewhere.

The biggest win for me has been that by keeping my career going, I now can work more flexibly. I work 2-3 days a week from from home because I don't need to be on site as much, but if I were more junior, I would need to be in the office more. I'm hoping this will be helpful once they start secondary school.

Mine are 9 and 12, I couldn't agree with this more, especially the last paragraph.

It recently cost me £50 or so to enter DS for a music exam! At lest he passed! They get more and more £££ up the grades.

I can imagine! I’d love for my kids to pursue interests and hobbies…maybe I’ll limit it to 2 things at a time…

Thanks everyone sounds like it’s swings and roundabouts but staying in work was a good move which is a relief!

We had a big push to pay off our mortgage in the early days. I banned expensive fruit juice and paper towels as a money saving measure. We drove old cars with low fuel consumption. We bought a lot of our children's stuff secondhand and we lived with really outdated decor and a kitchen that was a shrine to the worst of the 80s.

We put money by which has enabled us to finance one of our children doing a university course at a city 500 miles away. They got into an extraordinarily hard to get into course as a post graduate and had already maxed out their student loan. We are paying course fees, rent, food and transport costs. Childcare costs were insignificant compared to this though my salary has grown over the years. I am grateful that at least it is a vocational degree. I have a younger son as well and I think he may have more of a struggle getting a job with his less vocational degree. I drive a 13 year old car as it is still reliable and I can't justify a trade up.

At least the kitchen has entered the 21st century now. And we have investments for retirement. I think there is probably a sweet spot somewhere between early childcare costs ending and them entering tertiary education.

There's definitely ups and downs- as people said out of nappies and all the baby stuff there's a bit of respite but school starts taking a chunk with books uniforms and all the extras but then you're not paying as much childcare. Yes weirdly you do get a few years of respite. Eldest is nearly 14 and we're finding food and clothes start to go up as we always lived off hand me downs etc and he's moved into small adult sizes, also school books last year was a shock but this year that costed so much less. I'm not really helping ... all I can say is as someone said above, any savings you can get out of that 220 try your very best for school, summer, Christmas or emergencies. (And you're doing great op, I know it feels hard)

it gets easier when they are at secondary school

I'm interested in people who say it got cheaper when their kids when to school. What kind of wrap around care and summer holiday provision do people use in these circumstances? I had a CM, so was still spending circa £600 per month on wrap around care, more in the holidays. I work full time. It's only now I WFH and don't need wrap around care that we no longer need childcare. It also helps my employer is flexible, and DH and I's working patterns compliment one another. (Read as we only have one day off a week together).

I had a similar age gap for my kids OP, and I just found life in general very hard when they were 2 and 4. Life is definitely easier now 4 years on.

It got cheaper, not cheap! Our childcare is still around £650 per month. But that's amazing compared to when they were both at childminder full time, she didn't provide the free 15 hours as the rate paid by the council was so low, so we were paying over £2k per month.

@Henrytheehoover

I'm interested in people who say it got cheaper when their kids when to school. What kind of wrap around care and summer holiday provision do people use in these circumstances? I had a CM, so was still spending circa £600 per month on wrap around care, more in the holidays. I work full time. It's only now I WFH and don't need wrap around care that we no longer need childcare. It also helps my employer is flexible, and DH and I's working patterns compliment one another. (Read as we only have one day off a week together).

I had a similar age gap for my kids OP, and I just found life in general very hard when they were 2 and 4. Life is definitely easier now 4 years on.

I think it's more the difference between what they're paying before than after. We pay £80 a day for private nursery for our 2 year old, for the 5 year old the school wraparound offer is £15 for both before and after school club, the most expensive holiday clubs are £50/60 a day so overall school is a lot cheaper.

OP - I don't know lots about nursing but is there nothing you can do to progress? E.g. do specialised nursing jobs pay more? Does health visiting pay more? Failing that, can you do the odd bank shift at the weekend when your DH is around?

Does this include clubs for your DC? Holiday money?
Quite honestly, if we were that tight, I wouldn’t of had a second child and this is the reason many choose to have only 1.

@Sew3stitch

I'm interested in the replies here as with 2 kids in nursery 4 days (one has 30 hours funded) and a monthly cost of £1500, I just can't see how teenagers or older children could possibly be more expensive than this stage. Maybe it seems they cost more when older if you haven't had significant childcare costs when they're young? Or I'm just deluded about the cost of teenagers...

I think the same whenever I see this. I think a lot of posters who say it didn't pay for childcare or don't account for it correctly - I have seen some posters say "I was a SAHM so didn't have any childcare costs" which is a bit silly when there is the entire lost salary ...

I think there’s a sweet spot between starting school and when after school clubs and hobbies start kicking in and they wont eat off the kids menu.

I do 3 days, so 3 days childcare. The cost definitely reduces with kids getting 30 hours childcare. But it won't reduce much beyond that point if your using afterschool / holiday cover.

Make sure you are using the voucher 20% top up scheme for your childcare.

I would cut out the kids magazines, they are around £5 a time and really all the kids want it is the tat of the front.

I don't think £880 is a lot of money to cover essentials food, fuel, maintenance, clothing.
So you need to budget very carefully and set aside for annual expenses, MOT, Birthdays & Christmas.

I'm interested in people who say it got cheaper when their kids when to school. What kind of wrap around care and summer holiday provision do people use in these circumstances?

I guess it depends how much you were paying fir childcare before the child/ren started school. We had a couple of years where it was just shy of £2000 for 2 dc. DC1 started school the term before DC2’s 15 hrs kicked in; combined these more than halved the childcare bill. For holidays, we used school holiday club (£25/day, rather than nursery which was £40 at that point), annual leave (we rarely have time off together) and whatever other sports camps we could find that covered the whole day. Also a few days of having friends over, reciprocated.

@PiddleOfPuppies

I only found it got easier when I got promoted, then DH got promoted so our household income increased. There's a short sweet-spot when full time childcare stops and they are still child-sized in terms of food, clothing and entertainment. The teenage years are as expensive as you allow them to be with mobile phones, school trips abroad and adult sized clothes & food portions.

I agree with this. TBH kids don't get much less expensive- other things replace the childcare costs.

The thing that has made it better for us is promotion. I didn't take much in the way of a career break (went more slowly & had p/t periods, but didn't stop working) and DH really went for it. Now DS is 10 and we are pretty comfortable. However, I haemorrhage money on DS's ludicrous hobby- it costs more than childcare ever did- so I still feel skint .

Are you house poor Op? I find round my way people are maxing themselves out in houses they can’t afford then living month to month. I think it’s the Instagram culture we live in.
Could you scale down a bit for a cheaper mortgage?

@Sew3stitch

I'm interested in the replies here as with 2 kids in nursery 4 days (one has 30 hours funded) and a monthly cost of £1500, I just can't see how teenagers or older children could possibly be more expensive than this stage. Maybe it seems they cost more when older if you haven't had significant childcare costs when they're young? Or I'm just deluded about the cost of teenagers...

I have teens who were in nursery so have seen both. Whilst I don’t spend £1500 every month, it’s probably not that far off when you even out over the year. Food bills are triple what I would spend if it was just me, they have been wearing adult clothes with adult price tags since they were 12, driving lessons, bus for college, couple of hobbies, phones, going out with friends. Plus Uni is on the horizon which is even more than nursery. My electricity bill has rocketed in the last 12 months with them being at home all the time. Days out, you pay adult prices most places, they stop Eating off the kids menu when they’re 10/11. You pay adult prices on holidays for them. Course you can say no to stuff, but I’d rather spend £60 to keep them on their sports team than having them hanging around the park getting in trouble. I remember the first month of school with only after school to pay for and felt like a millionaire!

I'm interested in the replies here as with 2 kids in nursery 4 days (one has 30 hours funded) and a monthly cost of £1500, I just can't see how teenagers or older children could possibly be more expensive than this stage. Maybe it seems they cost more when older if you haven't had significant childcare costs when they're young? Or I'm just deluded about the cost of teenagers...
Thank you for saying this. DD’s nursery cost age 1 to 2 was £1200 a month FT (after taking into account government top-up). Plus then there’s her general existence: clothes (she seemed to double in size monthly), nappies, wipes, food, books, toys. It always terrifies me to think it can get worse than that!

We’re saving for university years which will obviously be eye watering, but struggling to see how a teenager can cost £1,200 as a baseline with more on top. Especially as teens shouldn’t need 3-4 outfits a day to wee and smear themselves through. I think your theory of no childcare costs = “more expensive as a teenager” must be correct.

Though I’m potentially deluding myself about going back to self-employment once she’s in school, so cutting the need for wraparound and holiday care considerably.

I found they got cheaper around 4-7 but then we're old enough for after school hobbies and clubs. They got cheaper again around 11 as they didn't want to do anything, but as soon as they became hormonal, hairy food bins at 13, money seemed to flood out my bank account and in to their stomachs. That's not counting the cost of contestant new clothes to cover the growth spurts, days out, mates round for dinner, taxi rides everywhere..... DD is about to get her first car and I could cry over the cost of her insurance even though she has saved to pay most of it. DS is 13 so we've got 5 years to save for his car and probably even higher insurance

For us it was quite gradual - eased a little when DC1 got her nursery funding, then more when DC2 did. Then I got a pay-rise at work. As they got older I was able to work more (I earnt less a day than 2 nursery places cost so was not worth it whilst we were paying full fees for both).

I'm bemused by people telling you that £880 is plenty without knowing how much of that goes on petrol? In my previous job, which was a bit of a commute, I was spending £200 a month on petrol. If you were spending the same and keep grocery/ toiletries/ cleaning products to £100 a week, that leave you with £280 a month to clothe and entertain 4 people plus cover unusual expenses like a washing machine repair. It's not a lot. I guess the question is how much savings do you have? if it's enough to get you to when the nursery funding/ school kick in, the maybe just go with the flow.

@burritofan

I'm interested in the replies here as with 2 kids in nursery 4 days (one has 30 hours funded) and a monthly cost of £1500, I just can't see how teenagers or older children could possibly be more expensive than this stage. Maybe it seems they cost more when older if you haven't had significant childcare costs when they're young? Or I'm just deluded about the cost of teenagers... Thank you for saying this. DD’s nursery cost age 1 to 2 was £1200 a month FT (after taking into account government top-up). Plus then there’s her general existence: clothes (she seemed to double in size monthly), nappies, wipes, food, books, toys. It always terrifies me to think it can get worse than that!

We’re saving for university years which will obviously be eye watering, but struggling to see how a teenager can cost £1,200 as a baseline with more on top. Especially as teens shouldn’t need 3-4 outfits a day to wee and smear themselves through. I think your theory of no childcare costs = “more expensive as a teenager” must be correct.

Though I’m potentially deluding myself about going back to self-employment once she’s in school, so cutting the need for wraparound and holiday care considerably.

I think maybe the difference is that you don't really have any choice about childcare costs, you are tied to them, whereas to some extent you can choose how much you spend on an older child depending on what you want to give them.

We could easily spend £10k a year on DS's sport if you include international travel to competitions. But, of course, he absolutely does not have to do such an expensive hobby. We also choose to spend the best part of £20k on school fees whereas his education could be next to free. This year he's 'needed' a specific computer for school, so that's another £1k. All this is optional though, whereas £1.5k on nursery fees might be unavoidable.

Especially as teens shouldn’t need 3-4 outfits a day to wee and smear themselves through

Toddler stuff is waaaaaay cheaper than teenager clothes. A 3 pack of tshirts for a toddler is cheaper than one adult sized one. Thankfully mine have stopped growing so I’m not replacing every few months anymore.

Maybe because I had a lull of a few years between nursery and junior school when they weren’t so expensive that it seems a lot now.

I think you need to really drill down on your budget op as others have said. I have a monzo account where you can have lots of little pots. I have pots for xmas and birthdays, holidays, haircuts, food shopping, clothes for each of us, etc etc and once I have those paid into, I split the remainder (couple of hundred for the month usually) between fun money and savings. I sometimes have to borrow from one pot to another but it helps me not overspend in any area and means I can see where everything goes.
I think pp are right that there is a sweet spot between starting school and oldest getting to about 10. My 2 used to be happy doing the free kids activities at places and doing very simple things. Now they are older (12 and 15) it takes a lot more to entertain them if we go anywhere. Because of this we spend a lot more time at home than we used to (even factoring in covid) and that means a lot of screen time for them. Which also costs a lot (xboxes and its games, phones and contracts are not cheap!)

There was no free/help with childcare when mine were little, so once the youngest ( of 3) was in school, we had much more income freed up.
We've never had an expensive lifestyle, so while the children were small, clothes were hand-me-downs from friends or from boot sales, very rarely coffee out, didn't really do takeaways other than the occasional McDonalds, and entertainment was mainly seeing friends in our houses or at the park. We had very little savings and often had to borrow from my mum to make ends meet, even though both of us were working in decent jobs ( London mortgage). Primary school years were cheaper than the nursery years, and then teenage years got more expensive as you can't fob off a 14 year old with 2nd hand stuff so easily, and school trips and outings get more expensive. Holidays or going out anywhere with 3 teenagers are extortionate, when you pay adult prices for everything.

Just coming on to say, I feel your pain! Mine are 1 and 3, and similar to you, both of us are in ‘good’ jobs, and have never been in the overdraft every month, worrying we can’t fill up the car until payday, etc before.
Currently we are getting by with me picking up locum shifts around my job/when family can have the kids, and raiding the savings accounts, which I feel terrible about...
Bring on the free hours!!