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Original poster

Struggling as single mum to toddler

60 replies

Sjenson21 · 15/08/2021 13:55

I’ve been a single mum to my dd since she was three months old. I have parents who help with childcare during the week but otherwise I’m on my own most weekends when I don’t have plans with friends and their children. A lot of the time friends want to do things childfree which is fine and lucky for them but I don’t have that luxury, my dd needs to come with me. She is generally v good and sleeps well at night and lunchtime nap but I’m really struggling with what to do with her. She won’t go in the buggy anymore which is awful so going to shops or out for coffees is off the cards. I have a dog but it’s too difficult managing them both out at a park so my dog often ends up without a walk some weekends. I’m at the end of my tether because going out is almost impossible. I have a good network of friends but they are all in relationships and can leave their child with partner to go out or are busy doing family stuff as they have two adults to manage their child. I just feel so lonely and trapped at home with no adult conversation most days.

OP posts:
Seeline · 15/08/2021 13:58

How old is she?

Original poster
Sjenson21 · 15/08/2021 14:00

Will be two in a couple of months

OP posts:
wildseas · 15/08/2021 14:01

I’m a single mum too and it’s not easy is it!

I would recommend really trying to do some child friendly days out even if it’s tricky to start with on your own. Farm, park, feeding the ducks, soft play etc.

Good luck !

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MondayYogurt · 15/08/2021 14:04

Can you sign your dog up to one of those free dog walker apps that match people who can't have a dog?
At least you could stop worrying about that then.

Original poster
Sjenson21 · 15/08/2021 14:06

I just find it so stressful on my own, constantly chasing after her to stop her doing something dangerous, won’t hold my hand or go in buggy. If I need to go to the loo or take her to be changed she has a meltdown. It’s not so bad with other adults but on my own it’s horrific. Getting her in the car is terrible too as she kicks and screams. I cannot cope. I hate my life.

OP posts:
Seeline · 15/08/2021 14:09

At that age, the buggy wouldn't be optional for me. If she screams when she first goes in, so be it. It's different if the only purpose of the outing us for exercise, but shopping or walking the dog etc, she goes in the buggy.

Seeline · 15/08/2021 14:10

Have you tried reins to stop her running off - I used them with both mine

Keepitonthedownlow · 15/08/2021 14:12

Try Googling FROLO, it's an app that allows you to meet other single parents.

Also, weekends as a single parent are boring and lonely but it gets easier as they get older and you can do stuff like swimming, cinema, ballet etc. When at school they get invited to parties etc .

I think a routine is good say, I often used to go swimming on a Sunday because that was a good way to break up the weekend.

Imtootired · 15/08/2021 14:18

I’m a single mum also with a little one a similar age. It’s such a shame you don’t have a nice time going out with her because it can be a lot of fun. I think you will have to be much firmer and make her go in the pram whether she likes it or not, for safety reasons. Just keep putting her back in again and again and saying no when she gets out. Make sure she’s got a snack and a teddy. And the same if she tantrums during a nappy change. Just say “calm down, I have to clean you, almost finished etc etc”. Be very firm. Don’t let the screaming get to you. Otherwise it’s not easy to go anywhere.
Once that is sorted you can go out walking, go to a cafe, go to a fresh food market, lots of things. Going to the kids section at the library is fun for them. Find a nice playground that’s safe for little ones so you can let her run around while you sit and watch. And if she’s happy in the pram you can listen to a podcast or audiobook or music while you walk. When it’s just myself and my little one on the weekend we have a great time. I’m not saying that to gloat to you in your situation, just to let you know that it can be really nice.

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 15/08/2021 14:20

I remember that phase well. It will get easier. I used to distract DS with rice cakes to get him in the car seat or buggy. And used reins. Are there any single parent groups near you that could offer support and friendship?

Keepitonthedownlow · 15/08/2021 18:09

I used to put the wee one in the pram and the dog would suit in the basket underneath

Original poster
Sjenson21 · 15/08/2021 18:26

Believe me I’m desperate to enjoy my time with her. And I do when she’ll comply or not kick off (which I know every parent goes through) but I just feel so stressed when I can’t reason with her ie not letting her go jumping into the pond at the park 😢 I tried reins but again she refused to walk properly every time and would scream the place down on the ground. I can coax her into the buggy with the iPad for Peppa Pig but I feel awful using screen time so I can go to the shops or out for a coffee and get some peace

OP posts:
muffindays · 15/08/2021 18:28

hi OP, don't stress about the screentime. When you're a single parent, needs must. What's far more important is that you both get a bit of downtime / sanity! Do what works and don't feel guilty. When she is older you can negotiate more but at this age you just need to do what you can to get on with things. Especially as a single parent. no need for guilt!!

illuyankas · 15/08/2021 18:29

It gets better. I know it's hard, but she won't stay a toddler for long.

PumpkinKlNG · 15/08/2021 18:29

I’m a single parent to 4 and I know that feeling, I hate it too

EducatingArti · 15/08/2021 18:30

Have you thought of one of the toddler trikes that have a parent handle to push. My friends toddlers enjoyed going in those in preference to the buggy. You can often pick one up cheaply on Facebook marketplace.

Pebbledashery · 15/08/2021 18:32

Feel for you my lovely. I'm a single parent to a nearly 3 year old. It's hard work. I also work full time which I imagine you do too? By the weekend I'm exhausted and having to deal with a very active toddler. It does get easier. I took my daughter for lunch today and she was so well mannered and well behaved.. They pick and choose when they want to behave. Could you try a picnic in a park or field when it's nice weather.. lots of room for the dog to run and relatively stress free if you have food and outdoor toys!

Original poster
Sjenson21 · 15/08/2021 18:32

I just feel so guilty for being a single mum and only having the time to do the basic things with her to keep her safe and healthy. When there’s two parents it’s half the work so you can enjoy a lot more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sjenson21 · 15/08/2021 18:33

@EducatingArti yes I have a trike with push handle. She hates going in it because she’s contained, same as buggy

OP posts:
Snozz2828 · 15/08/2021 18:33

Just wanted to say it does get better. Another 12 months and she'll be much easier to handle. I know that doesn't help you right now but it's something to aim for! At this age I really stopped attempting to do anything that I knew would be stressful so meals, coffee, shops etc were out for a couple of years. We lived in the soft play and often went for walks from the house. It's very very hard work. You sound like you're doing your absolute best and that's all anyone can do so go easy on yourself.

Original poster
Sjenson21 · 15/08/2021 18:35

@Pebbledashery yes I work full time too. I’ve tried a few picnics but she won’t sit on the rug and eat, she wants to run wild, which is fine, but I can’t abandon a picnic every two seconds to bring her back or chase the dog about too. It’s torture.

OP posts:
Keepitonthedownlow · 15/08/2021 18:38

Don't feel bad about using the phone

dancealittleclosertome · 15/08/2021 18:42

Sorry it's so hard right now. All I can say is that this is the most difficult age - give it 6 months then I think you will look back and realise that somehow it has got slightly easier.

Also, don't imagine that mums in couples are all having it easier. Some fathers do very, very little with their children - particularly ones of this age, for the simple reason that it is so hard!!

Is it possible to get some reins for your child? Would that work? I know some people don't like them but if it enabled you to take her and the dog for a walk it can only be a good thing, surely?

But the main thing for you to know is that all things with children are phases. That goes for the good things as well as the bad things, sadly.

Original poster
Sjenson21 · 15/08/2021 18:45

Thank you everyone for your advice, I feel so much better. I know I am doing my best and this is not forever, I just feel incredibly guilty at feeling overwhelmed with stress at the thought of going out and it not being a stress free trip. And I know if my dds father was around he would be utterly useless which is worse than being on your own. I know not everyone is happy families but it really does destroy me inside that I’m a single parent and will never have a chance to be happy with someone else again, I know plenty of single parents meet other partners but I wouldn’t risk my life going up in flames again from a relationship.

OP posts: