Struggling as single mum to toddler

[Sjenson21]

I’ve been a single mum to my dd since she was three months old. I have parents who help with childcare during the week but otherwise I’m on my own most weekends when I don’t have plans with friends and their children. A lot of the time friends want to do things childfree which is fine and lucky for them but I don’t have that luxury, my dd needs to come with me. She is generally v good and sleeps well at night and lunchtime nap but I’m really struggling with what to do with her. She won’t go in the buggy anymore which is awful so going to shops or out for coffees is off the cards. I have a dog but it’s too difficult managing them both out at a park so my dog often ends up without a walk some weekends. I’m at the end of my tether because going out is almost impossible. I have a good network of friends but they are all in relationships and can leave their child with partner to go out or are busy doing family stuff as they have two adults to manage their child. I just feel so lonely and trapped at home with no adult conversation most days.

Apologise I was absolutely not meaning that on this thread. The comments here from everyone have taken a huge weight off my shoulders from couples and single parents. I was meaning those comments from friends who make off the cuff remarks when I say I have to bring my daughter out because I can’t leave her at the weekend or mention how lonely the weekend was with no adult company.

OP, I had a second baby when DD was 16 months, so the buggy was needed for the baby and DD had to walk on reins instead.
At nearly two, your DD needs lots of exercise, not strapped in a buggy anyway.
Exercise runs off her energy and frustration, and will make her much less prone to tantrums.
Give her some choices with the non negotiable bits concealed in them.
For example “Come and pop your reins on and take mummy out for a walk. Where do you want to take me today - the park or the woods?”
She will feel empowered at choosing the destination, and less inclined to argue about the reins!
Encourage her to tell you when it’s safe to cross the road “ Tell mummy if there’s a car coming. You’re being a big clever girl, helping us cross safely”.
A bit of flattery, and praise when behaving sensibly, is more effective than shouting about bad behaviour.
Also, hard as it is when exhausted and struggling as a single parent, try to project an air of calm confidence and cheerfulness, so your DD doesn’t pick up on your negativity and react badly to it. Give her the impression that the weekend will have fun for you both, that you look forward to shared activities.
As soon as her behaviour improves, take her on more ambitious outings, to zoos, swimming pools, etc. Life can still be enjoyable- for both of you.
My DDs are in their 30’s now, and are two of my best friends. You will get through this too.

Op isn't being rude. Could've been worded a bit better, but non single parents don't get what it's like to be two parents in one.. She's allowed to feel the way and does, it's her life.

I'm a single parent and ages 2 and 3 were the absolute worst, we couldn't even walk 5 minutes round the corner without a massive tantrum. I work full time too and every single day was hell. Was he turned 4 my son became a joy and now he is 5 it's wonderful. Just try to get through the next couple of years and you will enjoy your child so much more.

I'm a single parent too it's hard work. When she turns 2 will you be entitled to the free nursery place? Then your parents wouldn't need to look after her through the week and you could ask them to babysit some weekends?

I know you say she hates the buggy and the trike what about something like this would she sit in that? My daughter got this when she was 2 and absolutely loved it she's 4 now and still squeezes in it sometimes

OP hasn't been rude. The non single parents who seem to believe that their situation is the same because their husband works long hours/works away are being really ignorant.

• there are two of you paying the mortgage, bills, and child care
• there are two of you who love and care about your child
• there are two of you who are involved in raising your child
• you have someone in your life who is in a partnership with you and part of an immediate family with you
• you have someone who has your back, who you can speak to about your thoughts, feelings, your day to day life, you have adult company
• your child has a second parent who would raise them and love them in the event that something happened to you
• you probably have at least some level of input from the child's paternal extended family, who probably also love and care about your child
• you have at least some respite from 24/7 parenting. Your DP/DH is around some of the time which allows you to have adult time or even go to the shop for milk without an angry sobbing DC

I mean, I could go on all day. It's so dismissive to tell the OP that it's the same.

I agree op you weren’t rude at all, it’s really irritating as a single parent when people in relationships tell you they know how you feel 🤦‍♀️

Another LP agreeing the OP wasn't rude and it's valid to feel that way. Until you've experienced months or years as a single parent without support even for those co-parenting part of the time say 50/50 it's never going to be the same as doing it all yourself day in day out for all the reasons listed above.

Nobody can tell you what it's like to be a single parent until you're actually a single parent. My friend said the same thing to me a couple of weeks ago because she had a couple of sleepless nights and her partner was away working.. No you don't know how it feels to be 100 % singularly responsibility for a little person's life and wellbeing and everything else that surrounds it. It also makes me very annoyed when non single parents say that because the struggle is not comparable. Even if your other half is sh*t, he or she is still there.. As a safety net in case something happens to you. A single parent does not have that.

Not a single parent OP but I have chronic illness and a 4 and 2 year old.

Things that help me (when I can manage)

• taking them to a enclosed playground to run around
• taking them for a scooter ride around our quiet estate

Make a habit of talking to strangers it makes the endless park trips much easier and you make a friend

Do you have a garden?

Agree with others, once you persist with putting her in the buggy and let go of
the guilt, she will begin to enjoy it again. At the very least get yourself some headphones and listen to audiobooks/ podcasts for 30-60 mins whilst out for a walk.

Download some educational apps so screen time doesn't feel so bad

It's literally about survival. The details don't matter. If you rely on screens a lot for a while it really doesn't matter as once she's into the next stage you can ease off it. It's no biggie.

The time you are with her on the weekend is what 20hours? You are doing an amazing job! Please Let go of the guilt.

Oh and read how to talk so kids will listen 2-7year olds.