I am a cliché

[ablutiions]

Standing on the service station forecourt doing a few yogic stretches on our drive to holiday, I realised that I'm a cliché:

Middle aged Londoner, heading for a West Country holiday in my small eco friendly(ish) car, wearing a Boden cardi, and 'trendy' mum trainers with a flowery real cotton face mask dangled from my wrist. having eaten sourdough toast for breakfast. Oh, and carrying a chilly water bottle, natch.

And usually I'd be in France, but you know, Covid and all that.

Anyone else a walking cliché?

@peaceanddove

Hell yeah, I'm clichéd up to the hilt and love it.

Privately and university educated. Happily married to a successful company director. Both teenage daughters attended a top performing village primary, followed by a top performing girls' grammar school. Eldest DD off to art school this September to study Fine Art & Photography.

We live in a big Georgian house, in the middle of a naice village. Interiors are all about Farrow & Ball and John Lewis, with Laura Ashley curtains (I paid extra to have the curtains hand finished by someone called Blodwen at their Welsh factory, which is the height of privileged twattery). We have a cleaner and a gardener, obvs.

Groceries come from Waitrose or M&S or Cook, but we eat out a lot at the weekend. I have just started yoga in the village and obviously look a complete cliche in my Boden yoga gear + matching yoga mat (yes, really).

We should have been on holiday in the Italian Lakes last month, but because of Covid we booked a frou frou Shepherd's Hut in Cornwall instead - of course it had an outdoor firepit and a Gaggia coffee machine. Obviously, I packed my Seasalt bretons, my Lotta from Stockholm clogs and my Toast white linen shirts (because, yes, I have an actual Cornwall holiday wardrobe as opposed to my Italian holiday wardrobe which is a tad more glamorous).

Right now, I'm wearing silk mix, paisley PJs which I 'sourced' (not just bought) from Etsy while drinking coffee and chatting with DD2 about her possibly doing a year out in Paris to polish her French as she wants to study French + Economics at university. Luckily, my cousin's DH is French and they keep a bijou apartment in Paris where she can stay. Which is nice.

[implodes in a torrent of her own clichéd cuntiness]

I can't believe someone has actually written this without shrivelling up in embarrassment. It's unbelievably try hard and toe curling.

@FoodieToo

Oh so glad to see some Irish people here . Cannot believe this thread. Have you any idea how you come across ?? 'Self recognition' - hilarious.

Ridiculous bragging and boasting . Maybe it's cultural and acceptable over there . And I am not saying this from a position of envy as we are very comfortable .

But to list off all the privileges you have when there seems to be so much poverty over there ( much more than here in Ireland ) is actually making me feel ill.....

It's so strange isn't it? I can't imagine a thread like this on an Irish forum. Haha we're so privileged, look at all the stuff I can afford, it's just so funny

I actually went to Italy on holiday. I couldn't tell you where all I my clothes came from though. I did buy some new pants.

Ridiculous bragging and boasting . Maybe it's cultural and acceptable over there . And I am not saying this from a position of envy as we are very comfortable.

But to list off all the privileges you have when there seems to be so much poverty over there ( much more than here in Ireland ) is actually making me feel ill.....

This gets my vote for top humorous comment of the thread.

Might have done a bit better as far as subtlety goes, but pricelessly funny nonetheless!

Guilty! I always think I'm being dead original but no, complete sucker.. I always think Starbucks/JL/APPLE can see me coming a mile off, often even before I've decided I need a wanky coffee/carafe/giant IPad.

@LimoncelloSpritz

Do I know you?

'I can't believe someone has actually written this without shrivelling up in embarrassment. It's unbelievably try hard and toe curling.'

Yes it is all hilarious for the wrong reasons isn't it. I'm flabbergasted at the silly smug stories.

We just need some try hards to pop along tinkly laughing at their collection of tacky designer handbags and the bragathon will be complete.

My summer breakfast is an espresso with a brandy. In winter it's two brandies. Lunch is at least five grilled sardines with salad and I wouldn't consider consuming less than half a litre of wine with it. Dinner is rice with pork and bean casserole, again with at least half a litre of wine, followed by espresso and brandy.

My wife thinks I'm inhuman. I'm Portuguese.

@FoodieToo

Oh so glad to see some Irish people here . Cannot believe this thread. Have you any idea how you come across ?? 'Self recognition' - hilarious.

Ridiculous bragging and boasting . Maybe it's cultural and acceptable over there . And I am not saying this from a position of envy as we are very comfortable .

But to list off all the privileges you have when there seems to be so much poverty over there ( much more than here in Ireland ) is actually making me feel ill.....

Definitely not culturally acceptable over here. As I said upthread I have literally never met anyone like these people in my life - they sound like they're speaking another language (and not one I care to learn).

I like good quality fabrics and do have the odd thing from there but I can't bear the full on Boden 'look'. I don't get the popularity. It's so unimaginative and dull.

There’s not much stealth in the boast

Do people even describe themselves as middle class anymore? Seems horrendously gauche

Isn’t it absolutely EXHAUSTING keeping track of how privileged and middle class you all are?

I don’t remember where most of my clothes come from, a mix of primark and M&S etc…but I couldn’t tell you where individual items came from. I certainly don’t give enough of a shit to make note of it to tell people.

Couldn’t tell you what I had for breakfast this morning unless I really make an effort to think back to it. Maybe that’s my peri-menopausal brain.

It’s all just stuff, let it go. Don’t use material possessions and the food you eat to identify you and your place in the world.

You all remind me of the Hygge Tygge woman from Motherland, it’s not really funny to be that shallow unless you’re a comedy character.

The things is, you're not clichés though are you? Because, instead of mindfully pondering over your gratitude while masticating your vegan food in Cornwall, you're actually sat staring at social media on your phone waiting for validation of your consumerist choices like any other sort of person. Difference is you sound rich. So, yeah - well done I guess?

I'm a mixed up muddle and that's just fine. We like the finer things in life but shop in Lidl (it's closest). We camp and go to 5 star hotels. My clothes are either supermarket or charity shop (sea salt, fat face or similar at a much reduced price) I like fine wine and beer

@Camomila

ablutiions I suppose I am a fairly cliched Brightonian, my DC have "wanky" names, DS1s favourite sandwich filling is hummus, and we went foraging the other day (blackberries and one not-ripe apple).

Calling blackberry picking ‘foraging’ is definitely wanky

But did you make your own sourdough?

Oh the hilarity in this thread

Of being privileged and you know just telling a bunch of strangers you are

It’s hilarious 🤣

@HelloMissus

Christ on a bike I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than lead these middle class lives.

I’m working class.
I have bleached hair and a loud accent and massive boobs that I show off spectacularly.
I like a fried egg sandwich and a Diet Coke for my breakfast.

I am also an award winning novelist and film maker though. Oh and a millionaire

😂😂

Another thoroughly working class mother here- piercings, tattoos, brightly coloured hair and recently back from an all inclusive holiday in Majorca. 🤣

I’d actually love to be more of a cliche, so embrace it I say!

I came from poverty, but educated very well and love my avocados.
I’m too ‘urban’ for my married middle class country peers. Too ‘academic’ for the streets. Too poor for my affluent friends. Too posh for my poor friends.

I never fitted it any box and that’s not easy! I would love to be in a box.

I have never cringed so hard reading a thread in my whole time on here. I thoroughly hope this is not how some of you come across in real life, I would be embarrassed for you if you did.

Please don’t wear Boden though. It’s cringe fashion!

Who knew that being a wanker was so aspirational.

Just because you can buy the brands listed throughout this thread, doesn't make you a better person. I get that the OP seems to get this, but some of the responses 🙄 OMFG.

[quote BigPyjamas]@RickOShay

It is just a story isn't it, something we construct and tell ourselves. 3 cliches, all true about me:

1. Enormous listed house, private school educated children, lovely clothes, Waitrose food, village and church events person, shiny hair, tennis lessons and pool parties for 30 people. French charcuterie for lunch. Locally sourced cheese for evening nibbles. Artisan bread. Nanny, cleaner, gardener.

1. High flying professional, promotion, pay rises, zoom meetings at all hours, key problem solver for other people's idiocy, quoted in newspapers, conference speaker. Work have no idea about cliche 1.

1. Rape and assault victim, spent last night sobbing in dark room after having rape and sexual assault mansplained to me by wanker arrogant male (who is living embodiment of wanker racist pink shirt wearing banker) Depressed. Suicide attempts. No one has any idea of this cliche. [/quote]

That’s the thing, people rarely see the whole picture, the rare ones that know it all are like gold dust. On the surface I had it all. When I left work following a complete breakdown no one saw it coming. Hope today’s a better day.

Cliches are humorous, it’s comedic how sheep like we can all be in our own ways.

So far today I have been to the gym in my sweaty Betty matchy matchy getup.
Home via the artisan bakery for essential sourdough, cruffins and oat milk flat white.
Quick shower and into a hush dress, veja trainers and Boden denim jacket before meeting friends at a local national trust property for a play date - says child in mandatory Zara and Boden with I’m a tosser Hunter wellies.

Tonight we are meeting friends at a trendy bar/restaurant for seafood, wine/craft ale.

All of today events sponsored by Citalopram .