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Original poster

Should we be married?

67 replies

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:24

DP and I have never desired marriage but I can't figure out whether it would be wiser legally, financially etc to get married. If we did wed it would be an admin choice and probably wouldn't tell anyone till a while after to avoid fuss and pressure to have a do.

Please can I lay out the situation and you wise Mumsnetters advise me what's the smarter move legally etc?

1 DC. Hoping for 1 more. We would split the parental leave again if we were lucky enough to have another. So no one is being disadvantaged earnings or pension wise for childcare.
One earns 38.5k one earns 42.5k. Split all outgoings. Higher earner pays more for holidays, treats, stuff for DC but not loads. Mortgage in joint names and the type where if 1 dies the other becomes the sole owner.
We have named one another as beneficiary on our pensions.
We both have life insurance with the other names as beneficiary.
DP has about 5k debt left from before the relationship which he's paying off on a low interest loan, 2.5 years to go.
We have 2k joint debt sitting on an interest free credit card we are chipping away at (from last parental leave and doing up some of the house). That credit card is in my name.

We are very content in our relationship. Don't desire marriage or a wedding for romantic reasons.
Are we being foolish and losing out on advantages of marriage or have we got it covered?

Thank you if you've read this far. Advice really appreciated.

OP posts:

Pissinthepottyplease · 12/08/2021 19:27

At the moment you are not the other’s next of kin. If one of you dies early do you get a claim on the others pension?

PrincessNutella · 12/08/2021 19:28

Yes. You are already deeply financially committed and have a child together. Just have a civil wedding. There are legal benefits that come from marriage that will protect you--it is beneficial to you and the state, and your child.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 12/08/2021 19:31

Just do it. Registry office, random witnesses and get it over with. If you don't want a big fuss, don't have one - it's about the marriage, not the wedding

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Marriage & partnerships

Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/08/2021 19:33

Just get married. It makes finances so much easier in the event of a split/death. You don't need to have a big fancy wedding, just do it at a registry office.

Disneycharacter · 12/08/2021 19:35

If he was badly injured and in hospital and a decision had to be made about his future, and there was no legal document in place as next of kin, his parents/brother/sister would be the one making decisions, not you.

Marriage does simplify everything. Post nups are legal if drawn up properly.

Original poster

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:36

Thanks this is what I suspected. But what actually are the advantages?

OP posts:

Original poster

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:36

@Pissinthepottyplease Yes we are named in each other's pensions

OP posts:

Stretchandsnap · 12/08/2021 19:37

You pay Inheritance tax on your joint home if you are not married if it is above the threshold - if you are married you don’t

SummerHouse · 12/08/2021 19:39

Mumsnet will say categorically yes and you are dammed to hell if you don't with a catastrophic list of horrific what if's.

I say why should you if you have no desire to? Me and DP are happily unmarried with lots of reasons for this decision.

Chasingsquirrels · 12/08/2021 19:40

The legalities aren't relevant while you are living happily together, but they do come in to play in the event of death or separation.
No one anticipates it happening to them, but it does - time and time again.

Original poster

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:40

@SummerHouse If you would be happy to say, I'd love to know your reasons for staying unmarried?

OP posts:

Hercisback · 12/08/2021 19:41

State pension entitlement.
Easier to deal with death as spouse, otherwise his parents/siblings may need to be involved.

Original poster

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:42

@Chasingsquirrels I honestly thought a break up would be simpler if we were not married? I thought it would be easier to dissolve the current arrangement rather than a marriage, is that wrong?

We have no intention of splitting currently but we aren't naive and we know it's a real possibility in life.

OP posts:

BarbaraofSeville · 12/08/2021 19:43

I don't think there is any practical implication of 'next of kin'.

Certainly when a relative of mine died from an illness, it was their unmarried partner, not legal NOK, who made all the decisions and inherited their assets.

However, there is a bereavement benefit that is/was only available when a legal spouse dies and there are dependent DC, but somebody did challenge this on equality grounds and won, but I don't know if this has filtered down into changing how the benefit is paid, and it is now also considerably less generous than it was - it used to be that a monthly sum would be paid until the dependent child was 18, but now it's only for a year or two.

On the matter of the credit card, married or not, it's not joint debt, as there's no such thing as a joint credit card. Only you are legally responsible for that debt OP.

Original poster

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:43

@Hercisback What is the deal with state pensions I this situation?

OP posts:

ShitShop · 12/08/2021 19:44

What stretch said - if your estate owes inheritance tax when one of your dies, Married people can defer until the other one dies too. Rather than having to potentially sell up or find the money to pay off a chunk if your house is worth a lot. Possibly more applicable to older couples whose houses have gone up significantly in value since they bought them, but do look at inheritance tax implications for unmarried couples.

Original poster

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:44

Yes @BarbaraofSeville I know that credit card is on me. It's currently being paid out of joint finances but that's only because everyone is currently playing nicely

OP posts:

Original poster

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:47

Holy shit, the inheritance tax threshold is £325k!

Our house is worth about £340k. If one of us died and the life insurance paid off the mortgage, the other would own it outright in their own name. Would that surviving person then have to pay 40% of that total value in tax?!

OP posts:

Hercisback · 12/08/2021 19:48

www.gov.uk/government/publications/your-new-state-pension-explained/your-state-pension-explained#getting-or-inheriting-the-state-pension-from-your-husband-wife-civil-partner

State pension info.

Chasingsquirrels · 12/08/2021 19:48

Separation probably is easier if unmarried, but you have no legal route to fall back on to agree the financials in the same way you do in a divorce. If everything stays equal it probably wouldn't matter.

Death is a different situation, there are a number of benefits to your spouse dying rather than your unmarried partner.

Other in-life benefits are no capital gains on spousal transfers.

Hercisback · 12/08/2021 19:50

www.which.co.uk/money/tax/inheritance-tax/inheritance-tax-thresholds-rates-and-who-pays-avrxm3k7kgxw

IHT info. It's 40% on anything over 325k.

Splendo · 12/08/2021 19:51

My friend's long term partner died suddenly and she had a nightmare sorting out all the household bills on their shared home because they were all in his name but due to data protection they would only deal with his next of kin, which was his elderly confused mother.
What are the disadvantages of marriage, as you see it?

BarbaraofSeville · 12/08/2021 19:51

@justforthisQ

Holy shit, the inheritance tax threshold is £325k!

No, you only pay the tax on the amount above £325k, plus don't forget that you own half the house each, so unless you have a significant amount of other assets, you're nowhere near the IHT threshold in your current situation.

Chasingsquirrels · 12/08/2021 19:51

@justforthisQ

Holy shit, the inheritance tax threshold is £325k!

No. You'd inherit 1/2, and that 1/2 would be mortgaged - so 1/2 of the equity. You'd then get the life insurance (hopefully outside the estate if it's been written correctly) and pay off the outstanding mortgage.

40% IHT is on the amount over the nil rate band.

You aren't coming close, at the moment.

Original poster

justforthisQ · 12/08/2021 19:53

Thank you this is really educating me.

OP posts:

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