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Original poster

Asking son for rent

58 replies

fredoo · 12/08/2021 13:53

It's not a clear cut situation. My son is 18 in 4 weeks, he receives £608 a month PIP. Do you think it's right for me to ask him to pay towards the bills ie food?

I received DLA for him until about 6 months ago when it changed to PIP. The money is his now to do as he pleases though we are struggling with him to be sensible but at 17 and with his issues it's a constant battle. I feel maybe paying 'rent' could be good for him to experience bills and responsibilities but worry it will also make him believe he has certain rights, he's very entitled but I think that's not only his age but also part of his autism. He can be difficult to reason with. How much would you suggest if you think it's ok?

OP posts:

Savannahnanana · 12/08/2021 14:00

He should definitely be paying something towards the household. It’s then your choice whether you actually use the money against household expenses, food, etc, or whether you save it to give to him at a future date when he needs it.

Original poster

fredoo · 12/08/2021 14:09

My financial situation unfortunately means I wouldn't be able to save his rent to give him back.

How do you work out an amount?

OP posts:

SudokuZebra · 12/08/2021 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Benefits Families

Galassia · 12/08/2021 14:16

No. I would not want him to pay rent.

IS0D0RA · 12/08/2021 14:17

Of course he needs to pay towards rent / food / bills.

What on earth will he spend £600 / month on? Does he run a car or have travel to work costs ? Does he have to pay towards college or other educational costs ?

idontlikealdi · 12/08/2021 14:21

Is in any form of education, training or work? I wouldn't charge rent if I could afford it but likewise what is he spending the money on?

Knittedfairies · 12/08/2021 14:22

My son received DLA when he lived with us. He went to a residential college, so obviously his benefits went with him, but during the holidays the college made it quite plain that he was to pay something towards his board from his benefits while he was with us.

spongedod · 12/08/2021 14:24

Knowing how hard PIP is to get , it sounds like your son is severely disabled and vulnerable.

Quite. However, as he reaches adulthood the cost of his living must be covered somehow and I don't think it's unreasonable for a portion of his PIP to do this.

Wolframhart · 12/08/2021 14:31

If your financial situation is such that you couldn’t save it, then it seems that him paying rent really isn’t optional.

If he is getting PIP, what is the long term plan, not necessarily 20 years, but the next 5? Is the plan that he keep living with you? Are you trying to transition to supported accommodation? Charging rent shouldn’t just be about a financial transaction, it’s about helping to prepare your child* for their next step. Hence why people often charge more than us necessary and save some of it because then the child is used to living on that amount of money and real bills aren’t as much of a shock.

*child used to refer to offspring not a reference to age

RaininSummer · 12/08/2021 14:34

I think it's right to set a regular amount. It's good for him, fair to you as he is an adult and if not now, then when? If he is severely disabled I presume he doesn't have 600 pounds worth of expenses a month so will still have a fair bit to fritter away though it would be wise for him to start saving.

Original poster

fredoo · 12/08/2021 14:45

He is in full time education and has no out goings. I still get child benefit but nothing else. Since the DLA stopped I financially had to return to work and because of that Carers allowance stopped so there has been a significant drop in money coming into the household for the last 6 months and it's been a struggle. Not just financially, he hasn't coped well with me being away at work.

OP posts:

Willdoitlater · 12/08/2021 14:54

PIP is for the extra expenses faced by people who are disabled. So first and foremost he needs to spend it on any care, extra transport costs or whatever, related to his disability. So if you have to accompany him on public transport, for example, he should be paying your costs as well as his own. If he needs special equipment, a high spec computer, Netflix subscription, whatever he needs to help with his disabilities, it all needs to come out of PIP. Living expenses should come out of child benefit, or his Universal credit, housing benefit, wages as applicable.

SudokuZebra · 12/08/2021 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Branleuse · 12/08/2021 15:10

i made my sons PIP come to me, as I didnt trust that he would be sensible with it, and so i gave him spending money every week, which he then frittered away, while I was left with no child benefit for him, no tax credit cos of being over 18 and no DLA. It left me short. Once he had left college, he went on universal credit though and he uses that for his day to day living while he is getting support with finding work, and I have been using the PIP for all the things he needs while hes still living at home.
So basically yes, its absolutely fine IMO for you to use that money to pay for him to live there, because the benefits system is arranged so that 18+ people need to either contribute or move out, even if their disability means they might never move out. Its a difficult situation

Branleuse · 12/08/2021 15:11

if he recieves PIP then he might be entitled to a disabled bus pass

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/08/2021 15:15

No, I wouldn’t charge a child in education rent. I see it as a parenting basic to provide for them.

SudokuZebra · 12/08/2021 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

fredoo · 12/08/2021 15:35

@Branleuse

i made my sons PIP come to me, as I didnt trust that he would be sensible with it, and so i gave him spending money every week, which he then frittered away, while I was left with no child benefit for him, no tax credit cos of being over 18 and no DLA. It left me short. Once he had left college, he went on universal credit though and he uses that for his day to day living while he is getting support with finding work, and I have been using the PIP for all the things he needs while hes still living at home. So basically yes, its absolutely fine IMO for you to use that money to pay for him to live there, because the benefits system is arranged so that 18+ people need to either contribute or move out, even if their disability means they might never move out. Its a difficult situation

I am his nominated representative to and he was happy for me to handle everything because he couldn't take it all in. It was made very clear to me at the time of signing as his representative that I will receive his PIP but must put it into a separate Account for him. They said they might even check Im doing it, which I am. But he doesn't have access to it all because he also would fritter it away (he recently spent £60 on an add on for a game) and unfortunately can be easily influenced by others. I fear him being taken advantage of. So I'm trying to protect him. But on the other hand he's legally entitled to that money and to do whatever he wants with it. Its a constant battle. It's a very difficult situation to be in.

Seriously to those whose 17/18yr old do not get £608 a month and have no out goings, if they did, wouldn't you expect some contribution? If he was working for that money would that make it more appropriate to ask?

OP posts:

Branleuse · 12/08/2021 15:39

@SudokuZebra

But *@Branleuse*, the op is receiving child benefit for her son and will do for another year, so is not short ?

yeah thats true, although has stopped receiving the DLA, which now is PIP. You get to put down if you think the young person is going to be responsible enough to deal with his own money, or whether it needs to go to the parent/carer, when you apply. I put down that mine should go to me, as otherwise it would all be spent straight on transformers or coin collecting. Sometimes its not always the right thing to give a young person that sort of money to spend, unless you are also insisting that he uses it to pay for his own essentials too. If you think he is wasting a lot of money, whilst you are finding yourself short because of the DLA shortfall and the carers allowance going, then I think you need to discuss with him somehow as to what is appropriate for him to have to spend and budget with, and what is appropriate for him to put into the family pot. Are you a single parent?

user1471538283 · 12/08/2021 15:43

If you need him to contribute then that is it. Could he pay you for his food and you cover the rest?

gogohm · 12/08/2021 15:46

My DD's pip came to me, I then paid for everything for her and gave her an allowance of )£120 a month

JamesWilbysAbs · 12/08/2021 15:48

Not exactly the same, but my son is at uni and living at home. I'm a single parent/ widow and am unemployable really due to son's mental health. When he started uni, I lost child tax credits and child benefit to value of £300 a month, so he gives me £300 a month and I have same level of finance to provide home, pay bills, food etc as when he was at school.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/08/2021 15:49

If in education, no. If working, I’d expect them to pay for their own phone etc. We don’t intend to charge them rent to live at home as see those costs as ours as the parents who chose to have them. Plenty of time for the responsibility of living costs when they move out.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 12/08/2021 15:51

I wouldn't call it rent but if if there's something that you spend extra on because of his disability then it's fine to pay for that imo eg phone bill with extra data, faster Internet so he can stream content , taxis, replacing things he broke that are necessities, special foods etc

Martianworld · 12/08/2021 15:57

His DLA helped pay for his living expenses. He now has PIP but he still has the same living expenses. So it would seem obvious that his PIP should go towards paying for himself. If you had not had to leave work to look after him for so many years, you'd be financially better off. Giving a child £150 a week to spend on whatever they like is never a good thing. You need to subtract what expenses he needs for himself to survive, travel costs, dinner money etc, then award him reasonable pocket money. Then request the rest. What you don't use that month, you could always return.

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