Asking son for rent

[fredoo]

It's not a clear cut situation. My son is 18 in 4 weeks, he receives £608 a month PIP. Do you think it's right for me to ask him to pay towards the bills ie food?

I received DLA for him until about 6 months ago when it changed to PIP. The money is his now to do as he pleases though we are struggling with him to be sensible but at 17 and with his issues it's a constant battle. I feel maybe paying 'rent' could be good for him to experience bills and responsibilities but worry it will also make him believe he has certain rights, he's very entitled but I think that's not only his age but also part of his autism. He can be difficult to reason with. How much would you suggest if you think it's ok?

Child benefit is a pittance. Losing out on a chunk of money due to him turning 18 but still not contributing is very unfair on you OP. You should absolutely not feel guilty about making up some of the shortfall if he’s not using that money for other day to day living expenses.

I’m pretty sure I read a thread the other day where the poster was being torn to shreds for daring to save her child’s DLA rather than spending it”enriching their life” in the moment, with loads of posters saying it was unethical to claim that money if it wasn’t needed for general living expenses. And yet here you are struggling to make ends meet without the income and his money is accumulating in a savings account.

FWIW when my son decided to leave full time education and stated earning, albeit not a lot, I asked him for £200 a month towards rent. My council tax bill went up from £36 a month to over £200 a month now that I wasn’t a single adult household any more so I don’t even see most of that money.

I don’t see why he should be getting income but not paying his way, and the same is true of your DS. Mine will at least pay for his own food and car etc but if you’re covering the expenses for most of your DS’s needs then his income should definitely go towards it.

Erm, is your son still in education ? If he is , and younare receiving child benefit/tax credits etc for him , the I think you are very" unreasonable to ask for rent out of his PIP. Knowing how hard PIP is to get , it sounds like your son is severely disabled and vulnerable.*

Sudokuzebra I’m pretty sure the OP is well aware of how disabled and vulnerable her own child is - who do you think has spent the last 18 years looking after and supporting him?! She’s already said that he’s struggling with her having to work longer hours to pay the bills, and yet this money sitting in his bank account which is given to support his life as a disabled adult is apparently meant to just stay there, while his mum works her arse off to earn enough to cover the bills?

If he’s going to be in control of this money, he needs to use it for the extra things he needs due to his autism, the things that you used to pay for using DLA. If he needs taxis for example, that comes out of his money, he can’t expect to spend it on gaming and phones and then you still have to cover the extras that are needed due to him having autism.
Hopefully then your wages and child benefit will cover everything else. If it doesn’t, is there anything you can cut back on?

I can see why they say they’ll check the money is available to him, but many 18 year olds aren’t great at budgeting and things like autism could possibly make this even harder for families to deal with. Hard situation and I hope you get it sorted.

My daughter has autism and gets a bursary for university. She knows she can’t manage money well so she chooses to have it paid to me. I pay all her bills monthly ( rent, utilities, her phone and car) and pay a set sum into her account every Monday for food, petrol, clothes and socialising.

She has been doing this for 3 years and she still frequently runs out each week.

This is all her choice . Of course I am relieved as I know that she won’t get behind with her rent / bills and the roof over her head is secure.

I am fortunate that I am able to subsidise her a little . In your situation you need your son to contribute to the running of the house and that’s totally fine. If he was living independently he wouldn’t have 150 a week fun money.

@fredoo

So lots of mixed opinions then.

I'm very torn over this situation and was hoping posting here would help me make the right decision.

It's simple.

Make him contribute towards the rent and or bills, which will inevitably teach him money skills, responsibilities, how to run a household and in return, you have peace of mind that your son can manage some parts of his life independently,

Or.... don't make him pay towards everything which runs the risk of, him fleeting his money anyhow and he doesn't have enough for important things, crippling his independence and making him vulnerable to financial abuse from others who will, most likely, he managing his money.

I agree, that he should contribute towards the household
I presume that you are not getting single person council tax discount
Other bills
Food
Transport
Holidays
Presents

£600 is a lot of money to contribute nothing !

my partners sister went from dla to pip last year. their mother still gets his sisters pip money into her account because she cant manage money herself, MIL transfers £200 into his sister bank once a month, takes her out with a budget of £100 to spend on what she wants once a month (weather it be sensory toys or clothes) she doesnt have to spend all of it though so whatever she doesnt spend (or if she doesnt spend anything) that also gets transfered into her bank also. MIL pays her phone bill and whatever travel expenses she has because although she has a bus pass she can easily wake up one morning with extreme anxiety and need a taxi instead of going on the bus. the rest goes towards her living in the house, elecrtic bills, food, toiletries she needs like shampoo, conditioner, period supplies ect.. I dont think your wrong for charging him living expenses. it will get him ready for the real world. as morbid as it sounds, you wont be around forever to take care of him and his money. please dont let people on here bully you into struggling to pay your bills because you feel guilty for taking a small amount of his allowance to help towards living.

as for the new phone thing, if it's something he genuinely needs, ask him to consider going second hand, some are practically brand new for a fraction of the price in the shop. him blowing nearly £600 on a phone isnt going to teach him to live within his means.

I know how hard it can be to reason with a child with autism as my 8 year old has adhd and autism, but please try to talk to him about it

wishing you all the best xxx

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

No, I wouldn’t charge a child in education rent. I see it as a parenting basic to provide for them.

But most children still in education aren’t getting £600 a month in benefits.

OP, I think he should be paying £200 a month at the least. Unless disabilities are too severe for them to understand, IMO all children need to be well aware that a roof over your head, heating and hot water, food, etc., all cost often very hard earned money.
And the sooner they learn that, the better IMO.