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Original poster

Asking son for rent

58 replies

fredoo · 12/08/2021 13:53

It's not a clear cut situation. My son is 18 in 4 weeks, he receives £608 a month PIP. Do you think it's right for me to ask him to pay towards the bills ie food?

I received DLA for him until about 6 months ago when it changed to PIP. The money is his now to do as he pleases though we are struggling with him to be sensible but at 17 and with his issues it's a constant battle. I feel maybe paying 'rent' could be good for him to experience bills and responsibilities but worry it will also make him believe he has certain rights, he's very entitled but I think that's not only his age but also part of his autism. He can be difficult to reason with. How much would you suggest if you think it's ok?

OP posts:
WrongKindOfFace · 12/08/2021 16:04

Op, I think you should get some specialist benefits advice as he may be entitled to other benefits in his own right.

£20 a week child benefit wouldn’t feed and clothe a sparrow.)

memberofthewedding · 12/08/2021 16:04

When I was studying for my professional exams in librarianship the only way I could do it was via a "sandwich" course where periods of employment alternated with periods of full time study. While I was working I had to put aside part of my salary so that while I was a student I was able to give my mother the same for my keep. I always held it against my parents for this because they did nothing to support me while I was in education.

WrongKindOfFace · 12/08/2021 16:36

@memberofthewedding

When I was studying for my professional exams in librarianship the only way I could do it was via a "sandwich" course where periods of employment alternated with periods of full time study. While I was working I had to put aside part of my salary so that while I was a student I was able to give my mother the same for my keep. I always held it against my parents for this because they did nothing to support me while I was in education.
It’s really not the same thing. And perhaps your parents weren’t able to afford supporting another adult?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Benefits Families
ChristmasJumpers · 12/08/2021 16:59

Not exactly the same but when I was in college (age 16-17), I had a weekend job and would pay board to my mum from that. I guess she was still receiving child benefit as I was in education but she didn't have a lot of money and I understood that and helped. I did not have as much money per month as your son does and I had expenses (bus fairs to college and work/driving lessons etc.)

I plan to do the same with my own children as soon as they have an income, but I should be in a position to put the money to one side and give it back when needed for a car/house deposit or something else big. I think it's a good teaching moment in how to manage money and not fritter it all away.

Random217 · 12/08/2021 17:02

Isn't the DLA/PIP supposed to be the child's money from the age of 16? Not sure why you were treating it as part of your income, it's to meet the extra costs relating to the child's disability surely.

You could have claimed Universal Credit including the Carers Element, and still work, as the rules are different to those for Carers Allowance.

In addition as your son is only 17 and in education, he would not be entitled to benefits in his own right. So any money he receives is to help him with the extra costs he has as a result of his disability. So it would not be unreasonable to use the money for this purpose.

Original poster
fredoo · 12/08/2021 17:04

@memberofthewedding

When I was studying for my professional exams in librarianship the only way I could do it was via a "sandwich" course where periods of employment alternated with periods of full time study. While I was working I had to put aside part of my salary so that while I was a student I was able to give my mother the same for my keep. I always held it against my parents for this because they did nothing to support me while I was in education.
When I first started working but still lived with my parents they insisted on me paying rent. My older sibling however was not expected to pay anything because my parents felt they "couldn't take a penny off them" because they didn't work and claimed disability benefits. I was soon outa there!
OP posts:
Lulola · 12/08/2021 17:08

If you can’t afford to provide for him and he is wasting money then it makes sense to use it as a contribution. Maybe explain to him where his money is going by using it to buy his own food that he keeps separate and things such as that.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 12/08/2021 17:10

DS1 lives with my DM and pays rent out of his PIP, but he's an adult and not in full-time education. I don't think your DS should pay rent.

spongedod · 12/08/2021 17:14

@Random217

Isn't the DLA/PIP supposed to be the child's money from the age of 16? Not sure why you were treating it as part of your income, it's to meet the extra costs relating to the child's disability surely.

You could have claimed Universal Credit including the Carers Element, and still work, as the rules are different to those for Carers Allowance.

In addition as your son is only 17 and in education, he would not be entitled to benefits in his own right. So any money he receives is to help him with the extra costs he has as a result of his disability. So it would not be unreasonable to use the money for this purpose.

He is about to turn 18 and OP is trying g to work out what to do.

PaulGallico · 12/08/2021 17:20

OP - you are his appointee (not his representative) you have been made his appointee because he would struggle with the PIP application and may struggle understanding money. The money does not need to go into a separate account although in time I am sure you would be encouraged for this to happen. Is he also spending his mobility allowance on other things? Perhaps you could start with that and look at how it is spent so he can see that PIP is about independence. If he continues to live at home beyond 18 then I think you look at household contributions.

HighHighHopes · 12/08/2021 17:27

When my DS transitioned from DLA to PIP, I charged him board.

He's still got plenty of money but has to learn food and rent etc incurs costs.

Original poster
fredoo · 12/08/2021 17:39

It's a real struggle trying to keep him on the right path. He recently decided he needs a new phone and wants to spend £549 on one. Now I think that's far to much but he his adamant he wants it and points out very loudly that he can afford it.

OP posts:
RedAndWhiteSpots · 12/08/2021 17:41

I wouldn't charge him rent no.

Interestedlearner · 12/08/2021 17:45

@fredoo

It's a real struggle trying to keep him on the right path. He recently decided he needs a new phone and wants to spend £549 on one. Now I think that's far to much but he his adamant he wants it and points out very loudly that he can afford it.
That's not what PIP is meant for. If he can afford to spend a month's income on a phone, then he doesn't need any help with his day to day life and he should cough up towards his living expenses. It's like the taxpayer is giving him 150 a week pocketmoney.
starpatch · 12/08/2021 17:47

I work in healthcare and had this discussion with a social worker once. He said that as long as the disabled person had sufficient funds for the things they needed and activities they wanted to do, it was fine for parents to use some of the benefits for household expenses/rent.

PaulGallico · 12/08/2021 17:48

Going back to your OP you say 'he doesn't have access to it all'. So, to how much does he have access and where does the rest go? Does he need a new phone - an opportunity to look at the cost of a phone, contracts etc - £549 isn't the most expensive so over 3 yrs might be a good option. How about talking to him about saving some money?

Earlydancing · 12/08/2021 17:49

as long as the disabled person had sufficient funds for the things they needed

Does that include a £600 phone?

Passmethefrazzles · 12/08/2021 18:21

The allowance he receives is presumably intended for living expenses, not pocket money. Therefore, yes, he should be contributing a significant sum towards the cost of living at home.

Branleuse · 12/08/2021 18:43

the fact is that OPs son actually requires care, and needed the OP to actually be around for them and made it difficult to do paid work.

Some of you are acting like parents of disabled young people are on the take! The lad needs to be living at home and will likely be living at home for quite some time as an adult, and if money from his independence payments helps you keep a roof over his head, then please use it for that.
I know someone that actually had kick their autistic teenagers out so that the council would give them supported housing because the benefits system made sure she was so much worse off as the children reached adulthood, that she couldnt afford to keep them and survive.

Original poster
fredoo · 12/08/2021 23:25

So lots of mixed opinions then.

I'm very torn over this situation and was hoping posting here would help me make the right decision.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 12/08/2021 23:44

If you need it, use it. It doesnt sound like youre using it for caviar and partying.
If he gets 600, could you give him £200 in his current account, £200 for his savings for bigger needs and £200 towards household or something like that

Jumpingintosummer · 12/08/2021 23:44

Do you meet the criteria for carers allowance?
Is your son eligible for universal credit?
If in education does he qualify for a bursary or student loan?

As an adult I’m afraid if you can’t afford to keep your son at home then he simply has to pay towards living expenses. I wouldn’t call it rent as that makes you sound like roommates when clearly the dynamic is different.

I would suggest looking at the monthly shortfall and figuring out living expenses from there. Food, gas, electricity, telephone, internet, council tax, housing, transportation etc.

messybun101 · 12/08/2021 23:50

I don't think it should be added to the family money as a whole or that you should keep any, but I do think a contribution should be made by him for his keep especially since the household money has dramatically dropped because of the change
This is through now fault of his own and should be made clear to him however, any money he does have leftover after contributing is a plus for him anyway as he wasn't receiving anything before

OldestSister · 13/08/2021 00:03

OP, please, please, please, please teach your son how much it costs to run a household and charge him rent. Not only for him but for whoever has to pick up the pieces when you die and he has to manage on his own. My sibling lived with parents and now they are dead, doesn't have a clue how to manage due to being cosseted all life long, and never having had to pay for anything.

secular39 · 13/08/2021 00:55

@SudokuZebra

Erm, is your son still in education ? If he is , and younare receiving child benefit/tax credits etc for him , the I think you are *very" unreasonable to ask for rent out of his PIP. Knowing how hard PIP is to get , it sounds like your son is severely disabled and vulnerable.
The OP is setting up her child for the real world. So he has PIP and has a disability shrug contributing towards the rent or bills is a great to build his independence and responsibilities.