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Original poster

Am I overreacting or was this midwife out of order?

65 replies

santaclawzz · 11/08/2021 19:43

I gave birth to my baby boy 5 years ago in a quiet enough maternity hospital. A wonderful experience and I was treated so lovely. Roll on 3 years ago when I gave birth to my baby girl in a different, and very busy maternity hospital.

I was induced. Prostin gel was slow to work. It eventually got me to 1cm dilated, then it was slow from there. I was in a ward with a few other women. A midwife came in to check me, then she said 'you're still only 1cm so I'm going to see if I can break your water'. (I don't know how to word this next bit and I feel extremely uncomfortable thinking about it and typing it). She put another finger in and forced my cervix open.

It lasted probably 2 minutes and the pain was absolutely horrendous. The worst pain I've ever felt. I sobbed and cried out. She continued as I wriggled. A more senior midwife came over and told me to shush, but I couldn't. It was torture. When the midwife was finished, she smiled and said 'you're at 2cm now'. I was in shock and felt so violated, all I could say was 'ok'. When I wiped myself with a pad (all that was at hand), there were bits of what I would say were lining maybe. Just small bits of red.

I know it was 3 years ago but it's playing on my mind a lot lately. Is this normal procedure for a slow labour? If not, I will probably lodge a complaint as I don't want another woman going through that. I think because it's a busy and well-known hospital, it's a case of 'we want you out of here asap'.

OP posts:

quitecrunchy · 11/08/2021 19:50

I don't know what is and is not standard procedure but even if standard that absolutely shouldn't have happened without your informed consent.

HalloHello · 11/08/2021 19:51

Sounds like a stretch and sweep? I think it's fairly normal, but they should definitely have explained it more to you before they did it. And stopped if you told them to. It's probably not going to make a huge difference if you complain now given it was 3 years ago, but obviously if you feel like you need to, you're perfectly within your rights to.

Leftphalange · 11/08/2021 19:52

This was not normal procedure in the hospital where I was induced 2 and a half years ago.

My pessaries were also slow to work, however I was told we had to wait till about 4cm before they would take me to the labour suite and break my waters!

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Puffalicious · 11/08/2021 19:59

Not standard and I'm sorry you were in pain , but OP I think it's quite strange that this was 3 years ago and you're thinking of putting a complaint in now! I had a pretty horrendous experience with DS1- interventions all over the place and surgery in the night after birth due to missed issues- I was relieved to have a healthy baby. Should I complain 17 years later?

Original poster

santaclawzz · 11/08/2021 20:00

@HalloHello

Sorry, I should have clarified - I've had sweeps before and it was definitely not a sweep. I found them uncomfortable, but not majorly painful at all

OP posts:

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/08/2021 20:02

She manually stretched your cervix. Which is not standard and should never been done without your consent. You were violated while in a vulnerable state. Definitely file a complaint.

Allthesefolks · 11/08/2021 20:02

I’m so sorry you had a horrible experience, that second MW sounds awful!

I’m not sure what’s standard but my experience was different. It was all explained when I was booked for the induction the week before and I signed the consent form.

As it was second DC I had a balloon catheter to dilate the cervix initially then waters to be broken when there was space on MLBU the next day if nothing was happening by itself. I knew when it was going to happen, the MW used her fingers to break the membranes (took about 5 minutes) and while it was pretty uncomfortable it wasn’t painful and baby was born all fine less than 2 hours later. I don’t remember any blood but I got sent out for a walk straight away.

AndTheReasonIsYou · 11/08/2021 20:03

That sounds like a sweep. I felt like that after my sweep. I was a week overdue when I had it and It was one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had. I’d take labour itself over another sweep. I cried because I felt so violated (even though I had consented to having the sweep).

Buuuuut I have a beautiful healthy six year old now so tbh I have put it behind me and moved on.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 11/08/2021 20:04

I had similar when I went for a MW check after 3 loooong days of early labour. She finally got me to 4cm and active labour.

BUT I was told what she was going to do, warned that she’d really be going for it and it would be painful and given gas and air.

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/08/2021 20:04

On side note, it doesn’t matter it was 3yrs ago, it takes time for victims to have courage to step forward and talk about such experiences.

Nojobforoldmums · 11/08/2021 20:04

I had multiple interventions like this in my last labour, even when I explicitly said I did not consent to any more manipulation just examination only. I don't think it's right, but I suspect its common place.

ViceLikeBlip · 11/08/2021 20:04

It's absolutely not OK that a) she didn't explain clearly what was going to happen, and b) she didn't stop when you asked her to.

Please do make a complaint, even after all this time. The way pregnant women are (not always but very very often) treated as irritating, inconvenient baby vessels absolutely makes my blood boil (I'm sat here in a proper rage just hearing that you went through this, and it will only get worse if a bunch of other people hop on here to say that this is perfectly normal and acceptable)

Redannie118 · 11/08/2021 20:19

Same thing happened to me 22 years ago. I was howling in pain and told to "Stop making a fuss for Gods sake" i was left lying in my waters and totally soaked. MW shouted " Clean yourself up" over her shoulder as she walked away. I was 24, first prgnancy, alone , had pre eclampsia and very high risk pregnancy. It took me hours to stop crying and I still feel really angry about it. I will always regret not complaining and reporting. Please complain, it wasnt right what happened to you.

Puffalicious · 11/08/2021 20:25

It sounds awful but I don't agree with words like 'violated and 'victim' this minimises women's experiences who have indeed been victims of true, sexual violation. The OP should have been kept informed, definitely, but I don't see what good it does fuelling the fire and calling it violation or her being a victim.

daisycottage · 11/08/2021 21:13

A registrar gave me a sweep in the ante natal clinic without explanation or gaining consent. It was a horrible experience and I did complain when the baby was a few months old. The sweep caused premature rupture of membranes and the baby was born Strep B positive due to no labour. I had an emergency section. He ended up in SCBU with breathing problems. I hate medical/nursing/midwifery personnel.

HalloHello · 11/08/2021 21:36

@daisycottage you absolutely can't say you hate medical nursing and midwifery personnel. That is ludicrous. Yes you had a terrible experience with ONE registrar, which rightly should have been dealt with but what about all the staff who looked after your unwell newborn, and saved him??

OatyLatte · 11/08/2021 21:37

I had my waters broken before being induced and it was very painful, she had to put her arm right up there. But it was all explained beforehand and I had to consent to it. They also gave me gas & air to help with the pain. Sounds like your situation wasn't handled well.

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 11/08/2021 21:42

@Puffalicious

The words ‘violation’ and ‘victim’ can be used for more than one type of incident. Not sure what you were hope to achieve by minimising the OP’s experience of assault?

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/08/2021 22:14

@Puffalicious

Disagree away but sticking your entire hand up a woman’s vagina and manually stretching her cervix without her consent while she is writhing in pain and telling you to stop is a violation and the woman is a victim of a horrendous assault. Women are not vessels for babies. I find the whole, oh but your baby was ok so why are you complaining to be absolutely disgusting. We are human beings and being pregnant doesn’t give anyone the right to fail to get our informed consent for any medical intervention/treatment in childbirth.

It doesn’t have to be a sex crime to be a violation. And I disagree completely this language “minimises” rape at all...I’m a survivor of rapes btw.

EishetChayil · 11/08/2021 22:27

I was given a sweep without my consent and flagged it up with PALS. The hospital called me to discuss it, and said they would offer training to the midwife who did it.

Spongeboob · 11/08/2021 23:00

Absolutely raise a complaint about this. You did not consent to what was done to you and they did not stop when you were in pain. Put simply, that is not okay. Regardless of how long ago it was.
If you feel strong enough to put in a complaint please do so. There's so much that gets swept under the carpet and it's vile that people suffer for years as a result.

ICantFindTheBuffet · 11/08/2021 23:29

Sorry to hear you went through this. I found the straightforward internal examinations so painful when I was induced and it definitely still affects me 5 years on, E.g. I'm scared of going for smears now, so it doesn't matter that it was 3 years ago. We experience so much trauma as women, but just because these things are 'normal' and 'everyday' doesn't mean they should be treated so dismissively. A little compassion could have made all the difference to at least how you process it. Complain if you feel you need to, about the bedside manner if nothing else.

5zeds · 11/08/2021 23:42

I too felt violated and coerced. The midwife told me that she “wasn’t allowed to break my waters but she’d do it to help me” then afterwards I felt I couldn’t complain about other things because I had agreed. She was awful and scared me despite being an older and experienced mother. It took a very long time to recover and I still can’t trust medical professionals even though I know I should.

Puffalicious · 12/08/2021 00:46

This reply has been deleted

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FictionalCharacter · 12/08/2021 01:35

@ViceLikeBlip
pregnant women are (not always but very very often) treated as irritating, inconvenient baby vessels
100%. Also they seem to decide that we don’t feel pain, and our body parts are functioning like machinery, and we only cry or scream because we’re annoying and pathetic.
The lack of empathy and kindness from some midwives and other clinical staff is shocking.
Sorry about your horrible experience @santaclawzz . You’re not alone, so many of us have had bad times too, similar if not the same.

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