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Original poster

Am I overreacting or was this midwife out of order?

65 replies

santaclawzz · 11/08/2021 19:43

I gave birth to my baby boy 5 years ago in a quiet enough maternity hospital. A wonderful experience and I was treated so lovely. Roll on 3 years ago when I gave birth to my baby girl in a different, and very busy maternity hospital.

I was induced. Prostin gel was slow to work. It eventually got me to 1cm dilated, then it was slow from there. I was in a ward with a few other women. A midwife came in to check me, then she said 'you're still only 1cm so I'm going to see if I can break your water'. (I don't know how to word this next bit and I feel extremely uncomfortable thinking about it and typing it). She put another finger in and forced my cervix open.

It lasted probably 2 minutes and the pain was absolutely horrendous. The worst pain I've ever felt. I sobbed and cried out. She continued as I wriggled. A more senior midwife came over and told me to shush, but I couldn't. It was torture. When the midwife was finished, she smiled and said 'you're at 2cm now'. I was in shock and felt so violated, all I could say was 'ok'. When I wiped myself with a pad (all that was at hand), there were bits of what I would say were lining maybe. Just small bits of red.

I know it was 3 years ago but it's playing on my mind a lot lately. Is this normal procedure for a slow labour? If not, I will probably lodge a complaint as I don't want another woman going through that. I think because it's a busy and well-known hospital, it's a case of 'we want you out of here asap'.

OP posts:

IdblowJonSnow · 12/08/2021 02:04

That was shocking behaviour on their part OP. And I'm not surprised you're still traumatised by that. If you want to put in a complaint then you should. It really doesn't matter that it was three years ago.

WhisperedWords · 12/08/2021 03:08

I had my midwife and an obstetrician try to break my waters and it was absolute agony (very overdue, induced labour, very low liquor) nothing came out but not sure if that was due to the low level of liquor or if because they didn’t manage to break them. They did tell me they were going to do it but made several attempts which I didn’t expect and it was absolutely excruciating so you have my full sympathy. A horrible horrible experience.

BookFiend4Life · 12/08/2021 03:39

OP something similar was done to me but with something they described as 'like a tampon' covered with prostaglandin which they shoved into my undilated cervix, the nurse who did had a cast on her hand that made it into a sort of claw. I was not offered any pain medication or numbing. It was not like a tampon. It hurt worse than any other part of my labor, I squealed uncontrollably like an animal and tried to scramble away while I was held down on the bed, they had to stop part way through and try again. My husband was so terrified by it that he wasn't able to sleep that night while we waited for labor to start. I am so so sorry you are still thinking of what happened to you. I think you should get counseling if you can afford it. It is such a vulnerable place to bear an injury inflicted by another person. It felt like assault to me too, even though I consented to it. It didn't feel like a natural part of giving birth at all. I'm so sorry it's still causing you distress.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Childbirth Families General pregnancy

50ShadesOfCatholic · 12/08/2021 03:54

Well firstly it has been explained very clearly why the OP's experience is assault and that she is a victim so whether or not you can accept that is your problem alone.

Secondly you don't get to police how long a person is allowed to feel upset. The OP is distressed enough to be posting here for support which indicates that it was a major upset for her. That you are devoid of empathy or any emotional intelligence doesn't change her experience, it does however hurt people like the OP who need support to move on.

And your story about nearly dying? Irrelevant. You felt cared for which is the right if every patient. Lucky you. Count your blessings and spare a thought for those who have not been treated with dignity and respect.

OP you sound traumatised. Perhaps ask for a copy of the hospital's formal complaints procedure.

You may also like to contact the birth trauma association where you will be heard and treated with kindness.

grey12 · 12/08/2021 03:55

@quitecrunchy

I don't know what is and is not standard procedure but even if standard that absolutely shouldn't have happened without your informed consent.

Unfortunately it is standard. You had a sweep! I had so many..... sometimes they say if it doesn't hurt it doesn't work. BS! They never do.....

Anyways you should have been informed of the procedure and consented to it. Sorry that happened to you my first sweep the doctor was examining me and was super blase about it and I was refusing it and she just kept going even as I was saying no no stop it no no. It took me a few years to realise I consider it sexual assault

grey12 · 12/08/2021 04:00

@Puffalicious

It sounds awful but I don't agree with words like 'violated and 'victim' this minimises women's experiences who have indeed been victims of true, sexual violation. The OP should have been kept informed, definitely, but I don't see what good it does fuelling the fire and calling it violation or her being a victim.

It is a violation of her consent. She wasn't informed of the procedure and she didn't consent to having it done. Her body her choice. You can choose whether you have cancer treatment!!

HoppingPavlova · 12/08/2021 04:47

Sounds like stretching of the cervix. My situation was different in that my waters broke but then no action whatsoever. My ob did this to see if they could assist as ultimately they were trying to avoid a cs. Hurt like a motherfucker. My husband said later the noise I made was what he imagined a cow having its legs chopped off while it was alive would have made. My situation was incredibly different though in that I chose someone I felt I could trust to do the right things and Jake the right decisions and it was very clear to both of us that I had essentially given them consent to do whatever they believed was correct if that makes sense.

MeridianB · 12/08/2021 06:53

So many chilling experiences here. It happened to me, too.

No explanation, no request for consent, just a hand thrust inside me and the most incredible pain, far worse than anything in labour.

I’m not afraid to say I screamed quite a bit and the pregnant women and their partners in waiting room outside all looked white as sheets when I emerged afterwards.

Even if it is standard, that doesn’t negate the need to explain and seek consent. And the frightened, painful reaction from so many women must tell these health professionals something.

They are in a position of immense trust at a time when most women feel very vulnerable.

So, yes, OP, please speak up. 💐

Original poster

santaclawzz · 12/08/2021 08:54

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I never said I was a victim, but I definitely felt violated when I wasn't told exactly what would happen. And for that to happen, me sob and another midwife tell me to 'shush', it was appalling. I think she was worried it would upset/worry the other women in the ward. My partner wasn't there as he was told he could go home (45 mins away) because I was labouring slowly. I did have gas and air for the 'procedure' but it didn't help.

Also, it was NOT a regular sweep, I had a couple of them before as my first baby was 9 days overdue. It was not a sweep at all.

I'm going to request my maternity notes to see if I can get more from that. Then I'll make a formal complaint. I cannot imagine another women having to endure that and in such a vulnerable state.

OP posts:

Original poster

santaclawzz · 12/08/2021 08:55

And for those of you who say it is normal procedure (or 'just a sweep') would you be happy to put a woman through that?

OP posts:

ginandbearit · 12/08/2021 09:06

There must be hundreds of midwives who read mn...would be interested in their responses to this .

MonicaGellerBing · 12/08/2021 09:17

I had the same happen to me, doctor broke my waters at 1cm dilated, hurt like hell. I understand what you're saying OP but making a complaint 3 years after the fact seems pointless. There will have to be an investigation and the staff won't remember you, or perhaps not even work there anymore. You really should have complained sooner

SirYawnsAlot · 12/08/2021 09:38

There is a borderline where a medical professional can be so used to doing a procedure, they can become blasé and inturn rough and unfeeling to the patient.
For a patient's first experience, this feels horrendous to them and feels like abuse.
You will get a lot of comments about 'just doing their job, overworked, you're okay now, move on...'

but the fact remains you were in a vulnerable position, you showed pain and distress and wanted them to stop. They continued.
It is not surprising you are suffering from a PTSD and your experience and feelings should not be minimised, they are valid to you.
It is probably too late to raise a complaint now and it sounds like you may need counselling. All the best OP.

Thefaceofboe · 12/08/2021 09:41

Was it a stretch and sweep but significantly more painful because your labour had already started?

Thefaceofboe · 12/08/2021 09:42

The worst part of your story for me is the other midwife telling you to ‘shush’ thats disgusting

grey12 · 12/08/2021 10:05

@santaclawzz

And for those of you who say it is normal procedure (or 'just a sweep') would you be happy to put a woman through that?

I had 3 very overdue pregnancies and was coerced into them several times

some aren't too bad and some are that terrible. The doctors/MWs have their own little joke saying that the others weren't done properly and it'll work this time. They never work and I keep being hopeful

mainly because of anxiety brought on by these doctors/MWs not letting me continue the pregnancy to at least the same date as the previous ones! One day overdue: SWEEP!!!

Thatsmydaughterinthewater · 12/08/2021 10:09

My waters were broken when I was only 2cm dilated. My midwife gave me the gas and air and warned me it wouldn’t be as easy as when they do it at 4cm.

tnetenba · 12/08/2021 10:17

It's very different from my experience. I was induced with two prostins and whilst it was extremely painful having them inserted the HCP carrying out the procedure each time fully explained what they were doing and offered to stop multiple times when they could see the pain I was in.

I have a few issues with how my induction and labour went so I don't think it was all rosy and there are definitely areas for improvement but my ongoing informed consent to each procedure was not one of those problems.

Deathraystare · 13/08/2021 10:03

The lack of empathy and kindness from some midwives and other clinical staff is shocking.

My mum told me about a particular cruel midwife who had not had kids of her own. Apparently when this particular midwife was in labour she screamed the place down!

Deathraystare · 13/08/2021 10:04

I do think if enough of you complain and possibly give helpful criticism you may change the way they get trained.......or not.

SarahAndQuack · 13/08/2021 10:43

@Puffalicious

That's an awful comment. Reported.

Sexual violation is not the only 'true' form of violation. The OP is perfectly right to use the word, based on her description.

OP, that sounds awful and they definitely should have explained and got your informed consent. My DP had her waters broken at 3cm, and they told her it would be very painful and made sure she understood. I've never heard her scream like that. It is something you need to be prepared for, clearly.

PALS will take complaints and it doesn't matter a bit it's taken you three years to get to a place where you feel up to making the complaint. Good luck.

Puffalicious · 13/08/2021 18:21

Reported for having an opinion? I think those are still allowed...

SarahAndQuack · 13/08/2021 20:05

Having an opinion is allowed. Victim-blaming obviously isn't.

FTEngineerM · 13/08/2021 20:11

@Puffalicious

Fucking hell I hope you’re not a HCP

Puffalicious · 13/08/2021 20:33

I've not victim blamed. I've merely stated an opinion. It was obviously a horrid experience, especially being told to shush when feeling so vulnerable, I just happen to not agree it was abuse. Painful, yes; confusing, yes; unacceptable, yes; just not abuse. I'm allowed an opinion.

No, I'm not a HCP, but I'm still allowed an opinion. I'm sorry the OP is feeling traumatised but many people have also said it's rather late to be thinking of completing, not just me.

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