Am I overreacting or was this midwife out of order?

[santaclawzz]

I gave birth to my baby boy 5 years ago in a quiet enough maternity hospital. A wonderful experience and I was treated so lovely. Roll on 3 years ago when I gave birth to my baby girl in a different, and very busy maternity hospital.

I was induced. Prostin gel was slow to work. It eventually got me to 1cm dilated, then it was slow from there. I was in a ward with a few other women. A midwife came in to check me, then she said 'you're still only 1cm so I'm going to see if I can break your water'. (I don't know how to word this next bit and I feel extremely uncomfortable thinking about it and typing it). She put another finger in and forced my cervix open.

It lasted probably 2 minutes and the pain was absolutely horrendous. The worst pain I've ever felt. I sobbed and cried out. She continued as I wriggled. A more senior midwife came over and told me to shush, but I couldn't. It was torture. When the midwife was finished, she smiled and said 'you're at 2cm now'. I was in shock and felt so violated, all I could say was 'ok'. When I wiped myself with a pad (all that was at hand), there were bits of what I would say were lining maybe. Just small bits of red.

I know it was 3 years ago but it's playing on my mind a lot lately. Is this normal procedure for a slow labour? If not, I will probably lodge a complaint as I don't want another woman going through that. I think because it's a busy and well-known hospital, it's a case of 'we want you out of here asap'.

Complaining

Am hearing some scary comments about when you come home with baby and midwife the health visitor visit. If you home is a mess, if you have animals, the pressure that can be put on you to maybe get rid of the animals or clean your house. My experience was totally different and my visits were really helpful. Anyone got anything that may help eleviate these worried?

@Puffalicious

It sounds awful but I don't agree with words like 'violated and 'victim' this minimises women's experiences who have indeed been victims of true, sexual violation. The OP should have been kept informed, definitely, but I don't see what good it does fuelling the fire and calling it violation or her being a victim.

I've been a victim of serious sexual assault and when I had a sweep the only word I could think of that covered how I felt was 'violated'. Language has many uses.

the VE is the worst experience ime

It was a sweep rhoufh, that is how it is done. The issue was that it wasn't explained to you properly and you should have spoken up and asked more questions or refused. Easier said than done when you are feeling vulnerable, that I can appreciate!

If it still bothers you then yes you should report it, the more people that report substandard care the better. Having said that I wouldn't let it affect you day to day now, you have to move forward, if reporting will help you do that, go for it. x

*though

That's a helpful explanation changes. Thank you. I'm sorry you went through both of these experiences.

Birthing a baby is a lottery of the worst kind. The way some HCPs treat women is barbaric and inhuman. If they hurt a person a person to the extent that they are begging for help, crying in pain, and then just abandon and ignore them, they need to leave the profession.

Sounds like they manually dilated your cervix. I had that with DC2 and it hurt like a MF. I too was crawling up the bed to get away from the doctor. I don't really remember whether I was told about what was happening but I know they were extremely worried about DC (resus trolley prepped in the corner) and needed to get him out. It might be worth getting your notes to make sure you're remembering correctly - my sister has all sorts of reasons she's still upset about her labour (DN is 21!) But my mum was in the room with her at the time and she's forgotten a lot or got mixed up about what happened. No amount of telling her that helps though!

This sounds Horrendous and I'm not surprised it still preys on your mind. I had my son at the end of March and I had to be induced. The gels and pessaries did nothing and after 4 days I was still only 1cm if that! (They could fit a fingertip in) I then spoke to a doctor about a possible c section - she did everything in her power to warn me away from a section and recommended they try and manually break my waters. By this point I'd had my cervix checked around 7 times and it was so sore. However nothing prepared me for the pain of them trying to break my waters before my cervix was ready. I too felt violated and nobody had warned me how horrific it would be. They gave me gas and air to get through it - what a joke. My body locked up and I screamed in agony, I felt like I couldn't even speak and tell them to stop. In the end my husband did it for me. When they stopped I had a panic attack and sobbed. It was very traumatic and I keep having flashbacks. I had a c section in the end and it was very relaxing and a much better way of meeting my son. This was my third baby (the previous 2 were vagina birth) and it hurt more than actually giving birth! Definitely nothing like a stretch and sweep either. You know your body and your expectations- I am going to put a complaint in too as they need to know how they can make sure it doesn't happen again. They seemed to be more bothered about me having a vaginal birth at all costs rather than a c section. Ridiculous.

If it makes you feel better to complain do so, but understand little will come if it, I’m sorry, base your decision on that. If you need acknowledgment you’re unlikely to get it. 💐

Some medical professionals move to a position where they do their job with no empathy at all. The patient as a person becomes totally irrelevant

I had six internals one hour apart by six different doctors, my cervix was tilted and they couldn’t feel it. When the last one came in, a midwife scurried in and held my hand, I thought it was odd. What followed was extreme pain and discomfort

When he left the midwife looked at me and said “you can cry now, every one does” she explained he was always rough. I did cry and he walked back in and saw me, asked why I was crying and He was genuinely horrified and shocked he’d hurt me. He literally had just went at it forceably to try fo find my cervix with no thought to any pain he’d caused me, his clinical requirement was all that he was thinking of .

It’s not ok, but sadly some of them have deteriorated where patient care is irrelevant, it’s simoly the clinical job at hand.

Bluntness do you think he will have been more aware since? Thought about his technique and changed?

I honestly don’t know, but I can say he looked shocked and asked why I was crying, he had literally walked back in about two mins later. When I explained he had hurt me badly he looked really upset. I actually believe he didn’t know. I suspect the disgusted look thr midwife gave him too gave him further pause for thought. He did apologise. Suspect for a time at least he tried.

Well that's a least positive, Bluntness

@JLM1008 that is a terrible experience when they broke my waters I don't remember it being painful, maybe just a tiny bit.

I too am not happy with how obstetrics is conducted. There is too much of a "I know, you don't" kind of mentality which is fine for other specialities (most of the time.... there are exceptions of course). When it comes to labour, medical staff should be there to support the woman and listen to her. There is so much they can't know! I studied patient monitoring at university! You can't know, you can't measure everything that a labouring woman feels and goes through. I've had strange experiences myself during labour