Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I think I might be pregnant - how do I break the news?

73 replies

WhatCrazyiness · 06/08/2021 13:35

I think I could be pregnant.

The reason I say might is because I also could be peri-menopausal and also the covid vaccine has messed up my periods for the first time in my life.

I'm stuck at work, so can't get a test until later and won't test until tomorrow morning.

I would keep the baby if I was pregnant, I would love to be a parent, it's just never worked out for me love life wise - but everything else in my life is great.

The 'father' is a guy I am dating very casually for 6 months. He doesn't want children for reasons he has explained to me, but we get on very well and he is kind and decent.

If I were pregnant (and I know this is hypothetical - but please humour me because I've never been remotely close to having a child which I dearly want) I'm not sure I would tell him because I feel he would automatically hope that I would have a miscarriage (he wouldn't tell me this I'm sure) and I am a bit woo and hate the idea of any negativity/negative thoughts around a potential pregnancy.
I would wait to tell him at 12 weeks, is that crazy?
I can support and parent the baby alone, although not ideal, that's perfectly possible with my income and support network.

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 06/08/2021 13:37

Find out whether you are or not then decide. How you feel when something is reality can often be totally different to how you think you would feel when it's hypothetical.

Mamamamasaurus · 06/08/2021 13:41

Slow down. There any many stories of the Covid jab messing up cycles.

Do a test and take if from there. Use FRER as they're more sensitive than other tests.

Good luck

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 06/08/2021 13:42

Do a test and find out ASAP. Also, I think he deserves to know now, not at 12 weeks. I know it your choice when you tell if you are, but he might help support you and also, it might be hard to keep it from him, but also, he might be really hurt if you've been keeping things from him!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy Menopause
Pissinthepottyplease · 06/08/2021 13:42

Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.

Find out if you are pregnant first.

Elbie79 · 06/08/2021 13:42

Fingers crossed for a positive test then OP. No harm in having these next few hours of imagining what if.

A compromise might be to have an early scan (if you've waited this long for a baby you won't want to wait 12 weeks anyway) and tell him after that? And/or the Harmony test at 10 weeks which provides scope for loads of reassurance?

MotionActivatedDog · 06/08/2021 13:44

You can’t cross a bridge before you get to it.

BastardMonkfish · 06/08/2021 14:01

You couldn't wait till 12 weeks, that wouldn't be fair. And will only make it worse because you kept it secret all that time. There's no easy way to do it tbh, if you are pregnant just drop the bombshell and leave him to figure it out. You don't know he'll wish for a miscarriage; not wanting kids is totally different to how you feel about a child that's already been (sort of) brought into existence. You spending the first trimester stressing about eventually telling him is more likely to cause harm than him having negative thoughts!

But as others have said, no point worrying about it until you see if you are or not!

PaddleBlue · 06/08/2021 14:17

I would wait then

Hemingwaycat · 06/08/2021 14:21

It’s all very hypothetical right now. It could be the vaccine as you say or perimenopause, could also just be a random late period because they do happen for all manner of reasons.

You obviously need to test first, then decide what to do if it’s positive. It may be negative so there’s little point fretting so much over it right now. Fwiw, I would tell him straight away and don’t think him hoping for a miscarriage will cause one…

Original poster
WhatCrazyiness · 06/08/2021 14:24

I'm not really worrying, just musing and fantasying while stuck at work (not much on as it's August and Friday)

It's interesting to read the replies as I wouldn't ask anyone in real life this question before I'd peed on a stick

OP posts:
SecondRow · 06/08/2021 14:37

Of course you can wait until 12 weeks if you like, that is 100% your choice to make.

I suppose the father may have feelings about finding out later on and those feelings may also be influenced by whether you have stayed in the relationship, while not telling him, but equally if you end things... It's possible he may feel you were out to deliberately get pregnant, but at this stage you can't control whether he believes you or not, so you just have to follow your instincts and if they are telling you you will get through early pregnancy better without him or anyone knowing, that's completely fine.

Dozer · 06/08/2021 14:41

Agree, FRER first.

As regards the ‘woo’ your boyfriend’s thoughts/words/feelings, should you choose to tell him sooner rather than later, would have no impact on a pregnancy.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 06/08/2021 14:47

If you are, I'd advise telling him early.

He probably isn't going to be thrilled (but you never know)and the timing won't change that. However, you risk adding a whole lot of resentment if you hide it from him for 3 months.

You know woo isn't actually real, right? Or are you suggesting that women who have suffered a misscarriage are to blame for not thinking happy thoughts? And there's gazillions of unplanned babies that make it to full term, how come? Don't start thinking woo, because you are setting yourself up for psychological problems if things don't go well.

loosingmymarbles · 06/08/2021 14:53

Curios to see the outcome of Your test

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 06/08/2021 15:00

Do a test and then give yourself time to digest the news. If is he doesn’t want kids, I assume he is wearing conforms?

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 06/08/2021 15:00

Condoms!

Original poster
WhatCrazyiness · 06/08/2021 15:03

@loosingmymarbles

Curios to see the outcome of Your test
Me too.

Although my period is 2 weeks late I fear I am going to be disappointed as I think it's the covid jab messing my body up.

Hence the thread, it's nice to fantasise as I would dearly love to have a child.

I would never deliberately try and get pregnant in a new relationship or without being in love or the other person wanting it too - which is why it's never been on the cards for me. Maybe I should have been braver/reckless but I'm a hopeless romantic with her feet on the ground!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatCrazyiness · 06/08/2021 15:05

Condoms are always used, but they are tricky buggers!

OP posts:
Greenrubber · 06/08/2021 15:12

I would tell him if you are but make sure your happy enough doing it on your own as he's already stated he doesn't want any kids

MotionActivatedDog · 06/08/2021 15:14

@WhatCrazyiness

Condoms are always used, but they are tricky buggers!
In what way are they tricky?
Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 06/08/2021 15:17

Condoms are easy. What's going 'tricky' with them? If he's not putting them on right, you may as well not be bothering.

BastardMonkfish · 06/08/2021 15:19

You could always get pregnant using a sperm donor OP if you really want to be?

iwantadogdhdoesnt · 06/08/2021 16:13

I agree with what someone else said, even if you're not pregnant this time you obviously would love to be. Could you explore becoming a parent alone?

BeforeLight · 06/08/2021 16:16

I would do a test ASAP and then explore options rather than hypothesising.
Hope all works out ok for you

Peakypolly · 06/08/2021 16:18

If this is a condom failure was he aware of it? Did he encourage you to seek the MAP?
My answer to your dilemma would depend on quite how hard he had tried to avoid conception.