Nervous so start my new job as everyone there is very "middle class" and I'm not

[nervousz]

I'm trying to word this carefully as I am not trying to offend people or make it sound like I'm being judgemental.

I'm a recent graduate from a very working class background and grew up quite poor (free school meals, council house, a really rough secondary school). I am not ashamed of my background but ever since I started university I have found that my background is very different to most people I interact with. There are certain aspects of my life I choose not to talk about or I gloss over. I don't like opening up about my background, it can be quite painful and heavy.

I recently got a job offer for my chosen career field and I was really excited. However, I have recently been looking at the company social media and there are video clips of employees and they are all come across as very middle-class (or what I would call "posh"), confident and well-spoken. There are little clips with questions about getting to know different members of the team with questions like favourite place you've travelled to (I've never been abroad, don't even have a passport), favourite sport to play (never played a sport outside of PE lessons at school), favourite concert you've been to (never been to a concert). Obviously I'm an adult now and can change things like having never been abroad but I feel like my worldview is so limited and small that I don't even think about it.

I'm not judging them, I'm sure they are lovely people but there is just this pit in my stomach about it. It reminds me of people at university who would talk about boarding school and polo and traveling and how it felt like we lived in completely different worlds. I did click with the people on my interview (which is why I accepted the offer) so I'm hoping that that is a better reflection of the company culture rather than a glossy social media account.

I'm sure there are others who can relate to this and I was wondering if any of you had any advice.

Having hobbies doesn't mean international travel or expensive concerts. I'd make conversation about what you enjoy and if there are any skills that are applicable to the job. I'm a keen amateur baker and I explain I'm quick to learn and willing to try new things (insert comment about beetroot chocolate cake etc), I can also be a perfectionist.

If you like walking, socialising, follow a football team, enjoy knitting etc, doesn't matter. You don't need to change yourself to fit in!

Congrats on the job! Just assume that they’re lovely and friendly and non judgemental people who are going to see how much you have in common rather than focus on differences. They probably will be. Who cares if you’ve never been to a concert or been travelling? Most people really wouldn’t.

Also don’t (privately!) forget how much cleverer/more talented than them you must have been to go to uni and get the same job given all their advantages! Go you!

Personally I find much posher people often to be more sheepish about their backgrounds than more normal people! Don’t feel intimidated by them - you’ve done great and deserve to be there - yay!

This was me 100% when I started my job, it was a small team and they were all so posh compared to me, all into what I’d deem expensive brands I’d never heard of and spoke so eloquently (look at me using big words, must of rubbed off ). One co-workers mom is a Dame for Christ’s sake!
But honestly they’re such a nice group of people, and plus our teams now expanded anyway to include more people like me who I can swear and talk about Primark with.
I think people can be arseholes regardless of class/wealth.
We just talk about common interests, like cooking, baking, pets etc. Makes conversations more interesting when the details are different anyway.
Good luck with your new job!

This thread seems very familiar ... Perhaps you’ve approached this topic before, here? (Forgive me if not.)

Obviously this isn’t the best time to be talking about travel, but, as an adult you really should have your own passport. Your background doesn’t prevent you from getting one. (What ID did you use for your student loan - presumably your birth certificate?) You may find you need it at short notice for any number of reasons.

As you say, the other experiences you can now provide for yourself. (Not that you have to duplicate everything you’ve read about your new colleagues.) There are for instance countless concerts and operas available for free on the Internet.

But quite honestly I daresay a good proportion of your new colleagues had exactly the same worries when they began their careers, for the same reasons. Right now you’re completely free to expand your experiences in whatever way you choose. The only wrong choice would be to build a barrier around yourself inscribed with the words ‘I Don’t Belong Here’.

One of the great things about work is that it brings together people who wouldn’t necessarily meet or be friends in other circumstances. My best work friend is 20+ years older than me and very much posher. It doesn’t stop us sharing the same approach to work and sense of humour. I find him really interesting and enjoy hearing about his life and I’m sure that’s reciprocated.

We just talk about common interests, like cooking, baking, pets etc. Makes conversations more interesting when the details are different anyway.

This is the key. There's usually something you have in common with someone if you look for it. And most people are nice decent people, irrespective of background i do believe that.

My company's social media people put out the most ridiculous stuff that doesn't represent 95% of the employees at all (and they always pick the good looking young people never the 80% of us who are middle aged ladies). These interviews may be a random bunch that the media team think "represent the company image" rather than all the normal employees you'll be working with day to day.

Op I know you are not alone in feeling like this.

First of all, remember MOST people even in posh middle class dominated jobs are educated in state schools. They are not all going to have been to Eton etc. At least some of them are likely to be from normal backgrounds too, even if they are keeping quiet about it.

Don’t forget that you got this job because they want YOU. They want your skills and talents and you’ve impressed them. Keep going and be proud of your achievements.

Maybe join a club like the 93% club if you can - celebrating the achievement of all us people who went to state schools

www.93percent.club/

I was you, once.

I grew up on a council estate in a small shithole town, bog-standard comp, fsm, first in my family to go to university, family took the piss out of me for reading the Guardian etc etc. When I started work in a professional environment I was a fish out of water among all the poshos who had grown up horse-riding, skiing and holidaying in Barbados. I had never even been on the ferry to Calais.

My advice is to be yourself, but actively look for common ground with your new colleagues. That sound trite, but if you try to pretend to be someone you’re not, they will instantly see through you. My ‘thing in common’ was music. I was into ‘cool’ bands, I read the NME and I loved going to gigs. I could confidently talk about this scene without showing myself up, so I found my feet that way. I took some of my new mates to gigs, they took me to the theatre. I also made sure I read broadsheet newspapers & listened to R4 so I could join in chat about politics, current affairs etc.

Poshos are people, too, and most of them have good manners. You’ll be fine.

Oh OP, I understand how you feel. My DH inhabits a very different world from the one he grows up in, and it's really hard when you feel like you don't quite fit. However, please don't think of your world as being smaller or more limited than that of your colleagues. You probably have insights that are totally beyond them, and your experiences are every bit as valid and valuable as theirs... just different.

For whatever reason, your employer has decided that they want you on their team. That means that you have something significant to contribute. You're obviously capable of doing the job - that's why they offered it to you. Be confident in your ability and know that the team will be stronger as a result of having a diverse range of different perspectives.

Those who matter don't mind.
Those who mind don't matter.

Congrats on the job.

Well firstly congratulations on getting the job you want! It's very tough out there for graduates right now so you should be proud of yourself.

Secondly - just relax. No one will be expecting you to regale them with tales about your gap year and what your parents do for a living. Im also pretty sure you wont be the only working class person in the village

Just be yourself. Don't compare yourself to others . Remember you clicked with the people who interviewed you. This is what you have worked hard for. Im sure you will be welcomed into the team.

Our team is very varied with many different backgrounds but the one thing we have in common is humour. Keep smiling and try not to be too nervous, focus on the job in hand and the rest will slot into place.

I’m from quite a working class background and one piece of advice I’d give is **never assume that someone is more intelligent than you because they are more well-spoken than you or have more life experiences. I always assumed well-spoken and confident people were much better at their role at work than I was. Then I moved into a department where I got to see the standards of all of my colleagues’ work. It was quite a shock and I realised that my preconceptions of people were quite wrong. It was a real turning point for me.
Congratulations on your new job!

My background doesn't come up. We are just people. But if for some bizarre reason we had to introduce ourselves to the room and state whether we had free school meals I would say hell yeah, best meals of my childhood.

Many of my work colleagues are current, or retired military officers. Well travelled, well spoken, kids all boarded at "smart" schools, lots of skiing, hunting, shooting etc.
I have absolutely nothing in common with them at all. But, the vast majority of them are polite, charming and are very kind to me ( whatever they may think of me privately). Just got to accept that different folks have different lives and get on with it.

but if you try to pretend to be someone you’re not, they will instantly see through you

This is good advice. Also I am middle class and privately educated and have not done loads of travelling and I don’t play sport or buy brands. I am also sometimes intimidated by the people you describe even though we probably have similar backgrounds. The other thing is that they won’t all be the same, even though they may appear to be. Some may make you feel inferior so just ignore them but the majority won’t.

In reality no one is gonna quiz you about concerts and holiday destinations you’ve been to.

But if you feel your worldview is small, expand it. You don’t have to experience something first hand to know about it.

I find people love to talk about themselves so if the conversation is outside your experience you could ask questions. If you are interested in other people they will be interested in you. Everyone has their own story to tell, find the things that interest and excite you and talk about those.

I find it helpful also when going into a new situation to have a few set answers up my sleeve to common questions I might be asked. Such as, what did you do before this? And why did you choose to study that? That way I don’t look blank or accidentally delve into specifics about my past I might not want to discuss.

Get that chip off your shoulder. Congratulations and enjoy your new job!

middle class doesnt mean theyll be snobby. You deserve your place there as much as anyone

Just be yourself! When you meet people throughout life, search for common ground rather than differences.

Despite your perception, there is no way that all of the people at your new work will be from the same background.

Good luck with the job!

@Constellationstation

I’m from quite a working class background and one piece of advice I’d give is **never assume that someone is more intelligent than you because they are more well-spoken than you or have more life experiences. I always assumed well-spoken and confident people were much better at their role at work than I was. Then I moved into a department where I got to see the standards of all of my colleagues’ work. It was quite a shock and I realised that my preconceptions of people were quite wrong. It was a real turning point for me. Congratulations on your new job!

I couldn’t agree more.

Private schools teach self-confidence. That’s what parents are paying for. (She says with the assurance of someone who has never set foot in a private school in her life...) How else do you think a muppet like Boris became PM?

You have achieved far more getting where you are than your colleagues who have had everything handed to them on a silver plate for their entire lives. You are brighter, more self reliant and more accomplished. Never, ever forget that.

I'm similar to you op but much older (I assume as you're a recent graduate) I've been trying to move in a middle class world for some time now.

I agree with Overthewater, the company website isn't likely to be representative of all of your actual colleagues.

The thing is, some people are dicks. Some of those people are middle class, some are not. There is a possibility that at some point in life you will meet someone from a middle class background who's a dick to you. All that means is that they're a dick - it doesn't impact on your worth as a person or your ability to do the job. If someone from a similar back ground to you was a dick you'd just think " what a dick" and move on. It's no different.

It's a balance between being yourself and comfortable in your own skin, and not getting a chip on your shoulder about it.

Being middle class doesn't make thrm cleverer. It might make them more confident, and their world might seem wider, but they've just had different life experiences so far.

Enjoy the job.

This made me laugh because I've had exactly the same experience in the past. To be honest I've worked with some total arseholes posh and not at all posh and some really nice people from across the spectrum.

I remember one time when I was young we were taken to watch a Shakespeare play and I didn't have a clue what they were on about or why everyone was laughing. Another time a really posh colleague started talking about a famous poet I'd never heard of and I cringed when I pretended I knew what she was on about. I think if I'm honest with myself I find posh people intimidating because I'm not that self confident and I always think people will think I'm stupid even though I've got many academic qualifications.
Really well done for your new job. I think you'll be fine. Just be yourself and you'll be fine xx