Nervous so start my new job as everyone there is very "middle class" and I'm not

[nervousz]

I'm trying to word this carefully as I am not trying to offend people or make it sound like I'm being judgemental.

I'm a recent graduate from a very working class background and grew up quite poor (free school meals, council house, a really rough secondary school). I am not ashamed of my background but ever since I started university I have found that my background is very different to most people I interact with. There are certain aspects of my life I choose not to talk about or I gloss over. I don't like opening up about my background, it can be quite painful and heavy.

I recently got a job offer for my chosen career field and I was really excited. However, I have recently been looking at the company social media and there are video clips of employees and they are all come across as very middle-class (or what I would call "posh"), confident and well-spoken. There are little clips with questions about getting to know different members of the team with questions like favourite place you've travelled to (I've never been abroad, don't even have a passport), favourite sport to play (never played a sport outside of PE lessons at school), favourite concert you've been to (never been to a concert). Obviously I'm an adult now and can change things like having never been abroad but I feel like my worldview is so limited and small that I don't even think about it.

I'm not judging them, I'm sure they are lovely people but there is just this pit in my stomach about it. It reminds me of people at university who would talk about boarding school and polo and traveling and how it felt like we lived in completely different worlds. I did click with the people on my interview (which is why I accepted the offer) so I'm hoping that that is a better reflection of the company culture rather than a glossy social media account.

I'm sure there are others who can relate to this and I was wondering if any of you had any advice.

It is only by expanding your horizons and trying new things that your world view will become less limited and small (as you describe it).

Just take a deep breath, go for it and don't apologise for who you are or your background.

Try not to lump them all into the same category, too. You are noticing what makes them different to you, that's natural, but they will be a diverse group of people with different life experiences. When you get to know them you'll find you have things in common with some.

@OverTheWater

My company's social media people put out the most ridiculous stuff that doesn't represent 95% of the employees at all (and they always pick the good looking young people never the 80% of us who are middle aged ladies). These interviews may be a random bunch that the media team think "represent the company image" rather than all the normal employees you'll be working with day to day.

Unless they don't have any "middle aged ladies" working for them. Many large law firms have very few women aged over 35 working for them, and if they do, only in support staff roles.

I once had to work on one of those sorts of campaigns OP, and not many people were keen to take part.

It's a self-selecting group who are confident enough to be filmed yammering on about their private lives.

There may well be a culture clash when you join (I've had that before), but you'll only find out when you meet in person.

I think there’s been a lot of good advice here but I would be wary of going into it with the attitude some posters have advocated that you must be much better than them because of some notion that they all had it so much easier than you.

Just take people as you find them. Some will be cleverer than you, some won’t be. Some will have stuff to teach you, others won’t. The best thing you can bring to any situation is an open mind. It will serve you well - at least, it will serve you better than any preconceptions about people based on education, hobbies, family background.

It sounds like you’ve got a great graduate job - well done. Just enjoy it and don’t overthink it!

As others have said you will find common interests and people are people, no matter their background. Don’t think too much about yours or it could be a barrier for you when it doesn’t need to be.
I also had free school meals and my parents had no money. But I had a happy childhood and it hasn’t affected me at all. I haven’t told anyone about this but would if asked. It wouldn’t worry me. Enjoy who you work with no matter their background and try not to go in with prejudiced ideas of how they are or how they may perceive you.

This was my experience, too, in the sense of impoverished working class background and sink secondary modern ‘education’ where I learned a few key moves in a fight but very little else. I went to university as a mature student and now occupy a job role seen as quite ‘middle class’. I’ve also worked in academe. You truly do ‘meet all sorts’ in this life. Yes, there will be times when you feel simultaneously cut off from your roots and not able to fit in with people from a different background. There will also be times when being what I call a ‘social hybrid’ gives you insights others may lack. You won’t be complacent about privilege. You probably had to fight to get where you are ie you’re tenacious as well as talented. And no one is immune from feelings of insecurity. No one.

If your favourite place is in England, say so! If you don’t like sport, it’s not compulsory.

Op, going abroad, liking a sport, going to a concert is not a middle class thing.

Are you very young? Maybe you need to focus on boosting your self esteem and confidence, this isn’t about class. Checking out people’s social media and comparing yourself negatively is about self esteem an confidence or lack of.

People take people for who they are. Class doesn’t come into it, not on a working environment, as you said you’re an adult now, it’s time to focus on that and adulting and trying to let the insecurities go.

Congrats on the new job. No one there cares about your parents financial situation, or your childhood, as adults we take each other as adults.

Think about the things you have done, rather than what you haven’t.
I would guess that there’s many more working class people at Uni than middle class, but I guess it depends on which one you went to.
And is class really a thing any more ? I certainly don’t think about it.

My advice is to just be yourself and don’t let your worries about class become a big thing in your mind. Over time you will gain more experience and become comfortable with all sorts of people.

Also, don’t assume everyone else comes from a middle class background. When I was at school I was teased for speaking ‘posh’, but my background is working class and my sister & I were the first in our family to go to uni. I’m sure people I work with have made assumptions about my background which are actually not true. Good luck!

You've posted about this before haven't you? I feel like I've read this thread.

First. Don't be worried. I work at what looks like the poshest place in the country.... And everyone is lovely. Some are rah rah jolly hockey sticks..but it makes no difference.

You can answer questions honestly/creatively etc
So, for example;

favourite place you've travelled to - why can't it be ..London's, lake District, Cornwall etc?

favourite sport to play; what did you enjoy most at school?

Favourite concert you've been to, just say you'd love to go and see X, or say you're not a huge music fan, whichever is the truth.

I understand your concerns, I had similar... honestly I spoke to a PA and she sounded like the bloody queen on the phone... I was terrified!

It's a good though ☺️

I have had similar experience of entering the world of work. Please take people as you find them. Everyone has different experiences in life. Someone may check all the middle class boxes and had quite a deprived childhood once you scratch the surface. No one is any better than you. The only people you should judge are those who actually do look down on other people.
We all have lots of things in common beyond 'posh' hobbies and travel. Most people will have at least one common pastime...watch the odd box set, like cooking, do DIY, read books etc. Focus on what you have in common with others rather than what sets you apart. If you are feeling like you haven't had experiences like concert going, you are now in a position to try those things out. People also love talking about themselves and may want to enthusiastically tell you about the things they do that you have not experienced- be that person who is interested in them and you'll fit right in.
And realise that loads of people have feelings of not fitting in at work or have 'imposter syndrome', it's really common.

You’ll likely meet all sorts of people there, as PP have said, the ‘volunteers’/‘volun-tolds’ for those kind of videos are usually the confident types.

I struggled a lot with small talk in my early professional life, think about what you could talk about on different topics (holidays, hobbies, eating out, etc and the dreaded ‘tell me a bit about yourself’) if they come up. If you don’t know about something, don’t BS, just ask questions as most people love to talk about themselves “oh Barbados? Sounds lovely, have you been before?…No I haven’t made it there yet but I’d love to go, etc etc”.
Definitely get a passport though, obviously you won’t need it much right now with COVID, but you may get stuck for photo ID with work or if you need to go on a work trip (quite often they come up at relatively short notice, usually not enough time to get a passport sorted).

If you are on a grad scheme, this may be built in to an extent, but look for opportunities to get a mentor, many companies have various programmes to match you up with one or even look externally in your line of work for similar programmes this is a great way to work on your personal development, have a sounding board and understand the norms of the corporate world.

Wow thank you all for the replies, they have all been so helpful to read! I expected to just be told to stop being so judgemental.

I think the two main points your replies have shown me is that:

1. I need to have more confidence in myself and my life experiences. I can't let that hold back my conversations and I need to learn how to make good conversation with colleagues. That's something I have started learning at my previous job but most of my colleagues were all quite similar to me (recent graduates) whereas this new job will have a lot more diversity and a lot more senior people to interact with (which is great).

1. I need to expand my life. I'm going to get a passport so at least I have done that first step.

Good for you, OP. There’s a whole world of stuff to enjoy out there! Don’t let the idea that this is ‘not for the likes of us’ stop you experiencing all of it!

You may also find it disconcerting that people may express admiration for your life experiences — when I got to Oxford, some of my new friends thought that someone who’d grown up with an outdoor loo with a binman dad and a cleaner mother and who’d had a lot of fairly rough manual jobs was deeply cool. They meant well, but I found it quite othering.

That’s a great approach op

@nervousz

Wow thank you all for the replies, they have all been so helpful to read! I expected to just be told to stop being so judgemental.

I think the two main points your replies have shown me is that:

1. I need to have more confidence in myself and my life experiences. I can't let that hold back my conversations and I need to learn how to make good conversation with colleagues. That's something I have started learning at my previous job but most of my colleagues were all quite similar to me (recent graduates) whereas this new job will have a lot more diversity and a lot more senior people to interact with (which is great).

1. I need to expand my life. I'm going to get a passport so at least I have done that first step.

Sounds great!

I hope you enjoy your job and I hope you gain that confidence soon. Good luck in everything

@nervousz It is a bit like all "social media" I bet half of the people spent ages going oh sh**t I have been asked to do a video what the hell will I say to sound interesting, bit like Instagram pictures v's reality. Well done on the job and get stuck into your new job, you deserve it

Please just be you.

On the surface, 90% of the team I work with appear to be middle class. We most definitely are not. Most of us are working class and proud of our roots. We are in a professional job so there's always a stereotype to overcome.

I am soon heading to do a masters in a different area to my current profession. I have earned my place and my working class roots will be embraced, those who don't like it can get fucked tbh.

I was like you in my last job. Luckily they were all really lovely people and it made for a nice working environment

Sounds a bit like my company. When I started everyone was very middle class- some had been to boarding school, all of them had been to university (I haven't but wish I had), a number have PhDs. They're all very sporty or outdoorsy, running, cycling, rock climbing, horse riding (have their own horses) etc. I feel quite inadequate because while I have travelled quite a bit I don't have the education or cool hobbies they do.

The people at my work have mostly been very nice, I've been there for years now and there's been various other working class people join in that time so I feel less awkward around them. Working on my own achievements and self confidence is something that I'm doing now.

@Edmontine

This thread seems very familiar ... Perhaps you’ve approached this topic before, here? (Forgive me if not.)

Obviously this isn’t the best time to be talking about travel, but, as an adult you really should have your own passport. Your background doesn’t prevent you from getting one. (What ID did you use for your student loan - presumably your birth certificate?) You may find you need it at short notice for any number of reasons.

As you say, the other experiences you can now provide for yourself. (Not that you have to duplicate everything you’ve read about your new colleagues.) There are for instance countless concerts and operas available for free on the Internet.

But quite honestly I daresay a good proportion of your new colleagues had exactly the same worries when they began their careers, for the same reasons. Right now you’re completely free to expand your experiences in whatever way you choose. The only wrong choice would be to build a barrier around yourself inscribed with the words ‘I Don’t Belong Here’.

Why, as an adult, should OP "really should" have her own passport, and what, pray, are the "any number" of reason she might need to use one, short notice, because I can't think of any other than possibly needing to travel for work, but they should give as much notice as possible and shouldn't expect all staff have passports!

Saying "Your background doesn’t prevent you from getting one" just shows how clueless you are. If OP is young, not from a moneyed background and is only just starting her first graduate job of course not having a spare nearly 80 quid lying around to buy something she had no need of stopped her from getting one! Not to mention the issues some people from w/c backgrounds have with knowing someone from the list of registered professions willing to countersign an application.

@thevassal, I don’t drive for medical reasons, so have no licence, so I actually use my passport a fair bit for photo ID. In fact, I’d be pretty stuck without it. And I think you’re out of date with the registered professionals, which now include licensee of a pub, nurse, post office official, teacher, Salvation Army worker, minister of any organised religion, local councillor etc — it’s hardly a matter of needing to play golf with your MP and bank manager.

This is not the OP’s first graduate job.

at my previous job ... most of my colleagues were all quite similar to me (recent graduates)

Here is the list of ‘Accepted occupations for countersignatories’

www.gov.uk/countersigning-passport-applications/accepted-occupations-for-countersignatories

They should be friends, neighbours or people who have known you well for at least two years - not merely professional contacts.

It would be surprising if the OP did not now know a single person - possibly in the years above her at university - who is a member of a professional body. Or, if she made any university friends, one of their parents might be able to sign for her, if they’d seen her fairly often over the course of her degree. Given how successful she has been in getting a job in her chosen field, I doubt it is beyond her wit to find someone suitable.

(Or what SmallChairs said!)