Nervous so start my new job as everyone there is very "middle class" and I'm not

[nervousz]

I'm trying to word this carefully as I am not trying to offend people or make it sound like I'm being judgemental.

I'm a recent graduate from a very working class background and grew up quite poor (free school meals, council house, a really rough secondary school). I am not ashamed of my background but ever since I started university I have found that my background is very different to most people I interact with. There are certain aspects of my life I choose not to talk about or I gloss over. I don't like opening up about my background, it can be quite painful and heavy.

I recently got a job offer for my chosen career field and I was really excited. However, I have recently been looking at the company social media and there are video clips of employees and they are all come across as very middle-class (or what I would call "posh"), confident and well-spoken. There are little clips with questions about getting to know different members of the team with questions like favourite place you've travelled to (I've never been abroad, don't even have a passport), favourite sport to play (never played a sport outside of PE lessons at school), favourite concert you've been to (never been to a concert). Obviously I'm an adult now and can change things like having never been abroad but I feel like my worldview is so limited and small that I don't even think about it.

I'm not judging them, I'm sure they are lovely people but there is just this pit in my stomach about it. It reminds me of people at university who would talk about boarding school and polo and traveling and how it felt like we lived in completely different worlds. I did click with the people on my interview (which is why I accepted the offer) so I'm hoping that that is a better reflection of the company culture rather than a glossy social media account.

I'm sure there are others who can relate to this and I was wondering if any of you had any advice.

Reality check--no matter how working class you are, you are moving 'up'.

It's not the same as denying your roots but your life will be different from the poverty and deprivation you experienced.

Be nervous, you should be as it shows you recognise that this is a big deal.

You may well find that there are others who have had similar backgrounds but they will not be advertising the background to newcomers or on company videos.

It's huge, it's bewildering but it is also doing life well. We are supposed to do better than our parents apparently.

I don't think recognising a class difference means you have a chip on your shoulder, a well to do person being thrown into a job at a chippy on a council estate would be just as nervous as you are.

It was said earlier but those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. You don't need to adore your work colleagues

@nervousz

I'm trying to word this carefully as I am not trying to offend people or make it sound like I'm being judgemental.

I'm a recent graduate from a very working class background and grew up quite poor (free school meals, council house, a really rough secondary school). I am not ashamed of my background but ever since I started university I have found that my background is very different to most people I interact with. There are certain aspects of my life I choose not to talk about or I gloss over. I don't like opening up about my background, it can be quite painful and heavy.

I recently got a job offer for my chosen career field and I was really excited. However, I have recently been looking at the company social media and there are video clips of employees and they are all come across as very middle-class (or what I would call "posh"), confident and well-spoken. There are little clips with questions about getting to know different members of the team with questions like favourite place you've travelled to (I've never been abroad, don't even have a passport), favourite sport to play (never played a sport outside of PE lessons at school), favourite concert you've been to (never been to a concert). Obviously I'm an adult now and can change things like having never been abroad but I feel like my worldview is so limited and small that I don't even think about it.

I'm not judging them, I'm sure they are lovely people but there is just this pit in my stomach about it. It reminds me of people at university who would talk about boarding school and polo and traveling and how it felt like we lived in completely different worlds. I did click with the people on my interview (which is why I accepted the offer) so I'm hoping that that is a better reflection of the company culture rather than a glossy social media account.

I'm sure there are others who can relate to this and I was wondering if any of you had any advice.

OP your worldview is far more complex and wide ranging than theirs in many ways, and theirs is too, in other ways. I think a lot of people might actually be relieved to meet someone who can bring a different outlook to the table! Please don't be intimidated - I bet you'll fit in so well. Own it, whatever the it, is, is my approach!

All good advice and congratulations on your degree and new job.

Remember you can always answer a question with a question.

Also
Those questions are really about getting to know you and learning how to “chat” with work colleagues and your manager etc. It sounds like you have already learnt how to gloss over questions, these types of questions are no different.

So for example when I’m speaking to someone, I might ask a general question about holidays, but I really am just as interested in a camping trip in a field as I am in a trip abroad, or someone may say they have not been able to travel, but I’ve managed todo “X’” activity and we then chat about the activity. I’m always happy to answer if they ask me what I like doing etc.

So to prepare yourself for these types of questions I would think about;
Where do you like to go to,?
want to go to?
And what do you like doing in your spare time?

Travel can be in the UK not just Abroad (especially with COVID).

Concerts? Have you been to any festivals/watched Glastonbury on tv, watched the proms on Tv, if not watch a bit on catch up tv/internet as it will give you something’s to talk about.

Do you like films or books?

Again just think about what you are happy to chat about.

With sport questions you could say (if true) I walk a lot which keeps me fit, then you could say if there is any sport you have enjoyed watching eg football, rugby or a sport in the Olympics and then ask the question back at them.

Hope that helps and good luck

Congrats on the job OP!

I was you once, I moved down south to University and felt completely out of place and made a point to seek out other working class northerners for the first few years. I just felt like I didn’t know how to deal with middle class people. Many many years on I’ve realised how wrong I was and that people are just people and I was judging them much more than they were judging me. I still have to check myself occasionally though when I meet someone very well spoken and instantly judge them as snobby.

Remember people don't post about the ordinary things. Social media is full of extremes. Take the job

Lots of them won't be that posh and will have had the same experience as you at some point. It is true that there are posher people in the world than you ever knew really existed but you'll get used to it.

When I started work somebody was talking about a friend of theirs called Sinjun and I was obviously doing a WTF face because my other colleague translated 'St John' for me as she walked past. There will be plenty of helpers like that I'm sure.

I understand this worry. You just have to accept it and don't ever pretend to be something you're not, because doing so implies there is something wrong with who you really are.

Good luck and remember, being working class is just fine.

They’re just people. To paraphrase Shylock, they laugh at things they find funny, they cry at things they find moving, they bleed if they’re injured. Literally just human beings. Maybe just start with that in mind and see how it goes.

@Mysterian

Those who matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter.

Congrats on the job.

This is a nice notion in theory, and certainly applies in one’s private life.

But at work, the people who ‘mind’ do sometimes matter, and there’s no avoiding them.

There has been some great advice on this thread, and I think the most pertinent and confidence- boosting, is to focus on how much better and skilled you must be, to be there without all the advantage many of your colleagues have had.

Well done, and congrats on the new role.

I'd remember that social media is not real. No-one mentions that they really spend most weekends pushing a trolley around Lidl following by doing the laundry and watching Gogglebox.

All those people have aspects of their lives they choose not to talk about too - I go into houses of people from every walk of life for my job. Worst domestic violence relationship I saw was in a mulitmillion pound property between very upper middle class couple. Things happen everywhere.

I sound vair posh and went to private school. My dad was from a London slum and his parents used to do moonlit flits when they couldn't pay the rent. People are more complex than a social media clip.

I was at uni as a mature student with younger people from much posher backgrounds. Intellectually I was able to run rings around them. When I taught as a post grad at the same uni I was appalled at the very low standard of English in the essays I marked. They may have had posh accents but many of them could not write, punctuate or spell.

So expand your worldview and experience, see it as a spur to new sources of enjoyment. Get a passport, and think about where you’ve always wanted to go. Live music is getting started again — do you like music? Metallica, Mozart, Mumford and Sons? I’m from a similar background and had my worldview massively expanded by the people I met at Oxford, and realising there was all this fabulous stuff I’d never been exposed to, but a lot of which has turned out to be an abiding source of pleasure. Your enjoyment of the world doesn’t have to be limited by your social class of origin.

Congrats OP. Not sure many people talk about polo however ! That’s extreme!

In all honesty I have no clue what class I was when young. It wasn't something I thought about. For the first 16 years I am pretty sure we would have been working class, single parent household. Moved alot, FSM etc. Then mum had a mental health crisis moved back home and let us see our dad. They got back together, he had a professional job. Life change But I was 16 at that point. So I potentially became middle class then? I am not really sure.

My jobs have always been a range of people, though they have always been professional jobs. There's been reasons, in some jobs I have felt like I don't fit in, but never because my main childhood wasn't as affluent as some people's.

On social media, companies are going to get people to talk about things that make their lives sound amazing. The point is to make the viewer believe that these people have an amazing exciting life because of, in part, their employer. The message is 'look how great we our employees lives are, that's because they work here'. Its not 'look how middle class we are'.

These videos are maybe 'meet the team' but there's always other messaging.

It's very likely at some point in you career, you won't get on with someone. It's really unlikely to be just a difference in the class you grew up in.

While the company I work for has many middle class people, there's many people from working class back grounds. Our owners have a share the wealth mentality. So while many of us would be viewed as middle class now, that's not our back ground.

We have entry level staff from all different backgrounds. Where they are from and how they grew up isn't important, like its not important for the senior staff.

You need to go into this with your head held high, not be feeling less than because of your back ground. Even if they were all middle class. That doesn't mean anything. You had less opportunity than they did and you earned your place there. That doesn't make you less than them at all.

I worked for years in professional offices and always found people that have priveledged up bringing mostly polite and grateful so dont worry. The worse ones were some people from workingclass backgrounds that were all nice when first started their career then once progressed and earned good money and got nicer things, they looked down on the working class admin staff. All depends on people's personalities too no matter what background you are from.

As my grandad used to say "they all put their trousers on one leg at a time".

Everyone will have a different background, and "posh" doesn't mean "better". Congratulations on the job - just be yourself, be open and friendly, and it will fall into place. Anyone that judges you isn't worth knowing anyway.

In my 30 odd years of working with middle class people, I find the older (30yrs+) ones mostly talk about their offspring, golfing or gym habits, and whatever football team they support. I currently work with someone who loves to talk about the vintage tractor theyve recently inherited. Also, a lot of younger recently qualified people seem to spend at least 12 hours a day working and don't have much time for outside interests

I was in this situation! Things to remember are of this planet we have more than unites us than divides us. Do it be ashamed of your background - it made you the unique person that you are.
We authentic and be yourself - people respond to that. In time you will get your passport , you will travel, you will go to concerts and buy clothes that you love and find your own sense of style and who you are.
Enjoy the journey and congratulations. 💐

A lot of really good advice here.

Op just remember so many people feel this way. It’s normal and natural to feel a bit daunted by coming into environments where people are very different, but IME they still make friends and succeed at work. As pp have said, making it without all those advantages at the start is even more of an achievement!

I have friends who struggle with chat about expensive holidays and second homes and private schools at city employers as it makes them feel shut out.

That said some big employers are focusing on social mobility more now and hopefully over time people are becoming more aware that conversations in the workplace should be mindful of different backgrounds.

Try not to use your past as a stone round your neck, holding you down.

Its taught you things your new work colleagues will never know about

And working with your new colleagues and listening to them , will teach you things too

Lifes about learning and growing. Grab every opportunity to do both and enjoy the growth

Most places I’ve worked people are more embarrassed to talk about wealthy. experiences than the other way around. Your new colleagues will be interested in how you do your job and your energy and no one will be asking about your favourite holidays I assure you! You belong there and so many studies show that diversity of backgrounds (and other factors!) creates more productive and creative teams so your different experience is an absolute asset to the team. As a PP above said, I would recommend (if you don’t already obviously) making sure you’re reading up on things that are happening in the world so that you can contribute to any conversations but you don’t need to change who you are and being proud of where you come from and what you’ve achieved will only be met with respect and impress your colleagues. But get a passport!

And if their social media team is worth their salt they’ll be including your in their glossy videos to show that they’re a diverse progressive company who hires talent because of potential rather than assumptions around background!

Don’t sweat it. I have a similar background to you, but am mid senior in my career. I do feel that lots of my peers had a charmed life, and sometimes it hits home when they talk about going to Disney as a child. But there is also a small band of us with shared experience and we have a way of finding each other and understanding each other.

Enjoy the opportunities the job opens up for you, after all that’s why you went to university isn’t it?!

Firstly don’t make assumptions just because of someone’s accent. I’ve got someone in my team who has a very crisp accent but grew up in a deprived area and had some very challenging childhood experiences. Not everyone will have be holidaying in Barbados and spending their pocket money on a pony.