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Original poster

my 18 year old starts each day with a big old dump of his problems on me

64 replies

Freedomprogramme · 05/08/2021 13:42

Does anyone else have this?

I love my son more than life itself but since April he has had some issues that preoccupy him. He seems to unburden himself by burdening me. Even though I can't solve all his problems any more....

When he turned 18 I told him I was done and it was me time. Doesn't seem to be working out that way.....

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 05/08/2021 13:46

I stopped reading at dump and it was an amusing thread title, HTH Grin

GoodVibesHere · 05/08/2021 13:52

I thought this was the poo troll

titchy · 05/08/2021 13:53

Gosh you sound supportive. Hmm

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Families
SeaRabbit · 05/08/2021 13:53

At least he's talking. Men so often bottle things up, it's got to be a good thing (though exhausting)

HasaDigaEebowai · 05/08/2021 13:54

When he turned 18 I told him I was done and it was me time. Doesn't seem to be working out that way.....

I hope that's a joke, parenthood doesn't work that way. Young men are often troubled by not being able to share their problems so you should be thanking your holy stars that he wants to talk to you. You don't have to solve every issue, just support him by letting him talk things through.

Bryonyshcmyony · 05/08/2021 13:54

I feel like this sometimes. It can be exhausting

Serenissima21 · 05/08/2021 13:55

What sort of thing? Weighty problems that he needs to work through or general whinges? I think that makes a difference. My ds tells me nothing!

withiceplease · 05/08/2021 13:57

It's exhausting. Sometimes I feel like telling them to give me some good news for a change. Everything gets brought to me first from health, car breakdowns, friendship issues. Sometimes my heart sinks when I see their names on the phone. 18 and 22 girls

Scissor · 05/08/2021 13:58

Most don't abdicate all emotional parenting at a magical age.
If, however, you choose to now have all your time for you, then please direct your son to an appropriate charity eg Andy's Man Club where his ability to express himself will be greatly valued and he can be a role model to other young men.

Iggly · 05/08/2021 13:59

When he turned 18 I told him I was done and it was me time. Doesn't seem to be working out that way

Poor kid.

Maybe look after yourself and then you’ll have the emotional energy to support your child?

Bryonyshcmyony · 05/08/2021 14:00

@withiceplease

It's exhausting. Sometimes I feel like telling them to give me some good news for a change. Everything gets brought to me first from health, car breakdowns, friendship issues. Sometimes my heart sinks when I see their names on the phone. 18 and 22 girls
Yes! Mine are the same age and I often feel the same!
Flipflopblowout · 05/08/2021 14:47

Just because he was 18 years old on his birthday doesn't mean that switch in his brain flipped and he automatically started to think and behave like an adult. Don't solve his problems for him but point him towards sorting them himself.

Neverrains · 05/08/2021 14:48

You told him you were ‘done’ when he turned 18?!

Moonshine160 · 05/08/2021 15:27

Maybe talk things through with him instead of telling him you were “done” with him when he turned 18? I hope my son still feels like he can talk to me when he’s an adult and knows that I’ll be there for him. Yes it can be exhausting but would you rather he keeps things bottled up and feels like he has no support?

Original poster
Freedomprogramme · 05/08/2021 15:32

"It's exhausting. Sometimes I feel like telling them to give me some good news for a change. Everything gets brought to me first from health, car breakdowns, friendship issues. Sometimes my heart sinks when I see their names on the phone. 18 and 22 girls"

Yes. I'm so used to it I've never questioned it till a week or two ago when DH had our first weekend away in about 5 years.....
it's mainly niggly health things but obviously underneath that is the effect on social life.

OP posts:
HelloCanYouHearMe · 05/08/2021 15:43

My DP is 46, DS is 6 - both of them tell me about their troubles, ranging from work/health worries (DP,) to how to decide what pair of minecraft socks to wear that day (DS)...

I'd never ever dream of telling either of them that I was done listening to what was dragging them down.

We sit, we talk and we find a way forward and i'll do it as often and as much as they both need & want me to.

girl71 · 05/08/2021 15:46

"@Freedomprogramme Yes. I'm so used to it I've never questioned it till a week or two ago when DH had our first weekend away in about 5 years.....
it's mainly niggly health things but obviously underneath that is the effect on social life".

What health things? You mean being there for your children who have health issues , is affecting your social life? 18 is still young , i cannot understand why you would not want to offer emotional support and guidance to your children. If my mum had been there for me over the years, just to advise, guide and give moral support, i would not have spent the last 50 yrs learning everything the hard way and on my own.

Hemingwaycat · 05/08/2021 15:48

My DH does this but he chooses to do it before we go to sleep so he just stresses me out when I should be relaxed.

Realistically, how bad are an 18 year old’s problems? Is it mostly girl issues or other such things? I wouldn’t mind talking to my DC about things like this and wouldn’t really find it a burden.

HideousKinky · 05/08/2021 16:02

When he turned 18 I told him I was done and it was me time

Really?

In my experience (3DDs in their 20s/30s) adult DCs continue to need love & support from parents and ours want to discuss many aspects of their lives with us. I am glad of this as I remember not being able to do so with my own parents and it is easy for distance to creep in

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 05/08/2021 16:04

Is he wanting you to solve his problems or just wanting you to listen and show you care?

MyFloorIsLava · 05/08/2021 16:06

I don't want to be That Poster but I wish my husband was more like your son. He bottles everything up, pretends its all fine then it all spills out in a horrible toxic way. He couldn't even admit to grieving for his own dad.

Standrewsschool · 05/08/2021 16:07

I think it’s good that he’s willing to talk to you and unburden himself. There’s a big mental health crisis especially amongst young men, so the fact that he’s unburden ing himself is good.

Neverrains · 05/08/2021 16:08

I’m 36 and still moan to my mum.

Eviethyme · 05/08/2021 16:10

Sorry you got a kid that actually talks to you and wants to share things and your moaning? 😂😂😂 Okay then good luck

ZeroFuchsGiven · 05/08/2021 16:11

When he turned 18 I told him I was done and it was me time. Doesn't seem to be working out that way.....

Surely this is a wind up?