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Do you ever remember something your parents did when you were growing up and feel annoyed?

184 replies

RosieLemonade · 02/08/2021 09:05

My mum would never ever pick me up on a night out, from a train station, from university etc. Every other parent I have known has done pick ups and drop offs. Me and my sister would have to walk an hour every Friday and Saturday night after working 9 hour shifts. I would never make DD get a bus after a 4 hour train journey (with a walk between station and stop). My mum was a good mum in lots of ways but this still annoys me years later!

OP posts:
Lavender2018 · 06/08/2021 17:40

I really don’t understand why some parents think it’s ok to let a child make their own way home through dangerous areas or with a heavy suitcase in tow.
What if their child didn’t make it home?
How would they have felt?
What makes them think their child’s safety is not their responsibility?

LoveFall · 06/08/2021 19:06

My Dad used to get really grumpy when we were packing the car for a trip. Really grumpy. He would stay in his funk for a good hour after we left, with us kids and Mum trying to be invisible.

It happened every time and I dreaded it.

JackieOGlasses · 06/08/2021 20:29

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linerforlife · 06/08/2021 20:37

OP my mum was like that with pick ups and drop offs! After nearly a decade together it is one of the things I love about DH, he will always pick me up or drop me - even if it is early hours of the morning Grin

UnitedRoad · 06/08/2021 21:01

Some of these responses are heart breaking.

My dad was very violent with a terrible temper. I don’t think I was a particularly messy kid but my bedroom had no storage, so I was always getting into trouble for my room being messy. He’d shout at me for what felt like hours bellowing ‘why? why? why?’ And I had no answer because there wasn’t an answer, so then he’d hit me, over and over, head, back, pulling my hair, whatever until eventually I’d be on the ground, and he sort of calmed down then. I didn’t mind being hit because it meant it was nearly over.

Worse than that, much worse actually, and I’m crying a bit thinking of it, was I had eczema, on my arms and legs, but worse on my hands. It wasn’t particularly bad compared to pictures I’ve seen of some peoples, but I’m really pale and so it glowed very red.

The only time we ate together as a family was Sunday dinner, and I did my best to hide my hands, as he HATED my eczema and was convinced I was dirty, so made me scrub my hands at the kitchen sink with a green pan scourer thing, until they bled. My big brother had quite bad acne and his poor face got the same treatment.

He used to hit my mum too, but to this day I wonder why she didn’t stop him hurting us.

SparklingLime · 06/08/2021 22:21

I’m so sorry, @UnitedRoad. That’s so awful that it is hard to even read. Flowers

FullMoonInsomnia · 06/08/2021 22:37

@UnitedRoad

Some of these responses are heart breaking.

My dad was very violent with a terrible temper. I don’t think I was a particularly messy kid but my bedroom had no storage, so I was always getting into trouble for my room being messy. He’d shout at me for what felt like hours bellowing ‘why? why? why?’ And I had no answer because there wasn’t an answer, so then he’d hit me, over and over, head, back, pulling my hair, whatever until eventually I’d be on the ground, and he sort of calmed down then. I didn’t mind being hit because it meant it was nearly over.

Worse than that, much worse actually, and I’m crying a bit thinking of it, was I had eczema, on my arms and legs, but worse on my hands. It wasn’t particularly bad compared to pictures I’ve seen of some peoples, but I’m really pale and so it glowed very red.

The only time we ate together as a family was Sunday dinner, and I did my best to hide my hands, as he HATED my eczema and was convinced I was dirty, so made me scrub my hands at the kitchen sink with a green pan scourer thing, until they bled. My big brother had quite bad acne and his poor face got the same treatment.

He used to hit my mum too, but to this day I wonder why she didn’t stop him hurting us.

My God that is appalling. My heart goes out to you as that poor little girl.
FullMoonInsomnia · 06/08/2021 22:41

@JackieOGlasses

Why does one parent do this and why does the other parent pander to them? Do you think when you were a child that packing a car must be an awful experience LoveFell? My Dad wouldn't speak for hours after driving us a long way. My Mum supported this behaviour 'Your dad's been driving'. I was in my 20s when I drove a long way for the first time and was convinced that it was going to leave me a state where everyone should tip toe round me. Imagine my shock when I came in, had a drink and continued the funny car journey talk and then got about my business without making the whole house walk on eggshells.
My father would decide that we weren’t going on holiday the day of the holiday then have everyone in tears unpacking their cases. Then he’d change his mind at the last minute . Hours of awful upset and his foul mood. Later when I was an adult he would say he was coming to stay, then phone on the morning to say he wasn’t coming. Then phone two hours later to say he was on the motorway. He once did this when he and my mother were due to go on a skiing trip. She just went alone in exasperation. He appeared the next day.
LoveFall · 06/08/2021 23:50

It is interesting to know packing the car etc. made other fathers grumpy too.

There were 4 of us kids and Mum, who did all the packing.

Dad did all the complaining about why we had too much. If we dared touch anything like the window controls he would say "fingers" and we were suitably chastised. Yet at destination he was fine and spent hours with us.

He shouldn't have been allowed to get away with his childish behaviour, but he was the boss of us all, for sure.

JackieOGlasses · 07/08/2021 06:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/08/2021 07:20

Well I won't be picking DS up from anywhere as I can't drive.

My parents were divorced. My dad was a shit dad so that was annoying. My mum was absolutely desperate for a new partner so when she met one they decided to get married after 4 months of dating. I didn't get on with him. Not good parenting and that's why as a divorced mother myself I would never consider remarrying and putting DS through the same.

FrenchFancie · 07/08/2021 08:22

Not the same as the abuse stories some have shared on here, my parents never did anything massively wrong but like many in the 80s were just a bit uninterested.
The shining example of this is when I sang at the Albert hall - they didn’t come, they couldn’t be bothered. It was a major achievement for me, and nerve wracking as you can imagine. Prince Edward was there. My parents couldn’t be bothered.

nevernotstruggling · 07/08/2021 13:01

My parents rarely replaced anything if it was broken. I realise this because I have this anxiety now about my dds thugs being lost of broken. I realise my exh was like this and quite careless with the dds things. Something being lost especially generates severe anxiety in my. I always replace things for the girls I reassure them about it.

It wasn't financial - my father was wealthy - it was just lack of emotional attunement

ponyexpress22 · 07/08/2021 14:27

Mum falling out with my grandparents because she suddenly "remembered" something she didn't like about them years later. We all lost our closeness with them and all our cousin's because of my mum's unforgiving nature and self pity. . She still expects perfection in others but is far from perfect herself.

Tara336 · 07/08/2021 17:57

@ponyexpress22 my DM did something similar, I had/have a big family and when I was 10 was told I won’t be seeing them again. No explanation. I was just supposed to accept this and pretend they didn’t exist anymore. After intervention by myself as an adult she started speaking to what’s left of her family. I struggle though as these people are now strangers that I barely know

Iwantahippopotamusforchristmas · 07/08/2021 18:57

Never allowed friends in the house
Never had friends for a sleepover
Never had a birthday party
Never went abroad on holiday
Smoking in the car.
Using money to be drunk and have cigarettes but make us wear second hand clothes so we got bullied.
Painted a picture of a beautiful happy family but behind closed doors it was an entirely different story.

ponyexpress22 · 07/08/2021 20:56

@Tara336 It's awful, you feel cheated don't you.

LolaSmiles · 07/08/2021 21:04

It's minor compared to some stories on here, but I look back at the stupid battle that was created over shaving in my teens and don't understand why any parent would make that a hill to die on when they could listen to their child and teach them how to shave properly.

In adulthood I've come to wonder if it was a control thing.

Tara336 · 07/08/2021 21:14

@ponyexpress22 very much so, my family was very close up until that point and they disappeared out of my life overnight. I see other people with their big families and feel quite jealous as none of us have ever been able to regain the relationship we had as children. My DM returned to a relationship with her siblings without any real issue whereas I have t been able to regain the relationship I had with my cousins as we lost so much time with each other In formative years.

LostThings · 07/08/2021 21:19

Never had a car or went on holiday. No days out, no friends round. Couldn't always be bothered to take me to school. Read a lot and watched tv all day. Nothing to talk to other children about, so I was very quiet and got bullied at school for being so boring and for being ugly and pale.

SilverOtter · 07/08/2021 21:22

When I was about 8 and my brother about 5, we'd gone for a weekend walk along the river bank with my dad. We'd climbed over a stile and were walking past a farm when suddenly two enormous dogs came running at us from the farm, barking ferociously. One was a Rottweiler and I can't remember what the other one was. Both me and my brother were scared of dogs as children.
My dad just turned around and ran, leaving us behind with the dogs bearing down on us rapidly. He was over the stile and gone!
Luckily I managed to get me and little brother over the stile and we were fine.

It's particularly bothered me since I had my kids, as I know I'd put myself in between them and danger.

PompomDahlia · 07/08/2021 21:23

She would pick me up a few times a year from school - I usually went to childcare - but was consistently hugely late. As in, I was the last kid at school standing in the car park with the teacher waiting. Every time she announced she was picking us up I’d get so excited only to end up feeling forgotten. There was a lot of putting work first, or staying late to do extra work whilst I came home on my own to a dark house from the age of 11 and felt really scared and had some horrible experiences getting the bus across town alone

ponyexpress22 · 07/08/2021 21:26

It's very unfair Tara, my grandparents are so lovely too. There wasn't a thing they wouldn't have done for her. The hurt she's caused them is untrue.

Jalapinot · 07/08/2021 21:29

I lived a really sheltered life. Went to a girls school, had to go to a girls sixth form. I remember once in secondary school deciding to get the tube home one day as the buses were busy due to heavy rain (silly me didn't realise that forest till and forest gate were two different places, I had only ever been on a bus to school and back). Got lost and somehow got back to Liverpool Street, phoned my parents from a phone box crying and they accused me of meeting a man in a hotel!. I was 14.
By 16, I had never really met any boys my own age due to never being allowed anywhere.
Got myself a part time waitressing job and every Sunday morning after I had worked the night before I would get a 3 hour interrogation about whether I was meeting boys and if I'd had sex . They'd do the same about smoking, drugs. I remember being tired on me day and my parents were convinced I was stoned and were screaming in my face trying to get me to confess.
Should come as no surprise that I moved out at 18 and shagged loads of boys and took loads of drugs.

kitten789 · 07/08/2021 21:36

One of my earliest memories is my DM saying she couldn't cope with me and was putting me into foster care. I remember packing my favourite teddy. I assume to this day it was just a threat to make me behave but it has stayed with me to this day and I believe it's the root cause of anxiety I have suffered as an adult.

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