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Original poster

Just stopped ds camping out all night

95 replies

ZenNudist · 01/08/2021 01:06

Not AIBU because I feel justified but guilty. Also not really looking to get slagged off.

Ds (nearly 11 going into year 6) begged at 8.30 to sleep in neighbours garden in a tent. Ndn dc are years 8 and 9 nearly, so preteen and young teen. They are little. Ds is as big/ bigger despite being 10.

It was last minute. I was on the phone and said ask your dad. Dh agreed it with NDN who is currently sitting up in their shed waiting for them to go to sleep. I was going to bed after midnight could hear them still up talking and made the mistake of googling camping abduction stories. There's one really awful case which was enough to freak me out.

We are in a city and there have been thefts from gardens. So it's not that safe. Still, it seems unlikely that someone looking to break in or rob a bike from a shed would turn their hand to kidnap.

I was freaked out by what if. I would never go to bed without locking my door so it didn't make sense to leave my child out there unsecured!

So I demanded he come back in and put him to bed behind lock doors! I feel a bit guilty because he was disappointed and missing out.

I think the older boys will be perfectly safe and they're not mine.

Told ds he could go out again first thing and do camping breakfast but he might oversleep as he's been up late.

I feel bad! But he's in bed asleep already so feel like it's a justified action. He's safe.

Wondering if this is OTT. It's done now.

OP posts:
PigeonPink · 01/08/2021 01:08

I don’t think it’s OTT. I always think of the murder of Sophie Hook who was abducted while camping in the back garden and brutally murdered. Definitely wouldn’t let my child sleep outdoors!

Original poster
ZenNudist · 01/08/2021 01:13

Pigeon that's the story I came across. Scared me. Decided not worth the risk.

I feel better he is in rather than up all night fearing for his life.

There's a point at which they have to be old enough to do it but maybe in a proper campsite with adult supervision first...

OP posts:
IfNot · 01/08/2021 01:22

Doesn’t this really depend on where you live?? I have lived in areas where I wouldn’t want my kids outside at night, but in a safe suburban or small town area I can’t see the harm. I camped in my friends garden at 8 or so, but she lived in a lovely quiet area and no one would have known we were out there. I’m protective too though so I do get you.

IfNot · 01/08/2021 01:23

Could you not have camped with them come to think of it? I think that’s what I would do- just join them Smile

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/08/2021 01:25

Depends what the garden is like I suppose but ds and his mates slept out a lot younger than 11. One summer he practically lived in his tent with his friendsGrin

LanisHouseLot · 01/08/2021 01:25

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to whether it's theoretically OK to sleep out in the garden at that age. But it definitely is OK to follow your instincts as a parent and stop your child doing something that you feel is not safe. Obviously there's a line where that becomes suffocating and restrictive, but I don't think you were anywhere close to the line. It's a shame it happened at midnight and not earlier, but then again he got a good few hours of enjoyment that he wouldn't have if you'd said an outright no, so it's swings and roundabouts!

Original poster
ZenNudist · 01/08/2021 01:42

Lanis I know he had the fun bit and can do the rest of it in the morning.

My post wasn't a judgement about people who do let their dc camp. That's why i gave details about why my garden isn't safe. But that said Sophie Hook was Llandudno so I'd think that safer than Manchester. Sarah Payne who wasn't camping but was abducted whilst playing alone was in the countryside. I'd expect there to be many more crazies around here.

Ifnot I'm no camper. I was desperately casting about for a sleeping bag but that would have been insane for me to sleep out under the stars.

Ironically I have said we would like to do a camping experience over the road in neighbouring garden but that's huge and feels somewhat safer. Plus we would all camp.

To get into my garden you have to climb the gate from the street but its been done before and a bike stolen.

OP posts:
davidsong · 01/08/2021 02:06

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Feather12 · 01/08/2021 02:12

Only 5% of the population are gay so only 1 in 20 would-be abductors would even be interested in snatching your son
What does this mean? What have gay people got to do with this? Is it a typo?

CallMeRisley · 01/08/2021 02:12

@davidsong

You undermined your husband's and went back on your own word because you were scared, irrationally, after working yourself up reading stuff on the internet that affirmed your fears. Instead of taking responsibly for your emotions, riding it out and staying up all night keeping an eye out, you put it on others.

Only 5% of the population are gay so only 1 in 20 would-be abductors would even be interested in snatching your son, and the chance of one of them being on the prowl is far smaller than a driver mounting the kerb and mowing him down while he's walking to the shop in broad daylight.

Pretty selfish IMO, and everyone who hears about it will think you're a bit crazy and will be less likely to see your future worries as legitimate.

WTF has being gay got to do with it?!
davidsong · 01/08/2021 02:25

I thought it was pretty obvious, if sexuality of perpetrator is similar to that of the general population then a boy would be 20x less likely to be abducted than a girl because the majority of abductors aren't interested in boys.

But turns out I was wrong, I looked it up - it's more like 75% girls than 95%.

OnlyCans · 01/08/2021 02:25

I thought you were being unreasonable until I googled Sophie Hook! How horrific!

AlwaysLatte · 01/08/2021 02:26

Just camp out too!

CallMeRisley · 01/08/2021 02:29

@davidsong

I thought it was pretty obvious, if sexuality of perpetrator is similar to that of the general population then a boy would be 20x less likely to be abducted than a girl because the majority of abductors aren't interested in boys.

But turns out I was wrong, I looked it up - it's more like 75% girls than 95%.

Googling the case of Sophie Hook that has been mentioned here, the perpetrator has previously abdicated and exposed himself to a young boy (who managed to get away by playing dead) before abducting and killing Sophie. I don’t think sexuality in terms of gay and straight necessarily comes into it with violent sexual predators, it’s more of a power thing.
supersonicginandtonic · 01/08/2021 02:45

I think you have been terribly unfair and because his mother is googling ridiculous things, your poor son has missed out on a fun experience.
You will look silly to your next door neighbour and I hope your husband is furious with you for undermining him. I wouldn't be impressed if my mum embarrassed me so badly either.
Your son is much more at risk of dying in W car accident or drowning when swimmingZ are you going to stop him doing those things?
Get some help for your anxieties and stop googling things. I've got anxiety but my poor children never suffer because of it.

HerMammy · 01/08/2021 02:53

maybe in a proper campsite with adult supervision first
How is a campsite filled with 100s of strangers safer than the back garden?
Think you’ll need to rein in your paranoia, he’ll be in high school soon and won’t want his mum embarrassing him.

Peoniesandpeaches · 01/08/2021 02:56

There’s a reason you are referencing a crime that took place in 1995 -because it is so rare. There aren’t just predators prowling gardens at night looking for unsuspecting campers this was a seriously unstable guy who had staked her out ahead of time looking for an opportunity to take her. You said this was a last minute thing so the only people who knew about it were either in your home or your neighbors garden. Your son was also with 2 other older boys and it sounds as if the dad was sensible and probably had other safety measures in place like giving them a mobile in case of emergency.
I think it’s really sad you dragged him back in after letting your fear get the better of you.

davidsong · 01/08/2021 03:03

Yeah, I guess the stats would suggest that too. But the odds of an 11 year old boy from a good home being snatched by a stranger from a private garden in the presence of two friends is less of a worry than him being stuck by lightning.

Rangoon · 01/08/2021 03:09

Unlike a PP, I wouldn't be thinking that a "safe suburban or small town area" would be any safer. All it takes is one individual and I can't think the moral compass or mental health of people in small towns or "safe suburbs" is any different to that of people in cities. Actually paedophiles lurk where there are children and what better place than the suburbs.

PurpleSapphire · 01/08/2021 03:24

I never allowed it when dc were little but then I live in a pretty rough area. Lots of crime, they'd break into your house in broad daylight here for something worth a few quid if they could sell it for drugs, so you never know who might be roaming the gardens at night!

Immaculatemisconception · 01/08/2021 03:37

You did the right thing @ZenNudist. 100% definitely. 🌻

Yahtze · 01/08/2021 03:45

You're gut told you no, that your child wasn't safe. So many women and children would be alive if women trusted themselves more. It doesn't matter one jot how unlikely it is. If it felt wrong then don't do it.

supersonicginandtonic · 01/08/2021 07:43

@Yahtze so because of her anxiety and googling ridiculously, unlikely things, her son should suffer? Poor boy is all I can say.

garlictwist · 01/08/2021 07:46

I think YABU. He's 10! Not a baby. Yes, there are horror stories, but there are horror stories about everything if you Google enough and if you wanted to avoid anything bad happening ever you'd just have to never leave the house, sit very still in a chair and not touch anything.

Being 10 is a great age for camping outside with your friends and I think it's perfectly safe with the parents in the house.

girlmom21 · 01/08/2021 07:52

I think you were really mean to go and call him back in because you chose to read some horror stories

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