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Original poster

Ideas to help a family in dire need!

32 replies

Foxymoxy68 · 29/07/2021 19:48

This is my first post so here goes!
A very good family friend has recently received the devastating news that her 11 year old son has leukaemia (the family of our 18 year old son’s girlfriend so it’s her little brother).
We desperately want to do something to help and I just needed to run this past an objective audience!
He’s in the early days of treatment but already there are complications and he’s having to spend a lot of time in hospital. The parking costs/expenses are huge for his mum (separated from his dad although he is heavily involved) and I know it’s putting pressure on her financially although she never, ever makes an issue of it.
Would it be appropriate to do a Just Giving fundraising/sponsored event for the family (with their permission) to help cover these costs, with some of the proceeds also going towards the hospital where he is being treated? I realise that the family would have to be comfortable with this.
I desperately want to do something but just feel so helpless. I’ve donated to lots of charities before but have never done anything like this before.
Or is there anything else I could do?
Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:
milkjetmum · 29/07/2021 19:59

You can but bear in mind you will personally receive the money to transfer to them and the charity if you set it up and so is a big position of trust and others who don't know you as well may find that uncomfortable.

There are alternatives eg PayPal pool eg you could ask people to chip in for a days parking but similar challenge that it is you personally who receives again but it is quite transparent (and without fees).

MyDcAreMarvel · 29/07/2021 20:11

Hospitals usually waive the parking for parents of children with cancer. Maybe double check that for her. Food etc in hospitals all adds up so I think a go fund me with permission is a lovely thing to do.

Original poster
Foxymoxy68 · 29/07/2021 20:23

milkjetmum
Thank you for that. Yes, I’m aware that it’s a huge position of trust but I would only be sharing it with people who know me well. But a very fair point.

MyDcAreMarvel
I’ve checked and this particular hospital doesn’t offer free parking for parents with children who have cancer. Apparently, it’s the most expensive parking in the country for a children’s hospital. She’s having to use an NCP nearby and it’s £25 a day.

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 29/07/2021 20:26

Can you arrange a pool of people to give her lifts to and from the hospital? That will save on parking costs.

Maybe arrange people to provide meals also.?

TheNewBlack · 29/07/2021 21:11

Give them your time. Walk their pets, care for their animals, offer lifts, buy a bagful of shopping…easy to cook items and treats, be there when she needs to talk, make a home made lasagne or something, do their garden, clean their kitchen (if appropriate)…

All of the above really helps when you are busy, short of cash and under pressure.

Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx · 29/07/2021 21:16

Oh OP what a horrible situation, how is your DS doing and his GF? Thoughts are with with her little brother.

In all honesty I’d scope it out with their mum, we are all proud and don’t want to accept help at the worst of times. I think if you sold it to her that it would there to help her DS be more comfortable as she wouldn’t need to worry about financial things, and I think if the just giving didn’t talk about the struggles, jsut that it was created to support then I think it would be okay xx

LuvMyBubbles · 29/07/2021 21:19

I think what you are doing is great. This will be very helpful. I would want most of money to go to mum and her needs as they are going to be high, maybe fundraiser for hospital later.
Can she ask for help from the Leukemia foundation for some of these costs?
And having been in a similar situation, home cooked meals are the best gift anyone can make.

TheNewBlack · 29/07/2021 21:21

Seek advice from the child cancer charities out there. They may have funds she can access.

LynetteScavo · 29/07/2021 21:28

I worked with someone in a similar situation.

We handed over a jar of money need collected for "hospital expenses" so if not car park, a McD's on the way home. Also people insisting on walking the dogs and mowing the lawn.

But honestly, if you look after the DD ad much as you can, give her decent meals and nice days out that will be a huge burden off the mums mind, knowing one DC is OK.

Original poster
Foxymoxy68 · 29/07/2021 21:32

Thanks so much everyone. Great ideas! I hadn’t thought about all the other things we could do to support the family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxymoxy68 · 29/07/2021 21:38

Yes, we’re very much trying to do that-giving her lifts home, having her for tea, including her in all our family events etc. I know her mum appreciates it. Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxymoxy68 · 29/07/2021 21:39

I’ll let her know. Thank you x

OP posts:
GreenMeeple · 29/07/2021 21:40

There is a charity called Rainbow Trust that helps families with things like driving them to hospital appointment. I'm not sure if they cover all of the UK but maybe worth looking into.

itsgettingwierd · 29/07/2021 21:45

All of the above.

Also contact local MP. Make noise about ridiculous car parking charges. Ask for them to provide free car park pass. Start campaigning for change for everyone too.
The people I've known who have had cancer all wanted the things that were substandard to be improved to stop others going through what they did.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 29/07/2021 21:45

No suggestions but- wtf country do we live in that a mum with a very sick child is being bankrupted by parking ffs? Plus for sure she has to be there all the time as parents are expected to nurse their kids. Ffs.

Original poster
Foxymoxy68 · 29/07/2021 22:55

I know, it’s shocking how much she’s having to pay for parking. I cannot get my head around how it at all. And yes, she’s there around the clock.
Thank you for all your advice and ideas.
I’ve signposted her to the Rainbow Trust and she’s already looking into it.
Such a supportive forum. Thank you xx

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 29/07/2021 23:00

@Foxymoxy68

milkjetmum Thank you for that. Yes, I’m aware that it’s a huge position of trust but I would only be sharing it with people who know me well. But a very fair point.

MyDcAreMarvel
I’ve checked and this particular hospital doesn’t offer free parking for parents with children who have cancer. Apparently, it’s the most expensive parking in the country for a children’s hospital. She’s having to use an NCP nearby and it’s £25 a day.

If she gets Universal credit then they are likely to get free parking - you usually have to claim back at the hospital cashiers office. If income is low enough then she can apply for a macmillan grant. Also DLA for the child to help with the extra costs of a longer term illness.
exexpat · 30/07/2021 00:53

If it is Bristol children's hospital then there is basically no hospital parking at all (a handful of blue badge and 15-min drop off spaces) and it is in the city centre so no on-street parking; the only option is expensive commercial car parks.

I think getting friends to chip in to pay for parking is a great practical thing you can do to help.

BritInAus · 30/07/2021 00:54

There's a website called Meal Train where you can get the family to share dates that they'd benefit from not cooking a meal and then share the link with friends/family.. so people can sign up and write what they will cook (so they don't get 2 weeks of spag bol in a row, for example)... the family can write anything they don't like, allergies etc... and it updates to show any gaps still there. It's an easy way for people to help, by cooking a double batch and dropping off some meals to avoid the family cooking or to help them stock the freezer... or to take portions into hospital to microwave so they don't need to rely on expensive cafe food.

BritInAus · 30/07/2021 00:55

Also would suggest, if you're close by, organising a rota of some basic things to help the family eg, get a neighbour to organise putting bins out and back in on the appropriate day. Someone to mow the lawns every so often. Just take away some of the basic day to day strain of 'normal life'.

Original poster
Foxymoxy68 · 30/07/2021 10:50

Thanks so much everyone. Wonderful ideas and support.
Already, we’ve had a result, I emailed NCP and explained the situation. They’ve sent a lovely reply advising that my friend downloads an app and applies a code which will reduce parking costs by 66% a day! 😃

OP posts:
MyAnacondaMight · 30/07/2021 11:00

I would focus on providing meals, ideally in disposable containers, that can be frozen if needed. It’s a kind way of alleviating both financial and time strain, without it feeling like charity.

missminimum · 30/07/2021 11:09

Helping financially would have to be handled tactfully, but finding out about how she can save on hospital parking would be helpful for her. How about prepping some food she could take to eat in hospital? Take it round as a gift explaining you wanted to help her save time of making her own, or having to find somewhere in the hosptial for refreshments. Take round some evening meals, so there is something to eat at home, or for other family members to eat
I think the main thing is to let her know you want to support her and she can ask for help anytime. Regular texts to remind her you are still thinking of them
One thing that may be of help is to be there for her daughter and any other siblings. Taking her to activities or studies, feeding her, asking her to bring her washing round to do at yours. If their Mum knows her daughter and any other children have people looking out for them, that would be a huge help. I am sure her daughter would appreciate having someone she can talk to about her brother's illness, she may not want to upset her parents by talking about her fears
My brother had a similar illness as a child. I was a child myself, but remember talking to my friend's Mum about my brother's treatment, as my parents found it too difficult but also thought it would upset me. Friends would collect us from school, feed us, take us on days out, so my parents did not feel torn between being at the hospital and being with us

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