Cover story needed for child leaving school

[ScruffySock]

DD, 13 is miserable and after attempts to sort it out we are finally taking her out of school. There may be a place coming up soon at an alternative school, or it may be up to a year. We will home school her in that time.

However, it seems like a good idea for her to tell her old classmates a reason for her to be leaving so she doesn’t cause additional rifts, as people live locally. Given that she isn’t going anywhere else straight away, the only thing I can think of is health? She has a long term auto-immune condition which could have got worse I suppose?

Any other ideas? Thank you in advance.

Another saying 'Don't Lie', especially not about health. Truth always outs, and when it does it's a shitshow. A thoughtless comment or a really nosey questioner and the proverbial hits the fan.

Instead, just emphasise that with all the covid-related disruption, home-schooling worked better than expected and you, as a family, decided to see if you could make a go of it. That also covers if/when she goes to the alternative school - change of mind, change of circumstances that made home-schooling less practical, missed interactions etc. An exaggeration is much easier to maintain than a downright lie.

You're overthinking, no on e will care if you change your mind anyway.

Just saying you're trying homeschool for a bit. Then you can say you tried homeschool for a bit and decided to try school again.

No one cares. I do agree with not saying she is miserable though.

A lie needs two sturdy legs to stand on.

'I wanted a change' is always a good option

Just that she enjoyed home schooling over lockdown so that’s what she will be doing.

I too would say about how she got on better with homeschooling so she’s going to carry it on for a bit longer. A lot of people actually did this.
That gives a way for her to return or go to a new school.
She could say it was easier to manage her condition but I think that would lead to too many questions.

@lannistunut

You're overthinking, no on e will care if you change your mind anyway.

Just saying you're trying homeschool for a bit. Then you can say you tried homeschool for a bit and decided to try school again.

No one cares. I do agree with not saying she is miserable though.

I know. I just don’t want to make anything worse for her.

Are you in England? Presumably she’s already finished for the summer. So no-ones going to know until September, and then probably not for a couple of days because they’ll just think she’s off I’ll or something.

I get small town mentality, but I honestly think making things up runs a bigger risk longer term. No one wants to get the reputation of being that kid who lied about being ill or made out they were doing something they weren’t.

Don't lie.
Just tell the truth.

Do you even have to mention that she's leaving?

She'll just not be there in September and people will probably not notice until half term.....

Yes, she’s finished for summer, but wants to have it clear in her head what she’s doing and be able to tell people if it comes up.

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the answers. It’s obviously been an unhappy time and it’s hard to to see things clearly sometimes when you’re embroiled in it!

Why can't she just say she is waiting for a place to come up at a different school? Or maybe just say because you might be moving closer to the other school or something

@rainbowfairydust

Why can't she just say she is waiting for a place to come up at a different school? Or maybe just say because you might be moving closer to the other school or something

I can’t think of a reason to want to move to the other school though? She’s still need to address the leaving right now I think. Moving doesn’t really work because of where it is.

We moved our DD (yr 8) a few weeks before the end of term- similar reasons. She just told people she was moving, didn’t say where, didn’t elaborate. She’s kept in touch with local friends who she wants to keep in touch with. Other local friends (and reason for leaving) she’s blocked/ ignored.

My dd did this. We said she wanted tov one school for a bit, that was it.

There was a bit of animosity amongst the girls feeling she was having an easy life being at home while they had to be at school but they weren't real friends.

Then she got placed in medical pru which raised further eyebrows but she's made good friends there and put the horrible girls behind her.

Seems a big deal now but in years to come its a drop in the ocean whereas a lie would follow her around and cause more gossip. I.e. Stacy said she was too ill for school but I saw her in town looking fine etc.

Can I just say as someone who left a school at a similar age due to horrific bullying. I'm leaving because your a bunch of bitches is probably fine also! I would advice the home schooling line - I don't think it hurts teenagers to realise that something has happened as a consequence of them being nasty.

You are testing out home schooling for an unknown period - which results in you deciding another school is best after all.

Gossip moves fast but it also has a fast turnover - chip paper remember.

You won't be able to control what is thought so you may as well please yourselves.

You want her to lie about her health???

Really???

WOW!!

@WaterIsBest

You want her to lie about her health???

Really???

WOW!!

It’s half true, as I said.

Be honest? You’re both unhappy with the school and awaiting alternative provision

Crikey , you are really overthinking this and making a mountain out of a molehill . Just say she wants to try homeschooling for a bit , this may be a big deal to you and your daughter but it won’t be a major talking point amongst other people , they have their own problems . Hope it all works out well for her .

I don't think she really needs to say anything just yet; presumably she isn't seeing her bullies during the school holidays anyway, and even if they do come across one another, I doubt that they are going to start talking about school.

The less said the better, I reckon. They don't need to know that she won't be going back in September.

Just be frank and open and say it as it is. In other words mention the issues which had a negative impact on your child and that you are so concerned for your child’s wellbeing and education that you are considering a temporary home schooling measure at great inconvenience with a view of obtaining a place at an alternative local school which may be a better fit. Perhaps the current school may discretely investigate professionally and advise as to a better mutually agreeable solution as to safeguarding and ensuring unacceptable behaviour is appropriately dealt with. I am sure even a challenging school with a poor track record would not wish to unnecessarily antagonise current members and should implement normal wellbeing, safeguarding and anti social and anti bullying measures for everyone’s benefit. I am assuming it is not one of those infamous inner city schools which appear in local newspapers for all the wrong reasons etc.

@ScruffySock

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the answers. It’s obviously been an unhappy time and it’s hard to to see things clearly sometimes when you’re embroiled in it!

I understand

Say the smallest amount of truth you can get away with.

Don't explain at length
Don't justify
Don't make it about what you are leaving but about what you are moving to
Don't lie, especially about health

If you lie, she will only get caught out and it will be far worse. No matter what you say, it will go one way or the other and there will either be rumours or no one will really register and just carry on at school as normal. She’d do best to say she is happier being homeschooled for now and leave it at that.