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Original poster

Boys with long hair

110 replies

LST · 28/07/2021 17:18

Why do people feel the need to pass judgement of bots who choose to have long hair?

It's happened a lot. Especially with older family members but I and ds just shrug those comments off. When a complete strangers tells him he'll 'need that cutting before he goes back to school' I just find it takes the piss!

No real reason for the post really apart from a bit of a rant. As you were!

OP posts:
ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 28/07/2021 19:14

DS2 is 6, he has long hair. My dad insists it's me making a statement about gender stereotypes, but it's really not. He has no desire to have it cut, and as I wasn't allowed to make decisions about my hair or clothes until I was around 16 I am conscious that I don't want that repeating for either of my DC. If he's ever mistaken for a girl, he just says "I'm a boy", there's no harm done. We've always taught him it's no big deal to be mistaken for a girl, girls are great, it's not a bad thing, but that he can just correct someone politely without fuss. He's had some kids at his new school try and call him a girl in a derogatory way and he won't have any of it.

It's interesting though - I never thought hair was as much of an indicator to other people as clothes are, but DS can be in a t-shirt that literally says DUDE on the front and someone will still think he's a girl.

Lieinrequired · 28/07/2021 19:14

My DD has short hair - her choice. She hated getting knots in her hair. She prefers to wear shorts or joggers. As a result she is constantly referred to as a boy. She has had children tell her she must be a boy because she has short hair.

Original poster
LST · 28/07/2021 19:18

@Rizzoli123

Sorry i had a whole post which vanished.

My two boys hadlng hair and looked amazing. One of them had to have his cut to collar lenght for school. I was gutted. I took my youngest to a party at the weekend and someone went is she OK. Does she want anything. I had to say very loudly he is fine thank you! I am dreading getting his hair cut like his brothers for school. They are not allowed long hair. School policy 😢

That is so backwards! I would raise the roof of the school told ds he had to cut it but girls didn't have to.
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serenenadine · 28/07/2021 19:18

@moofolk

Better give him a shirt back and sides quick or he might catch The Gay
That's exactly what my DSS's grandfather says. He is 20 years old with blonde beach wave hair down his back. He looks amazing. But grandfather is very concerned people might think he's gay. DSS wouldn't mind either way 😀
Original poster
LST · 28/07/2021 19:21

@Lieinrequired

My DD has short hair - her choice. She hated getting knots in her hair. She prefers to wear shorts or joggers. As a result she is constantly referred to as a boy. She has had children tell her she must be a boy because she has short hair.
I had my hair really short like a 'boy cut' in primary because I had really long hair that knotted really easily. I had it shaved too when I was pregnant with DS2
OP posts:
Rainbows89 · 28/07/2021 19:25

My DS has really long hair. He is 13 1/2.

He used to absolutely hate getting his hair cut and I think 2 years ago I just said, ok fine! Let it grow.

And it has grown really long and actually looks really nice. His school don’t care luckily.

Reallyreallyborednow · 28/07/2021 23:35

It's interesting though - I never thought hair was as much of an indicator to other people as clothes are, but DS can be in a t-shirt that literally says DUDE on the front and someone will still think he's a girl

Funny isn’t it- my dd had a pixie cut as a toddler. However if she wore “female” clothes- dresses, swimming costumes, the assumption always was she was a boy wearing girls clothes. A girl with short hair just didn’t occur to people.

I once even had a particularly rude person stop me to ask why I’d allowed my son out wearing his sisters clothes, and tell me that sort of thing should stay at home. Even when corrected she insisted I was wrong and my child was a boy!

NakedAttraction · 28/07/2021 23:48

My youngest has very long curly hair but is very obviously a boy. Without fail every single time we go anywhere someone refers to him as she.

Then he’s probably not very obviously a boy.

Itreallytiedtheroomtogether · 29/07/2021 00:01

@NakedAttraction

My youngest has very long curly hair but is very obviously a boy. Without fail every single time we go anywhere someone refers to him as she.

Then he’s probably not very obviously a boy.

My DS is 7. Has blonde, shoulder length hair and is always telling me someone has mistaken him for a girl. He couldn't be more stereotypically 'boy' in his dress, manner etc. So I totally disagree. As others have said, it's totally his choice, my other DS has short hair so I'm not forcing it on him - but the world sees girl when they see his hair.
NakedAttraction · 29/07/2021 00:06

My DS is 7. Has blonde, shoulder length hair and is always telling me someone has mistaken him for a girl. He couldn't be more stereotypically 'boy' in his dress, manner etc.
So I totally disagree.

If he so obviously looks like a boy, why are so many people mistaking him for a girl?

If he’s not bothered then it doesn’t matter anyway.

NakedAttraction · 29/07/2021 00:09

I’m finding much of this discussion a bit odd to be honest. Lots of parents talking about how their children are so obviously boys because they dress like a boy but happen to have long hair.

It’s like it’s ok to make assumptions based on clothing but not on hair style.

Itreallytiedtheroomtogether · 29/07/2021 00:10

@NakedAttraction

*My DS is 7. Has blonde, shoulder length hair and is always telling me someone has mistaken him for a girl. He couldn't be more stereotypically 'boy' in his dress, manner etc. So I totally disagree.*

If he so obviously looks like a boy, why are so many people mistaking him for a girl?

If he’s not bothered then it doesn’t matter anyway.

It doesn't matter - but that's a totally different point.

My two are 20 months apart and people always, and I do mean all the time, asked me if they were twins. It's kind of the same thing I suppose. People see long hair and think girl, a double buggy and think twins - and don't bother to interrogate further.

KfordMum1977 · 29/07/2021 00:16

My 5 year old boy has hair down to his shoulders. We get comments all the time from strangers saying how lovely he looks, and yes, some do mistake him for a girl (even though he is dressed head to foot in mostly Batman stuff at the best of times... Very "boyish" clothing)

The people that cause the most fuss about it are mine and my husbands mums 🙄 and my sister! We have asked him if he wants it cutting and he says no.

He wears it tied up when he goes kickboxing, its always brushed and washed. They need to get over it

Shmithecat2 · 29/07/2021 00:25

My ds (5yo) has long hair - halfway down his back. The ILs have finally given up mentioning that it needs to be cut, and if anyone else mentions it, I just reassure them with a loud 'DON'T WORRY, HIS PENIS HASN'T DROPPED OFF YET SO I DON'T THINK IT'S A PROBLEM'. Seriously, the bloody arrogance of anyone else commenting on my son's hair just blows my mind. Ds likes it long and doesn't want it cut. The end.

FunnyWonder · 29/07/2021 08:51

If people glance at my DS and assume he's a girl because of his long hair, no big deal. He doesn't care and would never get prickly about it and just laughs when somebody says 'oops sorry, I thought you were a girl'. It's the people who say he shouldn't have long hair who piss me off. The ones who think it's ok to actively criticise the choice he himself has made. He's 13 now and his body is losing that childhood shape where boys and girls look the same and becoming more masculine. So I imagine he won't get mistaken for a girl too often. But he'll probably still be told to 'get a haircut' by his grandparents.

Crazysheep · 29/07/2021 09:08

@Itreallytiedtheroomtogether mine are 53 weeks apart and they always get asked if they are twins. Always have.

Runningupthecurtains · 29/07/2021 09:22

My 11 year old DS has long hair at the moment - totally his choice because he doesn't want "short hair like Dad" the thing is DH had long hair from his mid teens until his late 30's when it started to thin so he reached for the clippers.

illuyankas · 29/07/2021 09:22

We haven't experienced much of judgement with my ds's very long hair. He was sometimes teased a bit at school when he was younger, but he couldn't careless. Now it's part of his identity. Still mistaken for a girl sometimes, but he either smiles or corrects them himself.
I think if the child is confident, it really doesn't matter what others think, ime.

DaniellaDavis · 29/07/2021 09:26

It's 2021, he can have long or short hair. Who cares what people think?

EssentialHummus · 29/07/2021 09:35

I don't think it's on my radar generally but I'm on a FB group with other mums of kids born concurrently with DD and there's one who seems to have manufactured a drama about her son's hair / inlaws suggesting a haircut / someone saying "lovely girl" etc since the kid was about one. She'll frequently post a pic of the child with shoulder-length hair, in a pink tshirt and leggings, and whinge because some random at the shop that day suggested he looked like a girl.

I just think... you can dress your child and do their hair how you/they want, within fairly wide margins, but if your child presents in a way that's more typical of the opposite sex then yes, you might get comments, and it's between you and Jesus whether those comments matter to you. But "Oh look how silly, another person thought Jack was a girl!" just seems a bad compromise.

Original poster
LST · 29/07/2021 09:38

@DaniellaDavis

It's 2021, he can have long or short hair. Who cares what people think?
It doesn't matter what people think. It's when they share what they think my ds should do with his hair that bothers me
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 29/07/2021 09:38

Everyone's given up telling me yo get DS, 6s hair cut as his Dads is longer. He's been assumed to be a girl since birth because he's so darn pretty.

dogevid · 29/07/2021 09:39

Why do people always assume it’s the parents making some sort of statement?

dogevid · 29/07/2021 09:41

I had my hair really short like a 'boy cut' in primary because I had really long hair that knotted really easily. vidmate w3toys/instagram

Bundlebuns · 29/07/2021 09:47

My 8 year old DS has hair to his shoulder blades. He's never had any teasing at school about it from the kids. He has it trimmed regularly to keep it the length he likes and always has it tied back neatly for school. His teacher did comment once to the class, "I don't think * has ever had a haircut". Most of the girls in the class have longer hair than DS and I'm sure the teacher would not say the same thing about any of them Hmm