Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Did I handle this right with DD?

51 replies

Chocolateemergency · 26/07/2021 11:25

Was sitting on the floor changing DD2’s nappy, DD1 (3) asked for a snack and I said yep no problem let me just finish this. Carried on with what I was doing and DD1 walked over to me and smacked me round the head.

I asked her why she had done that, she said she didn’t know so I sent her to her bedroom. I followed straight up, quickly put DD2 in her cot, then went into DD1 and explained that she was having a 3 minute time out in her room to think about why she hit mummy.

I stood outside her bedroom door the whole time, she was crying and shouting for me to let her out. She could have opened the door herself the whole time.

According to DH I’m a bad mum and she’s going to hate me when she grows up.

OP posts:
sfeirical · 26/07/2021 11:27

Your DH is an idiot.
Your DD will know next time not to hit you.
Would he prefer your DD kept hitting you with no repercussions?
Please ignore him, OP.

BlueSurfer · 26/07/2021 11:28

She won’t remember let alone hate you for that. Next time though, could you get her to help with changing her sister’s nappy so she feels involved rather than on the sidelines?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2021 11:31

Your husband sounds fucking horrible and quite daft. You handled this very well with your daughter. I would be having a massive rethink about being with a man who called be a "bad mum." How dare he be so cruel?Has he said this before?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
MissJeanBrodiesprime · 26/07/2021 11:33

You handled it correctly. Of course she has to learn and of course she won’t hate you, how ridiculous. I don’t understand why your DH would not support you teaching your DC how to behave.

NuffSaidSam · 26/07/2021 11:37

Your husband is being thick.

How did he suggest you handle it?

Original poster
Chocolateemergency · 26/07/2021 11:39

It’s not the reprimanding her that was the problem for DH. It was leaving her in her room whilst she was screaming to be let out.

He hasn’t even asked me what she’d done, and when I’d explained I’d just been in there and told her why she was in her room it wasn’t good enough because I hadn’t specifically told her the door wasn’t locked.

OP posts:
Starjammer · 26/07/2021 11:43

That seems a weird reaction from him. It's not my chosen form of discipline and I personally wouldn't like my husband doing it, but I would talk to him about it like a human instead and try to find a compromise instead of saying DD was going to grow up hating him!

TooMuchPaper · 26/07/2021 11:43

I wouldn't use a child's bedroom as a punishment. I also would never close the door on them and not tell her that it wasn't locked and that she could open it herself . Especially a 3 year old.

BertieBotts · 26/07/2021 11:45

I would probably not have done that but it's absolutely not an unreasonable reaction, it's a very common discipline technique and I wouldn't say that you did it wrong!

DH is being unhelpful here.

Galassia · 26/07/2021 11:46

Personally I would not put such a young child in a room as punishment and shut the door.

Children have a different concept of time and a few minutes can seem longer for them.

I do t think a three year old is capable of sitting there and rationally thinking about why they should not have hit mummy.

It was an impulsive act and she lashed out.

I do agree with you that she must understand that it’s not acceptable to hit you.

However, the real problem is your husband making snidey remarks and not supporting you.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 26/07/2021 11:47

Your dd will learn to fear her bedroom imo. Not what you want. Time out on the kitchen in full view but have your back to her washing up for example....

Imapotato · 26/07/2021 11:56

I would have used a step or a chair rather than her bedroom at that age. But your DH overreacted. She won’t hate you and really there’s nothing wrong with what you did.

NuffSaidSam · 26/07/2021 11:57

I agree that time out is better done in a communal area, not shut away by herself, but your DH's reaction is so OTT.

Was she crying in temper or fear? If she was screaming in fear then I can maybe see why he reacted so strongly...

Knittedfairies · 26/07/2021 12:00

I agree that her bedroom isn't the best place for a time out; my daughter's spot was the bottom stair, and ignored for 3/5 minutes or whatever.

Original poster
Chocolateemergency · 26/07/2021 12:01

100% crying in temper not fear, I have no doubt about that.

I take on board what you’re saying about not sending her to her room. I’ll change that in future thank you for your constructive feedback, it’s appreciated.

OP posts:
HerrenaHarridan · 26/07/2021 12:07

Do be firm about not hitting you

Seriously. Even at, ESPECIALLY, at 3 they need to learn that’s not ok

It is much harder to teach a 13yo whose got away with it for years

Your dp should be your back up in this!

Quartz2208 · 26/07/2021 12:11

Yes I would shy away from sending her away from you to her bedroom and deal with it in a communal area. I like to keep bedroom as a safe and happy space for them

But yes you do need to be firm about hitting you - how old is the new baby. I imagine she is struggling a little with that

Did you explain to her your actions? That DD2 needed her nappy changed and you would get a snack for her afterwards. etc

PrettyBlunt · 26/07/2021 12:13

Oh he can shut up.

What you done was fine.

I got a slap yesterday from DS 2 because he couldn't do something. So had a minute time out in his cot.

Roodicus21 · 26/07/2021 12:14

I would not have put a 3 year old in a separate room, especially their bedroom, where they were crying and screaming as punishment. Hitting you was wrong, but picking her up and setting her against a wall/on a chair in the same room and ignoring would've been more appropriate.

2bazookas · 26/07/2021 12:15

You're a good mum. Your DD will grow up understanding that real love includes respect and awareness. of other peoples boundaries.

Does your DH intend to teach his kids "sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to slap a woman round the head? ".

PanannyPanoo · 26/07/2021 12:21

If it's the first time she has hit I would have just said. " No hitting" firmly. I don't like time out. Don't think that bedrooms should ever be used as a punishment. I don't think scaring a child and making them upset/scared angry is a useful or productive way to help a child behave well.

I think a firm, stern, "No hitting" then, when you have finished what you are doing a cuddle and explanation about being kind and never hurting people is far more beneficial.

HandScreen · 26/07/2021 12:29

I would never treat my DD like this, she must've felt so rejected and that your love is conditional. A quick "No! We don't hit!", said sharply, is enough.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 26/07/2021 12:38

@PanannyPanoo

If it's the first time she has hit I would have just said. " No hitting" firmly. I don't like time out. Don't think that bedrooms should ever be used as a punishment. I don't think scaring a child and making them upset/scared angry is a useful or productive way to help a child behave well.

I think a firm, stern, "No hitting" then, when you have finished what you are doing a cuddle and explanation about being kind and never hurting people is far more beneficial.

You see, this is where I think many parents go completely wrong. Simply saying 'no hitting' and then cuddling a child, often teaches absolutely nothing, other than that the child can get away with horrible behaviour. Why would you cuddle her when she's just hit you for god's sake? Hmm
HandScreen · 26/07/2021 12:42

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream That's completely wrong in terms of child psychology. Being firm about a behaviour then following up with a hug is exactly how to handle this situation.

Punishment, rejection, shame have really counterintuitive effects on children's behaviour, and are emotionally damaging,

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 26/07/2021 12:46

[quote HandScreen]@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream That's completely wrong in terms of child psychology. Being firm about a behaviour then following up with a hug is exactly how to handle this situation.

Punishment, rejection, shame have really counterintuitive effects on children's behaviour, and are emotionally damaging,[/quote]
Well, I don't know know who made you the parenting guru, and I never suggested shaming a child, but hitting requires discipline not cuddles