I've ruined my life

[UKhomemaker]

I've eaten junk and not exercised and drunk fizzy pop to the point where I am so far overweight. I can't seem to crack the habit. I look at myself and am disgusted because I have essentially taken a healthy body and destroyed it. My confidence is rock bottom & affects every area of my life. I hate people looking at me. I dress to hide. I don't feel worthy of nice things or worth the time to make an effort with my appearance.

I'm just so ashamed. And I don't know how to fix myself.

Please read the book 'Why we eat (too much)' by Andrew Jenkinson. As a lifelong yo-yo dieter, this book really helped me. The first thing you need to do is to let go of the guilt you associate with your eating habits.

You need to look at what you eat, not how much you eat. You need to understand that your weight is not your fault - but there are changes you can make to get your weight to a healthy level.

Wishing you the best .

Like others have said, don't beat yourself up over slipping up occasionally. It's the direction of travel that matters.

Maybe do something really different, short term, to kickstart new habits? Just a few days of some type of cleanse or fast or meal plan - not for the weight loss but to wipe the slate clean so to speak, and to figure out what you want to do about food and snacking going forward, without having to think too much about day to day meal planning while you do your planning for the future.

Don’t beat yourself, Chuck away all your fizzy drinks, plan what meals you can , nhs eat well site starting point, paint your nails or do something to treat yourself.
Lots of flavoursome herbal zero calorie teas.
Take one day at a time, if you fail start again, you at least realise you need to change

One tip for replacing the fizzy pop: you can make your own fizzy drinks by buying some really nice, good quality juice (apple juice works well but you can try other options). Then mix it with fizzy water. Start with maybe 1/4 juice to 3/4 water. Put everything in the fridge so it’s nice and cool and feels like a real treat rather than you depriving yourself. You can reduce the proportion of apple juice gradually if you like. But it should still be a treat!
Lots healthier and less sugary than fizzy pop and it can help change your tastes. I’m not convinced by diet versions of fizzy drinks, they can get addictive in their own right and do weird things to your digestion!

It harmed my health with junk food and soft drinks too but I I don't hate myself for it, I'm making every effort to get better. I think your self-hatred started before this and stopping you from the cure. Retrain your brain to only think positive thoughts about yourself

I completely understand you, I’m dieting, I’m 50kg overweight and hate my body and how unfit I am. Tonight I feel disgusting, I had a really good day but craved bread and butter and a packet of crisps and gave in and ate them. But I’m just telling myself tomorrow is another day and things should change over time

You have self-awareness and a vision of your future self as fit and healthy. You're already on your way!

Good advice from PPs, especially those who warn against telling those around you about your new fitness goal. Many of us have had the experience of people berating us or even trying to sabotage our healthy new habits. It's intrusive and tiresome, so just do your thing and politely deflect any questions. And talk to us on MN.

Some books you might find helpful:

The Clothesline Diet, by Karen Gatt, "Australia's favourite diet mum". She was 136kg and shed the excess by choosing better food and walking around her rotary clothesline.

Clean, by Alejandro Junger. A hospital doctor, he piled on the weight and got depressed, so put his research skills to work on what the body really needs to stay healthy.

@UKhomemaker

I've eaten junk and not exercised and drunk fizzy pop to the point where I am so far overweight. I can't seem to crack the habit. I look at myself and am disgusted because I have essentially taken a healthy body and destroyed it. My confidence is rock bottom & affects every area of my life. I hate people looking at me. I dress to hide. I don't feel worthy of nice things or worth the time to make an effort with my appearance.

I'm just so ashamed. And I don't know how to fix myself.

OP today is the first day of the rest of your life. I don't use social media so I don't mean that in a crap Facebook meme way, I mean it as the literal truth.

You've got an amazing life in Front of you if you decide to take it...get the trainer's on, get out every day for a walk or run or exercise or a swim or whatever. Cut down whatever you're eating by half, take vitamins in the morning with a probiotic, and mineral supplements in the evening.

Take up a new hobby like reading on the Kindle and/or sign up for a charity challenge.

Do not stop. Keep repeating. Be consistent. These small changes will change your life!!

I say this as a personal trainer who sees many former clients in you who did actually Change their life once they realised.it was in their power to do it. 6 months from now life could look very different

By the way the watch word is consistency, so if you mess up one day doesn't matter, just get back on it so you're generally consistent. Consistency is everything.

My bf is on a path to lose about 9 stone. She started slowly (walking a little every day and halving the amount of fizzy drinks she has). 6 months on she has switched to fizzy water (not diet as that puts on weight), walks 3 mike's a day, reduced what she eats but cuts no food out and has lost 3 stone. She is happier and fitter. We have a WhatsApp group that we post in just about this with another supportive friend who is also losing weight.

Hello OP, I hear your pain. Please consider that your weight does not define you. Your good qualities as a person are what define you. Remind yourself of those.

Secondly, in addition to the good practical tips here, it may be worth looking at the psychological reasons why you eat certain things. Is it a coping mechanism? To deal with depression? Boredom? What emotions drive you to food?

I've had a variety of eating disorders in the past that made me both over- and underweight at different times. To start to break them I had to look at the feelings that drove my eating habits. Private therapy is good if you can afford it. The NHS is not great on eating disorders unless they are life threatening unfortunately. But Overeaters Anonymous is free and fantastic. It is a safe space amongst people who understand deeply where you are and will not judge you because they are the same. There are lots of OA meetings, many on Zoom too if you are self-isolating. The website will help you locate one near you and there will be a helpline which may allocate you a buddy to go with you to your first meeting so you don't have to be alone.

Food issues are so difficult. But they can be overcome. I wish you all the very best.

Unless you are 105, you can definitely turn this around OP. Don't give up. There's loads of good advice on this thread. You can do it!

Your body isn't optimised for good health as a result of your lifestyle, that isn't the same as having 'destroyed' it OP, your life certainly isn't ruined, these things are physically reversible.

It sounds trite but learning to love your body as something that supports you and enables you to live your life is important,not just as something that exists for the male gaze or to aesthetically support self esteem. Plenty of people have a body that is over or underweight or not working in another capacity as a result of illness and who can never reverse those changes. Nobody deserves to feel ashamed or disgusting or endure self blame as a result. Bodies deserve care and the right food and exercise, it is what they need to properly function.

I'd you don't know why you can't motivate yourself or stop then I'd suggest it is worthwhile speaking to the GP about the mental health side of things and how youre feeling as you sound very low, or sourcing a counsellor with an interest (search the baaacp website) to think about what motivates this, your self esteem, food as a comfort and what the subconscious rationale is. You need to tackle the mental health aspect of this for any new habits to stick.

As others have said then it is about starting small. Get in habits of walking daily even of you don't feel like it, start to switch fizzy down to 1 a day, incorporate some fruit into the diet instead of junk snacks. Most importantly never self hate if you don't stick to it, it is hard and new habits take months to form, not days.

You can fix this one day at a time. As others have said it's little steps and you have to have to have smaller, achievable targets re eating habits and exercise.
About ten years ago I lost a significant amount of weight, but I didn't think "I've got 5 stone to lose" and aim to lose it all. I took it half a stone at a time - otherwise it just feels too far out of reach.
You CAN do this - you can make healthier choices about food and drink, you can start just having a small walk each day and building up the distance. You must start to love yourself and see that you are so much more than external appearance - list your qualities; you are probably very kind and thoughtful, maybe you're creative, loving, funny. Perhaps you are selfless, a great cook or gardener, a good friend and daughter or sister.

Little steps OP because you are most definitely worth it.

OP, I am the same as you.

Only, I lost ten stone and gained it all back again.

When I was 21/22 I weighed 19 stone. I lost ten stone very easily (lovely young metabolism). I kept it off for 12/13 years. I used to go to the gym and all sorts.

Then my life turned to shit. More stress than I can deal with.

7 years ago I gained that 10 stone back over two years. I’ve not got rid of it yet.

I’m 41 now and back to 19 stone.

I need to do something because I feel like you do.

Time line messed up there I started putting on weight 7 years ago. it’s been the last 5 that I ballooned.

Good luck OP.

Last night I was saying I want to comfort eat that if you're trying to give something up ,you need to replace it with something else .A walk ,a shower ,a piece of cucumber .

I'm another here OP who wants to give you a hug .I do understand your feelings of self loathing and not being worth it ,and how destructive that is .Could you think how you would react if someone came to you feeling fat and worthless ?And how sympathetic and supportive you would be ?
And then transfer some of that kindness and love to yourself ?

It's not like you've been reckless and killed someone ,you've been unhappy and spiralled into despair .

Baby steps .

I was where you are this time last year. I thought I'd give this weight loss thing one last go before giving up. I thought I'll do a week of really trying and if I don't like it I can go back to eating crap and hating myself.
I set a rough calorie target of 1500 a day. It was hard and I was not used to feeling hungry but I decided that if I was feeling hungry then it's working. If I was ever weak and starving I would have a snack from allowance. I lost half a stone in first week. I went on to lose 3 more stones.
After a month I started exercising, Joe wicks 20 min workouts on YouTube. Was really hard at first but soon my fitness levels improved and I now enjoy them.
1 year on I've put half a stone back on thanks to socialising but I exercise most days and try to wait till I'm hungry to eat, and stop eating when I'm pleasantly full, not stuffed.
I am no longer an invisible middle aged woman which is nice.
If I can do it, anyone can. You can. Good luck! X

Poor OP, your opening post was so sad. Others have said it really well already - have a nice fizzy water with ice and a slice of lemon or a good cup of tea (Earl Grey is a treat for me) instead of pop, and start making a short walk every day part of your routine. I have come to love my walks even if I'm not walking anywhere interesting, especially late in the evening at this time of year.

Only one other tip - I found I could easily eat so much chocolate (or dessert) it would go down well at the time and then I'd feel a bit sick and over-full. The 'Full' signal doesn't kick in immediately for me, so what I do now is have a reasonable, even small amount and then wait ten minutes, telling myself I can have more if I want more. Nearly every time I then realise after the 10 mins that I don't actually WANT more - it was just my mouth enjoying the taste so much, not my stomach demanding it!

Good luck and you are NOT alone, thousands are in the same predicament

Love yourself and think yourself beautiful……………..once habits are established they can be kept.
At 49 and 5’4 I weighed 12st 6, I knew why, crap menopause, loss of energy.
Before 50 I was 11st, then went to 10st 6 quite easily, just given added sugars ( not fruit) now 10st 3 at 59.
My natural weight seems 10st 6 and has been for years.
It takes time and habits, think days not weeks or months

Another thing that really helps is making little rules for yourself. Mine are

• I won't get the lift unless I have heavy bags (I am in a 2nd floor flat).
• get off a stop early on the bus route
• brush your teeth straight after dinner to avoid snacking

All little changes but they add up.

I like the sound of that approach Lonel ,Have you any others you could share ? I am SO weak willed .But ...I think it might be all about new habits .

Hmmm...let me think. I also have (but haven't been good at doing it recently) the rule that you have to sit down on the floor to put your shoes on. This helps with flexibility and I started this because I realised I couldn't actually do it without pulling myself up on the furniture. Maybe others could add some? The best ones are ones that fit into your own circumstances though.

I think I need a rule to wait 15mins or so before I guzzle another piece of cheese/cake etc .Sometimes I find telling myself "OK Peridto ,if you really want another piece later on ,you can " helps .But usually not !