I've ruined my life

[UKhomemaker]

I've eaten junk and not exercised and drunk fizzy pop to the point where I am so far overweight. I can't seem to crack the habit. I look at myself and am disgusted because I have essentially taken a healthy body and destroyed it. My confidence is rock bottom & affects every area of my life. I hate people looking at me. I dress to hide. I don't feel worthy of nice things or worth the time to make an effort with my appearance.

I'm just so ashamed. And I don't know how to fix myself.

Oh, OP.

You haven’t ruined your body, you have just taken it off the rails a bit.

I felt like you this time last year. First of all I stopped constant snacking. I lined up some healthier snacks so that I did have something to grab, but I just made sure I didn’t have choc, cake, biscuits in the house.
It took about 5 days to break the snack habit.

Then I started with healthier breakfasts. Things I enjoy, in moderate portions. Berries, Greek yogurt.

Then I gradually cut down on the carbs in my normal meals and upped the veg. A smaller helping of rice or pasta.

A walk each day, and all of a sudden there was a small but actual start of weight loss.

That was magic! I was fuelled by success and kept it up. Gradually moving to more and more healthy options and bit by bit (definitely no struggling! ) I increased my moderate excercise.

There were plenty of set backs, but the overall gradual move towards healthier eating was the main thing.

Don’t do anything that you see as depriving yourself: you are not a being to be punished.

Nurture and invest in yourself. Have lovely, good quality food that you enjoy, but in moderate amounts.

Start now OP, you will be a shining version of you by Christmas, and entirely transformed by next summer.

We replace cells in our bodies all the time.You can grow new, pampered cells, and they will work hard for you and give you energy.

You are not ruined

Come and join us on the Lose it! July 2021 thread.

I used to be obese. Hated myself for being so useless that I couldn't lose the weight. Had food issues from not being fed properly as a kid. Couldn't get my head sorted. I have now lost 3 and a half stone and have had a huge boost of confidence.

Come and join us. We'll help and support you.

Just stop the fizzy drinks but change nothing else to start with

I agree about stopping fizzy drinks and not substituting them for diet ones instead. The stuff that’s in them play havoc with a persons body and they can cause a worse addiction than the non diet ones.

Here's what I would do (and I'm currently very overweight and working hard on it too so I know how you feel):

Do nothing differently for a week or two BUT write down every single thing that you eat and drink. Every bite.

Take some time to properly look at your food diary at the end of the fortnight and identify the "low hanging fruit". What are the glaringly obvious things that need to change? You've mentioned fizzy drinks so that would probably be one. Takeaways? Crisps? Alcohol? Very large portions?

Choose one thing per week to change. So it might look like this:

Week 1: Swap fizzy drinks for diet or zero cal versions (or even better, ditch them altogether and drink water if you can).

Week 2: Stop eating crisps/chocolate/calorific snacks and replace with a healthy snack such as veggies and houmous, fruit etc.

Week 3: Reduce portion sizes. If you're eating very large portions, start by addressing the size of your meals rather than the content of them.

Then week 4 you could start to look at breakfasts for example, week 5 improve lunches, week 6 improve dinners. If at any point it feels unmanageable then just stay where you're at for another week and try again in 7 days. Each week is an improvement.

You can do it. It's definitely about small steps as others have also said. Don't be discouraged by how long it takes. Slow progress is still progress!

Oh I'm sat here in tears reading all this! I really thought the replies would be similar to how I speak to myself in my head.

I do need to change. I hate how I look but I also hate how I feel - this hot weather hasn't helped.

I'm going to quit the fizzy and make that my first step.

I have been seeing it as one big impossible task and then talk myself out of even trying to change.

@UKhomemaker

Oh I'm sat here in tears reading all this! I really thought the replies would be similar to how I speak to myself in my head.

I do need to change. I hate how I look but I also hate how I feel - this hot weather hasn't helped.

I'm going to quit the fizzy and make that my first step.

I have been seeing it as one big impossible task and then talk myself out of even trying to change.

Honestly wish I knew you in the real world. So I could tell you how your feeling is exactly what I was feeling. Reading what your writing takes me right back to how I felt. I didn't think I would ever lose it. But just remember like everyone else just have 1 small goal like stopping the fizzy drinks and sweets and when you've done that make a next small goal.

You’ve had some lovely replies and good advice.

My advice would be if you mess up one day then don’t think well I may as well give up. Just start again the next day. You can do this.

Sending you OP. I agree with everyone else, just take one little step at a time starting tonight and just start making healthier choices, including a daily walk. Join a weight loss thread on here to get support. Don't look at it as one big thing but a series of small changes you will make from now. You can do it! You've not ruined your life at all.

Read the kindness method

Diet fizzy or fizzy water... And don't be so hard on yourself, small steps will make big difference.

Getting back on track the next meal or day ..... I start well but one mistake or lapse and I quit. But not letting one little mistake undo all the good choices is something I need to do.

I don't know why I've done this to myself. I'm tired of forcing a smile on my face - I want to be happy.

Lots of good advice. Small steps - don’t set yourself unrealistic goals as you will then punish yourself if you don’t reach them. Don’t feel like you have to announce to friends / family you are planning to lose weight as that may also make you feel pressure. Just quietly make some changes and don’t feel you have to explain yourself to anyone. Try a walk after lunch or dinner. Good luck!

A lot is habit, and habits can be broken. There's a lot of good advice on here. I know they might seem cheesy, but maybe look at some affirmations, even just tell yourself first thing every day, that you are worth making a change for the better.

I agree with all the advice about making small changes etc BUT I would also say, go shopping, maybe with a friend or book a personal shopper and find something you feel good in. And if not GOOD, then start with OK 😉 because the shame cycle is hard to break, you think you look awful, your self esteem plummets, you eat... (I live with the same cycle. It's tough)

Do you think you could find an outfit, one fab dress, or a nice pair of trousers and a pretty top, that you feel ok in?

Don't put off buying stuff until you are "slimmer". That's another way to punish yourself. You are worthy of nice things NOW not when you become something different down the line. A nice pair of shoes, handbag, hair accessories, anything that will make you feel even a little bit better about yourself. It will help.

Overweight does not equal bad, or ugly, or unworthy, or horrid.

Would looking at some body positivity accounts on Insta help, do you think? It had helped me. People exist in all shapes and sizes and that's ok.

But yes, if you want to make changes, you can do it. Small steps. But you are worthy already.

You are not alone What would be the easiest thing to change?

If you don't eat well one meal, don't beat yourself up. And also don't decide that your diet is now 'broken' and there's no point going back. Instead, just eat well at the next meal.

Don't go too extreme. You'll be miserable if you go from full junk and soda to salad with no dressing. Instead, start with an exchange. An "eat this, not that" kind of thing. So, don't have soda, have flavoured sparkling water--or even diet soda (not great, but better than full fat). Don't have a candy bar, have a small square of dark chocolate.

Try to overhaul one meal at a day at least. So, if you're eating junk for breakfast, have half an avocado on a piece of wholemeal toast--it's delicious, it will fill you up, and it's very good for you. Or if you're having something very calorific for lunch, swap it out for a grilled chicken thigh and half a (small) jacket potato.

It's summer! The grill is your friend. Makes very boring food taste great. Grilled boneless skinless chicken thighs are amazing. You can make a bunch at once and use it for almost every meal. If you like fish, even better.

Exchange bigger plates for smaller plates and wait 15 minutes after a serving to see if you're really full or if you haven't realized it yet. Drink tonnes of water.

Go for a 15 minute walk every day. Don't count this against your calories--it's really to clear your head.

If you can, get some help. Whether that's an app, an accountability partner, or a dietitian: they will help you keep track.

Don't do fads, don't do extremes. The goal is 2lbs a week max. It doesn't seem like much at first. But it's also nearly four stone in six months. If you plateau, don't get mad at yourself. Just keep plugging along.

Be as kind to yourself as you can. Really and honestly: your worth doesn't depend on your size. Feeling good in your bones is the goal, not being worthwhile.

You absolutely haven't ruined your life darling. You can change your life around, you just have to be in the right mind set and whenever that is, you'll do it. I promise you. Its taken me a long time to get to being ready but I'm on my journey now and I hate myself so much more less. Xx

Fizzy drinks do weird shit to you, honestly. Once you're not on them anymore things will feel different.

I agree with @fluffythedragonslayer, buy an outfit that you feel good in and that fits you as you are. I know the temptation to hunch over, make yourself invisible, but stand up straight. It immediately makes you look slimmer and draws attention to the face.

Don't put off buying stuff until you are "slimmer". That's another way to punish yourself. You are worthy of nice things NOW not when you become something different down the line.
This a million times. Your biggest change will not be diet or exercise, it will be loving and caring for you.💗

And totally swap out the pop for fizzy water.

The problem I had was after retirement I did not have anything to do. Nobody wanted to see me or ask me things. I felt unnecessary.
So I had to decide who or what I was doing things for.
I am now getting fit for an operation. 21lb to lose. Then there will be another reason that is secret to me.
What do you want for yourself? Not for spouse or partner or family, for you alone?

Oh lovely, you haven't ruined your life!

I echo previous posters: start with something small and achievable. You can always add more things, but make that start. Progress not perfection (btw no one does perfection - ever).

Your primary aim should always be to make sure it doesn't get worse. There will be points when you will feel like it isn't worth it, but it will be worth it if you don't put on another 10 stone/develop diabetes etc etc.

And try to order some clothes to try. You deserve nice things.

Watch my 600lb life, I find it inspiring . These people are just boobs of fat by the end of the programme most have made an amazing turn around

@fluffythedragonslayer

I agree with all the advice about making small changes etc BUT I would also say, go shopping, maybe with a friend or book a personal shopper and find something you feel good in. And if not GOOD, then start with OK 😉 because the shame cycle is hard to break, you think you look awful, your self esteem plummets, you eat... (I live with the same cycle. It's tough)

Do you think you could find an outfit, one fab dress, or a nice pair of trousers and a pretty top, that you feel ok in?

Don't put off buying stuff until you are "slimmer". That's another way to punish yourself. You are worthy of nice things NOW not when you become something different down the line. A nice pair of shoes, handbag, hair accessories, anything that will make you feel even a little bit better about yourself. It will help.

Overweight does not equal bad, or ugly, or unworthy, or horrid.

Would looking at some body positivity accounts on Insta help, do you think? It had helped me. People exist in all shapes and sizes and that's ok.

But yes, if you want to make changes, you can do it. Small steps. But you are worthy already.

I agree with this advice!

I started losing weight in June. Before I started, I found a really nice flattering pair of jeans , a nice belt, and a couple of tops that I feel nice in. Got a good hair cut. It really gave me a boost that helped me mentally when it came to changing my habits. We only really can control what we do today in the here and now and it really helps to be mindful of that.

@UKhomemaker - You really haven't ruined your life. You can only ruin your life by doing something appalling which is irreversible. Weight gain is very reversible. People lose weight all the time.

Try not to catastrophise the situation, and instead, make your self-talk more considerate and encouraging. Make one small step each day to improve the situation (e.g. switch sugary pop for diet pop if you can as a temporary measure before giving it up entirely.) Do some 5 minute yoga or body weight fitness videos on you tube. Just 5 minutes, one a day for a week. Keep a food diary and try to ensure you have your 5 a day minimum. Best to aim for 5 veg and 2-3 fruit a day.

Put a step counter app on your phone and build up steps daily from about 4k to 10k over a couple of weeks. Soon you'll feel fitter, more alive and energised and that starts to be its own motivation to keep going.