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Working from home - how to get people to respect your boundaries?

59 replies

UnitedRoad · 16/07/2021 14:01

I have an Etsy shop and work from home. Due to the size of my house, the sitting room is where I work. Husband also has his own business, and works from home part of most days. He uses the dining part of the kitchen/dining room. These two rooms are our only downstairs rooms, and it’s not that we don’t work tidily but both our jobs involve a lot of stuff. It’s fine, I manage, or I would but…

People just won’t leave me alone. Friends want to come round for coffee, or take me to fucking garden centres, or my mum wants to pop round’ although it will last three hours. It doesn’t matter if I say ‘not today, I’m really busy’, people just turn up, and if I ignore the front door, some just come round the back (where they can clearly see me). I can work while they’re there, although not brilliantly, because I’m really easily distracted, but some friends and my mum will start tidying me up, moving things from my desk etc, which means I’ll have to spend time finding things again. Another friend always wants to show me things on Tik tok or Instagram. Not just one video either. I really have tried explaining that I’m at work. I’ve lost my temper, I’ve cried, everyone seems to think I mean other people, not them. I lose so much time to this and no one takes any notice of me. Ive made mistakes because of distractions, and obviously they take time to rectify. I think it might be because they don’t take what I do seriously. I’ve worked really hard to get to this stage, but I’m only just getting close to the tax threshold.

Our children have just left home, but one is only working away, so needs to keep her room, and the others room was on the top floor, and I don’t really want to work up there. It’s hot and the light isn’t great. I don’t think I should have to move. The sitting room is light and airy, and suits me.

What can I do to make people respect my workspace and time? Preferably without upsetting anyone. If I worked in Sainsbury’s they wouldn’t fo it (I’ve tried explaining it like this).

OP posts:
UnitedRoad · 16/07/2021 14:02

Sorry, that was a really long rant.

It’s only two friends who want to take me to garden centres. One of those also wants to take me to national trust gardens. I’m genuinely not interested. She thinks I must need a change of scene.

OP posts:
StrongArm · 16/07/2021 14:05

can you get curtains/blinds on your back windows/door and then you can ignore them if they try and come round the back?

onlyhereforthecake · 16/07/2021 14:05

and if I ignore the front door, some just come round the back (where they can clearly see me). How rude!!

you need to learn to be firm.

"sorry, I am not available". And repeat.
Do not let them in.

THEY are the rude one, not you.

Akire · 16/07/2021 14:07

Open door sorry Im working to really tight deadlines have to get this finished now. Yes we must book time for coffee, garden centre soon. Close door

onlyhereforthecake · 16/07/2021 14:07

Telescopic curtain rod and a piece of net curtain or similar to block their view when you are busy.

Not ideal, and you shouldn't have to do that, but as a temporary way to get privacy?

mbosnz · 16/07/2021 14:13

Sign on front door, and back door, 'WFH - DO NOT DISTURB UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. ANY AND ALL OFFENDERS WILL BE DEFRIENDED - THIS INCLUDES FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

Ignore anyone who comes. Let phone go to voicemail.

CMOTDibbler · 16/07/2021 14:15

Don't be such a doormat! Just say 'No, I'm working', 'Hi, sorry I'm working, so I'll see you at the weekend' 'No, now isn't a good time, I'm working, bye!'

Mibbiesaye · 16/07/2021 14:17

Can you spot them from getting to the back of the house? Garden gate with a lock? Then you could just ignore the doorbell?

onlyhereforthecake · 16/07/2021 14:18

Or if you are struggling so much to say no, pop upstairs when they start ringing the front door so they can't see you when they try the back door Grin

Just keep it locked!

Mibbiesaye · 16/07/2021 14:18

Stop, not spot.

Mibbiesaye · 16/07/2021 14:19

Or could you swap rooms with your husband?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 16/07/2021 14:19

Is it urgent? No then I'll call you later. And shut the door. Just dont let them over the threshold.

UnitedRoad · 16/07/2021 14:19

@CMOTDibbler I do absolutely feel like a doormat. It just seems like whatever I do it doesn’t matter. I got really upset the other day (started by shouting, but ended up crying) at one friend and she just said it was obvious I needed a break. No!!! I have deadlines.

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 16/07/2021 14:20

You really need to grow a backbone OP! Doors locked. Ignore knocking/calls. If they come round the back shout out the window “I’m working until 5pm, I’ll give you a call later”

user27424799642256 · 16/07/2021 14:24

People always get "upset" when somebody who used to be passive learns to be assertive, because they're used to being able to walk over you and change is uncomfortable.

You'll feel uncomfortable when you first start being assertive instead of passive because you're not used to it, they'll feel uncomfortable when you first start because they're not used to it.

And then both sides adjust to it. Trying to avoid "upsetting" everybody except yourself is where you've been going wrong.

Assertiveness is about protecting your own needs while respecting the feelings of other people. It is a good thing, not something to avoid.

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Assertiveness

Viviennemary · 16/07/2021 14:32

Put a note on your door saying working hours x. And the door will not be open during these times.

wellingtonbear · 16/07/2021 14:32

Just reading that makes my blood pressure go up. Bloody Tik Tok videos Angry

Deloresmessi · 16/07/2021 14:35

When they come round the back, wave to them but then ignore them.

You've going to have to fall out with people I'm afraid

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 16/07/2021 14:40

So the invitation to NT gardens and garden centres ,are they by phone? Put your phone on silent!

You can stop all this, you are allowing it to happen.

Doors locked, phone on silent and note on the door saying working from home do not disturb. If they come round the back you need to lock the gate of there is one.

NotMyCat · 16/07/2021 14:40

I would lock the door and if anyone turns up just mouth/say "I'm working" and carry on
Phone on do not disturb
Total grey rock with "I'm working now" and ignore

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 16/07/2021 14:41

Another option is magic blinds, you can see out but they can't see in.

TotorosCatBus · 16/07/2021 14:44

Do you have regular working hours so your friends know before they ask? For example if you always work 11-3 I wouldn't invite you for lunch.

altforvarmt · 16/07/2021 14:46

I can work while they’re there, although not brilliantly, because I’m really easily distracted

Don't let them in. No, seriously, it's crucial that you decide that your boundary is that nobody comes in when you're working, and you stick to it.

Lock the door, get a blind, do whatever you need to help you with this, but the main thing is do not let them in.

Cavagirl · 16/07/2021 14:46

This is bizarre. How often is this happening?

If you're ignoring the front door, how are they getting in??

MistySkiesAfterRain · 16/07/2021 14:46

Phone on do not disturb. Separate work phone. Do not respond during work hours. Do not let them in.

Coming from someone who has been there slightly.

If you don't want to let them in, hold up a sign that says Sorry We're Working From Home then ignore.

You have to keep doing it until they get the message. They probably dont get it. You're trying to better your life, don't let people stop that.