Working from home - how to get people to respect your boundaries?

[UnitedRoad]

I have an Etsy shop and work from home. Due to the size of my house, the sitting room is where I work. Husband also has his own business, and works from home part of most days. He uses the dining part of the kitchen/dining room. These two rooms are our only downstairs rooms, and it’s not that we don’t work tidily but both our jobs involve a lot of stuff. It’s fine, I manage, or I would but…

People just won’t leave me alone. Friends want to come round for coffee, or take me to fucking garden centres, or my mum wants to pop round’ although it will last three hours. It doesn’t matter if I say ‘not today, I’m really busy’, people just turn up, and if I ignore the front door, some just come round the back (where they can clearly see me). I can work while they’re there, although not brilliantly, because I’m really easily distracted, but some friends and my mum will start tidying me up, moving things from my desk etc, which means I’ll have to spend time finding things again. Another friend always wants to show me things on Tik tok or Instagram. Not just one video either. I really have tried explaining that I’m at work. I’ve lost my temper, I’ve cried, everyone seems to think I mean other people, not them. I lose so much time to this and no one takes any notice of me. Ive made mistakes because of distractions, and obviously they take time to rectify. I think it might be because they don’t take what I do seriously. I’ve worked really hard to get to this stage, but I’m only just getting close to the tax threshold.

Our children have just left home, but one is only working away, so needs to keep her room, and the others room was on the top floor, and I don’t really want to work up there. It’s hot and the light isn’t great. I don’t think I should have to move. The sitting room is light and airy, and suits me.

What can I do to make people respect my workspace and time? Preferably without upsetting anyone. If I worked in Sainsbury’s they wouldn’t fo it (I’ve tried explaining it like this).

Do not disturb type sign on door. Remove any knocker, disable the doorbell, set your phone to an automated "busy" type message or calls to answer machine. Lock the back gate and back door, get some blinds shutters nuts, barbed wire and electric fencing if you need to

And get really really good at saying no.

Would you go to the door if you were performing open heart surgery in your living room? Yes they can see you through the glass, they can see you busy doing your life's work. They can see you doing something important and meaningful. So they should be able to see why you are busy. And if they can't see it then get angry about it. Not like a toddler having a tantrum kind of anger, but the kind of anger that gives you the strength to protect what is important to you. Do you value what you are doing enough to explain why to you it is the same as heart surgery is to somebody else? If this is your vocation in life, then let the people around you know that they don't get to have you in their life if they continue to dismiss your meaning in life like that.

You said your dc had grown up. Can you remember dealing with toddler tantrums? You have to ignore and hold the line, eventually they grow out of it. But if you try and reason with a toddler or give them an ounce of what they want (or attention) you have to start all over again.

You have adult toddlers on your hands…treat them that way and ditch the guilt, its them not you.

Get a lock for the gate and tell DH to text you when he needs to be let in

I share your pain. I have WFH for 23 years, most of it full time. My mum would turn up at my house with friends/relatives during the working day and get upset when I turned her away. Didn't matter how many times I asked her to stop, for some reason it was a point of principle that I had to be available whenever was convenient to her.
Cue big argument, years of her stropping to the point where she now refuses to come round at all.

Working from home - not a real job.
Women working - not a real job.
Women saying 'no' - feel free to ignore them.

Oh our new Ring doorbell has also been a game changer. Maybe get one of those OP.

Don't be such a doormat! Just say 'No, I'm working', 'Hi, sorry I'm working, so I'll see you at the weekend' 'No, now isn't a good time, I'm working, bye!'

This ^
I wfh quite a lot of the time and don't have any trouble with this (and I love it when people who are passing pop in on my NWDs). I really can't see why you let anyone in. Open the door - say "What's the matter?" if they say nothing, then repeat, "So why are you disturbing me when I'm at work ?". (I thought you'd like to go to the Garden Centre / eat a cookie / watch tiktok) and you say "I'm not available on Mon - Fri between 10AM and 6. You know that. Give me a call one evening or at the weekend" Then you shut the door.

As a pp said, just like when you had toddlers - if tantruming gets them what they want, they tantrum more. If you hold firm, they begin to learn there's no point. Well it's the same with these people not respecting your boundaries. It happens because you let them in, and let them stay and let them show you tik tok videos.

Ive worked at home for many years now (academic then ran own business) and went through this with freakin neighbours. Fortunately I live on my own so can set boundaries.

First get a custom made notice for front door - no sales people, political/religious discussion, charity collections/admission without appointment. Make the wording as harsh as you like. Second, cover windows so the buggers cant see you. Phone on voicemail/silent. Security camera over door so you can see who it is.

I would also send a firmly worded letter/message to all the people who are currently hassling you.

Learn a few business type phrases to use preferably in suitably clipped tones:-

Im not offering any appointments at this time
Its not my policy to XXX
Its not convenient at this time
Ill leave it with you

And if people complain that "I knew you were in" Yes I heard you, it wasn't convenient/I was working

You really do have to be quite harsh sometimes when you run an indie business.

I say this kindly but maybe it isn't that people don't respect your boundaries, but rather that you don't have any. If you did, you wouldn't let them in and you wouldn't be conversing with them on a work day. They certainly wouldn't stay 3 hours. In addition, I think you need to shift to a desk in one of the bedrooms, regardless.

You're getting good advice here. The other thing I'm wondering, if you'd like a dedicated workspace, is whether you could make the room in the loft the bedroom for your daughter who is still coming home. Then have a proper working area for yourself in what is currently her bedroom.
I have worked from home for 15 years. I did have problems at the start. In the end I had to sit each offender down individually and explain in pretty much words of one syllable. "I love it when we get together, but I can't do it during working hours or without notice. You need to understand this is how I earn my income. I need you to treat my working time just as you would if I was working full time in an office. This isn't a hobby, it's my business". After that I had no problems turning away anyone who arrived on the doorstep, or asking if they'd like to come back for maybe an hour at 5. I also have a separate phone for business and they don't have the number.