Feeling like an awful parent (extra curricular activities)

[ToodlePipshh]

My child is 6 and doesn’t do any extra curricular activities. I’m starting to feel like a bad parent because of this. Her friends do so many activities and I feel like I’m failing her. As an example her close friend does swimming, ballet, tennis, piano, violin. That’s the norm in her class.

I did take her to free activities when she was little (eg library rhyme time and storytelling). She did ballet for 1 term but didn’t settle. She took Ukele lessons for 1 full year during reception but could not play anything by the end of it, despite saying she enjoyed it.

Covid has probably meant I’ve not given activities much thought, but there are other reasons she’s not doing anything outside school:

• She’s never expressed any interest in any activities
• I work FT and she’s in after school club.
• Finances are tight due to younger sibling‘s nursery fees and high outgoings (very expensive housing area)
• I never did extra curricular activities as a child, besides Brownies/Guides. Working class family- we didn’t have the money. It does upset me that I have no lifelong hobbies/ sports of interest. Eg I paid for swimming lessons in my 20s as I’d not been taught as a child. I don’t do any regular paid activities, although both us parents exercise regularly for free.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble. I just feel really bad that I can’t afford/ don’t have the time for all these activities that her classmates do. I know I need to book her into something, I’m really confused about what to prioritise and what she’ll get most benefit from.

I think she’s coasting at school. Doing fine, but doesn’t seem to talk about anything she does at school. Her writing does not look much different to last year. She is well behaved, but I think she could be better engaged.

We set up a little language group with friends and a French teacher came and taught 6 of them French every week for an hour all through primary. Ours at state and language provision non existent. So pleased we did both hit ground running at secondary and love languages dd1 doing one for a level. So pleased we did that one.

I have a stressful job so I avoid doing too much at the weekend as I need to wind down.

I absolutely get this. But last year I started a policy to treat time when ds is at clubs as “me time”. I don’t do errands and I don’t watch. During football I go fit a 5k run in the woods while he trains, and when he’s swimming I have tea and reading time. It’s actually really relaxing.

Mine only ever did one or two at a time and grew up fine, happy and successful. Working parents have to breathe, and kids need some free time. It's even harder with multiple children. Be easy on yourself, and guided by your child.

Thank you everyone for your posts, there’s lots to think about here and I’m looking at options

She’ll definitely do a swimming course next year and I’m looking for a summer course too.

We’ll continue with Rainbows and I’ll book her onto Helen O’Grady drama, it sounds like fun and if any benefits in self esteem/ confidence will be a bonus. If the football club at school opens back up, I’ll sign her up when it’s an after school club day, as that’s easy to fit in and she likes football.

I think I’ll swerve the dance and consider a musical instrument from year 2.

Thanks @Tinpotspectator yep that’s what I’m thinking. I shouldn’t feel guilty for having a full time job, but also if I can fit it in to after school club arrangement and it’s affordable, and she wants to do it, then great. If not, I’ll struggle and it will just cause more stress which isn’t ultimately great for the children.

I was going to suggest same as @Cornishmumofone - junior parkrun!

Totally free, no commitment and they are all over the country! Sunday morning 9am, 2k - you can run, walk, skip….no pressure.

I recommend it to anyone with kids!

@CalmConfident there’s one near me- I’d never in a million years think about going to this as I don’t run, but my daughter might actually enjoy it and I like walking. Interesting to hear that you recommend it- definitely worth trying!

Parkrun has been until recently, our only weekend thing as it is more casual and doesn't block the weekend up (unless you become a Run Director ) We have finally had to succumb to football though as DS2 "needs" it.

We're busy in the week and weekends are more relaxed. I couldn't have done it if I worked F/T though as the DCs wouldn'r have had the down time, but then childcare would fill the gap.

Some swimming instruction is important and we've used the week long booster classes when DS has been stuck. Casual trips to the pool are good though. Having totally failed to learn swimming through years of school classes and being a non-swimming teenager, that was my priority.

The other factor that allows us to be busy is living by school and community facilities that cuts out dead/ stressy travel time.

Scouting/ Guiding are great for a broad range of exoeriences.

My intention has been to develop general transferable skills such as co-ordination. A couple of years of gymnastics swapped to martial arts. I've used cheaper, low pressure, local clubs/ groups. It turns out that DS1 has dyspraxia and ASD so this approach has wirked well for us, and he needs more chill out time than sportier DS2.

There isn't a right or wrong amount, everyone's situation and opportunities are different, but doing something is a good bonus on top of school life.

My aims are:

1)Give DC1 physical challenges that she can't get with DC2 in tow. Because she's much easier to be around if she's had something structured and physically challenging than just walking/running gives.

2. Give both DC the chance to try things young, get basic skills so they can play stuff socially eventually (learn basic cartwheels, forward rolls, stay upright on ice skates, go for a social horse ride, sing with others, possibly play an instrument in a social adult orchestra). Swimming is also very important as other "fun" stuff requires basic competence as well as being a skill on its own!

1. Hopefully find something to get "good" at if they enjoy it and want to dedicate time to it - but no expectation that this will happen. I discovered at 17 that I liked a particular sport, got pretty good but had no athletic background so was always limited by lack of fitness.

My DS did all sorts. Martial arts, swimming, football, trips. Anything he was interested in we went for. But only football (as a fan) and history translated into a lifelong interest.

You can only do what you can do. I worry that all these activities means that children cannot just be. Play with each other, rest after school, take time to colour or make stuff.

Not every child has something they would like to do.

Swimming is a life skill so that would be good. You are doing a great job! She is 6 and we are still in a pandemic.

I see after school club as an activity.

We go swimming once a week, but not official lessons and that’s it.

Some kids go to so many activities, they never learn to entertain themselves, or just chill.

I think most young children have had a year to learn how to amuse themselves so suspect they have pretty good skills by now!

@ToodlePipshh excellent news on junior parkrun, get registered and go this Sunday. It is only 4-10 years olds (you can walk/run with her!) on the 17th so will be quieter, the 11-14 rejoin on the 25th.

Waves to @BogRollBOGOF - I am an RD too

So anything you want to know just ask

The fact you have written this post OP, says to me you are a great parent that really cares about your child. In fact I have nothing but admiration for parents right now, coping during this Pandemic with working or not and bringing up family has been a very challenging time. Parents are doing a great job within these difficult times. Re activities, look at the suggestions by some of the posters here. Even if your child has one activity outside the home, that would be good. If not don't worry. If you have a community centre near you or library, look at their notice boards. Or many have online sites where they post their activities.