'No time wasters please'

[headintheproverbial]

Why do people put this on ads? If you are an actual time waster it's unlikely to put you off, surely??

What other nonsensical yet commonplace expressions do people use?

'£xxx or very nearest offer'

Eh? Does this mean you're expecting me to offer a fiver less or a tenner less? And why put the idea in my head?

never worn
Usually accompanied by photo of seller wearing said never worn item.

£20 or going tip tomorrow
Just defies logic. You’re willing to skip it so just give it away.

£30 cash today!
I’m not fucking Tesco. I only accept cash and the price is £50. Tomorrow is £55.

When they say “message for price”! Just put the bloody price on. Or “sensible offers only” again just put the price you want!!

Someone on my Facebook is always selling tat and never says how much she wants, but give a sad explanation of what she wants to spend the money on instead. “Just want to get these sold so I can get a garden chair so Nan can sit out because of lockdown”, “need to get some craft things for my sister for her anxiety so want these gone”, “buying a black market kidney for Steve if anyone is interested in this Mr potato head. Potato only.”. Her other posts are about things she wants “anyone donating a new cooker? Must have 6 burner hob”, “anyone gifting a car?”. I barely know her but can’t delete.

@Mankyfruitbowl

"Stunning". Why waste a word in your ebay listing title with a meaningless adjective that no one is going to search for?

It's used indiscriminately for any old bobbled secondhand garment, "stunning brown Primark cardi" etc

The word retro. I love a vintage item and have lots of second band stuff but some people use retro to describe something old and knackered that they don’t want to take to the tip or pay to have removed.

Last week I saw ‘Retro 1970s kitchen. Buyer to disassemble. £200.’

It was a crumbling 1970s melamine and wood panelling nightmare with handles hanging off, scratches and stains. Literally no one is going to pay you to take it away.

@BroccoliRob

Not a specific quote as such, but we have a local selling page for our village - let's say it's Trumpton Village Facebay. Obviously you don't need to be resident in Trumpton to buy but you get the idea. The amount of people who send a DM asking for your address and then say "sorry it's too far" WHERE WERE YOU EXPECTING TO TRAVEL TO?

I've had that the opposite way, went to buy something thinking I could collect in while out for a walk, only to get told, "Oh no I'm 20 miles away I only deliver to Trumpton on Tuesdays", sorry I'm not in on Tuesday's and half the reason I was going to buy was to support business in the town.

@Shadedog

When they say “message for price”! Just put the bloody price on. Or “sensible offers only” again just put the price you want!!

Someone on my Facebook is always selling tat and never says how much she wants, but give a sad explanation of what she wants to spend the money on instead. “Just want to get these sold so I can get a garden chair so Nan can sit out because of lockdown”, “need to get some craft things for my sister for her anxiety so want these gone”, “buying a black market kidney for Steve if anyone is interested in this Mr potato head. Potato only.”. Her other posts are about things she wants “anyone donating a new cooker? Must have 6 burner hob”, “anyone gifting a car?”. I barely know her but can’t delete.

I too would be completely invested.

I wanted to post about “very unique” but a pp beat me to it.

My nextdoor pages are FULL of people trying to blag services for free. They are —usually— often disappointed

You know the ‘free’ and ‘message for price’ listings are removed by Facebook if you click ‘report - inaccurate description’ don’t you?
I report them if I’m bored enough 😂

Oh @AdobeWanKenobi you’ve given me a new spiteful secret game. I don’t have a real fb account, I find the constant ecstatic joy, making memories #myfamily #perfect etc downright depressing, but hide on there in a zero friends account, and stir it up when I’m in a pissy mood 😜🙈

Will do someone starting out.

This is normally clapped out old furniture which they want collected for free instead of having to pay for it to go to the tip.

@CarrieMoonbeams

"First to see will buy"

Here's one to add to the "needs gone" pile - I got a rabbit from Gumtree a few years ago that was advertised as "needs gone to make room for kid's new Christmas presents. Must go by 18 December or else." . It has a happy ending though, we got him and he's still here, a much loved member of our wee gang.

needs gone to make room for kid's new Christmas presents. Must go by 18 December or else... it's rabbit pie for Christmas lunch?

Pisses me off when something is listed for free but the description says not free. Want £5 for it.
Well bloody list it as £5 then!

Collection only but no area listed

@Paddling654

'Only for sale as it doesn't fit our space'

What? What do I have to do with the dimensions of your hallway/boot room and how does it advertise the item?

I think they’re trying to reassure that it’s not faulty or broken.

There’s a woman on my local Facebook selling site who has a suspiciously high number of “unused unwanted gift” listings

"Plenty of life left in it"

To the used faded item that they are practically giving away. How do you know it has plenty of life left in it?! How?!

I think 'like new' is ok if relates to new without tags clothing perhaps something unworn that's sat in wardrobe.
The ads where people seem to think they can sell clearly used item for nearly full price it's still being sold in shops with consumer guarantees etc.

I hate the 'needs rid' when relates to animals

@Shadedog Your FB, er, friend sounds classic. She deserves to be written in as a character in a British murder mystery TV series, wot we watch lots of in Australia to admire the scenery and chuckle over twee eccentric types who have it coming, heh heh.

This is going back a while, but 1990s dating ads were full of men seeking women who were "playful and spontaneous" -- presumably code for "must shag indiscriminately within 10 minutes of meeting".

Except it won't fly through an MOT will it, because it's a rust bucket not a fucking aeroplane

"Some stains"

Guaranteed to put you off buying anything!! 🤮

I have this (random pile of plates, mugs etc) 'to gift'.

@PhilCornwall1

"Some stains"

Guaranteed to put you off buying anything!! 🤮

I'm selling an old mobile phone on ebay. Some chancer messaged yesterday asking if I'd take £30 less than the listing price. This is despite the listing clearly stating that only reaonable offers above the asking price would be considered. I havent replied.

Oh, and someone else messaged asking if the 4 year old handset was in "imaculate condition". I replied saying this is subjective and asked what she meant. Response was "no cracks or scratches". Despite the photos displaying a handset with no cracks and the listing describing stating that there are no chips, cracks or scratches. Surely it takes less time to read the sodding listing than it takes to message someone and ask the question?

@torquewench

I'm selling an old mobile phone on ebay. Some chancer messaged yesterday asking if I'd take £30 less than the listing price. This is despite the listing clearly stating that only reaonable offers above the asking price would be considered. I havent replied.

Why would anyone offer above the asking price?

I assume you arent familiar with auction sites? 😉

Why would anyone take below the minimum price they have stated ? If Id wanted £30 less than the listing price, I'd have listed it accordingly.