Visceral memories of lockdown 1

[devastating]

I know everyone will have experienced the first lockdown in different ways and a year on from it I can’t believe how isolated I was. I didn’t have work at the time but live with my teens. Every evening there would be about two hours during which a horrible gut-churning lonely anxiety would descend.

The isolation, the fear that there would be no food left in the shops let alone toilet paper, later - weekly trips to the supermarket to buy a massive trolley full of food because I didn’t want to go shopping again, standing on the stickers as I queued up at the supermarket, staying away from public transport, volunteering for the local food bank, watching the press conference every evening, walking in the park with my daughter, developing an obsession with sunsets and the moon and photographing plants, watching the death toll increase, watching the news with incredulity, talking to my Dad who lives in another country (and whom I haven’t seen for two years now), eventually being amazed that I could walk with a friend in the park, etc etc etc.

All of it is etched in my brain but I don’t realise to what an extent until I listen to some of the music that I was (repeatedly) listening to at the time. Then it comes flooding back as do the somehow visceral connected feelings, and they are unlike other feelings - they are vivid and painful. And disbelieving - I can’t believe we went through all of that, and are still going through it albeit it has changed.

So I was wondering if others experience similar kinds of deeply felt lockdown 1 memories that resurface in the same way? And if so what they are of?

To all.

I work in an independent funeral directors I've hesitated posting as I don't want to upset anyone with my post. please feel free to scroll past I would like to get it down in writing though, I hope no one is offended or minds me joining in.

A few months into lockdown, supporting families whilst trying to get our business plans in place for the new rules and making sure we keep everyone safe, you could feel the shift from having time to support families, being proud and feeling accomplished assisting families through their loved ones journey (or not, if that's what they so wished) having the time to support the grieving after the funeral and genuinely loving the family vibe.

We soon became overwhelmed, support dived into survival mode. No longer were we only looking after our families we were now looking after one and other, out sourcing roles as cases within the home became more frequent.

No clarity on covid and the deceased. To enbalm or not, visitors, rules and restrictions forever changing.

We had children, males and females my own age and the elderly all with Covid alongside our normal ratio of children, males and females my own age and the elderly and then we also had those that were unwell enough to take their own life and some taken by those that couldn't cope with lockdown, or locked up with family. I can't explain it properly, I just can't do justice to that time we went through

And still, we carried on, doing what we do best with what we had and what we had to do.

looking at our client area (deceased) it was at full capacity, phone ringing off the hook, morgue teams wanting to know when we could collect from them so they could release room their end and on and on

Looking back, I don't know how we got through it. I just hope we did our families proud with the best we could do at the time.

After the awful build up from Italy, watching this train approach as we waited, and waited and waited for our stupid prime minister to bloody notice.... Finally a lock down and I remember just before getting into the woods with the childs and breathing the air.. Not knowing what the virus was at that stage and feeling the freedom of breathing in air in the woods.. (until a panting sweaty jogger came so close we could smell him)

pepper, you do an incredible job thats painful to a knowledge thank you

@Lemonmelonsun

pepper, you do an incredible job thats painful to a knowledge thank you

Thank you, it means a lot, I genuinely care and worry.

DD lost her chance to do her exams, prom, last day at senior school as well. The best thing for us is we bonded and grounded. All suffering in our own small way hit the wall whilst they were all furloughed and I worked through it, supporting in any small way at work.

My heart goes out to all that lost anyone.

@PepperPepperMan

My Mum died last year, and I couldn't come over as there was no travel corridor at the time, so I had to watch the funeral via webcast. It was so very surreal, but one of the things that helped me was seeing the absolute respect and dignity with which the staff worked. I remember getting into the webcast about 5 minutes before the beginning and it was still "connected" for about 5 minutes after and even though those were 10 minutes or so with nobody there, and they didn't know iyswim whether I was watching it not, they still spoke very quietly, every time they passed the coffin they stopped briefly and bowed slightly etc.
That was my mum in there with them and it really mattered.
thank you.