Just fucking say hello.

[SayingMyThing]

I'm currently working in a not terribly exciting position in a hotel, bit of breakfast waitressing followed by housekeeping.
It's only part time and only temporary ( not that my employers know that)
My immediate boss is an 18 year old trainee manager.
She tends not to acknowledge me when I turn up for work so I always say hello. On my last 3 shifts she wasn't about so I cracked on with setting up for breakfast, she then appeared and gave me an instruction without so much as a good morning. I've only been there two weeks.
It's driving me mad, I'm a grown woman (graduate) who under normal circumstances is treated with a bit more respect.
Is she rude or am I a bit precious?

She’s 18 not 5. Of course she shouldn’t be “forgetting social niceties”! At my dcs school they all say good morning to the teacher as son as they see them without being prompted! And they’re in y2! She sounds utterly dire

I think what Rita suggests, 'I always say hello to you and you never say it back: I am not sure how to take this' is a good strategy. It's dismaying that being passive aggressive is such a default response on here to so many situations. It's very poor communication, as bad as this young woman's, may even worse given that you are all older. Say what you mean, clearly, ask for what you want, clearly. There is no need for aggression, for head-tilting gushing nonsense. Not being able openly and honestly to communicate leads to endless problems. Don't advocate it.

Personally I'd say cutting her some slack will simply see her carrying on like that.

You can tell a lot about someone from how they treat their perceived peers, betters and inferiors. Deeds not words and all that.

I wonder if she's absorbed some crappy advice about not being too 'nice' as a manager and she thinks a simple hello qualifies as too nice. Sounds like her social skills need work, though, especially in a management position.

It's temporary, you don't intend to stay, do you best for your customers, have a nice a time as you can at work, and leave. Some else can deal with the rude so-and-so!

I had to be taught to say Hello to my colleagues when I got my first proper job. My family never greeted each other in the morning and I’d previously worked for my DF.

I was blown away that people are so nice to each other, not at all offended to be told.

I might consider going to her trainer, and telling them that while she is doing well over-all, this lack of people skills could possibly lose some good employees in the future. "Hello," or "Good morning" is very basic good manners.

Is she British?

I've found that some nationalities don't do social niceities like the British do.

Just tell her! She's 18. Just say hello first, and if she doesn't respond say something like, "I said good morning. Its considered polite to say hello when you first get in. You come across as rude when you don't"

Why pussyfoot around the issue?

@underneaththeash

Is she British?

I've found that some nationalities don't do social niceities like the British do.

Oh fgs.

Do you really think that in other countries, it’s ok to not say hello when you first see someone, Incl the staff that is working for you??

Maybe she feels like she has to treat you badly to assert her superiority due to you having a degree.

It's not reactionary to think saying hi is polite.

Does she just not do it to you or everyone?

I would say (in response to whatever demand she greets you with) "Yes, of course, but you haven't even said hello to me yet" in a friendly, but not jokey, way.

Yes the manager should acknowledge your salutation
However you’re looking for a reason to be Arsey and complain,and she’s handed it to you on a plate.Your own frustration at the job you find yourself in,your sense of superiority mean you simply will use the manager poor communication as a reaction to ramp it up by making vexatious complaints. You’ll probably inciite other colleagues to complain too

In reactionary it’s akin to saying I speak my mind. Makes me think you’re likely to be an overbearing know it all

Bvop She is a 18 year old not an 8 year old. If she is being paid to be in a management position she should be able to act like one. People that are bad mannered are like that because people allow them to be like that by making excuses for them.

I think it's rude, but I've seen it in young managers before - I think it's because they think managing is all about having the upper hand, and being rude to 'underlings' is some kind of show of power.

It'll take her a few years and a bit of life experience to learn that that's just a dickish way to treat people I'm afraid.

@IllForTooLong I used to work with a few Romanians who found it bizarre that we would say please when asking them to do something in work. They kept telling us off and saying that please was unnecessary so I suppose it's not a massive reach to think it's a cultural thing. Highly unlikely though I reckon.

This would wind me up but I can also remember being paralysed by social anxiety at that age. She's probably feeling quite intimidated and confused about the need for a power dynamic which we all know doesn't need to exist really but maybe in her head she thinks that's how a boss should be?! I think it's valuable feedback to give whoever is responsible for her in training?

Thanks for all the feedback.
Some of it very helpful.

I had a bullying boss who was like this so I get how annoying it is. Smile sweetly and bring it up if you ever have cause to give her feedback.

I would go to her immediate boss and tell them this. Not acceptable.

You're talking about an employer who's chosen to have an 18 year old misery as a trainee manager.
I can't imagine you'd illicit any sympathy going to them with 'she doesn't say hello to me'.

We have a young intern like this. She had to have it explained that support staff can make or break your day and your career and it's them who you should be nice to, not the unit manager who can't even bother to learn your name (and didn't even know we'd taken on an intern).

@SayingMyThing

For those with the predominant neurotype saying hello and goodbye may be normal social niceties but it isn't for all. I'm autistic and it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable - in fact I find most small talk incredibly tedious and pointless.

I'm in my late 30s and I'll wait until my neighbours go in so I dont have to deal with this pressure. Despite this, I do have a neighbour who will pounce everytime she sees me and like you I find the total contrast in social needs infuriating - I view her as the daft attention seeking cow.

When working I try and keep my emotions on a more even level. I do not look down upon those who are desperate for social interaction , I don't talk about them in a derogatory manner with my colleagues and I don't think everyone should behave in a way that suits my personal preferences. If autistic were in the majority I certainly wouldn't be running off to a manager to complain that those with the predominant neurotype were trying to talk me to death ad should be disciplined for their lack of following my social preferences.

I was diagnosed at 34, so at aged 18 I had another two decades to go until I found out why the women I worked with where so hostile to my differing needs.

I think you should focus on getting on with your job and leave your manager be.

I'm mostly baffled at how an 18 year old gets a management position like that. Is it through an apprenticeship? Surely they'd have only been working for 2 years since 16 and thats not enough to go from first job to manager. Is she a related to someone in the business I wonder and not actually picked for her skillset, hence the rudeness.

I got my first manager job at 23, so still quite young but i'd been working various retail jobs and been at uni.