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Original poster

Just fucking say hello.

87 replies

SayingMyThing · 04/07/2021 14:29

I'm currently working in a not terribly exciting position in a hotel, bit of breakfast waitressing followed by housekeeping.
It's only part time and only temporary ( not that my employers know that)
My immediate boss is an 18 year old trainee manager.
She tends not to acknowledge me when I turn up for work so I always say hello. On my last 3 shifts she wasn't about so I cracked on with setting up for breakfast, she then appeared and gave me an instruction without so much as a good morning. I've only been there two weeks.
It's driving me mad, I'm a grown woman (graduate) who under normal circumstances is treated with a bit more respect.
Is she rude or am I a bit precious?

OP posts:
Lovinglifeand · 04/07/2021 14:51

I would be honest. She probably isn't being intentionally rude, just young and not aware. I used to teach the young people who worked for me to say Good morning when they first started each day. Never occurred to any of them to do so.

I would ask to have a word and say that saying good morning when you first see people each day is important at every level in a job but particularly in management. Explain that if she just comes in and asks you to do something without greeting you then it is a bit of a slap in the face.

WeAreTheHeroes · 04/07/2021 14:53

Are you supposed to start work at the same time and has she perhaps been late so is starting the day on the wrong foot? Could you tell her what you've done so far and ask what she wants you to do next? At 18 she might be feeling undermined by your being a self-starter and doesn't have the wisdom experience brings to know that staff you can rely on to just get on with things are worth their weight in gold.

bongbigboobingbongbing · 04/07/2021 14:56

Just make a big meal of saying hello each time she does it. "Good MORNING Rudebint, how are you today?" with a big smile should do it.

LordEmsworth · 04/07/2021 14:57

Meh. I'd just say "Good morning, lovely day today! Yes of course I will do x. How are you this morning?"

I am very bad at social niceties but have learnt them. If she's struggling then that will help her to understand how to do it. If she's just being rude, that will wind her up. Good outcome either way.

caughtinanet · 04/07/2021 14:58

@FatCatThinCat

Her age is no excuse. She's a manager (trainee) in hospitality and doesn't know the basics of how to greet someone? I'd be asking her if she'd left her manners at home today. But then I'm a mardy arse and too long in the tooth to put up with rudeness like this.
She's either recently started or has worked their during the difficulties of the pandemic, surely she's allowed to learn

I bang on about manners to my teens all time but shyness in a new position with an older team member might make any 18 year old forget the basics

I hope my DC never have to work for anyone as rude as you. Way to go with encouragement and team building.

1forAll74 · 04/07/2021 15:01

I would just look at her with a sad face, and feel sorry for her, that she hasn't acquired any good manners with dealing with people as yet.

Bluedeblue · 04/07/2021 15:15

18 and a trainee manager? Gaah. I'm not sure I could handle being told what to do by someone who was at school a few months ago, and who won't have the key to the door for another 3 years! How tedious.

TheOrigRights · 04/07/2021 15:15

Sod that. Surely the most basic requirement for a trainee manager is that are polite and welcoming to their staff.

If she had just given instructions to a staff member during an interview role play, w/o at least saying hello (I'd argue the she should address all her staff by name as well) then I'd like to think she would not have been given the job.

FictionalCharacter · 04/07/2021 15:17

She’s going to be a terrible future manager if someone doesn’t correct this rudeness pretty soon. An 18 year old shouldn’t be getting the idea that being in authority means you don’t need to be polite to people at the most basic level.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/07/2021 15:17

@SayingMyThing

She's very confident, has no trouble at all telling people what to do.
So to my mind, that rules out the 'she's shy, she's young' excuses people are making for her. Shorn of all that guff, she is a trainee manager who is being rude to those she has authority over. That is not acceptable.

I'd be putting on my puzzled face and asking a direct question. 'Is there a reason you never say hello? It's very noticeable.' And take it from there.

SengaMac · 04/07/2021 15:17

@LordEmsworth

Meh. I'd just say "Good morning, lovely day today! Yes of course I will do x. How are you this morning?"

I am very bad at social niceties but have learnt them. If she's struggling then that will help her to understand how to do it. If she's just being rude, that will wind her up. Good outcome either way.

This. It actually wouldn't bother me if my manager said hello or not, in that situation. In hospitality, tho, she needs to be polite.
Zerogravity · 04/07/2021 15:18

When she starts talking, interrupt with a cheery GOOD MORNING, head tilt, leave a gap. If she doesn't pick up on that there's no hope!

brakespeare · 04/07/2021 15:26

She might be confident but she has no manners. You are right to follow your values, regardless.

One day she'll remember and cringe and feel ashamed. It might not be a day you're still there.

FatCatThinCat · 04/07/2021 15:30

She's either recently started or has worked their during the difficulties of the pandemic, surely she's allowed to learn

She's an adult, if she hasn't learnt how to say hello to someone yet ten she's in the wrong job. Most people learn it before they're out of nappies.

I bang on about manners to my teens all time but shyness in a new position with an older team member might make any 18 year old forget the basics

She's outgoing and confident enough to have put herself forward for a management position. Forgetting the basics is not acceptable beyond nursery.

I hope my DC never have to work for anyone as rude as you. Way to go with encouragement and team building.

I'm not rude, I'm exceptionally polite and have had a long career in customer service. That's why I won't accept rudeness from others. And anyway the women in question doesn't work for the OP, she's the OP's boss. It's her job and responsibility to encourage and team build with the OP not the other way around. Hopefully you've raised your children well enough to show more respect to the people they employ.

SunnyMustard · 04/07/2021 15:31

Devils advocate here ...

Maybe you being there earlier threw her off so that she 1) neglected the hello in an effort to make a more discreet entrance 2) got worried about fulfilling her role as a manager properly and therefore instantly starting off with instructions. Some people can get really task oriented and forget social rules – especially when stressed or anxious. Not a morning person? From a non-smily culture?

But otherwise, yes, she is being rude and you are being a bit precious. But if this continues you are in the right to be annoyed.

Greenrubber · 04/07/2021 15:31

Maybe she's just a dick and thinks because she is management she is above everyone else
She will hopefully learn soon enough that's not the way forward
I would ask her why she doesn't respond to you and explain managers are supposed to be approachable to their staff intimidating managers went out in the 90's for good reason

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/07/2021 15:34

Why are people coming up with so many excuses? Saying hello is basic stuff that has nothing to do with being a manager. The occasional off day is understandable but all the time? No. She’s being rude.

However OP, you do sound like you think you’re too good for the job. That will put people’s backs up if they don’t see the job as temporary as you do.

Stormyequine · 04/07/2021 15:40

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, whether they are graduates or not. She does sound rude, but I wonder if you come across as thinking you are better than her, and she doesn't know how to deal with it.

LookItsMeAgain · 04/07/2021 15:55

She is in the wrong industry if she can't say hello to her staff. It's the hospitality industry and being polite and friendly and approachable (irrespective of the area that you work in) are what I would consider key characteristics for the job.
She is being rude.
She is being bossy (and if it was a bloke in the role he would be considered rude and bossy too) not assertive.
I'd go with the suggestion that @WhereYouLeftIt made about asking them a direct question about it and see what happens.

Hen2018 · 04/07/2021 15:58

I’d take her to one side and explain, in a friendly way, that she needs to say a cheery hello to her colleagues EVERY day when she first sees them. I’d say something like “it’ll make all the difference”.

Wtfdidwedo · 04/07/2021 15:59

I did my hospitality management training in my very early 20s and one of the first things we were taught was to greet every team member when they arrived for work, from morning cleaners to assistant managers, to set the best example. She's not just "18 and learning", she shouldn't be doing that job.

Chikapu · 04/07/2021 16:14

Ah come on people, an 18 year old knows to say hello, stop using her age as an excuse. She's rude.

MaMelon · 04/07/2021 16:22

My boss used to do that when she started with us a good few years ago. It was her first senior management role, she had been promoted way beyond her ability but she was very similar in nature and style to her manager who had interviewed her and I think that manager saw her as a kindred spirit or something, and I think she thought a brusque and forthright manner without a ‘hello, how are you’ type greeting was the way to assert your authority. Used to drive us all mad. We eventually started to force her to say hello by saying hello first and then looking at her until she said it back. It’s so rude not to say it.

Ritascornershop · 04/07/2021 16:23

She’s young so maybe is lacking in confidence - but it is rude.

I had one of these at work, a teacher who thought she was better than support staff. After months of this nonsense I said (when I saw her approaching) “I always say hello to you and you never say it back: I am not sure how to take this.” (With a quizzical, but firm, expression). She was quite flustered, said she was in her own little world (yet I saw her doing it to others) and for ever afterward said hello to me.

So they can be cured!

GremlinDolphin4 · 04/07/2021 16:24

I have exactly the same problem in another situation with someone who works the same shifts as me doing the same job as me but in the next area round.

She will come and get things from our area without acknowledging me at all! Drives me mad and I took “Raffles” approach and greeted her enthusiastically every time but it has made no difference! I just say hi when I see her as I don’t see why she should make me behave rudely.