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Original poster

Puppy's/pets

65 replies

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 08:17

Hi everyone,

Basically I'm at my wits end with my son, that sounds cruel and I don't mean to but I'm regretting getting a puppy. Ever since we got this puppy my son has been a nightmare. He chases the dog around, let's the dog bite him (we're trying to teach the puppy not to bite, although I understand he will nip he is a puppy) annoys him when he's eating/weeing/pooing, removes the dogs toys. When the puppy is trying to get away from him he will grab him drag him and try to stop him from escaping. I've tried everything I possibly can to try and tell my son to stop doing this, I've shouted at him, I've put him in his room, threatened to send the puppy back my husband has told him off removed the dog but nothing is working, we had a chat about how we mustn't do this to our puppy as it isn't kind to be like this to animals. I cant leave them alone as I don't trust my son alone with him I can't get anything done as I have to sit and watch him at all times. I have a severely disabled daughter and can't constantly follow my son around making sure he's leaving the dog alone. He also wakes the puppy up when he's asleep. My son is 7 and should understand what I'm saying. No matter how many times I've shouted, put him in his room he just will not get it. I feel like all I'm doing is shouting at him all day about the dog. Yesterday I must have put him in his room about 5 times and every time I would let him back out he would start again by waking the dog up and annoying him. I feel so sorry for our puppy to be honest and I'm sick and tired of having to shout all day. This morning my son is straight away annoying him he been up since 6 and already been in his room because the poor dog was trying to eat his breakfast.

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions that I can use, I made a commitment to our puppy and I don't want to get rid of him but I don't know what else to do.

OP posts:

DownWhichOfLate · 04/07/2021 08:43

You may have made a commitment but it’s desperately unfair on the puppy. Rehome it for its sake. It deserves better.

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 08:58

@DownWhichOfLate

You may have made a commitment but it’s desperately unfair on the puppy. Rehome it for its sake. It deserves better.

I agree it is unfair. I think "it deserves better" is kinda rude as we all love our dog very much. I have to teach my son to leave the dog alone, we've had him 2 weeks so it's a novelty and also how is getting rid of him teaching my kid anything...he has to learn hence why I asked for suggestions not judgement.

OP posts:

Medievalist · 04/07/2021 09:10

I'd be very alarmed by your son's lack of empathy. At 7 he should be old enough to understand that he's being cruel and causing the puppy distress. Even if it is a novelty. Especially when he knows his behaviour will result in him being punished. Is his behaviour generally poor?

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warmfluffytowels · 04/07/2021 09:13

If something doesn't change soon, someone will get very badly hurt, and I suspect it will be your son.

Please protect the puppy and return it to the breeder so it can go to a home where its' needs can be met.

In the meantime, keep your son and the puppy separate at all times.

Whaleandsnail6 · 04/07/2021 09:16

I'd be having a very serious conversation with my son about how if he can't start listening to you, the puppy will have to go.

Your son isn't respecting the dog at all. I understand its exciting and a novelty, but he needs to start listening to boundaries. It's bad enough annoying a puppy but what if he forgets himself when this is an adult dog and starts trying to pull it around or disturb it when it ears or sleeps? It's potentially a dangerous situation and unfair to the dog and your son.

In the mean time can you set up an area where your son can't go where the puppy can to eat and sleep? And set short, regular playtime where your son is allowed to play with the puppy throughout the day?

grapewine · 04/07/2021 09:22

When you know you can't leave your son alone with the dog because he annoys it and doesn't let it eat in peace,, it's time to rehome the dog for its own sake. Your son is not mature enough for you to have a pet in the house.

Veterinari · 04/07/2021 09:30

Rehome the puppy.

This isn't about you and how much you love it. That's selfish.

It's about being able to provide the puppy with a safe environment where it's needs are met and its welfare is assured.

The puppy is being terrorised and is at risk of injury or developing severe behavioural problems because you aren't providing it with a safe and predictable environment with appropriate training.

Love is not enough. It's your actions that matter to the pup

WaltzingBetty · 04/07/2021 09:32

Have you spoken to the breeder? Will they take the puppy back?

InTheNightWeWillWish · 04/07/2021 09:35

and also how is getting rid of him teaching my kid anything

You’ve already threatened to send the puppy back though. So actually all you’re doing is not following through with your threats that you’ve already made to your son. If you weren’t prepared to rehome the dog, you shouldn’t use that as a threat with your son.

As the puppy gets bigger, those teeth will get stronger, that jaw will get stronger and those nips will turn into bites. Those bites could be to your son, you, your husband or your severely disabled daughter. Once he bites, he becomes a lot, lot harder to rehome and you may end up putting him to sleep.

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/07/2021 09:40

I think you need to send the puppy back, you say you love it but you’re not providing a safe home. This is no life for a baby animal.

You wouldn’t like to live the puppies life right now.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 04/07/2021 09:41

I agree. Your 7 yr old NT should have a level of understanding of what is and isn’t poor behaviour and that what he is doing is mean and cruel. I would have one last big chat with your son-and daddy there too. And would be very clear that unless he respects that the puppy has needs and should be looked after properly and not bullied (maybe use that word as he would know that one from school) then the puppy will have to go back for it’s own sake. You then have to stick to it though-don’t threaten something you won’t follow through with as that’s a lesson in itself

Medievalist · 04/07/2021 09:41

Op - you've posted elsewhere about your ds's awful behaviour and his ADHD. You have a disabled dd. Frankly it was quite irresponsible of you to add a puppy into the mix. I'm with those who say you should rehome before the puppy is hurt.

rantymcrantface66 · 04/07/2021 09:47

My dd now 8 has been similar. It's not as extreme and she doesn't do anything that might hurt our dog but a year on she's still totally obsessed with her and constantly tries to cuddle and kiss her. It didn't used to be a problem as as a puppy she didn't mind and would play back - albeit I was trying to discourage that sort of play but it hasn't caused long term problems thankfully now she's older she doesn't like it. She's always been so good with animals that it's really surprised me. As I say she doesn't hurt her but the dog can make it obvious she wants left alone and I try and appeal to her that it's not kind when the dog wants to sleep she doesn't want hugged or kissed. She spent a lot of time in her room too or banned from devices. It didn't work. My solution has been to leave my bedroom door open and dog can get up and go in there if she's annoyed, which she does do. Dd is 100 banned from my room with major consequences (including no horse riding - her other obsession) but it's not been needed as it's a bit of a case of out of site out of mind. Your puppy sounds too small for this sort of solution, your ds sounds like he'd seek him out anywhere and that they are both in quite real danger of being hurt. I'd say a last ditch appeal - sit him down and explain that you are looking in to finding the puppy a new home now so that if this happens again you'll have one ready. Be clear you're very serious and the puppy will have to go if this cruel treatment continues. You need to be prepared to follow through sadly.

rantymcrantface66 · 04/07/2021 09:49

and also how is getting rid of him teaching my kid anything...he has to learn hence why I asked for suggestions not judgement.

Of course it will teach him - it's going to teach him that it's a totally unacceptable way to treat an animal so much so that his behaviour around the dog has caused it to have to be sent away for its own well-being

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 09:51

@Medievalist

I wanted a puppy to be my daughters friend, she needs someone to connect with, she loves all animals and is so gentle and kind, my son also loves dogs and is absolutely perfect with family members animals. From seeing his behaviour with other animals I assumed he would be like this with ours, I guess I was completely wrong. I'm hardly irresponsible and took more than a year to research the breed making sure it was right for our family. He does have ADHD and does have awful behaviour but can't have any medication for it as he has medication for his terminal illness.

OP posts:

StillMedusa · 04/07/2021 09:52

Return the puppy. If you cannot keep them COMPLETELY separated at all times, please return the puppy to the breeder. That poor puppy is not having a life that will set him up to be a happy family dog, and at some point the dog WILL snap .

Your committment is to giving a puppy a secure, stable, happy life... you can't do that with a child who for whatever reason seems unable to stop tormenting the puppy. The puppy needs returning (or of it's a backyard breeder, rehoming) asap.

Meantime.. stairgates and ensure your son does not have access to the puppy at all.

StillMedusa · 04/07/2021 09:55

I'm sorry also that you have such a difficult set up with your children. We waited til my ds2 was 22 to get our dog because DS2 has special needs..but the same still applies... you can't keep a puppy when its life is being made a misery and those crucial early weeks can really damage a dog.

Medievalist · 04/07/2021 10:01

Sorry to hear about your son op. But the fact remains that you're in an untenable situation. If your ds's behaviour is so bad (and it certainly sounds it from your other thread) then you're not going to be able to change it overnight. And if he has a terminal illness it seems unfair to prolong a situation where he's being sent to his room several times a day.

But primarily, you are allowing a situation which could lead to your puppy becoming fearful, badly behaved and aggressive. You need to find a good home for it.

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 10:03

Can I just clarify he doesn't torment, bully or abuse the dog he just gets a little rough and want to play with him at all times. My son is very very hectic due to his medication. I'm trying to teach my son he must try to be more gentle he doesn't mean to be rough he isnt an evil psychopath who wants to kill the dog...wish I never bothered asking for advice..its just made me feel like a failure for trying to get a nice family pet...I was hoping he would give my boy some responsibility...my daughter for the best part leaves him alone..

Like I say he is amazing with family members dogs/cats. I'm shocked that he is like this I suppose that's me being irresponsible..thank you though for your comments about me & my family!

OP posts:

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 10:06

I don't think I'll bother to come on here about my son again either...my son is a lovely kind caring little boy. He has his faults like we all do..I don't want anyone getting the wrong impression of him thinking he is so sort of evil child who is very naughty.

OP posts:

rantymcrantface66 · 04/07/2021 10:09

You must realise what you describe is tormenting the dog though - even if that isn't your boy's intention- it's the reality. It's not what you want to hear as it means you have to get rid of the dog which I understand you don't want to do but there doesn't appear to be another solution

AlwaysLatte · 04/07/2021 10:10

You say he is good with family members' pets. Do you have someone who could take the puppy initially so that you can visit and teach him slowly how to behave with it and so that he knows the puppy can come home when he shows that he knows how to treat it? I.e. leave immediately when he starts getting too rough.

warmfluffytowels · 04/07/2021 10:11

A calm adult dog is very different from a whirlwind puppy, as you can see! Puppies are bloody hard work even if you don't have children, let alone when you have two with medial conditions. Mine had me in tears when we got him and I didn't have to deal with even half of what you're going through.

I suspect a lot of your DS's behaviour is excitement but you need to make sure you can keep the puppy safe. If he continues to wake the puppy while he sleeps, mess around with his food and toys, you could end up with a dog who has a severe resource guarding problem - and you really don't want that around children.

If you want to keep the puppy then I think you need to re-evaluate how you do things. Keep DC and puppy apart at all times unless you are right there to supervise. If DS messes around, remove him from the room - every time. Make sure the puppy has it's own space (a pen, crate or gated off room) where he can go to sleep, eat, rest and be kept safe.

It does get easier as they get older but the first few months are really difficult.

DownWhichOfLate · 04/07/2021 10:13

Re-reading your original post, it seems your son doesn’t like your puppy in his home. Maybe it is too much for your son to share his “safe space”.

purpleboy · 04/07/2021 10:13

Hi op, you didn't make it clear about your sons needs, other posters aren't going to know he has a terminal illness and adhd, it appeared form your first post he was NT and a 7yo NT child should not be doing the things your son is doing so that's probably why you've had harsher responses.
Moving forward, it sounds like an impossible situation. I honestly don't know how you can sort this long term. It's very difficult if your son doesn't understand or care about the punishments as he has no reason to change his behavior. How does your dd get on with the dog? Is she enjoying having it around?
You need to have eyes on the back of your head when your son is with the dog, the second it becomes inappropriate remove your son from the situation, separate them and don't allow your son near the dog without 100% supervision, repeat as above. Honestly though that sounds so draining and I don't think realistic. Could you get a smaller pet for you dd that could live in her room, preventing you son access?

I hope you get things sorted, it's a really difficult situation and you have my sympathy

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