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Original poster

Puppy's/pets

65 replies

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 08:17

Hi everyone,

Basically I'm at my wits end with my son, that sounds cruel and I don't mean to but I'm regretting getting a puppy. Ever since we got this puppy my son has been a nightmare. He chases the dog around, let's the dog bite him (we're trying to teach the puppy not to bite, although I understand he will nip he is a puppy) annoys him when he's eating/weeing/pooing, removes the dogs toys. When the puppy is trying to get away from him he will grab him drag him and try to stop him from escaping. I've tried everything I possibly can to try and tell my son to stop doing this, I've shouted at him, I've put him in his room, threatened to send the puppy back my husband has told him off removed the dog but nothing is working, we had a chat about how we mustn't do this to our puppy as it isn't kind to be like this to animals. I cant leave them alone as I don't trust my son alone with him I can't get anything done as I have to sit and watch him at all times. I have a severely disabled daughter and can't constantly follow my son around making sure he's leaving the dog alone. He also wakes the puppy up when he's asleep. My son is 7 and should understand what I'm saying. No matter how many times I've shouted, put him in his room he just will not get it. I feel like all I'm doing is shouting at him all day about the dog. Yesterday I must have put him in his room about 5 times and every time I would let him back out he would start again by waking the dog up and annoying him. I feel so sorry for our puppy to be honest and I'm sick and tired of having to shout all day. This morning my son is straight away annoying him he been up since 6 and already been in his room because the poor dog was trying to eat his breakfast.

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions that I can use, I made a commitment to our puppy and I don't want to get rid of him but I don't know what else to do.

OP posts:

Roselilly36 · 04/07/2021 10:13

Puppies are really hard work and take a lot of time, it sounds like you have too much on your plate as it is, I would consider re-homing the pup given the circumstances.

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 10:15

He is fantastic with other people's pets never have i ever thought he would be like this. The puppy always sits with him follows him about so it was just about my son leaving him when the puppy has had enough like chilling out ect. He does it with his sister also he always has to take it too far and doesn't understand when enough is enough. He is a loving little boy I just wanna get that straight since it seems people have an impression that he evil. He is far from evil

OP posts:

rantymcrantface66 · 04/07/2021 10:19

Nobody has said he's evil. You left out quite a major drip feed re his behaviour and adhd but even before that it didn't come across that he was evil. He's obsessed with the dog and that overrides any ability to recognise when he needs to back off. It was always clear that he loves the dog even before you mentioned his behaviour but whether it's intentional on your sons part to be cruel or not is irrelevant to the dog. It will suffer the same regardless of whether it's done out of love or intent

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Medievalist · 04/07/2021 10:24

annoys him when he's eating/weeing/pooing, removes the dogs toys. When the puppy is trying to get away from him he will grab him drag him and try to stop him from escaping.

^^ you say this in your op yet you then say he's not tormenting, abusing and bullying the dog?! Come on.

If a dog isn't allowed to remove itself from a situation it doesn't like, at best it will be an extremely miserable dog and at worst it will retaliate.

Leonberger · 04/07/2021 10:26

Unfortunately if your son is unable to behave around the dog it needs to be rehomed regardless of the intention of your son or the reason he is treating it like this.

It’s an accident waiting to happen, this is the stage where the puppy needs to learn to behave around children and socialisation is so important. Puppies are like little sponges and it will be learning all of the wrong things here. It’s going to end up a behavioural disaster if this is allowed to continue and the only thing that will suffer in the end is the dog.

warmfluffytowels · 04/07/2021 10:28

He is a loving little boy I just wanna get that straight since it seems people have an impression that he evil. He is far from evil

Nobody thinks he's evil but the behaviour you described in your OP is completely inappropriate and totally unfair on the puppy.

You chose to bring a puppy into your house - you need to protect him. The puppy can't speak for itself and if your DS continues to override his boundaries by "annoying him when he's eating, weeing or peeing", "grabbing him" and "dragging him" (as you said yourself he does) - the puppy could end up very badly hurt, OR your DS could find himself on the receiving end of a very nasty bite.

Once this puppy becomes a teenager you will have a real struggle on your hands if you don't get it under control. A puppy is unlikely to cause much damage but a teenage/adult dog who is pestered while eating or dragged along the floor could scar your child for life.

Medievalist · 04/07/2021 10:29

He is fantastic with other people's pets never have i ever thought he would be like this.

Presumably he only sees other people's pets in short bursts? And quite frankly, if a 7 year old was with one of my dogs I'd keep such a close eye on them, them, they wouldn't have a chance to do anything inappropriate. But you aren't able to do that - understandably. So it's no use making that comparison.

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 10:33

I'm going to do a social story detailing how to care for a dog, before we got the puppy I brought him a book about owning a pet I thought that would help him. Since putting him in his room this morning he has seemed to have calmed down and left the dog I've told him firmly that if his silly behaviour continues that our doggy will have to go back and that I really mean it as it isn't fair,not kind and I won't have it! I'm also gonna talk to his TA as she has a puppy and she can also explain the responsibility of a puppy and also our behaviour! I hate any horrid behaviour towards animals and I certainly won't have it from him. I've always taught him kindness.

OP posts:

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 10:37

I'm gonna give him a week which I've explained to him in a way he understands, he can kiss cuddle and play but he must leave him when he is eating and going to the toilet I've also explained it in a away ie would you like it if I was being annoying while your eating and going to the toilet would you like if I woke you up ect he said sorry and said sorry to our puppy. I've told him he will go if this continues and he got very upset!

OP posts:

Medievalist · 04/07/2021 10:47

Surely you've already said all of this to him? And please don't encourage/allow him to kiss and cuddle a puppy. It's not a doll or a toy . Gentle stroking is enough.

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 10:53

What do you mean he can't kiss and cuddle him...I kiss and cuddle the puppy so does my husband and so does my daughter there's absolutely nothing wrong with that..

Every single person I know who has a dog or cat kiss and cuddle them?

OP posts:

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 04/07/2021 10:55

You need to rename the puppy.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 04/07/2021 10:56

*rehome

Bloody phone.

rantymcrantface66 · 04/07/2021 10:58

Dogs don't like being hugged- this is something I've had to come down hard on my own dd for which I explained earlier even though it's nowhere near as relentless as in your case. A puppy might tolerate it. You need to teach your child now that stroking his fine. No grabbing round the neck, lifting, bear hugging at all - ever. The problem with missing is the close proximity of the face. A child's face should nit be that close to a dog

warmfluffytowels · 04/07/2021 10:59

@TuckItInYourHeart

What do you mean he can't kiss and cuddle him...I kiss and cuddle the puppy so does my husband and so does my daughter there's absolutely nothing wrong with that..

Every single person I know who has a dog or cat kiss and cuddle them?

Lots of dogs don't enjoy being picked up, kissed and cuddled. It's really not behaviour you should encourage.

When you give dogs affection, it should always be on their terms. So don't go up to the dog, call them to you and give them a choice. If they don't want to come, don't force it. If they do come over, then of course you can fuss them (gently - strokes only, not arms round them and sticking your head in their face). You should also stop fairly frequently and allow them to move away if they wish.

Please have a read up on dog body language. I see so many photos of dogs "happily" being kissed and cuddled but their body language screams stress. If a dog turns their head away, averts their eyes, puts their ears back and licks their lips - they are uncomfortable and you should stop what you're doing immediately.

Hoppinggreen · 04/07/2021 10:59

Rehome before somebody gets hurt

Hoppinggreen · 04/07/2021 11:03

@TuckItInYourHeart

What do you mean he can't kiss and cuddle him...I kiss and cuddle the puppy so does my husband and so does my daughter there's absolutely nothing wrong with that..

Every single person I know who has a dog or cat kiss and cuddle them?

He can cuddle the puppy if it comes to him willingly and as long as he isn’t grabbing it It’s not a bloody toy. No criticism of your son but it seems he simply can’t understand how to treat this animal, it’s not his fault but it’s unfair on all of you and the puppy so you really do need to rehome

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 11:05

He doesn't lift him up or bear hug and ive never said he does we all cuddle and kiss him when he's laying down next to us...I don't let either child pick him up. I've gave him a chance to show the correct behaviour and make the correct choices. That's how people learn surly...the breeder is an extremely close friend of mine who knows exactly what my children are like, she has a sen child herself thankfully. She knows what a kind boy I have. I'm hoping he is gonna settle down if not I will have to re home him as I'm not completely useless I do understand it isn't fair and not kind.

OP posts:

rantymcrantface66 · 04/07/2021 11:06

He can cuddle the puppy if it comes to him willingly and as long as he isn’t grabbing it
It’s not a bloody toy.

That might work with an older NT child but it's unlikely OP's son will accurately be able to differentiate on individual occasions as to when it's ok and when it's not. (My own NT 8 year old has not been either - no criticism her) this is why a blanket ban is the only solution for now

Medievalist · 04/07/2021 11:06

What do you mean he can't kiss and cuddle him...I kiss and cuddle the puppy so does my husband and so does my daughter there's absolutely nothing wrong with that..

Because he's a 7 year old who is learning - and has so far spectacularly failed - to treat the puppy appropriately. He might squeeze too hard and hurt the puppy. He is highly unlikely to be able to read the signs when the puppy has had enough and is feeling irritable. If he's kissing or cuddling the puppy at that point he's liable to get his face bitten.

But hey, you can then just join the ranks of people who say a dog has to go - or be out down - because it's bitten their child and ignore the fact that the dog was being pestered.

And not all adults kiss and cuddle their dogs. I stroke mine. They're more than welcome to snuggle up to me, which they do very regularly, but it's on their terms not mine. I respect my dogs and their personal space too much to behave in any other way.

Calmyertits · 04/07/2021 11:07

My 1yo has been taught no dog since the day DD came home and if shes in her crate, DD is to leave her alone.

Puppys or dogs should never be left alone with children either way. I would put a stair gate up so puppy is safe and ds cant get to him.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/07/2021 11:11

Sadly your poor dpuppy has become a toy... It has to be rehomed imo.
Before too long it won't be a dpuppy but a bigger ddog with bigger ddog teeth...
For sure you will be back saying your dc has a ripped open face....
Best of intentions or not op you made a bad move getting a dpuppy.

rantymcrantface66 · 04/07/2021 11:14

I don't understand how you'd hug a lying down puppy without either putting your arms around it or lifting it? You say he even grabs and drags it when it tries to get away? Your son isn't going to be able to differentiate between those things or read the dogs cues. A child's face should not be beside a dogs face you need to put a stop to it own before the dog is full grown and less likely to tolerate. What does learn in the first 4 weeks you have then is cruicial and ingrained. He's going to associate your child with fear, pain and being harassed when vulnerable (sleeping and toileting) as an adult dog this will be more likely to cause a fear reaction so teach your child now not to put his face by his for everyone sake including the dog.

Original poster

TuckItInYourHeart · 04/07/2021 11:15

Like I say he has left the dog alone since I've spoken to him and been firm. I have to let him change his behaviour and learn that's what learning is all about...if it does continue I'll re home the puppy as like I've said a million times it's not nice and I do feel awful...I wanted this dog to bring so much to our family and he's always been amazing with dogs/cats! He is excited although that's no excuse I do understand that. This is only our second week so it's been stressful.

OP posts:

warmfluffytowels · 04/07/2021 11:16

we all cuddle and kiss him when he's laying down next to us

The thing is, adults understand boundaries and know when to stop - your DC isn't capable of that and he shouldn't be encourage to put his head near the dogs' face - especially when the dog is lying down and potentially sleeping or dozing off.

There was a thread on here not too long ago where a boy a few years older than your son leaned over to kiss and fuss the family dog (while he was dozing on the sofa) and the dog woke up with start, snarled and bit him near the eye.

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