Puppy's/pets

[TuckItInYourHeart]

Hi everyone,

Basically I'm at my wits end with my son, that sounds cruel and I don't mean to but I'm regretting getting a puppy. Ever since we got this puppy my son has been a nightmare. He chases the dog around, let's the dog bite him (we're trying to teach the puppy not to bite, although I understand he will nip he is a puppy) annoys him when he's eating/weeing/pooing, removes the dogs toys. When the puppy is trying to get away from him he will grab him drag him and try to stop him from escaping. I've tried everything I possibly can to try and tell my son to stop doing this, I've shouted at him, I've put him in his room, threatened to send the puppy back my husband has told him off removed the dog but nothing is working, we had a chat about how we mustn't do this to our puppy as it isn't kind to be like this to animals. I cant leave them alone as I don't trust my son alone with him I can't get anything done as I have to sit and watch him at all times. I have a severely disabled daughter and can't constantly follow my son around making sure he's leaving the dog alone. He also wakes the puppy up when he's asleep. My son is 7 and should understand what I'm saying. No matter how many times I've shouted, put him in his room he just will not get it. I feel like all I'm doing is shouting at him all day about the dog. Yesterday I must have put him in his room about 5 times and every time I would let him back out he would start again by waking the dog up and annoying him. I feel so sorry for our puppy to be honest and I'm sick and tired of having to shout all day. This morning my son is straight away annoying him he been up since 6 and already been in his room because the poor dog was trying to eat his breakfast.

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions that I can use, I made a commitment to our puppy and I don't want to get rid of him but I don't know what else to do.

That's great he's listening, but please going forward include no kissing in to the rules for the reasons I've stated it's a bad idea to teach him to put his face in to any dogs face. I'd also insist on no hugging - stroking is fine but it's your dog and your choice

Obviously I don't like the way my son is with him that's why I've come on here and asked for help and advice before I have to re home. I won't ever bother doing this again. I always come to mumsnet when I need advice or whatever. I'll ask the people who actually know me and my children. Rather having people make me feel shit about myself.

Rather than having people that should say*

I actually think you've received lots of excellent advice, and most responses have been calm and measured.

To me, you sound overwhelmed and out of your depth - and that's normal for a new puppy owner. Please take some of the advice here on board - there are lots of really knowledgeable posters here and we're only trying to help you be able to keep your puppy safe.

You keep saying that he's good with other people's pets. But that is an entirely different scenario.

Either a child needs to treat a dog respectfully and under supervision or it needs to be able to recognise and respect the warning signs that a puppy is unhappy (including the most basic one that it's trying to escape).

The fact that you don't understand why a 7 year old kissing and cuddling a dog is a bad idea makes me think you really don't understand dogs at all. Ask yourself - could you name say half a dozen signs that a dog is feeling stressed?

Hi OP, this sounds really difficult, I’m sorry you’re struggling.

I think a social story and support from his TA sounds like a good idea. Is there anything he finds more interesting than the dog at the moment? Just thinking if there is something that can be offered as a distraction so he will willingly leave the dog alone? This would hopefully reinforce that time without the dog is also fun and then there is more incentive to leave the puppy alone. At the moment if he is being sent to his room that is boring (I presume- but perhaps not!) so as soon as he comes out he’ll want to play with the puppy again. If he does something else interesting he might not be so focussed on the dog.

I hope that makes sense.

Op - you've had plenty of advice. Including - don't encourage a child to put its face near a dog!!!

Please return the puppy to the breeder. As a PP has said, if your son has a terminal illness it is unfair to prolong a situation where he's being shouted at and sent to his room multiple times a day for behaviour that it appears he can't change. This situation is unfair to both your son and the puppy.

@Medievalist

You keep saying that he's good with other people's pets. But that is an entirely different scenario.

Either a child needs to treat a dog respectfully and under supervision or it needs to be able to recognise and respect the warning signs that a puppy is unhappy (including the most basic one that it's trying to escape).

The fact that you don't understand why a 7 year old kissing and cuddling a dog is a bad idea makes me think you really don't understand dogs at all. Ask yourself - could you name say half a dozen signs that a dog is feeling stressed?

Well that's all i had to go when deciding whether it was right to get a pet. I don't think kissing the puppy on his head while he's laying in my lap the end of the world, I don't let them lay down on the floor kissing them as I don't like my children getting to close and obviously my son can't behave hence why I'm on here asking for advice.

I've had pets my whole childhood but then again I didn't have adhd and learn different to most people I haven't had any pets as an adult as my children were small and didn't think it was the right time. I didn't mean to report your post I'm new at posting so apologies

I didn't realise you had reported - no worries though.

@Medievalist

I didn't realise you had reported - no worries though.

I pressed the wrong button again my apologies

What breed is the puppy? That might help with the advice.

I would return the puppy to breeder or find it a new home, I would be worried of something serious happening to the puppy or your son, however well intentioned your actions in terms of trying to teach them to respect one another.

I have three dogs and a nearly 1YO. If I let her she goes up to them and uses them as a climbing frame to help her stand up. They will tolerate it because it doesn't generally hurt and they are very patient and gentle dogs, but I go and get her every time she looks like she's about to do it. It's just not fair on them, one day they might be having a bad day or she might pinch them by mistake. I've got stairgate a galore as a result at the moment. They will be very carefully managed as long as they all live together, but mine are adults so it's a whole lot easier because I generally know what to expect from them!

Sorry to go on about the kissing and cuddling op, but for a child it's best if they have one rule to follow for all dogs. A 7 year old is unlikely to distinguish between different dogs and their different tolerance levels, and is unlikely to notice subtle stress signs like yawning, lip licking, ear flattening or even low growling. You don't want him to think it's okay to kiss and cuddle any dog.

Many years ago I had to leave one of my rescues with my db for the day. Dog was nervous and totally unused to children - not a huge problem as mine were all older and db didn't have any. The message came through that my dog had bitten a child. On further investigation it seemed that db hadn't supervised a visiting child and my dog properly. The child had wandered into the kitchen, seen my dog asleep in its basket, leant over and hugged it. In fact my dog only left a very small mark on the child's face but I shudder to think how much worse it could have been.

@TuckItInYourHeart

It sounds like you have good intentions but honestly the more you describe, the worse it sounds. Please please educate yourself on safe dog-child interactions or you're likely to end up with a stressed puppy that fights back. Then you may well have a child with a facial injury and a puppy that ends up being euthanised. Both of those things are avoidable, but only if you put a lot of work in. What breed is the puppy? What temperament are the parents?

You mention hugging the puppy - please don't do this. It's something humans enjoy but dogs do not and it stresses them out
[[https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/canine-corner/201604/the-data-says-dont-hug-the-dog
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/canine-corner/201604/the-data-says-dont-hug-the-dog]]

Also please learn about signs of stress in dogs:

https://www.pdsa.org.uk/taking-care-of-your-pet/looking-after-your-pet/puppies-dogs/canine-ladder-of-communication

And

https://www.thebluedog.org/en/dog-behaviour/behaviour-problems/why-does-my-dog/ladder-of-aggression

Safe child-dog interactions are essential:

https://drsophiayin.com/blog/entry/kids-and-dogs-how-kids-should-and-should-not-interact-with-dogs/

And

https://www.pdsa.org.uk/taking-care-of-your-pet/looking-after-your-pet/puppies-dogs/children-and-dogs