For the older ladies (I know your not all on Gransnet)

[Maggiesgirl]

How did you feel about aging. It really didn't bother me when I hit 40, or 50, but 60 was something different.

We planted a cherry tree in the garden recently and DH said that it woukd look beautiful in 20 years time. I suddenly thought, I may not be here in 20 years time!

It made me realise that the majority if my life is over, and I hate the time I wasted on stupid things. The middles years were pretty bad, with a violent H then a cheating one. Loss of children and recurring miscarriages.

I wish it could have been like the last 20 years, with my now DH, who is wonderful.
But even that has been marred by a autoimmune disease that is gradually getting worse.

I know that most of the feeling comes from the fact that my own Mum didn't make it to 60, she died just before, and its mad me realise I dont have a map I can follow.

When I turned 60 it was the beginning if the first lockdown and the planned trip were were going to do obviously didn't happen which didn't help.

Am I being just a miserable old git, or is it the world over the last 18 months, or us this how you just feel in the later ages of life?

I'm 63 & it honestly doesn't bother me at all, maybe because my DPs are still alive ... I have a (part time) job I love, many of my colleagues are younger than me but there's no discrimination at all .. in fact I know I am pretty good at my job . ,
My health is OK, I am overweight but have been most of my life so that's nothing to do with age! I have a great range of hobbies, interests and friends. I had my DS in my early 40s so it's good fun to have a Uni age DC.

I love the confidence that comes with being older, I really don't care what people think about me .

ancient I felt exactly the same when I read 1984.

@Ragwort

ancient I felt exactly the same when I read 1984.

Awful isn't it how the far distant future turned into the almost forgotten past. I don't think I ever thought of age much until the last few months. I keep thinking about what hymns I'd like at my funeral! I mean I'm not 70 yet and I'm fit and well so why should I be thinking of my funeral.

I sometimes I think when I'm going past a graveyard, that, that will be me in a few years. Certain tempus fugit.

I'm 59, but my kids are 16 and 17. I think it's them getting older that makes me feel older.
A few years ago I went out with some friends and one was a 46 year old man I used to babysit! That made me feel old.

I'm 70 now, and realistically my future life expectancy is another five years. I'm frail and have a number of chronic illnesses. I'm fine with it.

I've just had a ball so far. I've slowed down, especially after the lockdowns, but that's to be expected.

It has made me wonder a little when Mums complain, not unreasonably, that lockdown has been tough for their little ones. It's not been a barrel of laughs for us oldies either. It's taken, I reckon, a quarter of my my remaining life.

But it has never made me angry. When you are 30/40, how on earth can you imagine being someone like me who is measuring their life out in " coffee spoons."?

!like I say, it's been, overall, a ball, a laugh, great fun. But all good things must come to an end.

I've done my bit, I'll be leaving my DD happy and catered for financially (as far as I've been able to), so it's all good so far.

@MrsExpo

I'm 67 and have a lot of empathy with what you're saying. I too wish I'd used the middle years more wisely, maybe married a different man, maybe had kids (I'm childless), maybe travelled more, maybe made different career choices. But we are where we are.

At this time of my life I find myself happy for the good things in my life and try not to ponder too much on the missed opportunities or poor choices I made back in the day - and there were plenty of those, I have to confess. As someone said to me recently, "Learn to enjoy the view from where you are now" ....

So, I have a nice home, I'm financially secure (not wealthy by any means), lots good friends, my health is good and I try to do things every day which bring me joy. And ... my personal rule ... I never sacrifice joy for any kind of drudgery. If I can walk my dog or spend time with friends, I will: the ironing can wait for anther day.

I love that rule, I'm going to borrow it.

@Ragwort

I'm 63 & it honestly doesn't bother me at all, maybe because my DPs are still alive ... I have a (part time) job I love, many of my colleagues are younger than me but there's no discrimination at all .. in fact I know I am pretty good at my job . , My health is OK, I am overweight but have been most of my life so that's nothing to do with age! I have a great range of hobbies, interests and friends. I had my DS in my early 40s so it's good fun to have a Uni age DC.

I love the confidence that comes with being older, I really don't care what people think about me .

Our lives sound similar. Sadly, my parents died over 30 years ago, but I have a part time job I love, and am the oldest in my team, and I had DD (who is also at university) at 41.

I like being old , total freedom to do exactly as we like, not accountable to anyone. And much better than the alternative.

I'm old. 72. I don't really feel it, still fit and doing a lot of walking, DIY, renovating furniture, [heavy] gardening etc. No real health problems, so lucky so far. My hair is mostly dark still, but too many lines on my face that's the only thing.
My 60's were a good decade, I retired but went on to do up 3 properties I enjoyed the arrival of 4 beautiful grandchildren, good relationships with sons and DIL's. This decade has been fine so far, I appreciate and try and enjoy every day. I know how lucky I am and am thankful every day as I know life can change in a moment.

Being older I've come into my own as I love being at home, not having to go to a job ,a lovely home, the freedom of having a car, decent health and peace, quiet and solitude. I get up when I like and do what I like and not that worried what people think any more.

I do think about health, and how I must do what I want to do before I slow down. I have made mistakes in the past, have some regrets, been an idiot sometimes, also been very, very hurt and heart broken. I've also had brilliant, happy times, loads of good memories/laughs, learnt a lot, feel wiser, and the good times and people I've met have by far outweighed the bad. I love to remember it all.

I do dread becoming unwell though. I hope I'm not ill/in pain for years. I try and be positive. I'm planning to be in this house for another 10 years, then quietly go to a retirement place and read/watch tv/sit in the garden for the next 10!

I’m 62. Still work full time. Grown up ds. Feel really sad lately and full of regrets. I only have one child and he lives a long way away. My closest friends live 60 miles away and both now have grandchildren so i feel less in common with them. No friends really where i live now.
Diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago. Also found out DH having affair with one of our friends. I honestly wouldn’t care if i got snuffed out tomorrow.
Think it’s being this age. Any other time i would have bounced back. Now i just think whats the point.

That's so tough, Swannest

I'm 66, work part-time, and will retire at the end of this year. Plans to travel and be grey nomads evaporated when my DH died five years ago, and plans for foreign travel with my DD are covidly scuppered for now. It's hard to plan even travel within Australia, with state borders closing down so often. Am lucky in that DH and I travelled like the blazes in our time together, so good memories.

I'm introverted so have to work that bit harder to get out and about against my natural grain, though I did it well in the years before I met him, so I know I can do it. I'm fortunate in that I am, and will be financially secure. Training for volunteer work that will engage the brain is under way, or that's the intention.

I very much miss adult company at home, though the very thought of living with someone else is not my cup of tea at all.

I'm content, but some joy would be nice.

I was 60 2 months ago. I’ve gone back to work 3 shifts a week 8am-8pm to help with the COVID emergency and I’m shattered. It takes me 2-3 days to get over my shifts and then I’m about to do another 3!

Last year I lost my sister who was also my best friend. She was 60. I ho estly feel I’m on the downward slope now.

I'm 60 and working part time now. It's OK and occasionally interesting but I don't love it. I am wayyyy the oldest and I'm expecting to be eased out over the next couple of years.

I have huge regrets over my very poor choice of a life partner. I lost what should have been best years of my life to a really horrible manipulative cheating man. I try to do my best with the time that remains but it is a very very long way from where I would have hoped to be.

I'm 63 and feel a bit like you OP, doesn't help that mine and DH's plans to visit lots of different countries in the next five years while we are still fit and healthy have been scuppered. I often also get the feeling that I won't see stuff that is 20 years away and am on the last leg so to speak so tend to do things now if I can rather than put it off.

I think some of it is the last 18 months as I should have been planning or be on our campervan trip to Canada this year and wouldn't have had time or would have been too excited to dwell on things like this.

I'll be sixty in a couple of years. I'm looking forward to it.Responsibilities as a mother are massively reduced. I still have energy and lots of plans. But I don't want to live forever. I have a mental cut off at about 75. I've watched all my family grow old in slow, painful ways. their days are just endless hospital appointments. I don't want that, so I have no intention of living into my eighties. There are a handful of things I still want to do in life and once they are done I will get a rescue dog and just go for walks and tend my garden and bake cakes for family until my clogs pop off.

@2bazookas

I like being old , total freedom to do exactly as we like, not accountable to anyone. And much better than the alternative.

DH and I feel exactly the same in our 70s, retirement can be a really good time.

We're secure, not well off, but our DC are in good careers and stable relationships, and the DGC are all healthy. We married young and struggled financially, had some difficult times, but we stuck it out, and it's been worth it.

DH has had some serious ill health, but he copes pretty well. We share the mundane side of housekeeping, so we both have free time. I've done various types of volunteering, still do. I go to suitable fitness classes, see friends, potter in the garden, read lots, and helped out with DGC when they were small. We usually manage a holiday or two as well. Perhaps next year!

Who knows how long we've got or what the future holds? That thought occasionally creeps in, but mainly I'm grateful for the life I have today.

I have actually found Covid and the lockdown to be a benefit in coming to terms with being old. The enforced slowing down has been a good break between manic work/childcare and retirement, so it came as a good time for me.

I do worry sometimes about being old and alone, but I suspect it will ultimately be easier than being old and stuck with ex-h

The one thing I didn't expect was to still worry about my now adult kids. I sort of thought that once they were adults the concerns would diminish; instead they seem to grow - the more time I have to worry, the more worries I fill the time with.

Phoned Specsavers yesterday make an appointment. I was told the good news ( their words ) now I'm 60 I get free eyetests. Then in a quiet , slightly different voice - can I get up the stairs ok or do I now need appointments down stairs !

About planting trees. My parents moved house in their mid-60s and my mum, a keen gardener, spent ages working out what trees to plant in her new garden. She didn't want anything that would be too big in 10 years.

That was 25 years ago, and now at 88 and 89 my parents are still living in the house, enjoying the fantastic garden they planted. Recently at a garden centre my mum refused to buy a tree for a gap in her border because "it will be too big in 10 years".

I suspect once we are all past about 60 we don't get any older in our heads, even if our bodies don't quite keep up.

What an interesting and thought-provoking thread! I am 66 and my main moan is always having something wrong with me! - either painful knees, feet, gout flare-up, stomach problems (I have IBS), or just generally feeling 'grotty' or 'off'. I would love to wake up one day and feel on top of the world.

I do bemoan my lost youth, particularly when I look at old photos. Yesterday had me crying over them, remembering how happy I was living with my parents at home (and so thin!). Nowadays I feel like a fat, invisible blob! My parents both lived to 86 and were very fit until their last year, so I do hope I have inherited those genes. I certainly did inherit their estate and that's another problem - at what point do you decide to spend and enjoy it, rather than leaving it in a Bank/Investments? I have nobody to leave it to so want to make sure I enjoy it!

I only got married for the first time quite recently, and am wondering if I made a big mistake as I think I have fallen out of love with him. I don't know whether to stick it out for companionship or go it alone.

Just think how lucky we were, growing up in the 60s and 70s, with the best of music, fashion and FUN! I would hate to be a teenager these days, with all the pressure to do this, that or the other, and I would HATE to be contactable at all times on my mobile. At least we could sneak off and nobody knew where we were - and come up with a plausible excuse later when asked!!

I don't want that, so I have no intention of living into my eighties

How are you going to avoid that?

MagicSummer - I hope your marriage and your inheritance have not become inextricably linked?

I agree that in some ways we had the best youth in the 60s / 70s. It must be awful to spend one's teens under the oppressive glare of the social media thought police, knowing that one tiny misstep can lead to global vilification.

@dementedma

I had my mindset changed when sitting at the bedside of my dearest friend in May as cancer claimed her, days before her 58th birthday. I realised she would have liked the chance to grow old...but its been denied her. So I have to grow old disgracefully for the two of us. I have my first tattoo planned for next month in her honour. Can't do it today as off drinking with friends, can't do it next week as visiting Orkney. Got to make life worth it

^This.

I'm 63, and sat with my dear friend a few years ago, as she breathed her last. I'm now living every day for her, wishing she could have had the blessing of a few more years to enjoy a "disgraceful old age".

I turned 60 during lockdown, and feel a bit pissed off about that - there were several celebratory things I wanted to do and couldn't! I really want to take 4 or 5 big holidays during my 60s in case I'm not fit enough to do so after that, and I'm finding it frustrating not to be able to plan those. I've also started thinking about how to gradually ease my way out of work which, because I'm self-employed, could be done gradually if I'm careful. I'm increasingly sitting at my desk on a nice summer's day watching people a little older than me and therefore retired, having a much nicer time - I think I'm increasingly realising that there may be less time to do all the stuff I want to do.