For the older ladies (I know your not all on Gransnet)

[Maggiesgirl]

How did you feel about aging. It really didn't bother me when I hit 40, or 50, but 60 was something different.

We planted a cherry tree in the garden recently and DH said that it woukd look beautiful in 20 years time. I suddenly thought, I may not be here in 20 years time!

It made me realise that the majority if my life is over, and I hate the time I wasted on stupid things. The middles years were pretty bad, with a violent H then a cheating one. Loss of children and recurring miscarriages.

I wish it could have been like the last 20 years, with my now DH, who is wonderful.
But even that has been marred by a autoimmune disease that is gradually getting worse.

I know that most of the feeling comes from the fact that my own Mum didn't make it to 60, she died just before, and its mad me realise I dont have a map I can follow.

When I turned 60 it was the beginning if the first lockdown and the planned trip were were going to do obviously didn't happen which didn't help.

Am I being just a miserable old git, or is it the world over the last 18 months, or us this how you just feel in the later ages of life?

I've lost two friends in their 50s in the last decade. This year my mum and sister died. I've had years in a caring role for family balanced with fulltime work. I do find myself maudlin about my own mortality and its things like having another pet (my beloved dog died this year as well) or planting in the garden which make me realise I won't be here forever.

I wish I could go part time to enjoy more free time but am also worried about that leading to slowing up of my brain and losing financial security. I am very active but am also quite tired!

So yes I hear you OP! (Although my hearing is also not what it was )

I was 60 this year too & yes, even though birthdays have never bothered me before, I totally get you

I am 53 and was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer a year ago. It does make you wonder how many good years you have left and why you spent so much time worrying about stuff. I just want to move to a little hut by the sea but instead I am stuck in suburbia.

I am 60. I was glad of lockdown as an excuse not to have a “do”, not because of ageing but because DH wanted me to have a thing with loads of extended family.

I quite like being older. I only have to work part time and adore my grandkids. Life is the most comfortable it’s ever been. However, I worry constantly that either DH or I will drop down dead or get an awful illness and what would become of the other one. Several friends have died already even though I’m “only” 60.

Have I got any regrets? Yes, but it’s pointless to comb over them. I’m happy now and want to I make the most of this bit of my life.

We planted a cherry tree in the garden recently and DH said that it woukd look beautiful in 20 years time. I suddenly thought, I may not be here in 20 years time!

This is the kind of realisation that keeps happening to me!

I'll probably never see King William on the throne, our cat (7), could well out live us, etc etc.

The 20ish if I'm lucky years I have left seem like no time at all.

I shall be 60 very shortly.
I thought I’d be happier and settled by now.

I am 67, and when I see things like 'in 20 years time....' I shudder to think I probably won't be here to see whatever in 20 years!

Then I think of the people I've known who died in their 40s 50s and early 60s and realise it just doesn't matter. Life will go on without us.

Be present. Ruminating over the past is pointless. We don't know the future - now is all we have.

I’m 55 with a just 20 year old DS, a nice but rather too passive DH , an evil SIL and a lovely MIL. My family live mainly overseas sadly. What makes me sad is my chronic health condition which started when I was 48. I have had extensive and will have ongoing treatment for life. I really was robbed totally of about four years of my life where I didn’t know if I would make it. I do feel more positive now though it will likely cut a few years off my life. It meant I had to give up the career I loved.

Now I see DS and his really lovely GF and worry I won’t see him for long enough. My own Mother lived till she was 93 and one Grandmother was almost 100 and the other 80. But the pain levels grind me down sometimes and then I think could I stand the pain.

Time flies past when you're older. I hate that about it.

Decade birthdays are awful but in between I try not to think too much about ageing.

I'm very thankful for my good health, but given that neither of my parents lived nearly as long as I have, am all too aware that things can change very quickly.

Mostly I'm very content, see the positives as much as possible and live for the day.

I found the years leading up to 50 hard because my mum died at 50 ... And the relentless negative media onslaught about women in their 50s. When Paul Weller turned 50 he was crowned the Modfather, but Madonna was absolutely vilified.

I'm now a couple of years off 60 and (a) wish I hadn't let myself get in such a state about my half century as it's really not been bad at all and (b) am determined not to make the same mistake with my 60s.

As I lost my mum in my teens I've always walked in the shadow of death which I know sounds melodramatic and morbid but it's an acceptance that shit happens to nice people and it's kind of liberating.

I do think I'm going to step away from social media and MSM because so much of it is aimed at making us older women feel crap. Time to read all the books I want to, listen to some good stuff and just enjoy one day at a time because that's all any of us really have: this day.

I can empathise with you OP and pps although I am early 50s.

I have had a chronic and disabling health condition since my early teens and somehow have managed to achieve some sort of acceptance and peace with it. Having tried several different careers and battled through University with the help of a very supportive partner, I finally had to admit defeat in my early 40s and retire from a successful and fulfilling career on health grounds.

The only thing that I have found, and it does sound trite, is focusing on what I have and what I can do, rather than what I don't have and what I can't do.

It's taken me many years to realise that energy spent on anger and frustration with all the things I can't do is energy that can be channelled into something satisfying. My life is very small in that I spend pretty much all my time at home (and shielding during Covid was very similar to my normal life) but I am actually quite happy. I listen to music, do a bit of sewing or cooking if able, spend time in the garden. I am very lucky to have a supportive DH and lovely DC who are in their teens and if I 'm honest I don't think about the future that much. One thing that my life has taught me is that making plans is a fools game.

I think I've gone off on a bit of a tangent, sorry, but maybe I don't fear ageing as much as others as I have used a walking stick since being a teenager and a mobility scooter since my late 30s. I guess I have done my ageing (in physical terms) more gradually so it's not such a shock. I do get a little irritated by elderly people bemoaning the fact that they have a sore knee (but understand that to them it's hard when they have been fit and healthy all their lives).

I'm not bragging, btw, and I still have moments of thinking "is this it?", and of getting annoyed by the countless threads on the importance of running, weight training etc etc as you age - I think I'm having a good day if I can get dinner on the table! I try to take pleasure in the small things and my house is pretty unkempt but I don't care. I'm not sure anyone regrets not having done more cleaning on their death bed.

I’ve found the older I get the easier it becomes. I hated turning 50, got really depressed about it, stupid really. But 60, funnily enough I minded much less. I thought, well I’m a young pensioner ( had just retired) rather than an old worker, which sounds odd but just how I felt. I shan’t see my sixties again but it seems to bother me less. My mum died far younger than I am now but my father lived to be 95 & I’m just hoping I’ve inherited a lot of his genes. He was very fit too till the last two years when he began to have problems but he was still able to live independently in his own little house with help from me. I do have trouble with some arthritis now which is a nuisance as I can’t do as much as I used to but other than that I can’t say I ever really think of myself as an old lady even though I am.

In my late teens I thought I knew everything, ha what a fool.

In my twenties I was very happy doing the job I had always wanted to do.

In my thirties I married and had DC, still married and happy.

Turning forty hit me like a tonne of bricks, that was possibly the worst decade, though not to bad all things considered.

I'm 55 now and doing a different job that I have wanted to do for ages, I feel happy settled and optimistic. My health is good, late forties I started doing exercise classes and built them up, improving my fitness to the point that I could keep up with people half my age.

A friend who is mid 30's has just been diagnosed with cancer, that really hit me hard, my mum died at 62 so will see how I feel when I get to that age.

I'm 62, and quite frankly, I find that hilarious. I'm still the same 'me' on the inside - and I've not lived a particularly healthy or moderate life, so to still be here and in relatively good health is a little bit surprising :) I hated turning 50, because it seemed like the final nail in the coffin of youth - but 60 was a breeze - I'd just lost my Dad and was very aware that the time we have is limited, so it was almost like an accomplishment to be celebrated - turning 60. I don't have kids, but I do have a slightly younger husband who is my world. I don't work and spend my time pootling around the place with our dogs and planning the full house renovation we're hoping to do next year. Life is good - no point worryng about the future because it'll happen whether I worry about it or not - so I just live for the day that's in it. I'm happy.

I’m 60 and enjoy my life more now, I feel at peace with myself and don’t worry about things I used to. I know that I’m really lucky to have a good marriage and stable financial position which we’ve worked hard for over the years.
I have 2 adult sons who are happy and we all get along well. I had a terrible relationship with my parents for most of my adult life which thankfully has improved as they reached old age, this has given me peace of mind.
I worry more about my health, last year I was treated for breast cancer which came as a huge shock but made me realise what is important in life and I now put myself first. I’ve halved my hours and responsibilities at work and have a good work life balance .
In terms of my appearance I’ve never had a issue with ageing, I think I look ok for my age, it takes a bit more effort and ideally I would be a stone lighter but I eat well and walk a lot to stay fit. I feel frustrated that I can’t do certain things anymore like decorating ( Victorian house with high ceilings) and I'm not sure I will get back to where I was before treatment but I'm doing ok and plan to do the things I enjoy while I can.

I’m one of the oldies ( see user name ) When I was 50 I began thinking about getting older I also lost my mum at an early age 57. I really didn’t want to be 60 I was dreading it but you know what I didn’t feel any different, went on holiday with a couple of friends and we had a great laugh. OK it may not have been the same holiday as you have in your 20’s but we still really enjoyed it.
I have regrets who doesn’t and sometimes wish I had made different choices but for all the negative stuff there is always a positive my lovely grandchildren are a joy to me and although I still worry over different aspects of my family there is always someone who has it worse than you.
Sometimes I am a bit wistful of the opportunities that girls have today especially career wise that women my age didn’t have but I also think they have to worry over things I didn’t even think about when I was young social media etc.
I have lost confidence in some things since I have got older more so during lockdown had a couple of bad falls when I was out walking so am a bit less confident now , and this made me less comfortable about going out socializing.
On the plus side I don’t worry to much about what other people think about me as I did when I was younger and am more likely to say what I think than keeping quite and not want to upset someone especially if they are rude or obnoxious.
What I am trying to say Maggiesgirl is most of life is swings and roundabouts enjoy the ride🙂🙂

@oldperson1i think that may be some of it. I fell twice recently and have no confidence of going anywhere alone. I need a chair if im going any distance anyway.

I used to just go do anything. I've got out if the habit if shopping. Havnt been in a supermarket since March 2020, and even before that was finding it difficult as standing in ques was getting harder. I woukd go with DH but go to the car once we were at the checkout.

Thank God for DH.

I am 56. I have two adult children and a 13 yr old. Was diagnosed and treated for melanoma this past month. I fear the loss health as I want to see my youngest at least through her early adulthood. I hope for grandchildren but that is not on the horizon of any of my children at this time. I miss my youth and beauty but feel grateful to be here.

As I approach 60 I am feeling the time running out thing a little although I hope to have 20 years to go. I find that although I am largely healthy, I am starting to get more uti symptoms as well as plantar fascitis and these seem hard to shake off. Get more tired too annoyingly.

[quote Maggiesgirl]@oldperson1i think that may be some of it. I fell twice recently and have no confidence of going anywhere alone. I need a chair if im going any distance anyway.

I used to just go do anything. I've got out if the habit if shopping. Havnt been in a supermarket since March 2020, and even before that was finding it difficult as standing in ques was getting harder. I woukd go with DH but go to the car once we were at the checkout.

Thank God for DH.[/quote]
It is frustrating Maggiesgirl, and falling doesn’t help. I went to do my weekly shop through both lockdowns made myself really a because we wasn’t going anywhere else b I realized I needed to keep some normality. I’m sorry that it is becoming more painful for you to stand for a while don’t know if this suggestion is any good but if you can manage to walk round the supermarket do they have the facility to scan your shopping as you go saves a lot of time and no standing in the queue unloading & reloading shopping .

I've said this on here before, but i remember when i was about 12/13 i worked out how old i would be in The Year Two Thousand. Wondering about the big celebrations and where i might be, ect.

Firstly it felt like The Year Two Thousand was a concept too far away to properly imagine anyway, and secondly when i worked out i was going to be 30 i hoped i wouldn't make it to that decrepit age because I wanted to die young and beautiful!

I was such a prat

I feel really OK about it now. At 22 I felt worse about ageing than I do now at 51.

I think it's because when I was young I didn't know who I was. All I was or all that I knew I was was young. Now I feel like I know who I am.

Yes, i felt worse about getting to 25 than i did about turning 30.

I think '30 something' still feels youngish; connected to 20 something. But 40 something is aeons away from 20 something and you do start to get alarmed.

50 something - well - like pps, you suddenly realise you no longer have actual whole decades to waste waiting for whatever. You have to start making it happen pretty soon, whatever it is, or it aint never happening

I have just had my bathroom completely redone and can I advise anyone who is aging not to have a big well lit mirror facing you as you walk into the bathroom. After a week I am getting depressed at facing the old hag I am confronted with every morning. I might start wearing a bag over my head.

The bathrooms lovely.

@Laiste

I've said this on here before, but i remember when i was about 12/13 i worked out how old i would be in The Year Two Thousand. Wondering about the big celebrations and where i might be, ect.

Firstly it felt like The Year Two Thousand was a concept too far away to properly imagine anyway, and secondly when i worked out i was going to be 30 i hoped i wouldn't make it to that decrepit age because I wanted to die young and beautiful!

I was such a prat

Depressingly I remember reading 1984 and wondering if the far distant future would be that bleak. Horrifically that future it is now a distant memory. How did that happen?