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Original poster

You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

853 replies

suggestionsplease1 · 01/07/2021 23:25

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

OP posts:
TaraR2020 · 02/07/2021 02:09

@delphigirl actually, it's considered good manners to turn up 5-10 minutes late so that you allow your host a bit of breathing space - especially important if they're running late and frantically trying to get things sorted before you arrive.

Formal occasions which are catered by staff are slightly different.

Graphista · 02/07/2021 02:24

I'd be ringing the doorbell at 7pm, but I'll have been hanging about for at least 20 mins! I hate being late and always arrive early

If it were a closer friend I'd be ringing bell 6.15 onwards

If it were a really close friend I wouldn't be ringing the bell at all I'd chap the door as I entered saying "hello it's only me" in a singsong way and then start helping out!

My closest friends and I we'll do each other's dishes, lay the table, feed wandering kids if they say they're hungry... Grin

That explains a lot of weird interactions over the years..!!

GrinGrinGrin

Oh I feel you!

PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 02:35

Never earlier than 7:10. I thought that was widely expected good manners.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 02:38

@fallfallfall

sorry but if dinner is at 7pm, i'm there at 6:45pm.
Omg.
PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 02:40

@FrangipaniBlue

6.45 because you said dinner FOR 7 so I would assume that meant you were planning to serve at 7 and I needed to be there in enough time to be seated ready to eat.

If you asked me to arrive for dinner AT 7 then I'd ring your doorbell at 7.

I think the etiquette assumption is that you are attending for the socializing, not to dig into the chow.
PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 02:43

@3JsMa

Between 6.45 and 7 pm. I prefer to be a bit earlier and help if needed rather then being late.I think it's offensive to the host.
Showing up early is even more offensive to the hosts.
PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 02:45

@Thethingswedoforlove

Being 10 mins early is sooooo rude in my view. It would totally and completely throw me, I wd not be ready and it Wd get us off to totally the wrong start….
Totally agree.
PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 02:48

@Delphigirl

This is a class issue. Those who know to arrive at 7.10-7.15 are middle class and those who say 6.55, oooh no you can’t be late, how rude etc are not. Sorry I don’t make the rules Grin
True.

Being over eager to dig in to the food is rather tacky.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 02/07/2021 02:54

@ShrikeAttack

I entertain a lot. I was brought up in a family that entertained. It's a half hour window. After the time given. It's OK up to half an hour after because your hosts will have allowed for that.

You are NEVER welcome early. Or after an hour late.

THIS ^^ with absolute bells on.

😱 to the people turning up early! Just no.

I am a punctual person, but different rules apply when entertaining. Most - clearly not all - people understand them. Everyone I socialise with understands them.

To reiterate: do not turn up early.

And lastly - no-one invites people to arrive when dinner is being served. That’s just clueless. People need to mix, mingle, have a glass of 🥂/🍸 and some nibbles before actually dining.

This thread has been quite the revelation.

PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 02:55

@beautifullymad

My mind is totally blown. All through my married life I've hosted. I did every. Sunday roast, every Christmas dinner, every Easter, Mother's Day and Father's Day. People always arrived late by 5-10-15 mins. It used to drive me mad.

Now reading all these responses I see it's normal!
When I give a time for a meal it's the time I'm serving and it will be on the table. I spent years stressing over burnt items and gravy.

Now I say 'dinner on the table at X' d everyone knows that means arrive before so you have time to sit down!

I'm obviously different.

Most people entertaining have a gracious period of socializing first; they don't rush guests to the table and dig in as though it's McDonalds.
strawberrydonuts · 02/07/2021 03:52

@suggestionsplease1

I guess I would interpret a 'come over for dinner at 7pm' invite as being more along the lines of arrive around then, rather than expect your dinner on the table at that time. I think I would expect the inviter to clarify if they meant the latter.

When I was thinking of this myself I reckoned 7.07pm would be the perfect doorbell ringing time. If all went according to plan, which it rarely does.

I was just wondering in case all of mumsnet thought that it would be impolite to arrive before 7.20 say, or after 7pm.

If someone says 7pm then arrive at 7pm or as close to then as you can. Assume people mean what they say rather than trying to second guess some unspoken etiquette.

Earlier than 7 or later than 7.15 is rude, especially when they are cooking, they are likely planning the evening timings carefully.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 02/07/2021 03:55

5 past 7.

BikeRunSki · 02/07/2021 03:56

@irresistibleoverwhelm

7:10-7:15. Any later and it looks rude, but bang on time and they might be caught out running late!
Exactly this
grapefruitish · 02/07/2021 04:03

7.05 for me. When I moved up to the Midlands I was always caught short with guests arriving at 6.50! Wtf are you doing here already?! Maybe it's a regional thing?

elp30 · 02/07/2021 04:19

@grapefruitish

7.05 for me. When I moved up to the Midlands I was always caught short with guests arriving at 6.50! Wtf are you doing here already?! Maybe it's a regional thing?

I have often wondered that.

My in-laws are from the NW and whenever I had a party, I'd say 4pm. They would all converge at my house at 3:45pm and be expecting food and drinks right away. I discovered most people there think that's pretty normal.

I come from a laid back Mexican family. When I say, 4pm, I mean more like 6pm up to 8pm.

Culture shock was real for those years I lived in England.

itsaccrualworld · 02/07/2021 04:22

I'd aim to arrive between 7pm and 7.10pm. I wouldn't get there early (it would just stress the host out) and I'd send a text if I was running late.

If a close friend, I'd ask if I could bring/prep anything and if they wanted any help early. But I'd probably expect to be turned down.

Without further instructions, I'd assume 7pm meant arrive at 7pm, aiming to dish up at 7.30pm.

Justa47 · 02/07/2021 04:35

@suggestionsplease1

7.00 - 7.10
Later is rude .
Text or wats ap if late but before 6.50

stellarfox · 02/07/2021 04:37

7! I wouldn’t be early but if I was running late more than 5 or so minutes I’d message

Wormholes · 02/07/2021 05:17

I come from a laid back Mexican family. When I say, 4pm, I mean more like 6pm up to 8pm

And yet people accuse the British of being indirect Hmm

If you don't mean 4pm, Why bother to say any time at all? That's worse than any kind of convoluted etiquette.

In answer to the OP, 7:05. 7 if it's family.

My middle class friends don't expect me to play their daft games.

ShrikeAttack · 02/07/2021 05:23

I'm not sure why everyone's fixated on 7 anyway.

7.30 is usualish for a dinner invite, I'd expect to sit down to eat around 8.30-9.00 after cocktails or champagne, welcomes and fannying about. A few bites, drinks, intros if it's a mixed group, with the host so everyone's feeling relaxed.

We had unexpected guests last week with invited guests, they were friends of the invited friends that happened to be in our area, we'd never met them before and had two hours notice. I can work with extras and changes of plan. I'm not rigid, love to entertain, and love meeting new people.

They were brilliant company and we wound it up at about 3am.

They didn't turn up early though!

ShrikeAttack · 02/07/2021 05:30

It's not regional btw.

I'm a Northern person. I've met a few people who don't know guest etiquette, they tend to be from all over.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/07/2021 05:33

No more than 5 minutes early and no more than 15 minutes late, unless unavoidably delayed - in which case I would call to let them know.

But being too early is as rude as being too late, in my book.

KihoBebiluPute · 02/07/2021 05:35

To be honest if it wasn't a close enough friend that I already knew the answer, I would be checking with them with a text/WhatsApp "really looking forward to tonight. Just checking, did you say to arrive at 7ish, or did you say that we'd be eating at 7ish?" Then whatever arrival time could be based on the answer to that.

In the absence of clarification I would arrive at about 7:06. If they replied that they were planning to serve up at 7 I would text back saying "great, I will turn up at 6:30ish then if that is ok" and would then arrive at 6'40.

strawberrydonuts · 02/07/2021 05:41

If they replied that they were planning to serve up at 7 I would text back saying "great, I will turn up at 6:30ish then if that is ok" and would then arrive at 6'40

I find it so funny these social behaviours :)

Nothing wrong with it but isn't it weird how you would say a time but then deliberately arrive 10 minutes after the time you said. Not accidentally - you would actually plan to be later than you said, and might even have a little walk around the block if you weren't yet 10 minutes late?

People are strange, aren't we.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 02/07/2021 05:47

Never early but I wouldn’t be more than 10 mins late.

I also get a bit fed up of the 7.30pm invite especially when it’s one of those “ you must come round” or “ we must catch up in the local” - what time?
Why even ask? Everyone says 7.30pm. Every bloody time.

Actually I’m starving after work at 6pm. I get up early ( not by choice) everyday and I’m knackered by 10.30pm. So early works for me. It’s also often cheaper to eat and drink out early. But it’s also dreadfully gauche to be actually hungry meeting friends for supper.