You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

I'm the opposite to Kokeshi123. Nothing to do with laying the table perfectly or being embarrassed about evidence of cooking being on show. I just find it really uncomfortable and distracting trying to cook and talk at the same time if I am hosting on my own. And my kitchen and dining room are separate and I hate having guests in my small kitchen, especially as I have to have my back to them owing to its poor design. Plus I work long hours and usually get home from work late so have to chop and stir like a demon to get everything done on time. For me, guests arriving early is far more inconvenient than them being late, in fact I am usually relieved when I get a text saying "sorry, delayed by 10 mins" or some such.

7.10

This country is ridiculous. No wonder so many foreigners find us not to be straightforward.

SO many people saying that turning up at 7 when you've been told 7, is rude. It's just monstrous. What a duplicitous culture we are.

I'd love for people to say what they mean when it comes to arrangements. I really would.

Obviously I'd turn up at 7. Having waited round the corner because I'm always early.

7.10-7.15. The reason being that the host may be behindhand with preparations and so an extra 10 minutes may be useful to pull everything together.

Unforgivably rude to arrive early.

7 obviously! Although I wouldn’t worry if I was a little late. If I was going to be over about 15 mins late I’d send a quick text with a ETA

All of you who say it is rude to be late are missing the point.
If you are invited at 7 you are not being invited for 7. You are being invited for 7.15-7.30. You are not late until 7.30. At 7 you are early which is very rude. Family excepted.
If that needs to be explained to you, then that places you in the lower part of the British class system, like it or not.
Zing if your first language is not English your view might be valid for somewhere else but it doesn’t hold here.
As I say, I don’t make the rules …

7 on the dot

Between 7pm and 7.08pm.

Ideally. Actually we’re usually running 10 minutes late of the ideal!

My mind is totally blown. All through my married life I've hosted. I did every. Sunday roast, every Christmas dinner, every Easter, Mother's Day and Father's Day. People always arrived late by 5-10-15 mins. It used to drive me mad.

Now reading all these responses I see it's normal!
When I give a time for a meal it's the time I'm serving and it will be on the table. I spent years stressing over burnt items and gravy.

Now I say 'dinner on the table at X' d everyone knows that means arrive before so you have time to sit down!

I'm obviously different.

The appropriate arrival window would be 7:01pm to 7:10pm, unless the invitation stipulated a different time dinner will be served (e.g. starts at 7, we will serve dinner at 8), in which case the window extends to 7:25pm. This is so that if the host has staggered arrivals, to ensure everyone is appropriately greeted, you don’t mess up their system.

I would check they're not making something like a soufflé that needs exact timing. Otherwise, 7.05-7.15. Why wouldn't they say '7 for 7.30'? I find that a useful phrase.

7:05 I hate being too late and it's rude to be too early.

This is ridiculous. If I invite someone for 7 then no, I don't mean 7.15-7.30 . It wouldn't be rude to turn up at 7, it would be rude to turn up at 7.30

Between 6:59 and 7:01. If you want me at quarter past, say quarter past.

I've never been to a dinner party that starts at 7pm, with the first course served AT 7pm!

Drinks first, canapé or two, first course around 7.45 - 8 pm usually. I would get there at around 7.05 - 7.10 pm.

I find people who turn up early to a dinner party are ten times more annoying than late-comers! Not early, never early, not to dinner. Give the host a few minutes to sip their drink, catch a breath and knock on the door at 7.07 p.m.

And if that makes me part if the lower class system so be it. People say that like it's a bad thing!

@Delphigirl

exactly. you don't make the rules.
our rules are that you are expected to be on time.
again, my very British and very middle class family & friends have the same rules (apart from the very flaky ones).

if we say 7, it means 7.
if we say any time after 7 but food is 8, then it's up to them when they arrive.
if the cleaner or the gardener starts work at 10am then I expect them to arrive at 10am. and they know it.
🤷‍♀️

Meeting at restaurant or pub? 7.

Going to a friend's house? 7.15 at the earliest, but 7.30 would be more polite and expected.

Most people would be a little insulted by being told 7 for 7:30. That is basically telling people they don’t have sufficient manners to consider the hosts or are unaware that they are meant to arrive 15-20 minutes after the stated time. That’s fine on a purchased event ticket, but not for supper.

if the cleaner or the gardener starts work at 10am then I expect them to arrive at 10am. and they know it

Unless you are employing your dinner guests, I'm not sure this is wholly relevant?

[quote JackieCollinshasnoauthority]@campion thank you for the spectacular hubris but my answer stands at 6.55.[/quote]
And it'd still be considered rude by most. It's considerate to the host to arrive when they're ready, not you (as in 'one'. It wasn't personal).

7.12

@Kokeshi123

I think it's far, far worse to be late than early. If a guest comes early, what's the problem? If the host is busy prepping food, you just say "Shall I help out? Or if you want me out of the way for a bit, that's fine too" (in which case you just accept your glass of wine and relax in the living room for a bit).

I think the feeling that "you mustn't turn up when the guest is still doing food prep" is a sort of weird hangover from the days of those excruciatingly formal dinner parties in the 1970s-90s where the house and meal and table had to be perfectly prepped and ready before guests arrive--table beautifully prepped and food all lined up in the kitchen on plates and ready to be swept out triumphantly in two seconds flat.

Because you could not have any signs of domestic work (how shameful!) taking place when company might be there to witness it---which in turn was probably a hangover from the post-war period when the middle classes were having to learn to cope without domestic servants and were secretly embarrassed about the fact that the work was being done by themselves rather than by the cook or maid.

Among most people I know, it's quite normal that you show up while the table-laying and cooking is still going on, and you just offer to help out while you and the host have a chat and a pre-dinner glass of wine.

Being LATE is the worst. What if they've timed the meal for 7?

I’d still be getting dressed. The earliest anyone can politely arrive is 7.

@Delphigirl
All of you who say it is rude to be late are missing the point.
If you are invited at 7 you are not being invited for 7. You are being invited for 7.15-7.30.

Whut lol
What part of being invited for 7 means not being invited for 7?! It kind of says it in the title lol.

You are not late until 7.30. At 7 you are early which is very rude
7 is the time you were invited for!!! (excuse multiple exclamation marks lol)
WTF, how are you early when that's when I said to come for

@Crunched

7.12

That's very precise lol