You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

[suggestionsplease1]

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

Pretty much bang on time (as far as possible) if they're cooking for me. When you are trying to get a meal together, it can be stressful if people show up either early or late.

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar

7.20. I would intend to be there at about 7.10 but I’m always late.

This is me!

@Delphigirl

This is a class issue. Those who know to arrive at 7.10-7.15 are middle class and those who say 6.55, oooh no you can’t be late, how rude etc are not. Sorry I don’t make the rules

you are wrong.

we are middle class. PILs are too. so are most of our friends & family.
we don't appreciate tardiness.

@Delphigirl

This is a class issue. Those who know to arrive at 7.10-7.15 are middle class and those who say 6.55, oooh no you can’t be late, how rude etc are not. Sorry I don’t make the rules

@Delphigirl

So what class are they?
Plebs or royalty?

Zing you can’t be middle class if you use the word “tardiness” 🤣

(Only joking … or am I? 😂)

@irresistibleoverwhelm

Zing you can’t be middle class if you use the word “tardiness” 🤣

English is my second language. I can use any word I like

@GiantKitten

Invited for 7, or dinner to be ready at 7?

This. Most people we know would say (for example) 7 for 7.30. Indicating the meal would be at 7.30 so arrival between the two times, probably 7.15 would be my arrival time.

@3JsMa

Upper class it would be 7:25
Royalty - bang on 7 again

We invited friends for 7.30, they live 30 minutes away, just about to get a quick shower at 6.40, when they arrived 😬

No earlier than 7:10, no later than 7:20.
Earlier would be very rude and inconsiderate. Later becomes rude after 7:30.

= assume some terrible calamity has occurred and won’t be making it at all

@irresistibleoverwhelm

Zing you can’t be middle class if you use the word “tardiness” 🤣

What's common about the word tardiness??

Clearly in working class as I can't abide tardiness either and would be there for 6.45

I was always taught it was polite to be five minutes late. And that it was unforgivably rude to be early.

“Tardiness” is not common - but it is American English! And therefore outside the British Class System 😂

6.55 to 7.10 but usually 7

@SleepingStandingUp. I’d be secretly annoyed if you arrived at 6:45… and probably in my undies. I cook in leggings and change at the last minute to avoid spills.😂

To those saying they appreciate the extra 10 minutes… why not ask people to come 10 minutes later? I would arrive at 7pm and when I have dinner parties would expect people to arrive at 7pm… I’d think it was rude any later than 10 past.

[quote Cameleongirl]@SleepingStandingUp. I’d be secretly annoyed if you arrived at 6:45… and probably in my undies. I cook in leggings and change at the last minute to avoid spills.😂[/quote]
But I'd offer to open the wine and pour you one. I don't tend to eat at people's houses who I'm not pretty relaxed around. If you were a v new friend I'd go for 6.55

@Laufeythejust

To those saying they appreciate the extra 10 minutes… why not ask people to come 10 minutes later? I would arrive at 7pm and when I have dinner parties would expect people to arrive at 7pm… I’d think it was rude any later than 10 past.

Exactly. If you say come for 7 and you need an extra 30 minutes work all your timings for 6 30 and then when you have 10 minutes spare cos you were late, have a glass of wine!

I think it's far, far worse to be late than early. If a guest comes early, what's the problem? If the host is busy prepping food, you just say "Shall I help out? Or if you want me out of the way for a bit, that's fine too" (in which case you just accept your glass of wine and relax in the living room for a bit).

I think the feeling that "you mustn't turn up when the guest is still doing food prep" is a sort of weird hangover from the days of those excruciatingly formal dinner parties in the 1970s-90s where the house and meal and table had to be perfectly prepped and ready before guests arrive--table beautifully prepped and food all lined up in the kitchen on plates and ready to be swept out triumphantly in two seconds flat.

Because you could not have any signs of domestic work (how shameful!) taking place when company might be there to witness it---which in turn was probably a hangover from the post-war period when the middle classes were having to learn to cope without domestic servants and were secretly embarrassed about the fact that the work was being done by themselves rather than by the cook or maid.

Among most people I know, it's quite normal that you show up while the table-laying and cooking is still going on, and you just offer to help out while you and the host have a chat and a pre-dinner glass of wine.

Being LATE is the worst. What if they've timed the meal for 7?

@SleepingStandingUp. Fair enough, that would work for me!

7pm. As that’s the time invited

Can’t stand people being late.

No need

@Kokeshi123. Not everyone wants their guests helping out, though. Personally, I prefer being in the kitchen on my own, I find it more relaxing. But we’re all different!

@Laufeythejust

To those saying they appreciate the extra 10 minutes… why not ask people to come 10 minutes later? I would arrive at 7pm and when I have dinner parties would expect people to arrive at 7pm… I’d think it was rude any later than 10 past.

Because things often take longer than you anticipate. Telling them to come 10 minutes later just moves everything 10 minutes later if it's about misjudging timings.