Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

You're invited to a friends for dinner at 7pm, what time do you ring their doorbell?

853 replies

suggestionsplease1 · 01/07/2021 23:25

Out of interest, feel free to post to the minute!

Let's say this is not a very, very close friend, so you don't have a pre-existing idea of their expectations / preferences for your arrival time.

After reading another thread on visitor etiquette on AIBU today I was wondering if mumsnetters can converge on a perfect time, or if there are widely differing ideas on this issue!

OP posts:
Quaggars · 03/07/2021 18:51

@Takingshape12

What the eff is wrong with you all? Invited at 7pm... arrive at 7pm. Later than that is just damn rude and ignorant. You do that at my house you wont be invited back.
Well said lol It smacks of '' my time is more important than yours'' and a bit self absorbed/flakey.
RamItBunty · 03/07/2021 18:51

@Suzypoo10

If I’m hosting, I always say 7 for 7.30, which means dinner will be at 7.30, and I would expect people to turn up at around 7.15.
So just tell guests to arrive 1915 if that’s what you want 7 for 730 is a 30min time slot for arrival.
Mamanyt · 03/07/2021 19:08

NEVER more than 5 minutes early (this takes into account that not all of us "synchronize our watches" to the same exact times!), and no more than 15 minutes late. I know hostesses who plan meals down to the minute, and who do not plan on a serious "chat fest" beforehand. 15 minutes won't ruin most meals.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
Hobnob86 · 03/07/2021 19:09

7pm. I hate being late!

Bumpsadaisie · 03/07/2021 19:09

Ten past 7.

Alleycat1 · 03/07/2021 19:13

Never, ever arrive early as hosts may be caught on the hop. 7-10 ok but 7.15 is the optimum time. This was drummed into me during my days in the Diplomatic Service.

Keelslambo · 03/07/2021 19:19

If I invited someone for dinner at 7 I would expect them at 7. At the very least 10 -15 mins after. Any later is rude. I like to be on time and expect ppl to be on time if I’m prepping food.

Daisymaybe60 · 03/07/2021 19:20
  1. Arriving a few minutes after is okay, but arriving early just plain rude. We’ve had people turn up half an hour early for a party in a function room “to get a good table”, then get under our feet chatting away while we were still sorting the room out. Also in-laws, again 30 minutes early, for a meal at ours. DH was setting off to pick up other guests and I was jumping in the shower when he called up that they’d arrived. I thought he meant the car had just pulled up so shouted down that they’d have to bloody well look after themselves then. They were sitting on the sofa. Blush
Bebethany · 03/07/2021 19:34

Why would you be late for a dinner invite, that’s so rude?

To arrive on time is late, to arrive late is unacceptable so fecking arrive 15 minutes early!!!

DaisyWaldron · 03/07/2021 19:37

To arrive 15 minutes early is inexcusably rude!

rantymcrantface66 · 03/07/2021 19:47

Nooo you must not arrive early - which goes against my every instinct and sees me lurking on streets in the rain as not getting to the area early risks getting there late which i cannot do

Nohomemadecandles · 03/07/2021 19:56

@Bebethany

Why would you be late for a dinner invite, that’s so rude?

To arrive on time is late, to arrive late is unacceptable so fecking arrive 15 minutes early!!!

No. No!

If I say 7, I don't want you at 6.45! I said 7. For a reason.

It's not a job interview or a flight.

rantymcrantface66 · 03/07/2021 19:59

It's not a job interview or a flight.

Yes, flights are fair game. I can completely indulge my need to be ridiculously early. I hope covid doesn't spoil that long term 😆

whattodo2019 · 03/07/2021 20:19

7pm-7.15pm

VerbenaGirl · 03/07/2021 20:22

I’d definitely aim for 7pm

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 03/07/2021 20:22

@Bebethany

Why would you be late for a dinner invite, that’s so rude?

To arrive on time is late, to arrive late is unacceptable so fecking arrive 15 minutes early!!!

Luckily no-one thinks like this in my circle.
Delphigirl · 03/07/2021 20:28

Cant believe this is still going.
There are two camps. Camp A think it’s rude not to turn up on time or early because the food might get cold as apparently it will be hitting the table at 7.02. Camp B have been brought up to know that 7 means 7.15, that earlier is gauche and before 7 simply bad mannered and would be very surprised to see seated at the table before 7.30.
Neither camp can understand the other. Camp A are furious about not understanding Camp B’s position and Camp B don’t care.

And that is the British class system in a nutshell.

Womencanlift · 03/07/2021 20:57

It certainly has been enlightening that in 2021 people still live their life like they are Margo from The Good Life. I would have thought such formality around dinner went out of fashion years ago

So furious - no, bemused - yes

RamItBunty · 03/07/2021 21:02

I’m always bemused at the faux indifference of is this still going as if it’s sooooo tedious. If it’s a surprise that a thread is still active you clearly don’t understand the mn premise. Hell a thread about what’s the form around thank you cards will run for days and extend into part2 and continuations. No one is furious, I’d say bemused covers it adequately

eloquent · 03/07/2021 21:12

Genuinely baffled by this thread.
Do any of you actually like your friends because being annoyed that somebody is 5 mins early 30 mins late who I'm having jbwr for dinner is just weird to me.

I have friends who are early and some who are late, but they are there to spend time with me and I them.
As host I plan things to be as easy as possible for my guests. If I invite you for 7 dinner will probably be around 8.30, so you've plenty of time to be late. And I'll plan to be ready an hour before, and if I'm not, you're my friend so can can sit and chat with me while I finish getting sorted.

And no I don't have cleaners or staff etc (some very odd comments on this thread), I work, have kids and uni! I just time things appropriately and give myself enough time to do what I need to.

I seriously think if you're annoyed at somebody arriving 10 mins early, late or on time, you should probably reconsider inviting them.

Bebethany · 03/07/2021 21:36

I’m in the minority then? As someone who has a lot of dinner parties to arrive late is just attention seeking?

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 03/07/2021 21:36

But the whole point is - for the most part, people’s friends behave the same way they do, so there is no getting annoyed.

My friends all arrive up to half an hour after the appointed start time. There has never been any discussion around this, it’s a well-understood, unspoken rule. So no need to get annoyed - we all get it.

PerveenMistry · 03/07/2021 22:37

@Womencanlift

It certainly has been enlightening that in 2021 people still live their life like they are Margo from The Good Life. I would have thought such formality around dinner went out of fashion years ago

So furious - no, bemused - yes

Well, it hasn't.

Not everyone leads the paper-plate lifestyle.

Womencanlift · 03/07/2021 23:00

It’s interesting @PerveenMistry that you have called out jeering and insulting behaviour on many posts on this thread and then come out and do it yourself

I think we can all agree to disagree

RamItBunty · 03/07/2021 23:14

Yes @PerveenMistry has been industrial in accusing others of being unpleasant
Yet she has routinely berated,and sneered at other posters whilst deftly overlooking her own bad manners
Classy

Not everyone leads the paper-plate lifestyle what a nonsensical attempt at a putdown.